Life

[debmommy22]

Life is hard was hard before the Cornavirus and the hoarders and all the death. I still am in the same house with my 15 year old son who has been through so much. Accident on a trampoline that was so bad, when he is 18 he will have to start having surgeries to fix his jaw and put in dental implants. His top two front teeth are gone. He has been in

Comments

[badly_knitted]

Life's been rough on you and Alex in recent years, I keep hoping your luck will turn around and things will start to get better, but... *hugs*

All you can do right now is keep plodding along and take each day as it comes. Try not to worry about tomorrow, or to think too far ahead. Each day is a single step in life's journey, none of us knows what's ahead but we'll meat each challenge when it happens, not before.

I've long thought FB has outlived its usefulness. Neve did understand why it's so popular.

[debmommy22]

People are addicted to FB. People who have deleted their accounts have gone into withdrawal for awhile it is so bad. But then say they are much happier not living in that world of who likes or doesn't like my posts. You feel like you have to check your newsfeed every few minutes. It is mostly for fun stuff, you say the wrong thing, even if you forgot or didn't know it was in the Terms of Service you get put in FB jail or I got a warning and next time they will kick me off my own page where only my small group of friends read, but doesn't matter they "punish"! ...you if you dare make a comment that goes against their stupid rules

[badly_knitted]

Your dad's right, unfortunately, you'll need to get the house ready for sale so it looks its best, the yard too. Most people want somewhere they won't have to do a huge amount of work on right away. But this isn't the time to be getting ready to sell so give yourself a break. Everything is so uncertain it's difficult to knuckle down to such things as sorting and cleaning. i know I have stuff like that to do but I can't get in the right head space to do it. All I want is to write, read, and do gardening. And that's okay, because we're having a hard enough time at the moment without piling more stress on ourselves. You'll get things done when the current situation settles down and you can find your motivation again. It's just lost in the clutter of everything else right now. Relax. *hugs*

[debmommy22]

I know this isn't the time, but I am living in a place with the worst neighbors. Today I was woken up by a policeman at my door. The witch next door to me that I sued and we settled out of court, has got camera's in her front and back yard. She hates us, mostly Alex and she is not home much so she put up these cameras and No Trespassing signs, but they are really for Alex. Alex saw them and he just thinks he can go over there anyway. He did a stupid thing of giving her the middle finger to the camera. Got one of those worn out rusty bikes that she doesn't care about and rode on it. Moved some things around or something, I don't know? Even the Cop said he understood about her. She is mean heartless woman, Vietnamese. You can hear her screaming at the guy who is the father of her kids, or used to. He is kicked out again. She was always calling the cops on him and now she is after us. Like things aren't bad enough! I told Alex not to put a toe over the line between our houses. She is right next door. Hard to believe Michael used to help

[badly_knitted]

Alex just really needs to stay in his own yard, sounds like your neighbour will use any excuse to cause trouble. I'm lucky to have lovely neighbours, I wish you could too.

I've written A LOT of fix-its. The best way to find them all is with the tags on my journal. You want the fix-it tag.

I also have Master Lists for my main universes, the Nosy-Verse, Through Time and Space, and Ghost of a Chance. You can find them on the left-hand sidebar of my journal. it says Master Lists. Some are for other fandoms but some are Torchwood. I'm sure you can find something to read =)

You're lucky you get as much sleep as you do. I need at least 8 hours, but most nights I'm lucky to get five and it's not all at once. I wake up every 30 minutes to an hour. If I sleep for two hours without waking it's a good night. I'm permanently exhausted.

I hope you can find another therapist.

Sleep, fics, etc.

[debmommy22]

Oh I am sorry you are having trouble with sleep too. What causes your sleep problems, is it physical problems you have? I know it is awful. People shouldn't have to struggle to stay asleep at night. Well the meds used to keep me asleep most nights 7 to 8 hours, occasionally more which was weird. I think they are not working as well, I usually wake up after about 5 or 6 hours a lot of nights, seems to be getting worse. I take more meds and prey and then I usually can get back to sleep at least one time and get enough to get through the day. I have had times when I just could not sleep though, I felt horrible and had to just make it on 5 or 6 hours. It is miserable. I don't get it. As a teenager and in my 20's I could sleep 9 to 10 hours a night. Something has happened. I really think it is hypomania. I was told by a doctor once that bipolar 2 worsens with age. I am 53 now. Oh reminds me, I can't remember things well. Can I ask how old you are? Was trying to remember if you were around my age or younger

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[badly_knitted]

I'm 5 years your senior, my dear little sister! *grins* You think you're getting old...

The Master Lists contain links to all the fics I've written. Some are in alphabetical order but the lists for my various series (Nosy-Verse, Through Time and Space, and Ghost of a Chance) are in timeline order so it's best if you start at the top of the list and read everything in the correct order. I'm nor=t WRITING them in the right order though, lol!

I've won a few challenges, or rather been voted into first, second, or third place in some the fandom_weekly contests. I've also earned badges at fan_flashworks. Those are displayed on my profile page. It's fun!

Therapists can only really help if you can follow their advice I guess.

Mattresses can be hard to turn. Used to take mum and me to turn hers when she had a normal double bed. So glad I only have a single - I can manage that by myself.

