Rudeness

[deonon]

Any one who knows me knows that I value politeness (in its real sense) as one of the virtues of civilisation. After all, it has been proposed that having to work through the complicated web of social interactions is one of the (species guided) reasons our brains got so big (and not the other way around

Comments

[sim_james]

Generally, these days I find most people who are rude are those who can get away with it. I know some attractive girls who get away with rudeness that would see them brutually pummelled if they were male.

I’ve been thinking about this since you first made that statement a few months ago.

The first part of your statement seems to be often true. The rudeness that I personally encounter comes from people with significant wealth (and associated attitudes of superiority) and those who have difficulty with normal social interaction. It does look like rich snobs get away with rudeness because they have money, and weirdos get away with rudeness because people don’t know how to deal with them.

But! What are they “getting away” with? I had a female customer yesterday who was extremely rude over an issue of credit card verification, which was only meant to protect her. And everyone else in the store looked at her like she was crazy. This would be enough to stop some people, but she didn’t care. So the main reason that she “got away”

[deonon]

It was a metaphorical brutual pummelling, more on the lines of snarky replies (though only because of the easy-going people we are surrounded by: I dare say some of the people on my f-list would (and have) give/given out an occassional whack (as indeed, some of my kin have

[sim_james]

After all, it has been proposed that having to work through the complicated web of social interactions is one of the (species guided) reasons our brains got so big (and not the other way around.)

Oh, and this is clearly untrue. We evolved big brains because of the huge slabs of mammoth steak that we were eating! Meat = brains! Haven’t you seen the ads?   ;)
   

[deonon]

It's a matter of causality:
hunting mammoths require teamwork (which needs social intergration, which needs larger brains) Meat helped, of course, as a payoff (better social intergration = more meat= still larger brains :P )

[heapha]

I must say that I agree that too many people use there non-hetro sexuality as an excuse to get away with a great many things from rudeness to sexual harrassment.

I know of someone who is "gay" but still feels this gives him the right to pinch the bum of and or touch innapropriatly females. It just isn't on.

[malinari86]

Quite frankly, for the most part I agree with what you Deon and James are saying. I think that society is getting ruder, a thing that my mother laments on a nearly daily basis. However, you might want to consider the greater problem

[sam_sonite]

I don't think it's fair to say that the wealthy have better manners than other people lower down on the socio-economic scale. Otherwise you wouldn't hear the words 'New Money' used as a derogatory way to describe someone

[heapha]

I have to say as someone who has ADHD I find that comment somewhat rude. Am I going to let it get to me - NAH, what good would that do

[malinari86]

Heaph, the same thing with depression...it is stil not an excuse to be a c*nt. If I am right, Deon is saying that people should be more aware of how their actions make the people around them feel. Which I think is a commendable thought if sometimes a little hard to manage in a larger social context.

[kingdom_supes]

ADHD does not make a person rude. Touretts syndrome could be considered thus, but that's another discussion. Attention Deficit, Hyperactivity Disorder does not include rude or obnoxious behaviour and are only exhibited if a person either has not learned or is actively chosing to ignore aspects of polite interaction. I have a cousin who is ADHD. He is 27 years old and still cannot help but call my mother Aunty despite the fact that most of us now call our aunts and uncles by their first names. He was taught manners and "appropriate" behaviour by his parents. Granted he used to find it difficult to stay focused in classes and other such tasks but it did not make him rude or impolite. It is still a matter of learned behaviours

[malinari86]

Some of those choices are based on the level of respect that person accords to the ones around them.

There are people out there I simply do not respect. Can't help it, sorry if I offend by saying it. Those people are to me beneath even contempt and I cannot bring myself to be polite to them.

[kingdom_supes]

That's exactly what I'm referring to. You have impressions that you use for the basis of your interactions and responses. Everyone does this, but their responses can vary. Some people may chose not to directly express their issue by being impolite. They would rather just avoid a person or not speak with them. There are likely cases of you having no respect for someone while another person you know does hold a respect for them. The basis for the lack of respect may not be there for the other person. Showing this contempt will cause responses in both people and possibly has additional impacts to relationships.

It comes back the the saying - we cannot, not influence. It is for people to decide how they want to relate to others using whatever formulating data they have or don't have. There will always be consequences to actions both positive and negative. As I said, despite some people's desires, we are just not all meant to get along.

[sim_james]

   She did indeed have a reason, although it was an illogical one.   :D