It's raining outside. It's raining inside, too. The fine droplets collect about my heart, like frills to shimmy with; but they'll never reach my tear ducts. Still, they bind me. They are too heavy and I'm too out of touch to dance. A hint of doubt and deceit, and I'm derailed. I crave to be omniscient. But that will never happen, and so I'm lost, ( Read more... )

i feel silly making this list, but i want to remember the details, or show myself what i've been missing--maybe even what i deserve? eh, that's too cliché. no... i want to challenge myself to acknowledge, appreciate, and reciprocate a good thing; then to maintain it as it changes and hopefully, possibly, grows (insert necessary disclaimers). and i ( Read more... )

last night the boyfriend said "i love you," but it was in relation to something funny i did or said, and he was drunk. but the words still stuck in my head, and i don't remember what exactly caused him to say that. he said it with such joy, ease, and whimsy and it didn't sound serious or dramatic at all.

it was a wild night. my inhibitions flew away ( Read more... )

"When"--Elysian Fields

When
I'm drifting in my dream
I love you

When
I wake and nothing's what it seemed
I love you

When
The final midnight's poised to stroke
I love you

And all of the looking glasses broke

When
All of the aces have been drawn
I love you

When
Your king is cornered by my pawn
I love you

When
You are asleep and so defenseless
( Read more... )

sometimes i wish i could throw a question out to the universe and have an answer come back, simple to follow. like a magic 8 ball god. not something obscure or ambiguous, with broad application to many problems, like the I Ching; but specific and detailed, even if whimsical. maybe a Terry Pratchett type universe, where all is play in the end, and ( Read more... )

you fell with the landslide, and i missed your hand. i let you go. i wasn't strong enough to protect you, not eager enough to save you, but would have responded--had you reached for me.

this is an imagined fortune, or lack thereof. i often know what's going to happen, but rarely admit it to myself, and always put hope above doubt.

last night, he told ( Read more... )

the moon is full, the river high, and i feel both wild and confined. am i just a figure for keeps, something to crowd the other things on your mantel and never to look at again? or are we sidestepping like crabs locked in battle, not able to go anywhere but deeper into the water ( Read more... )

i can't believe half the year is gone already. it's been about recovering from the losses of last year. i've also been surprised by new love. while rotating through my pattern of loveless dates, one stuck like a burr. i danced with him while out with someone else, and sensed a palpable tension, heightened perhaps by the presence of another man ( Read more... )

well, something finally made me cry.  i just found out that a friend of mine killed himself.  yesterday, sometime.

previously, in one of our fairly recent exchanges, he wrote the following to me:

If you cry, I'll hold you.  I'll run my finger along the path of tears.  I'll comfort each one.  I'll kiss you.  Even as I encourage your tears all the ( Read more... )

a response to a letter ( Read more... )