Rudeness

[deonon]

Any one who knows me knows that I value politeness (in its real sense) as one of the virtues of civilisation. After all, it has been proposed that having to work through the complicated web of social interactions is one of the (species guided) reasons our brains got so big (and not the other way around

Comments

[sim_james]

Generally, these days I find most people who are rude are those who can get away with it. I know some attractive girls who get away with rudeness that would see them brutually pummelled if they were male.

I’ve been thinking about this since you first made that statement a few months ago.

The first part of your statement seems to be often true. The rudeness that I personally encounter comes from people with significant wealth (and associated attitudes of superiority) and those who have difficulty with normal social interaction. It does look like rich snobs get away with rudeness because they have money, and weirdos get away with rudeness because people don’t know how to deal with them.

But! What are they “getting away” with? I had a female customer yesterday who was extremely rude over an issue of credit card verification, which was only meant to protect her. And everyone else in the store looked at her like she was crazy. This would be enough to stop some people, but she didn’t care. So the main reason that she “got away” with her rudeness was internal to her, not based on the reactions of other people.

I would probably say that I find most people who are rude are those who are not aware of or have no concern for the consequences of their rudeness. “Not aware of” is a problem but hopefully one that can be addressed. “Have no concern” is really hard to deal with; some people even seem to delight in their rudeness, as it makes them feel superior! I tend to react to such people with coldness, but that doesn’t help much.

The second part of your statement I disagree with. Unless this “brutal pummelling” is purely metaphorical, I just don’t see it happening. I’ve met lots of rude men (there was one at the convention that I avoid) and they don’t get attacked. I’m sure that gender plays a role in the way observers react to rudeness, but I’ve seen it be negative as well as beneficial (the “stupid bitch” reaction). And there are definitely rude men who escape brutal pummelling due to their greater physical size!

It’s probably apparent that I don’t like the way you’ve phrased this because I avoid violent imagery in general and violent imagery against women in particular. But if you were to replace the violence with something purely social (“I know some attractive girls who get away with rudeness that would see them scorned and derided if they were male”) I still think that it’s inaccurate. The rude men that I see just as often as I see rude women are generally not scorned, derided, or pummelled at all.
   

[deonon]

It was a metaphorical brutual pummelling, more on the lines of snarky replies (though only because of the easy-going people we are surrounded by: I dare say some of the people on my f-list would (and have) give/given out an occassional whack (as indeed, some of my kin have))

I agree with the demarcation you're marking between "not aware of" and "have no concern". The first case I'm willing to make concessions for if they are from a culture over than ours, and are willing to learn. The second case (which is more common, I feel) seems to tie into the getting away with it, as they do not receive any consequences (being pretty, or cool, or whatever.)

The gender difference is:
a)whilst it is true that men and women are not scorned and derided (by the majority)
b) it is also true that the majority of people I'm dealing with are heterosexual males (ie in gaming)
c) Therefore certain women have been able to be quite rude and still be regarded with affection (which they would not be if they were male)

This is, of course, more a problem of the males than the females.