It's raining outside. It's raining inside, too. The fine droplets collect about my heart, like frills to shimmy with; but they'll never reach my tear ducts. Still, they bind me. They are too heavy and I'm too out of touch to dance. A hint of doubt and deceit, and I'm derailed. I crave to be omniscient. But that will never happen, and so I'm lost, ( Read more... )

i feel silly making this list, but i want to remember the details, or show myself what i've been missing--maybe even what i deserve? eh, that's too cliché. no... i want to challenge myself to acknowledge, appreciate, and reciprocate a good thing; then to maintain it as it changes and hopefully, possibly, grows (insert necessary disclaimers). and i ( Read more... )

last night the boyfriend said "i love you," but it was in relation to something funny i did or said, and he was drunk. but the words still stuck in my head, and i don't remember what exactly caused him to say that. he said it with such joy, ease, and whimsy and it didn't sound serious or dramatic at all.

it was a wild night. my inhibitions flew away ( Read more... )

you fell with the landslide, and i missed your hand. i let you go. i wasn't strong enough to protect you, not eager enough to save you, but would have responded--had you reached for me.

this is an imagined fortune, or lack thereof. i often know what's going to happen, but rarely admit it to myself, and always put hope above doubt.

last night, he told ( Read more... )

the moon is full, the river high, and i feel both wild and confined. am i just a figure for keeps, something to crowd the other things on your mantel and never to look at again? or are we sidestepping like crabs locked in battle, not able to go anywhere but deeper into the water ( Read more... )

i can't believe half the year is gone already. it's been about recovering from the losses of last year. i've also been surprised by new love. while rotating through my pattern of loveless dates, one stuck like a burr. i danced with him while out with someone else, and sensed a palpable tension, heightened perhaps by the presence of another man ( Read more... )

a response to a letter ( Read more... )

i vibrated his pocket, and while i tried to plan for voicemail (does he screen his calls? will he recognize the san diego area code? should i make a joke about phone tag?) the ringing switched to static hesitation. in about a heartbeat's lapse a soft voice cautiously exposed itself: "hello?"

(for some reason, while typing this, my itunes is ( Read more... )

i'm falling for the fall. the cold crept in, sudden, forcing me to stay longer under the covers; a few minutes more, a few more hours; i kept dreaming about waking up and getting ready, but i emerged into the 65 degree frost at about 2pm, only because i should ( Read more... )

i cannot shake the feeling that there is a wound where he, she, and he touched me, and did not return.

my body will not forget each scent, slide, and impact.