Afraid to Feel- Chapter 13
Title: Afraid to feel
Rating: Rated R for language, violence, and maybe some adult situations.
Pairing: Ville/OFC
Disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. I do not own Ville Valo, his music, his band or his band mates and their families. In addition I don’t own any other Finnish man or band. The celebrities used here are purely for fiction and I don’t claim any ownership of them. As well as my use of the Finnish Government or anything I mind implicate them with.
Summary: Life was just getting perfect for eighteen year old Elina Anderson. Her troubled past was behind her, she was in good terms with the people in her life and she was getting married to her soul mate. She was on her way to achieving the American Dream. And it got better when her soul mate took her to see her favorite band. Little did they know that all she accomplished in her short life was about to go downhill, when a pair of murderous green eyes landed on her. Before she knew it, she was swept way from the world she knew. Caught now in a world of death, music, and violence; Elina is robed of her sanity by the sole personification she saw as perfect: Ville Valo. Too bad for her, is not her sanity what he wants. (AN: My muse saw it fit to get me to write the summary now, how esoteric.)
Chapter 13: Not the wedding she wanted
Wedding planning had been such a tedious task for Elina a little while back, but now as she stared at herself on a mirror, she knew that she would go through it a hundred times if it meant taking her away from that awful situation she was in. If it meant having Tommy back. If it meant not having to see Ville’s face again.
But of course, that was but a dream.
With the force of five women and two broken noses later, Elina had been forced into wearing a simple white dress that resembled the gothic style Ville forced her to wear every day. At least she was grateful for that; she hated the thought of having to wear big white wedding dress. Her hair was done, and her face was painted in whatever style those women thought Ville would favor. She wanted that day to pass in her mind like a bug would. Sure the bug would be annoying for some minutes, but then it would fly away and leave her alone. Yet there was no way in the universe that would make that happened.
“You look beautiful.” Someone behind her said, but Elina choose to ignore the compliment. She knew she looked good, it was conceited, yet it was the truth. She hated it. Elina hated it that she was beautiful, and all for that man. A man she now wished she had never even heard of him. She closed her eyes, steadying herself, thinking that it was a good time to throw a tantrum, and ruin her dress and hair.
Manna placed her hands on the younger woman’s shoulder as if anticipating another of Elina’s hissy fits; which was the case. Their gazes met in the mirror. With that gaze, Elina knew she couldn’t fight, at least not for her hair and dress. Manna’s eyes clearly showed that she knew what she was going throw and more. “I know you’re afraid,” Manna began to say in a whisper. “And that the only way you know how to cope with it is with violence. But listen to me, please.” Manna begged. “Elina do not fight him today. Don’t speak; don’t even move unless he wants you to. Do you understand? He will break you. Your will is strong, but so is his. If you fight him, he will not be afraid to hurt you, you know that better than anyone. Let him have this charade of a wedding.”
Elina fought hard for her voice to seem that she was indifferent, but it didn’t come out that way. Her voice seemed desperate as she spoke to Manna. Had her eyes not been so heavily painted, she wouldn’t have noticed that her eyes were turning red and puffy, as she wanted to cry. “I can’t. I can’t sit back and let him do whatever he wants, Manna. I’m not some helpless woman who can’t protect herself. He can’t just have me because he wants to, and has the influence. This isn’t the fucking middle ages.”
“This place is the exception, sweetie. So long as the Rockstar Ritual is practiced in a self preserving and economical engage government this will happen. Music’s power, especially rock, is extremely important here in Finland.” Manna’s eyes were sad as she spoke, her hand caressing Elina’s cheek like a mother would do to give strength. “In the Mansion it is the middle ages, just look at how Ville haves you dress.”
Elina turned to look up at Manna with all the desperation in the world, only to have the woman offer her a gloomy smile. Elina turned her gaze to the mirror once more, taking her reflection in like a curse. “There’s no way I can do this.”
“Elina, this maybe an all man band, but we women are what keep this going. Ville, Linde, and the rest of them would be nothing if it weren’t for us. Keep Ville happy and you will be stronger than him. Accept your role, Elina, and you’ll have him eating from the palm of your hand.”
Elina shook her head, wanting to cry her frustration off.
She couldn’t do it. She knew she couldn’t keep Ville happy like Manna said because it went against all sanity. Accepting her role meant giving herself willingly to him, and she couldn’t do that. Just the sole thought of Ville brought repulsion and anger to Elina. She felt so stupid for liking him and his band in the first place. She felt stupid for having many horny dreams about Ville, being repulsed by the fact that they would all be turning true after the night. She hated him; she hated him like she had never hated someone before in her life. She was mad at herself. If she hadn’t like the band so freaking much then Tommy wouldn’t have taken her to see them, and so she wouldn’t had met Ville in the alley that night. The past months wouldn’t have happened.
