Apparently the house I grew up in was demolished by the fires in Montecito. It's Thanksgiving tomorrow and I feel so lost. I've done badly this year. There's not much point in regretting it. It was easy to be numb for so long. It only got easier. Now everything is hard. And cold. Not much point in pity. If I don't start setting goals to get my life ( Read more... )

So, here we are. It's that time of year again, and I find myself so much more spirited about the holidays than I used to be. I have a few theories on that, but they aren't important at the moment. The important thing is that I am awake. Here are some of the things that are flitting carelessly thru my mind. The past. Family. Death. Nightmares. ( Read more... )

People say "People change" but people have no idea how much people change until they themselves have changed. One day they find themselves crying in aggrivation over missing 5 points on a quiz that won't even get close to bringing their A in the class down. They find themselves kept awake at night by thoughts of living room colour schemes. What ( Read more... )

My journals are all as neglected as I feel. I do understand how incredibly moronic and emo that sounds... but I notice lately how stunted I am internally.. emotionally and spiritually, creatively and mentally. I blame this town, obviously. My Grammy is dead. Every time someone dies I just feel more and more.... lost for words. I am heading down to ( Read more... )

I never really thought Panda Express leftovers could taste even remotely okay. I guess it just takes the right kind of preperation. Work is work. School starts soon. Money's kinda tight and my teeth want all the money I have and more. Mom's death is hitting me differently than before. Like Jenica mentioned, I also find myself missing her. She was ( Read more... )

Went to visit my grandmothers this weekend. It was very warm there. Both grandmothers are doing fairly well. I was annoyed by some small insignificant family drama that always seems to seep in. Other than that, it was just warm. I had fun cleaning and fixing things at Grammy's house. I really wish someone could be with her to help her with the ( Read more... )