The Therapist That Can Go Fuck Herself
I have five minutes.
I really disliked the therapist we met last night. She made me feel ashamed to talk and was abrasive. She suggested we get into an argument, at the beginning, so that she could see how it goes between us. I think she was joking, but I found her very insensitive. On the other hand, she was completely taken with John and at one point after he spoke, she said, "That makes me really sad," as a way to empathize with him. Then, I told her something about the way I felt, and she made me feel badly for saying it, told me that I was shaming him. I was frustrated and on the verge of tears the whole time. Then, she chalked up my "picking on him" to self-insecurities. I disagreed with her, in part, but very politely. How fucking simplistic and presumptuous. I told her that, no, it was because, as an introvert, I like to come home and feel like my space is respected and peaceful. There's so much more that's under it, too, but I felt like I had to come up with something so that that wouldn't stick to me. I've been feeling sick ever since. John really like her, which makes sense because he felt validated. I want someone whom we're both comfortable with. He said he understood completely but was very sad because will there be a therapist who works? and he felt that my saying I didn't like the therapist meant that was invalidating all that he'd said. I said that wasn't how I felt. I cried. It was bad. In the middle of the night, though, I ended up on his chest, and he held me and kissed my head. We want to figure it out because, as that awful therapist said, we can't live with each other, and we can't live without each other.
John's not being unreasonable anymore, I don't think, either. I don't know what it is that's been driving me crazy. I think he's right, though, that there's this idea I have of who he is and who he really is. The idea is what's hurtful to both of us. Either way, there's a lot of past stuff to be worked on, but I need to do it in an arena where I feel comfortable.
Meanwhile, Adrian is pissing me off SO MUCH. He's just high. All the time. On painkillers.
I really disliked the therapist we met last night. She made me feel ashamed to talk and was abrasive. She suggested we get into an argument, at the beginning, so that she could see how it goes between us. I think she was joking, but I found her very insensitive. On the other hand, she was completely taken with John and at one point after he spoke, she said, "That makes me really sad," as a way to empathize with him. Then, I told her something about the way I felt, and she made me feel badly for saying it, told me that I was shaming him. I was frustrated and on the verge of tears the whole time. Then, she chalked up my "picking on him" to self-insecurities. I disagreed with her, in part, but very politely. How fucking simplistic and presumptuous. I told her that, no, it was because, as an introvert, I like to come home and feel like my space is respected and peaceful. There's so much more that's under it, too, but I felt like I had to come up with something so that that wouldn't stick to me. I've been feeling sick ever since. John really like her, which makes sense because he felt validated. I want someone whom we're both comfortable with. He said he understood completely but was very sad because will there be a therapist who works? and he felt that my saying I didn't like the therapist meant that was invalidating all that he'd said. I said that wasn't how I felt. I cried. It was bad. In the middle of the night, though, I ended up on his chest, and he held me and kissed my head. We want to figure it out because, as that awful therapist said, we can't live with each other, and we can't live without each other.
John's not being unreasonable anymore, I don't think, either. I don't know what it is that's been driving me crazy. I think he's right, though, that there's this idea I have of who he is and who he really is. The idea is what's hurtful to both of us. Either way, there's a lot of past stuff to be worked on, but I need to do it in an arena where I feel comfortable.
Meanwhile, Adrian is pissing me off SO MUCH. He's just high. All the time. On painkillers.