It's been a little over a week since I arrived here in Sydney. To be honest, I haven't really been doing much of anything at all. I met with the play's director and a few other cast and crew, just casually, to meet them. And I even had a shopping day with Genevive, which was very nice. I mean, we talk on the phone all the time, but it's nice to ( Read more... )

*Cate sends away her food once again, save for a bit of toast she's kept to nibble on. She had one more day of filming, today, befor the Christmas break.*

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we fool ourselves with illusions of happiness and good things? It never happens. It never lasts. Not for anybody ( Read more... )

[Private Entry]

Last night. The party. God . . . I can't even write or think about it without crying. I don't understand everything that's happening. Hell, I don't understand /anything/ that's happening! I feel so distanced from everyone and I know that I only have myself to blame for that ( Read more... )

My schedule has changed somewhat. Instead of flying to Rome on Sunday, I'm flying tonight - I leave around midnight New York time so I can get there to accomodate the filming schedule. I'll have to catch a little sleep in flight, I suppose ( Read more... )

Cate can see the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center from her hotel room window. It was just lit the other night and the lights mingled now with the thousands of others surriounding it. She liked New York - it was invigorating to be there. The place was so different than what she was used to, but she was adjusting ( Read more... )

I'm proud of myself. I really am. I made it through one whole day without crying. *smiles* I know it isn't good to bottle things up and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of working through my feelings while I was still in Malta. But I was really wrong about that. Once I got home . . . I don't know. I just had such anger and bitterness. I mean ( Read more... )

I've been thinking . . . there isn't much left for me to do but think . . . and I've been thinking that all of this is my fault. And when you look back on things with those eyes, well, then everything falls into place. From the beginning, it was always me who was getting in the way; always my feelings that were too strong or my reactions that were ( Read more... )

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my lifeHow do you truly make someone understand just how much you love them? Is saying the words enough? Is making love enough? I'm always telling Sean that I love ( Read more... )

I must be the most selfish woman on the planet. And I feel like a fool admitting this, writing this, even if it is in my private journal. But I miss Sean. It doesn't even make sense! I see him every morning, sleep in his arms every night. And yet I miss him ( Read more... )

I finally remembered everything that happened with Peter that day. From the moment I got to Viggo's house to see Mirry to when I woke up on the kitchen floor. Part of me is glad I've remembered, and the other part is terrified because every detail of what happened is so clear and it all feels so fresh. Jackie says I'm stuck there. That I need to ( Read more... )