(no subject)
I'm proud of myself. I really am. I made it through one whole day without crying. *smiles* I know it isn't good to bottle things up and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of working through my feelings while I was still in Malta. But I was really wrong about that. Once I got home . . . I don't know. I just had such anger and bitterness. I mean, I still do, but it's not as bad.
Poor Dave has been getting the brunt of my moods of late. He says he doesn't mind, that that's why he came to London. To help me and all, but I still feel badly about it. Poor guy has been filming for ages and he should be enjoying his time off instead of trying to count how many meals I've eaten or if I've slept.
Speaking of, I still have no apetite to speak of. Dave pretty much makes me eat, at least something, but I never feel hungry or anything. What I do feel is tired. But when I try to sleep I just toss and turn. *sigh* And I find myself reaching for Sean when I know he's not there.
I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, I'm feeling a lot better. I can't expect to just get over this, just move on to another relationship so quickly. Like Dave said, if I could do that, it would mean that I really didn't love Sean. And I do I did.
But I guess I just feel like I've put a step forward. A step toward pulling myself together, regenerating, all that. And part of me wants to say that I can do it with Dave's help. But there's another, stronger part of me that doesn't want to be dependant on him - or anyone. Time. I need time. And I need . . . well, I guess I do need a shoulder to lean on. And if Dave is willing to do that, I should take him up on the offer. We'll see.
Poor Dave has been getting the brunt of my moods of late. He says he doesn't mind, that that's why he came to London. To help me and all, but I still feel badly about it. Poor guy has been filming for ages and he should be enjoying his time off instead of trying to count how many meals I've eaten or if I've slept.
Speaking of, I still have no apetite to speak of. Dave pretty much makes me eat, at least something, but I never feel hungry or anything. What I do feel is tired. But when I try to sleep I just toss and turn. *sigh* And I find myself reaching for Sean when I know he's not there.
I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, I'm feeling a lot better. I can't expect to just get over this, just move on to another relationship so quickly. Like Dave said, if I could do that, it would mean that I really didn't love Sean. And I do I did.
But I guess I just feel like I've put a step forward. A step toward pulling myself together, regenerating, all that. And part of me wants to say that I can do it with Dave's help. But there's another, stronger part of me that doesn't want to be dependant on him - or anyone. Time. I need time. And I need . . . well, I guess I do need a shoulder to lean on. And if Dave is willing to do that, I should take him up on the offer. We'll see.