Whilst digging through some old livejournal entries, this one slapped me in the face. I can't believe it's been seven years. She would have been 14 this year. It's so overwhelming sometimes. So tonight, I let it overwhelm me and I reworked this. It's still scattered and flawed.

My Empty Jar

If you were really here now, still, after i opened my eyes, ( Read more... )

I keep watching it over and over. I like to feel it.  I see births and deaths and chance and hopes and all that shit. It upsets me. And I love it. I think my body craves a child. It might. I feel all of it. I can't see infants without feeling tragically drawn to them.  I see pain and I can't reach through and explain it to myself. If I ever had ( Read more... )

This accidental war I've fought for you ( Read more... )

God I hate it here sometimes. I don't have anyone to spend time with that knows how to be around me. How hard is it to make someone feel valuable on their fucking birthday? Seriously. Why can't it be that easy for other people ( Read more... )

I used to call blue Thursday. They thought I had a learning disability. I just see the color blue when I think of the word Thursday.

I love the feeling of cool sheets. Year round.

Last night, I ended up in a gay bar. There were three men dancing up on the bar. They were wearing socks. Only socks. Their flacid, flopping dicks gave me nightmares.

My ( Read more... )

it's snowing. again. this city just never shows sunshine without a price ( Read more... )

the fact that i can carry and nurture

boobs

my hips

i'm a bitch, and that's ok

i don't have to worry about crushing my testicles when i sit down

the flow and grace of the female form

having a penis attached to my body would REALLY SUCK.  i'll take a monthly bleed over that extra appendage any day

wow ( Read more... )

i am multi purpose and poseable ( Read more... )

different.  that's what i'm calling it. i'm no longer surrounded by familiarity. far from. it's busy and compact. my body is different here. things are changing and i'm not fighting it. im observing and responding.  all my mail sucks. bills and releases and magazine ads. i want letters. i would love to have something or someone to respond to. i don ( Read more... )