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[debmommy22]

That is fantastic! You could write books I bet and publish them.

Oh 5 years older so 58?...my memory is getting so bad already. Probably some of the meds I am taking too. They cause short term memory loss for sure.

Michael and I wanted a King sized bed. Lots of room. I have had this since we moved into the house in 1998. I need a new one really. It is so comfortable or was new. I had money in savings and I knew I wanted this one, it is just like my Mom and Dad's and I had slept on it some as a child and said, when I get married I am getting one just like theirs. Simmons Beautyrest. I guess with no husband I should get a smaller mattress I could handle. I only have a second set of sheets not used, for a King and I can't find any new sheets for the beds made of 100 percent cotton anymore that are super soft and don't sting. I don't know what has happened. Probably cause nothing much is made in the US., we get cheap junk from China and some other countries where quality is not important and people work for nothing.

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[badly_knitted]

Ah, but I have no interest in writing books and publishing them. I like writing short fanfics.

Yep! I'm old! *grins*

It's hard to get good sheet without paying the earth. I bought a new set on sale and they're beautifully soft, but they're so thin I just know they'll tear the first time I use them. I'm a very restless sleeper, always have been.

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[debmommy22]

Tell me where you got nice sheets?! I want super soft, don't care if they don't hold up. We used to have some like that, so comfortable. Nothing in America seems to be made well anymore or much anyway

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[badly_knitted]

I got mine in a small shop that was closing down. They were only single bed sized anyway, no good for your bed!

I still have the same one I met at 18. We don't live together, I can't handle being around people all the time, I'd rather be by myself, but I see him every week.

I just have absolutely no interest in writing books.

I used to sleep well, but my doctor got me addicted to tranquilizers and after a while instead of helping me relax and sleep they had the opposite effect. screwed up my mental health completely. I've never been right since. I don't take tranquillisers anymore, they've done me enough harm. Just have to live with the anxiety and panic attacks, OCD, and everything else.

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[debmommy22]

Oh Jean I am sorry about the tranquilizers. I actually totally agree with you. When I started taking Xanax in my teens, they gave them out like candy and they seemed to help me and helped with sleep. I have been on just about all of them at different points, Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, which I am on now and really I just stay on it hoping it helps and really now if I don't take it, I go into withdrawal symptoms and can't sleep, but I know I should get off it. The stuff that helps is the anti-psychotic and that is ok to take though I don't think even it works all the time and it is hard to come off of too and I tried once and I got so sick every time I dropped 25mg then my sleep got so bad that I just had to go back on it. I am stuck on it unless they find something else I can take to keep me from withdrawing. It is harder to come off some of these prescription drugs than it is street drugs I have been told. They used to say they weren't addictive, that is crap! My hypomania is so bad I gave in and went on a Anti-psychotic called Seroquel

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[badly_knitted]

I was told both times that the tranquillisers were NOT addictive, then they discovered the Ativan was very addictive and instead of weaning m off it, stopped it completely so I went through horrendous withdrawal. Then I was put on Diazepam and that turned out to be addictive too, but I weaned myself off that one gradually with the help of my doctor and I've refused to be put on tranquillisers since, I tried an anti-anxiety drug, but that made me feel worse so I stopped taking it. The tranquillisers are what caused all the anxiety in the first place, now I'm stuck unable to work because I was given the wrong treatments.

When things settle down again maybe you get involved with church activities, that might be the best place for you to meet people and make friends. Who knows, you might meet a nice guy that way, someone you could trust and be comfortable with, but even if you didn't there would be people to talk with and spend time with, maybe you'd feel a little less lonely. *hugs*

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[debmommy22]

Oh that is crazy! Tranquilizers are very addictive. What stupid doctor told you they were not?! Well I took them very young and really didn't know either though was told not to take them unless I needed them. Now I got into a habit of taking 3 a day and my body got used to them so it will be horrible if I even decide to come off them for good. They should "never" stop a medication like Ativan cold turkey. I don't know how much you were on, but the withdrawl is horrible. It must have been awful. So doctors just don't have a brain. How did they graduate medical school

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[badly_knitted]

It was a psychiatrist who put me on the Ativan then stopped it. My own doctor put me on diazepam but back then, nearly 40 years ago, they didn't know it was so addictive and he was a great help getting me off it so I don't blame him.

The church is at least a good place to socialise with people who share your values. I sometimes miss going to church but I'm not able to go out much anyway, or sit through a service on hard pews. My hips are bad.

I hope you'll meet someone when you're really ready. No one will ever take Michael's place on your heart, but a new man might someday make his own space there. Tings happen when they happen *hugs* You can't rush or force them.

Re: Sleep, fics, etc.

[debmommy22]

Sounds like you had a bad Psychiatrist. I have a friend who got a bad one too and did the same kind of thing to her when coming off a tranquilizer. Glad your regular doctor had some sense took you off the other the diazepam more slowly. That is Valium I just looked it up. Weird I tried that one once and it actually kept me awake at night. It is the oldest of all of them I think.

Yeah Church might be the place. Sorry you can't go and you have so many health problems. I understand.

No can't rush things, just thought after 6 years surely I would meet someone. I waited 10 years to meet Michael cause like I said, I won't settle for the wrong person just so I am not alone.