Kirsi stepped forward, apparently wanting to add something to what Manna said. “You are Ville’s woman, Elina. That has its perks.” Elina didn’t look at her, not wanting to consider her words. Those sentences had been said to her before in many different forms, but all meant the same. The same thing Manna had just told her in a more basic and short way.
Elina looked at herself again; thinking that there was no way for her to feel good, not with that final plunge into darkness. All she could do was wail and weep, but no one would allow her to do so. Not that day. Not when they had gone throw hell trying to get her pretty.
Elina sighed.
That sigh broke Manna’s heart, but she had to be strong for her young friend. She asked to be alone with Elina for a few moments, since the wedding was minutes from starting. Elina turned around, seeing as Manna went to look out the window. She stood up, losing her balance for just a second as she stabled herself on her really high heels. Kirsi was the last to leave the room, closing the door behind her.
“Everything that was left of your previous life will be destroyed tonight.” Manna began turning her face to stare at Elina.
In her eyes the young woman saw what she was to become. Her body would become like a lifeless doll, one that could be played with at all times and one that would always be kept beautiful. Elina knew that like Manna, her soul would start to become too clustered up in that doll body, until one day it would leave her behind at the mercy of all that wanted to play with her.
“Help me find an escape, then.” Elina said, taking several steps toward the older woman. Escape had been something that Elina had spoken to Manna since they became friends, but for some reason the singer had denied her the chance to even think of it thoroughly.
“No”
~@~
After the ceremony (AN: I’ll leave that open to whatever ceremony you want, even though personally I think Ville is never getting married), where she was never asked if she accepted Ville or not, or was made to sign a paper of any kind, a party took place in the foyer. Elina hadn’t thought they would take the occasion so seriously, though she had the feeling that the entire guest list did it just to party. They really went out on the decorations. There wasn’t a corner in the foyer that was not covered. Rock music blasted from the big speakers, the lights were dimed but all around there was good cheer. It was surreal to see such a beautiful place look even more beautiful with good decorations, laughter, and fun. Elina hated it uncontrollably as she hated pretty mush everything that had crossed her path since arriving in the Mansion.
She had met Ville’s parents and his brother, Jesse who was the one that held the front in Ville’s house-like tower. Kari and Anita had been very pleasant to Elina. Had it been any other situation, she would have loved meeting them, but since it wasn’t another situation, she didn’t. Elina didn’t understand how any parent could be in favor of their child doing what Ville did to gain his musical status. Though, Ville’s parents didn’t seem too into it.
While everybody danced, talked and had a good time, Elina sat next to Ville, feeling very uncomfortable. She was looking down to her lap playing with her hands, trying to ignore the genuine smile plastered on the man’s face as he watched the party. As he watched his charade of a wedding party.
Elina knew this was only an elaborate plan to get her to forget. Ville wanted her to be someone she didn’t want to be. In addition that he wanted her to forget Tommy and what she had with him. Ville wanted to take his place, for whatever twisted reason he had. He had made sure to make the wedding as authentic as it could get to a normal one. All the elements were there, just waiting for Elina to forget, and accept.
Every now and then she would steal a glance toward Ville, and try to analyze him, and her chances of keeping her dignity that night. He was damn tall and had long arms and legs, not to mention that regardless of how freakishly skinny he was, Elina knew he was strong. Plus, every second that ticked by she felt her energies drain. Emotionally she felt empty. She knew that he would overpower her at some point for she wouldn’t be able to keep the tough act for long. There was no doubting it. If Ville was the twisted man she learned he was, then she was getting raped that night.
All of a sudden, Ville grabbed Elina’s hand making her fidgeting stop, and her mind to reel back to the current matter. Elina wanted nothing more than to pull away, but she remembered what Manna had say to her earlier. Ville leaned to the side to press his lips to her ear. “Lighten up darling, might as well enjoy this.” He said in her ear, pressing his lips again against it in a light kiss. His voice made Elina shiver, but luckily for her Ville didn’t notice, for at that precise moment he stood up, pulling the woman with him.
As he made way from them to the middle of the foyer, the crowd parted way, encouraging their advancement. Elina could feel a tight knot in her throat, making it really hard for her to breath. “Here come Mr. and Mrs. Valo, off to their first dance.” A voice announced through a microphone. Every eye landed on the couple, and Elina could feel her check burning with embarrassment. She hoped her makeup was thick enough to prevent everyone from seeing her blush. They might interpret it wrong. To not feel self conscious while Ville guided her around dancing, she stared at his chest, also afraid of looking at his face. Those eyes of his would surely bring out the fear she was trying to hide.
