Itsuno ma ni watashi wa?
...it hurts. It really hurts right now.
My heart, I mean.
I could say I can't take this (I feel like I can't) but I know God's with me... keeping me one step above insanity. One step a head of failing.
One step forward from screwing up EVERYTHING...
but then again, when you look back on it, what is there left to screw up?
I'm alone.
I'm nothing.
I've lost my light.
I've lost my will to live.
You're sitting there either (1) laughing at me or (2) thinking stupid for writing this.
But this is my journal... I'm writing my feelings. What else can I do? I don't want to cry. I don't want to hide in the dark. In the darkness, where shadows overcome me. Where everything morbid seems like it belongs.
I don't want to be here anymore.
How did things go horribly wrong?
I prayed. I prayed for him to find his way again. This is God answering my prayers (and the few anonymous people I asked to pray for "someone I know who really needs God right now")
The bible verse guy says I need to remember that this is the answer to our prayers. Jakey says I'm not actually alone because God is with me, and it's now that I need Him more than anything. I just need to remember to be happy and remember that this is what I wanted.
Him being helped, I mean.
Not the being kicked to the sidelines. THAT was a "bonus" I'd much rather have lived without *sighes*
My heart, I mean.
I could say I can't take this (I feel like I can't) but I know God's with me... keeping me one step above insanity. One step a head of failing.
One step forward from screwing up EVERYTHING...
but then again, when you look back on it, what is there left to screw up?
I'm alone.
I'm nothing.
I've lost my light.
I've lost my will to live.
You're sitting there either (1) laughing at me or (2) thinking stupid for writing this.
But this is my journal... I'm writing my feelings. What else can I do? I don't want to cry. I don't want to hide in the dark. In the darkness, where shadows overcome me. Where everything morbid seems like it belongs.
I don't want to be here anymore.
How did things go horribly wrong?
I prayed. I prayed for him to find his way again. This is God answering my prayers (and the few anonymous people I asked to pray for "someone I know who really needs God right now")
The bible verse guy says I need to remember that this is the answer to our prayers. Jakey says I'm not actually alone because God is with me, and it's now that I need Him more than anything. I just need to remember to be happy and remember that this is what I wanted.
Him being helped, I mean.
Not the being kicked to the sidelines. THAT was a "bonus" I'd much rather have lived without *sighes*