THE PLUMBING IS FIXED!!
Plumber showed up about 11ish. (After I had been awake since 7, so I was rather high-strung and pre-stressed-out about all this.) He explained the problem as this: We have a water softener - well, had, since it's now irretrievably broken - that we were told upon moving in three years ago wasn't hooked up to the lines so we
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