Abby's second birthday
My thoughts are quite scattered tonight. I am touched by the LJ comments, emails and phone calls that I received today. It's been such a comfort to hear how others are honoring Abby's memory.
And it's been an odd day for me; sometimes it feels like a perfectly normal day and then the next moment I'm swept away in memories of Abby's birth. It's this evening that is feeling the most intense for me, since it was late at night that I was in heavy labour with Abby and she was born just before midnight. As I knelt on the floor at the foot of my bed to clip Julia's toenails, I realized I was in the exact spot where Abby had been born. When Julia scampered back to her room, I stayed there on the floor for a few minutes, remembering the crinkle of the shower curtain under my knees, the sweat that ran off my face into my hands as I pushed, the sound of Jack's voice, and the feeling of Abby moving slowly out of my body. I had been so eager to meet her, not knowing that as soon as she was out she would wilt like a cut flower and I would have to say good-bye.
Two years. How can that be? Everything I did today has led me to believe that it must be true. Baking her cake (I've baked one once before...), receiving flowers in remembrance of Abby (I had some of these last year...), and of course, having Charlotte here to stick her fingers in the roses and the icing - the fact that she is here and is nearly one year old means it must be two years since Abby was born.
A confetti angel food cake with pink and red icing, for Abby's second birthday
I've had her pink pillar candle burning almost all day
Three red and one white rose from two dear friends. "Happy Birthday Abby". Tears and hugs were delivered with the flowers, and I appreciated them as well.
Flowers for me, from Jack. "Janice, You are my sunshine"
Jack sent flowers for Kim and Julia too. "Thank you for being who you are"
Julia had the same arrangement as Kim's but with yellow flowers.
There's something missing here....this is what it should have looked like last year, minus one candle.
Abby's birthday cake was yummy, although I'm sure the pink and red food coloring was partly responsible
for Julia's hyper goofy state this evening.
I shared my cake with Charlotte. She thought it was pretty funny when I would take a bite for
myself instead of putting it in her mouth! Again, it was oh so bittersweet to see Charlotte
eating Abby's birthday cake.
After supper, Kim picked up Abby's scrapbook that I had brought upstairs earlier.
As Kim was playing with Charlotte, she lifted her up in front of Abby's picture and
Charlotte immediately reached out for Abby.
"Happy Birthday Abby"
Julia got a closer look at Abby's scrapbook too. This was the only time she sat still all evening.
Pretty soon the sugar got into all of them, and the two little ones were climbing all over Kim!
It's been a good day. A sad and happy day. As I was picking up two copies of the newspaper with Abby's memorial inside, I bumped into the EMT who was first on scene that night. She made a big fuss over Charlotte, whom she has hardly seen this year, but as we spoke, all I could think about is the way she scooped Abby up and ran out of my bedroom that night.
My SIL, Helen, called tonight. She is missing Abby too and called to say she was thinking of us. She and my BIL both stayed with us all night at the hospital on the night of Abby's birth. Helen came in the room with us when we were finally able to see Abby and they are our only two family members who saw Abby alive. So many memories today. I'm exhausted and I'm praying that Charlotte lets me sleep tonight, because I intend to dream of attending a heavenly birthday party with my little angel.
And it's been an odd day for me; sometimes it feels like a perfectly normal day and then the next moment I'm swept away in memories of Abby's birth. It's this evening that is feeling the most intense for me, since it was late at night that I was in heavy labour with Abby and she was born just before midnight. As I knelt on the floor at the foot of my bed to clip Julia's toenails, I realized I was in the exact spot where Abby had been born. When Julia scampered back to her room, I stayed there on the floor for a few minutes, remembering the crinkle of the shower curtain under my knees, the sweat that ran off my face into my hands as I pushed, the sound of Jack's voice, and the feeling of Abby moving slowly out of my body. I had been so eager to meet her, not knowing that as soon as she was out she would wilt like a cut flower and I would have to say good-bye.
Two years. How can that be? Everything I did today has led me to believe that it must be true. Baking her cake (I've baked one once before...), receiving flowers in remembrance of Abby (I had some of these last year...), and of course, having Charlotte here to stick her fingers in the roses and the icing - the fact that she is here and is nearly one year old means it must be two years since Abby was born.
A confetti angel food cake with pink and red icing, for Abby's second birthday
I've had her pink pillar candle burning almost all day
Three red and one white rose from two dear friends. "Happy Birthday Abby". Tears and hugs were delivered with the flowers, and I appreciated them as well.
Flowers for me, from Jack. "Janice, You are my sunshine"
Jack sent flowers for Kim and Julia too. "Thank you for being who you are"
Julia had the same arrangement as Kim's but with yellow flowers.
There's something missing here....this is what it should have looked like last year, minus one candle.
Abby's birthday cake was yummy, although I'm sure the pink and red food coloring was partly responsible
for Julia's hyper goofy state this evening.
I shared my cake with Charlotte. She thought it was pretty funny when I would take a bite for
myself instead of putting it in her mouth! Again, it was oh so bittersweet to see Charlotte
eating Abby's birthday cake.
After supper, Kim picked up Abby's scrapbook that I had brought upstairs earlier.
As Kim was playing with Charlotte, she lifted her up in front of Abby's picture and
Charlotte immediately reached out for Abby.
"Happy Birthday Abby"
Julia got a closer look at Abby's scrapbook too. This was the only time she sat still all evening.
Pretty soon the sugar got into all of them, and the two little ones were climbing all over Kim!
It's been a good day. A sad and happy day. As I was picking up two copies of the newspaper with Abby's memorial inside, I bumped into the EMT who was first on scene that night. She made a big fuss over Charlotte, whom she has hardly seen this year, but as we spoke, all I could think about is the way she scooped Abby up and ran out of my bedroom that night.
My SIL, Helen, called tonight. She is missing Abby too and called to say she was thinking of us. She and my BIL both stayed with us all night at the hospital on the night of Abby's birth. Helen came in the room with us when we were finally able to see Abby and they are our only two family members who saw Abby alive. So many memories today. I'm exhausted and I'm praying that Charlotte lets me sleep tonight, because I intend to dream of attending a heavenly birthday party with my little angel.