well, it took 8 months but i finally cried at work. when i started working, back when i was what, 19? that was kind of a thing. first couple weeks or so i would have a little meltdown and cry in the bathroom. new jobs were often overwhelming. that stopped after a while. i guess it was the temping, its hard to feel overwhelmed when you were at a new ( Read more... )

the subject line btw is from a rihanna song, and of that lyric one of my coworkers kept asking "what does that even mean?" this is what i'm around 30 hours a week ( Read more... )

sorry livejournal, you've been neglected. but you've been in my thoughts. i wonder if its even justified for me to have a paid account anymore. but i've heard lj is covered with ads now now, so maybe i'll just keep it to avoid that. oh and sorry, you're in for a ton of angst that's built up over the month of may ( Read more... )

monday and tuesday of this week i did considerably more living than little old me is used to. as a result, going to work on wednesday was exponentially more depressing, as well as the hours since. i just don't like this, i can't stand this. i know that i'm lucky in some sense, that there are people struggling to find jobs even as meager as mine. ( Read more... )

for some silly reason i was looking forward to thanksgiving this year. most likely because i've been working consistently, and i want a day of food and festivities. there was an also an added bonus because we switched up the formula this year. grandma didn't join us, so mom and dad decided to try a recipe for an award winning turkey that called for ( Read more... )

it's a bad day. a cloudy, frustrating april fools. a crawl out of your skin, shave your head, do jumping jacks until you can't breath day. its a very immature kind of despair. i just want to shake something and say "why does everything have to suck so much?" as if there were anyone to ask, as if anyone knew. goddamn you george bush for making my ( Read more... )

my regular bout of woe-is-me seems to be coming on a little early this month (but then again, so are a lot of other period symptoms, so maybe my hormones are just a little whacky at the moment). i'm finding it rather difficult to just be a fan without being jealous, but i guess i'm at that point in my timeline where there are a lot of successful ( Read more... )

ugh. i guess its gotta come in waves, sometimes little ones, sometimes big ones. most of the time things are good, i'm able to truck along, doing my own thing and not be bothered. but then every couple of weeks for a day or two i have to remember how much everything sucks. the economy sucks, the job market sucks, i haven't gotten a single call back ( Read more... )

they say realizing you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery. this is an axiom designed for those with fragile egos and a self-destructive level of pride, because what they fail to mention is that it is a miniscule step on a very long fucking road. i don't have a problem with acknowledging that i have a problem, in fact i think i ( Read more... )

man, vidal is annoying the hell out of me lately. i'm hoping this summer doesn't turn into another blow-up between him and mom, but everyone's really stressed out and he isn't helping. most of the time when he's home he's rather grumpy because of work - he's a counselor at a girl scout camp, which keeps him on his feet most of the day, which is ( Read more... )