her last day
Jack and I woke up together this morning and I cuddled up against his back. We spent a few silent moments together in bed before he rolled over and put his arms around me. My first thought this morning was, "This was Abby's last day with me, her last day of life." I thought about the day I spent in labour, how I couldn't believe that my labour was really starting so soon. The memories come like clips from a movie...
...Jack leaving on his fishing trip, then coming home for his forgotten bag of clothes.
...keeping Kim home from school, and how she helped me put the plastic sheet on the bed.
...hearing Jack call his brother to tell him that he wouldn't be going fishing after all.
...feeling Abby push and kick between contractions.
...laying out a newborn diaper and tiny clothes on the change table.
I welcome the memories today, and I make no apologies for my tears.
This morning as I was getting out of the shower, Charlotte and I had this conversation:
Mommy, me go to park soon?
No, mommy's going to make Abby's birthday cake now.
Abby's happy-party [birthday cake] on the counter in kitchen?
Yes.
Where Abby go? Abby in Sat-oon [Saskatoon]?
I was drying my hair with a towel when she said that, and I just dropped my head and cried, not sure how to answer her question.
Charlotte stood in the doorway to my room and said, "Abby died?"
I cried some more and when Charlotte noticed my tears she ran off and came back with a kleenex.
"Here go mommy. Me get a tee-ex [kleenex] for you."
Oh, my sweet rainbow baby. While I grieve for the baby that I birthed and buried, my sweet rainbow baby wipes my tears. Life is so bittersweet.
...Jack leaving on his fishing trip, then coming home for his forgotten bag of clothes.
...keeping Kim home from school, and how she helped me put the plastic sheet on the bed.
...hearing Jack call his brother to tell him that he wouldn't be going fishing after all.
...feeling Abby push and kick between contractions.
...laying out a newborn diaper and tiny clothes on the change table.
I welcome the memories today, and I make no apologies for my tears.
This morning as I was getting out of the shower, Charlotte and I had this conversation:
Mommy, me go to park soon?
No, mommy's going to make Abby's birthday cake now.
Abby's happy-party [birthday cake] on the counter in kitchen?
Yes.
Where Abby go? Abby in Sat-oon [Saskatoon]?
I was drying my hair with a towel when she said that, and I just dropped my head and cried, not sure how to answer her question.
Charlotte stood in the doorway to my room and said, "Abby died?"
I cried some more and when Charlotte noticed my tears she ran off and came back with a kleenex.
"Here go mommy. Me get a tee-ex [kleenex] for you."
Oh, my sweet rainbow baby. While I grieve for the baby that I birthed and buried, my sweet rainbow baby wipes my tears. Life is so bittersweet.