His lips met her ear again. “I’m so glad I listen to Burton, and learned how to do this. You seem to be a good dancer.” He said with a smile. “Though I only had a couple of lessons, forgive me if I step on you.” She busied herself with the thought that she never really knew that Ville could dance. She once tried imagining him, but she had failed. Lucy had tried to explain to her how she though Ville would dance. Boy would her friend be surprise to know that Ville wasn’t as graceful as she had imagined.
Elina risked a glance at him, and was transfixed by how beautiful he looked. His face was flustered by the movements of the song, his hair was neatly combed, and apparently he was wearing a bit of eyeliner for the occasion. He looked majestic in a tuxedo, and it made Elina wonder just what look he couldn’t pull off. He really seemed to be enjoying himself. Elina was about to smile at that, but she caught herself in the process. Just what in the hell was she thinking?
The song was coming to an end.
Suddenly, Elina heard Ville’s laugh and she couldn’t stop herself from looking up. He was looking to the side, where Mige was communicating something to him through hand gestures. Ville laughed again, as he turned to Elina, who didn’t understand what went through the friends. At catching her looking up at him, Ville gave her a soft kiss in the lips, using the best of the situation. “They really went all out on this. But I think it was just an excuse to get drunk.” Ville said trying to make pleasant conversation, but as always, Elina didn’t reply.
She was stunned by the kiss. Is not that it meant anything or that it felt different, it was merely that she normally would push him away when he did such things. However the situation was different that night. They had dozens of eyes on them, if she made a scene she would get punished, and she wouldn’t be listening to Manna’s advice. So she resolved her predicament by staying quite, and looking away from Ville.
Ville sighed because of her reaction, and placed his cheek on Elina’s temple as they danced. The woman found that gesture sad. Tommy had done that on their High School Prom dance, right before popping the big question. She took a deep breath and pushed Tommy’s memory from her mind; she would need his memory for later in the night.
A smile was stretched on Ville’s face when through the microphone was announced that the next dance they were suppose to switch partner. Elina felt as a chuckle rumbled in his chest. “You are mine and mine alone.” He said twirling with Elina as they went. Those words burned into Elina’s soul, and she knew that there was really no going back, no escape, no salvation. Not even God could save her from Ville Valo. She was lost, she knew that, and what was worst was that she was to be broken pretty soon. Elina might be strong, but at the moment she believe what Manna said. He was as strong as her, if not stronger.
All she could do now was fight till the bitter end.
~@~
Ville had taken Elina to his room many times, and Mr. Stalker had forced her to go even more times, however for the rest of her life she would remember the hallway just as it looked to her that night. She already knew all the details of it, yet now they took an even darker perspective. As Ville led Elina through the hallway she hated the most in the Mansion, his hand was tightly holding on to hers. He was walking at a moderated speed, dragging every second, and taking Elina’s sanity little by little. During the party he had disposed of his tie and suit. He looked mighty imposing.
‘I will not cry out. I will fight him till my strength fails, but I will not cry out. NO! I will not give him the satisfaction. I will not! I will not.’ Elina said over and over gain in her head, trying to keep all the sanity she could.
She could only hope that her body wouldn’t betray her, though she knew it was bound to happen. It did so in every book or story she had read about the subject. Though it would be rape, her body would react with pleasure with the actions of her rapist. That was how the story went, and she wished she was the exception. The anticipation was killing her. Her heart was beating fast and hard. All she was hopping was for the night to be over with. She desperately wanted to return to her room. Elina wanted so much to run to the opposite direction from where they were going. She wanted even to be back at the party, or anywhere that didn’t involve being alone with her now husband.
How strange it felt to her, regarding Ville Valo as her husband. With Tommy it hadn’t been weird at all. Seconds after he proposed, she knew she wouldn’t be second guessing herself. When she said yes, Tommy had already become her husband, ceremony or no ceremony. But now with Ville it wasn’t the same. Of course, all this was forced upon her. She would have hated herself even more if she accepted him by what he had become that day.
Her husband.
Ville Valo was her husband. Lucy would go crazy out if she knew.
Before she knew it, they were at his door. Of all the times she had gone there, it was the first time Elina had noticed that the door had tribal designs carved into it. She was distracted by that insignificant detail that she didn’t notice how one of Ville’s arms snaked around her waist. She really wasn’t looking forward to being there in his room, alone. No one would be able to hear her scream; because she knew she was going to. Scream, trash, cry, and curse, but no one would go to her rescue. Everybody in the Mansion approved of their union. They were all loyal followers of the Rockstar Ritual and of Ville, they would never interfere, unless there were an emergency. Anxiety hit her hard as he opened the door and pulled her inside, slowly.
