I kinda hate to say it... but I am starting to feel like the internet is destroying me. It's all I do, it's all we do... and we are left feeling empty. It's almost time for no power week, yes? Let's plan a menu and get to it. I don't want my heart to shrivel, I don't want my mind to be lazy, I don't want my body to be useless.

sickofit.

Apparently the house I grew up in was demolished by the fires in Montecito. It's Thanksgiving tomorrow and I feel so lost. I've done badly this year. There's not much point in regretting it. It was easy to be numb for so long. It only got easier. Now everything is hard. And cold. Not much point in pity. If I don't start setting goals to get my life ( Read more... )

I went to work today. Nothing feels right. I slept in this morning until about 11:30, then worked, then fell asleep again around 5:30 and woke up at 10:00. Now here I am, and I know you know what it's like... when irregular sleep can destroy your comfort and happiness... and you feel aimless and dirty, imprisoned in every layer of everything ( Read more... )

I am so tired from the trip and the concert... I have no idea why I am still awake. I suppose that being this tired has lowered my spirits. I can't think of any other reason I might be feeling down, other than being back in this town ( Read more... )

I have been homesick for a home I don't have, and it wrenches my heart. I feel so far away from everyone from my past, that I still love deeply. The future is scary and hopeful. I would like to concentrate more on the present. I feel like I am dwelling too much on things that don't matter at the moment. It's a distraction ( Read more... )

God... I wish I wrote more. I need to. I feel very sick at the moment. My hair is filthy and I look awful. It's almost Xmas... the stress is subtle and autumnal. The sadness is seeping. I am sitting at work, at my desk, and I can't imagine being anywhere else. That scares me. I really can't think of what to write, so hopefully I will be able to ( Read more... )

My journals are all as neglected as I feel. I do understand how incredibly moronic and emo that sounds... but I notice lately how stunted I am internally.. emotionally and spiritually, creatively and mentally. I blame this town, obviously. My Grammy is dead. Every time someone dies I just feel more and more.... lost for words. I am heading down to ( Read more... )

...and such is life, working at a business where the seat of the pants is the most anything goes by.

Being indoors right now is making me crazy. BUT I LIVE IN BAKERSFIELD!!!!

All I need is a job guarantee of at least $10.00 an hour full time... and I'm outta here. Bleh.

Went to visit my grandmothers this weekend. It was very warm there. Both grandmothers are doing fairly well. I was annoyed by some small insignificant family drama that always seems to seep in. Other than that, it was just warm. I had fun cleaning and fixing things at Grammy's house. I really wish someone could be with her to help her with the ( Read more... )