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Oh, joy. Another movie by someone who saw Paranormal Activity but didn’t understand why it was effective. But whereas the makers of The Amityville Haunting saw Paranormal Activity and said, “I want to make a movie like this,” the makers of Paranormal Entity saw Paranormal Activity and said, “I want to make this movie ( Read more... )

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Here's a breakdown of the Leprechaun movies for those who may not have seen them:

Leprechaun - Jennifer Anniston, a man with a mullet, a mentally disabled guy, and an annoying kid find a leprechaun’s gold and have to fight him off with a green light shining on some grass four leaf clover.

Leprechaun 2 - If you sneeze on your birthday and no one ( Read more... )

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Oh, boy! I read the abridged for children version of this book when I was itty bitty, along with the abridged for children version of Frankenstein, and I adored them both. I read the grownup versions of both books when I was older, and...well, frankly, abridging did wonders for Frankenstein. The original text was in desperate need of a good ( Read more... )

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I thought I hadn't seen this before, but I realized pretty quickly that I had. This is Everyone is Awful: The Movie.

Now I don't feel good.

Also, it makes The Amityville Haunting look like a masterwork of subtlety.

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I thought I was watching the remake of The Amityville Horror, but it turns out I just can't read anything from this distance. That's okay, because the only memorably good thing about the original Amityville is Lois Lane, and it's neat to see a movie by someone who clearly loved Paranormal Activity. And I tend to enjoy found footage movies, ( Read more... )

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I saw this one in the theater, but the only thing I remembered about it was that "I Fall to Pieces" was a plot point.

Now the only things I remember about it are "I Fall to Pieces" and A LOT OF REALLY LOUD NOISES. SERIOUSLY, THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY FREAKING LOUD. I don't think I caught any of the dialogue, because I turned it way down to avoid ( Read more... )

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So, this is a legitimately scary movie. Like, it genuinely scared the crap out of me. But every time I got scared, it just kept going until it went right past scary and just made me laugh my ass off ( Read more... )

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This is about a vampire. It counts.

So, who here remembers Twilight? More importantly, who remembers Twilight's imitators? There was a time when sexy abusive vampires with a love triangle was too obvious, so the thing became sexy abusive angels with a love triangle instead. The most famous is Hush, Hush, which is even creepier than Twilight, but my ( Read more... )

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Netflix calls this movie Contamination .7, and I don't blame them. If you were trying to get people to watch a movie, would you advertise it as a sequel to Troll 2? Well, maybe you would, since I can't imagine anyone watching this without knowing what it was. And it has about as much to do with Troll 2 as Troll 2 had to do with Troll, which is to ( Read more... )