He pushed her forward to be behind her, both arms around her waist now. Elina stood petrified. Manna’s words echoed in her head. ‘Don’t move unless he wants you to.’ Not that she wanted to please him; she was only waiting for the right moment. And honestly, she wanted to know how the night would play out. She wondered if he was going to take his time, or just jump right into action. With the way Ville had treated her before; she imagined it would be the second. Daily he would play with her, forcing her to get used to his perverted ways. Surely his desire for her body, and her weakness in that night would propel his actions.
Slowly, his hands moved from where they were resting, her abdomen. He moved them up and up, letting them have a will of their own. Ville caress her belly and breast, making Elina have to cling to all she had to not react. That was the last thing she wanted. She could not give him the satisfaction of knowing that her body was responding to his touch. His hands moved her face, touching her facial features with his long fingers. Gently, he made Elina turn her head to her side, so he was able to land a very deep kiss on her lips.
When he parted from her he whispered the two words that would sent her into an abyss of everlasting torture. “Love me.”
She couldn’t, she wouldn’t. Never.
“That’s all you need to do Elina, and I will make you happy.” Ville left go of her then, unbuttoning his shirt. Elina should had used that moment to try to escape him, but she knew that was futile. All she could do was let him have what he wanted for the night, but he wasn’t getting it easily. Elina felt his shoulder brush against her back, and she had the impression that he was taking his pants off. She heard two thumps of shoes meeting with the ground, and the rustle of fabric as it was dropped, and she knew that if she turned around he would be naked behind her. “Speak to me.”
“I hate you.”
Ville laughed, surprisingly lifting up the tense atmosphere more than she would have liked. “Of course, I would have been surprised had you say something else.” The amusement was clear in his deep voice. He began to take off her dress, unbuttoning one by one the buttons that went down her back. “Give in to me. Love me, and I will be your slave.”
“Stop making promises you won’t keep.”
“She speaks! Oh, speak again, bright angel for thou art as glorious to this night!” Ville teased smiling broadly.
Now was the right moment. She began to struggle, moving forward. But Ville’s arms caught her before she could get away from him. He turned her around, and Elina saw as he winced as she trashed his naked chest with her fists.
“Stop taunting me!”
“Love me!” Ville yelled again this time he seemed to be begging. The final button holding on her dress came undone with her struggling, and her dress fell down her body leaving her in her underwear.
Elina only managed a high pitched cry before his mouth crashed against hers desperately. He bit her lower lip hard for entrance, but only managed to enter her mouth when Elina gasped for air, by then her lip was already bleeding. His tongue explored her mouth for the hundredth time. He parted from her to lift her like he would a child, surprising Elina a bit with his strength. She had been right. Ville was skinny, but strong. Though Elina wasn’t fat, she wasn’t necessary skinny for either. She was ten pounds over her ideal weight. Ville carried the woman over to his bed, even as she beat against his shoulders and tried to get his hold to lose her. She wanted to get a couple of bruises on his body, like he most likely would.
The woman trashed and screamed, as Ville bore her down on the mattress crawling on top of her. His hand tore away her underwear, exposing all her body to him. Ville cares her body roughly, sending all kinds of shivers running over her body.
With one hand, Ville pinned down both of Elina’s hands over her head; with the other he parted her legs.
He forced his way inside of her, thrusting unbelievably deep. To Elina it was so vile, so obscene that at one point she held her breath. She had hoped to hold it long enough to kill her, death her only escape, but the wild thrusting of his body, the feel of his sweaty flesh rubbing and pressing against her body and the harsh sound of his gasping lust distracted her. And to her everlasting humiliation she felt the spurting wetness of his seed inside of her.
“Tommy!” Elina sobbed, and begged at the same time. “Tommy!”
That hurt Ville, like she had thought when all her fighting had not. Ville cursed and pulled himself free of Elina’s body.
Ville moved away from her, sitting on the edge of his bed. With his back against her, Elina laid on her back, taking rasping breaths. Tears began to escape her eyes, she had never felt so dirty before in her life. If Tommy was watching over her, as people tended to think when a dear one died, what would he be thinking?
Everything had gone so wrong.
………...
AN: So, it took me how long to get this up? Doesn't matter cuz this chapter, like some before it, was a pain in the neck, cuz the ass already hurting. That didnt make sense. . . or did it? Anyway, read and enjoy I put a lot of neurons into writting this.
Previously:
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/364507.html#cutid1 Prologue
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/366321.html?#cutid1 Part 1
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/366745.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 1
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/367017.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 2
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/367699.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 3
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/368763.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 4
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/370176.html Part 1: Chapter 5
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/370791.html Part 1: Chapter 6
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/371194.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 7
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/372555.html#cutid1 Part 2
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/373094.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 8
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/373784.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 9
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/374964.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 10
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/375427.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 11
http://himfanfics.livejournal.com/377398.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 12
Rating: Rated R for language, violence, and maybe some adult situations.
