A new way to say hooray for a non-alcoholic weekend.
I went to work today. Nothing feels right. I slept in this morning until about 11:30, then worked, then fell asleep again around 5:30 and woke up at 10:00. Now here I am, and I know you know what it's like... when irregular sleep can destroy your comfort and happiness... and you feel aimless and dirty, imprisoned in every layer of everything starting with veins and ending with the vastness of the sky. There are obviously other things going on. I want to leave Bakersfield, every day that passes in Bakersfield feels like it weakens me. In my mind, my time here looks rather like a bell curve and I am nearing the peak, way too close for comfort and I fear the drop-off with the fear of a thousand grand canyon plunges. Some of the possibilities that I have imagined for the future (of leaving) are sad and scary. They are without comfort. My dreams have been notably odd. I can't remember the name of a bad person I once knew. I want out, but I don't want to regress. I want to be with the fullness.