wow i havent been on here in ages ( Read more... )

time is such a hard thing to get a grasp of, the same amount of time can seem endless or instant, varying from moment to moment ( Read more... )

sometimes i feel so squashed, claustrophobic, compressed, stressed, pressed into places i dont ever want to be but theres no escape, no one to pull me out and ive left it too long to try to save myself. .p.a.t.h.e.t.i.c. and one day i wont be able to push it all aside, one day i really will be consumed, i wont know how to be me anymore.

as usual insanely lots and also amazingly nothing has happened since my last update. i think of a thousand entries and a million words to try and explain how im feeling whenever im not at the computer, or whenever i try and do anything besides this, but once it gets to the expression of feelings i get writers block, about myself. and now im ( Read more... )

today i feel pressured. i woke up and felt like i couldnt move, like i was physically being kept in place by some kind of weight pushing down on me. i cant really explain it, i used to get it a lot when i stayed off school for months and lived in my bedroom. but i really dont want to go back there, i dont have space in my life for all of that ( Read more... )

since updating last i have been ill ill ill with facial cellulitis(/us?) something that makes my face swell up so i look deformed, and something i had a few years ago. clarey jayme and kath were all very good and took me to hospital for my 4 times a day iv treatment and stuff, and i guess im getting better. but that isnt really why i was updating, ( Read more... )

predictably, yes i have come crawling back to livejournal. but i have nothing to say, i feel drained, i feel hollow. everything seems so futile, im existing just to exist, waiting for a meaning that might never come. im still in denial about my dad and very scared but not as scared as i should be, mittens is missing and it breaks my heart to talk ( Read more... )

time has lagged again, its turned into real winter and a lot has happened. i wish that i could just paint all of my feelings out, like so that people could know my state of mind like that would somehow explain anything thats happened over the reason time. but clearly that cant happen, and im not really in an expressive mood, more thoughtful than ( Read more... )

someone asked me if i was bipolar the other day. and i said no, cos im not. but i have been very moody recently ( Read more... )

words are so restricting, such a stressful complicated way to have to try and explain and express and justify yourself. if thoughts could just flow out like feelings and colours and pictures everything would be so much simpler. maybe.....but if you were really bad then everyone would know to stay away but maybe that isnt a bad thing. its strange ( Read more... )