Pairing: Ville/OFC
Disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. I do not own Ville Valo, his music, his band or his band mates and their families. In addition I don’t own any other Finnish man or band. The celebrities used here are purely for fiction and I don’t claim any ownership of them. As well as my use of the Finnish Government or anything I mind implicate them with.
Summary: Life was just getting perfect for eighteen year old Elina Anderson. Her troubled past was behind her, she was in good terms with the people in her life and she was getting married to her soul mate. She was on her way to achieving the American Dream. And it got better when her soul mate took her to see her favorite band. Little did they know that all she accomplished in her short life was about to go downhill, when a pair of murderous green eyes landed on her. Before she knew it, she was swept way from the world she knew. Caught now in a world of death, music, and violence; Elina is robed of her sanity by the sole personification she saw as perfect: Ville Valo. Too bad for her, is not her sanity what he wants. (AN: My muse saw it fit to get me to write the summary now, how esoteric.)
Chapter 13: Not the wedding she wanted
Wedding planning had been such a tedious task for Elina a little while back, but now as she stared at herself on a mirror, she knew that she would go through it a hundred times if it meant taking her away from that awful situation she was in. If it meant having Tommy back. If it meant not having to see Ville’s face again.
But of course, that was but a dream.
With the force of five women and two broken noses later, Elina had been forced into wearing a simple white dress that resembled the gothic style Ville forced her to wear every day. At least she was grateful for that; she hated the thought of having to wear big white wedding dress. Her hair was done, and her face was painted in whatever style those women thought Ville would favor. She wanted that day to pass in her mind like a bug would. Sure the bug would be annoying for some minutes, but then it would fly away and leave her alone. Yet there was no way in the universe that would make that happened.
“You look beautiful.” Someone behind her said, but Elina choose to ignore the compliment. She knew she looked good, it was conceited, yet it was the truth. She hated it. Elina hated it that she was beautiful, and all for that man. A man she now wished she had never even heard of him. She closed her eyes, steadying herself, thinking that it was a good time to throw a tantrum, and ruin her dress and hair.
Manna placed her hands on the younger woman’s shoulder as if anticipating another of Elina’s hissy fits; which was the case. Their gazes met in the mirror. With that gaze, Elina knew she couldn’t fight, at least not for her hair and dress. Manna’s eyes clearly showed that she knew what she was going throw and more. “I know you’re afraid,” Manna began to say in a whisper. “And that the only way you know how to cope with it is with violence. But listen to me, please.” Manna begged. “Elina do not fight him today. Don’t speak; don’t even move unless he wants you to. Do you understand? He will break you. Your will is strong, but so is his. If you fight him, he will not be afraid to hurt you, you know that better than anyone. Let him have this charade of a wedding.”
Elina fought hard for her voice to seem that she was indifferent, but it didn’t come out that way. Her voice seemed desperate as she spoke to Manna. Had her eyes not been so heavily painted, she wouldn’t have noticed that her eyes were turning red and puffy, as she wanted to cry. “I can’t. I can’t sit back and let him do whatever he wants, Manna. I’m not some helpless woman who can’t protect herself. He can’t just have me because he wants to, and has the influence. This isn’t the fucking middle ages.”
“This place is the exception, sweetie. So long as the Rockstar Ritual is practiced in a self preserving and economical engage government this will happen. Music’s power, especially rock, is extremely important here in Finland.” Manna’s eyes were sad as she spoke, her hand caressing Elina’s cheek like a mother would do to give strength. “In the Mansion it is the middle ages, just look at how Ville haves you dress.”
Elina turned to look up at Manna with all the desperation in the world, only to have the woman offer her a gloomy smile. Elina turned her gaze to the mirror once more, taking her reflection in like a curse. “There’s no way I can do this.”
“Elina, this maybe an all man band, but we women are what keep this going. Ville, Linde, and the rest of them would be nothing if it weren’t for us. Keep Ville happy and you will be stronger than him. Accept your role, Elina, and you’ll have him eating from the palm of your hand.”
Elina shook her head, wanting to cry her frustration off.
She couldn’t do it. She knew she couldn’t keep Ville happy like Manna said because it went against all sanity. Accepting her role meant giving herself willingly to him, and she couldn’t do that. Just the sole thought of Ville brought repulsion and anger to Elina. She felt so stupid for liking him and his band in the first place. She felt stupid for having many horny dreams about Ville, being repulsed by the fact that they would all be turning true after the night. She hated him; she hated him like she had never hated someone before in her life. She was mad at herself. If she hadn’t like the band so freaking much then Tommy wouldn’t have taken her to see them, and so she wouldn’t had met Ville in the alley that night. The past months wouldn’t have happened.
Kirsi stepped forward, apparently wanting to add something to what Manna said. “You are Ville’s woman, Elina. That has its perks.” Elina didn’t look at her, not wanting to consider her words. Those sentences had been said to her before in many different forms, but all meant the same. The same thing Manna had just told her in a more basic and short way.
Elina looked at herself again; thinking that there was no way for her to feel good, not with that final plunge into darkness. All she could do was wail and weep, but no one would allow her to do so. Not that day. Not when they had gone throw hell trying to get her pretty.
Elina sighed.
That sigh broke Manna’s heart, but she had to be strong for her young friend. She asked to be alone with Elina for a few moments, since the wedding was minutes from starting. Elina turned around, seeing as Manna went to look out the window. She stood up, losing her balance for just a second as she stabled herself on her really high heels. Kirsi was the last to leave the room, closing the door behind her.
“Everything that was left of your previous life will be destroyed tonight.” Manna began turning her face to stare at Elina.
In her eyes the young woman saw what she was to become. Her body would become like a lifeless doll, one that could be played with at all times and one that would always be kept beautiful. Elina knew that like Manna, her soul would start to become too clustered up in that doll body, until one day it would leave her behind at the mercy of all that wanted to play with her.
“Help me find an escape, then.” Elina said, taking several steps toward the older woman. Escape had been something that Elina had spoken to Manna since they became friends, but for some reason the singer had denied her the chance to even think of it thoroughly.
“No”
~@~
After the ceremony (AN: I’ll leave that open to whatever ceremony you want, even though personally I think Ville is never getting married), where she was never asked if she accepted Ville or not, or was made to sign a paper of any kind, a party took place in the foyer. Elina hadn’t thought they would take the occasion so seriously, though she had the feeling that the entire guest list did it just to party. They really went out on the decorations. There wasn’t a corner in the foyer that was not covered. Rock music blasted from the big speakers, the lights were dimed but all around there was good cheer. It was surreal to see such a beautiful place look even more beautiful with good decorations, laughter, and fun. Elina hated it uncontrollably as she hated pretty mush everything that had crossed her path since arriving in the Mansion.
She had met Ville’s parents and his brother, Jesse who was the one that held the front in Ville’s house-like tower. Kari and Anita had been very pleasant to Elina. Had it been any other situation, she would have loved meeting them, but since it wasn’t another situation, she didn’t. Elina didn’t understand how any parent could be in favor of their child doing what Ville did to gain his musical status. Though, Ville’s parents didn’t seem too into it.
While everybody danced, talked and had a good time, Elina sat next to Ville, feeling very uncomfortable. She was looking down to her lap playing with her hands, trying to ignore the genuine smile plastered on the man’s face as he watched the party. As he watched his charade of a wedding party.
Elina knew this was only an elaborate plan to get her to forget. Ville wanted her to be someone she didn’t want to be. In addition that he wanted her to forget Tommy and what she had with him. Ville wanted to take his place, for whatever twisted reason he had. He had made sure to make the wedding as authentic as it could get to a normal one. All the elements were there, just waiting for Elina to forget, and accept.
Every now and then she would steal a glance toward Ville, and try to analyze him, and her chances of keeping her dignity that night. He was damn tall and had long arms and legs, not to mention that regardless of how freakishly skinny he was, Elina knew he was strong. Plus, every second that ticked by she felt her energies drain. Emotionally she felt empty. She knew that he would overpower her at some point for she wouldn’t be able to keep the tough act for long. There was no doubting it. If Ville was the twisted man she learned he was, then she was getting raped that night.
All of a sudden, Ville grabbed Elina’s hand making her fidgeting stop, and her mind to reel back to the current matter. Elina wanted nothing more than to pull away, but she remembered what Manna had say to her earlier. Ville leaned to the side to press his lips to her ear. “Lighten up darling, might as well enjoy this.” He said in her ear, pressing his lips again against it in a light kiss. His voice made Elina shiver, but luckily for her Ville didn’t notice, for at that precise moment he stood up, pulling the woman with him.
As he made way from them to the middle of the foyer, the crowd parted way, encouraging their advancement. Elina could feel a tight knot in her throat, making it really hard for her to breath. “Here come Mr. and Mrs. Valo, off to their first dance.” A voice announced through a microphone. Every eye landed on the couple, and Elina could feel her check burning with embarrassment. She hoped her makeup was thick enough to prevent everyone from seeing her blush. They might interpret it wrong. To not feel self conscious while Ville guided her around dancing, she stared at his chest, also afraid of looking at his face. Those eyes of his would surely bring out the fear she was trying to hide.
His lips met her ear again. “I’m so glad I listen to Burton, and learned how to do this. You seem to be a good dancer.” He said with a smile. “Though I only had a couple of lessons, forgive me if I step on you.” She busied herself with the thought that she never really knew that Ville could dance. She once tried imagining him, but she had failed. Lucy had tried to explain to her how she though Ville would dance. Boy would her friend be surprise to know that Ville wasn’t as graceful as she had imagined.
Elina risked a glance at him, and was transfixed by how beautiful he looked. His face was flustered by the movements of the song, his hair was neatly combed, and apparently he was wearing a bit of eyeliner for the occasion. He looked majestic in a tuxedo, and it made Elina wonder just what look he couldn’t pull off. He really seemed to be enjoying himself. Elina was about to smile at that, but she caught herself in the process. Just what in the hell was she thinking?
The song was coming to an end.
Suddenly, Elina heard Ville’s laugh and she couldn’t stop herself from looking up. He was looking to the side, where Mige was communicating something to him through hand gestures. Ville laughed again, as he turned to Elina, who didn’t understand what went through the friends. At catching her looking up at him, Ville gave her a soft kiss in the lips, using the best of the situation. “They really went all out on this. But I think it was just an excuse to get drunk.” Ville said trying to make pleasant conversation, but as always, Elina didn’t reply.
She was stunned by the kiss. Is not that it meant anything or that it felt different, it was merely that she normally would push him away when he did such things. However the situation was different that night. They had dozens of eyes on them, if she made a scene she would get punished, and she wouldn’t be listening to Manna’s advice. So she resolved her predicament by staying quite, and looking away from Ville.
Ville sighed because of her reaction, and placed his cheek on Elina’s temple as they danced. The woman found that gesture sad. Tommy had done that on their High School Prom dance, right before popping the big question. She took a deep breath and pushed Tommy’s memory from her mind; she would need his memory for later in the night.
A smile was stretched on Ville’s face when through the microphone was announced that the next dance they were suppose to switch partner. Elina felt as a chuckle rumbled in his chest. “You are mine and mine alone.” He said twirling with Elina as they went. Those words burned into Elina’s soul, and she knew that there was really no going back, no escape, no salvation. Not even God could save her from Ville Valo. She was lost, she knew that, and what was worst was that she was to be broken pretty soon. Elina might be strong, but at the moment she believe what Manna said. He was as strong as her, if not stronger.
All she could do now was fight till the bitter end.
~@~
Ville had taken Elina to his room many times, and Mr. Stalker had forced her to go even more times, however for the rest of her life she would remember the hallway just as it looked to her that night. She already knew all the details of it, yet now they took an even darker perspective. As Ville led Elina through the hallway she hated the most in the Mansion, his hand was tightly holding on to hers. He was walking at a moderated speed, dragging every second, and taking Elina’s sanity little by little. During the party he had disposed of his tie and suit. He looked mighty imposing.
‘I will not cry out. I will fight him till my strength fails, but I will not cry out. NO! I will not give him the satisfaction. I will not! I will not.’ Elina said over and over gain in her head, trying to keep all the sanity she could.
She could only hope that her body wouldn’t betray her, though she knew it was bound to happen. It did so in every book or story she had read about the subject. Though it would be rape, her body would react with pleasure with the actions of her rapist. That was how the story went, and she wished she was the exception. The anticipation was killing her. Her heart was beating fast and hard. All she was hopping was for the night to be over with. She desperately wanted to return to her room. Elina wanted so much to run to the opposite direction from where they were going. She wanted even to be back at the party, or anywhere that didn’t involve being alone with her now husband.
How strange it felt to her, regarding Ville Valo as her husband. With Tommy it hadn’t been weird at all. Seconds after he proposed, she knew she wouldn’t be second guessing herself. When she said yes, Tommy had already become her husband, ceremony or no ceremony. But now with Ville it wasn’t the same. Of course, all this was forced upon her. She would have hated herself even more if she accepted him by what he had become that day.
Her husband.
Ville Valo was her husband. Lucy would go crazy out if she knew.
Before she knew it, they were at his door. Of all the times she had gone there, it was the first time Elina had noticed that the door had tribal designs carved into it. She was distracted by that insignificant detail that she didn’t notice how one of Ville’s arms snaked around her waist. She really wasn’t looking forward to being there in his room, alone. No one would be able to hear her scream; because she knew she was going to. Scream, trash, cry, and curse, but no one would go to her rescue. Everybody in the Mansion approved of their union. They were all loyal followers of the Rockstar Ritual and of Ville, they would never interfere, unless there were an emergency. Anxiety hit her hard as he opened the door and pulled her inside, slowly.
He pushed her forward to be behind her, both arms around her waist now. Elina stood petrified. Manna’s words echoed in her head. ‘Don’t move unless he wants you to.’ Not that she wanted to please him; she was only waiting for the right moment. And honestly, she wanted to know how the night would play out. She wondered if he was going to take his time, or just jump right into action. With the way Ville had treated her before; she imagined it would be the second. Daily he would play with her, forcing her to get used to his perverted ways. Surely his desire for her body, and her weakness in that night would propel his actions.
Slowly, his hands moved from where they were resting, her abdomen. He moved them up and up, letting them have a will of their own. Ville caress her belly and breast, making Elina have to cling to all she had to not react. That was the last thing she wanted. She could not give him the satisfaction of knowing that her body was responding to his touch. His hands moved her face, touching her facial features with his long fingers. Gently, he made Elina turn her head to her side, so he was able to land a very deep kiss on her lips.
When he parted from her he whispered the two words that would sent her into an abyss of everlasting torture. “Love me.”
She couldn’t, she wouldn’t. Never.
“That’s all you need to do Elina, and I will make you happy.” Ville left go of her then, unbuttoning his shirt. Elina should had used that moment to try to escape him, but she knew that was futile. All she could do was let him have what he wanted for the night, but he wasn’t getting it easily. Elina felt his shoulder brush against her back, and she had the impression that he was taking his pants off. She heard two thumps of shoes meeting with the ground, and the rustle of fabric as it was dropped, and she knew that if she turned around he would be naked behind her. “Speak to me.”
“I hate you.”
Ville laughed, surprisingly lifting up the tense atmosphere more than she would have liked. “Of course, I would have been surprised had you say something else.” The amusement was clear in his deep voice. He began to take off her dress, unbuttoning one by one the buttons that went down her back. “Give in to me. Love me, and I will be your slave.”
“Stop making promises you won’t keep.”
“She speaks! Oh, speak again, bright angel for thou art as glorious to this night!” Ville teased smiling broadly.
Now was the right moment. She began to struggle, moving forward. But Ville’s arms caught her before she could get away from him. He turned her around, and Elina saw as he winced as she trashed his naked chest with her fists.
“Stop taunting me!”
“Love me!” Ville yelled again this time he seemed to be begging. The final button holding on her dress came undone with her struggling, and her dress fell down her body leaving her in her underwear.
Elina only managed a high pitched cry before his mouth crashed against hers desperately. He bit her lower lip hard for entrance, but only managed to enter her mouth when Elina gasped for air, by then her lip was already bleeding. His tongue explored her mouth for the hundredth time. He parted from her to lift her like he would a child, surprising Elina a bit with his strength. She had been right. Ville was skinny, but strong. Though Elina wasn’t fat, she wasn’t necessary skinny for either. She was ten pounds over her ideal weight. Ville carried the woman over to his bed, even as she beat against his shoulders and tried to get his hold to lose her. She wanted to get a couple of bruises on his body, like he most likely would.
The woman trashed and screamed, as Ville bore her down on the mattress crawling on top of her. His hand tore away her underwear, exposing all her body to him. Ville cares her body roughly, sending all kinds of shivers running over her body.
With one hand, Ville pinned down both of Elina’s hands over her head; with the other he parted her legs.
He forced his way inside of her, thrusting unbelievably deep. To Elina it was so vile, so obscene that at one point she held her breath. She had hoped to hold it long enough to kill her, death her only escape, but the wild thrusting of his body, the feel of his sweaty flesh rubbing and pressing against her body and the harsh sound of his gasping lust distracted her. And to her everlasting humiliation she felt the spurting wetness of his seed inside of her.
“Tommy!” Elina sobbed, and begged at the same time. “Tommy!”
That hurt Ville, like she had thought when all her fighting had not. Ville cursed and pulled himself free of Elina’s body.
Ville moved away from her, sitting on the edge of his bed. With his back against her, Elina laid on her back, taking rasping breaths. Tears began to escape her eyes, she had never felt so dirty before in her life. If Tommy was watching over her, as people tended to think when a dear one died, what would he be thinking?
Everything had gone so wrong.
………...
AN: So, it took me how long to get this up? Doesn't matter cuz this chapter, like some before it, was a pain in the neck, cuz the ass already hurting. That didnt make sense. . . or did it? Anyway, read and enjoy I put a lot of neurons into writting this.
Previously:
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/364507.html#cutid1 Prologue
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/366321.html?#cutid1 Part 1
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/366745.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 1
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/367017.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 2
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/367699.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 3
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/368763.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 4
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/370176.html Part 1: Chapter 5
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/370791.html Part 1: Chapter 6
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/371194.html#cutid1 Part 1: Chapter 7
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/372555.html#cutid1 Part 2
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/373094.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 8
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/373784.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 9
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/374964.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 10
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/375427.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 11
http://himfanfics.livejournal.com/377398.html#cutid1 Part 2: Chapter 12