J2 - An Unexpected Love - chapter 9A/16 - Mpreg

[angels3]

Title : An Unexpected Love   9A/16

Rating : R

Word Count : 16,148/96,643

Disclaimer : Really if they belonged to me do you think I'd have time to be posting.

Warnings : Talk of past abuse,  Mpreg

Author : angels3 aka Angela

Beta : munibunny

Art and Soundtrack : ldyghst

Additional Art : wincest_drarry

Characters : Jensen/Jared, Steve/Chris, there may be more pairings along the way I'm not sure at the moment.Mike, Tom, Chad, Sandy, Sophia and Joshua Jackson will all be in this fic. There may be others as I find myself needing more characters.

Summary : Grief stricken over the death of his brother, cynical movie maverick Jared Padalecki did the unthinkable - he sought comfort in the arms of his brother's fiancee. The morning after, they both realized their mistake and left for their separate lives. Only Jared can't forget Jensen's soft lips and beautiful eyes. Even as Jared was beginning to think he had to see him again, Jensen came to him.

Jensen was pregnant with his child. His - not his brother's. Jared knew he wanted Jensen more than he'd ever wanted any other woman or man.

First he had to marry him.

Then he had to make Jensen love him.

Author Notes : I am basing this story off a book I read fourteen years ago. I do actually have the book but I will not be using it to write this story. I will be going from my memory of what happened in it, there will be some things that run the way the book did and lots that will not as this is a J2 and mpreg on top of that. The only thing that will be word for word, and then not really, will be the summary since I couldn't do it justice any other way.

Based on the book Scandals by JoAnn Ross

Harlequin Temptation Sept.1994 #506



Chapters    1    2   3   4A   4B   5A    5B   5C  6A   6B  7A  7B   8A  8B   9A  9B  10  11A  11B   12A  12B  13A   13B   14   15A   15B   16
 
Art and Soundtrack

Additonal Art

Jensen woke up early the day of his doctor's appointment. He was excited as always to talk about the baby's progress and hear the heartbeat, but he was nervous as well. Ever since the incident at Jared's office all he could do was worry. He knew it wasn't good for him or the baby, and he tried to keep his mind off of what would happen if it was, in fact Joshua, but it would sneak in late at night when he was tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable.

The detective had reported back that the paint was a common brand found at any hardware or do it yourself store and that the perpetrator had worn gloves since there had been no fingerprints or residual skin cells sloughed off during its handling. Jensen couldn't say he was surprised really, but he'd hoped they'd find something that he could write the whole thing off as a prank. When they didn't, there was no doubt in Jensen's mind that it was Joshua because he wouldn't have made any mistakes.

He knew he needed to tell Jared the reasons behind his fear, because it was important for everyone's safety. It was such a painful and humiliating period of his life, he felt physically ill just thinking about it, and it had nothing to do with morning sickness. Jensen finally heaved a sigh and crawled out of bed to head for the shower. Before he became pregnant, he would have stumbled to the kitchen, eyes glued shut, feeling his way to the first cup of coffee. Now he had to rely on hot water and chocolate for his fix, and he had a feeling the doctor was going to soon take his chocolate, he thought morosely.

He stood under the hot water, mulling over when to tell Jared and how, coming to the decision that he'd ask Jared for some time when they got home from the doctors. He still wasn't accustomed to walking in and interrupting Jared in the middle of what he was doing even though he'd been told several times it wasn't a bother. Jensen knew Jared thought it was odd, him asking for time, but he had learned the hard way it was much safer, and he hadn't been able to break the habit yet.

Jensen felt more relaxed when he left the bathroom, having made up his mind to tell Jared everything. No matter how embarrassing or humiliating it was to confess his weakness, he felt some of the weight he had been carrying had lifted. Jensen hoped once he actually told Jared that the rest would ease from his mind as well. He had just slid on his pants and was reaching for his shirt when Jared stuck his head in to see if he was ready. He glanced over his shoulder to tell Jared he'd be just a few more minutes, pulling on his shirt as he did. Jared had an unreadable look on his face, but he smiled and said he’d be waiting downstairs.

Jared quietly shut Jensen's door and slowly made his way to the kitchen. When he'd opened the door and saw Jensen standing there without his shirt, jeans ridding low on his hips, he'd had he overwhelming desire to touch and taste. Jensen's shoulders were broad and muscled, his frame lean all the way down to his waist, which was just starting to thicken with their child. His first reaction was quickly overridden by confusion, his breath catching in his throat as he traced ribbons of thin white lines, stark against the flushed pink of Jensen's skin. They trailed down his back and past the line of his jeans, crisscrossing in a roadmap that had made his blood run cold.

A foggy memory of tracing the lines with his fingertips, and a quiet plea to stop nudged at him. His brow wrinkled in concentration, trying to recall anything else that might give him a clue to the marks Jensen carried on his body. The scars he'd seen weren't new, not that he could imagine where Jensen would have gotten them recently. No, these were old, older than Jeff even, and he knew for damn certain his brother hadn't put them there. His thoughts were interrupted by Jensen walking into the kitchen.

Jared relaxed his face, dropping the frown at the questioning look Jensen was giving him.

"Did you forget something?" Jensen asked, pulling on his jacket.

"No, just trying to decide if I wanted to work from home or go in after your appointment," Jared hedged.

"Oh," Jensen said, face falling a little.

"Did you want to go somewhere when we finished?" Jared asked, trying to determine what had made Jensen's demeanor change.

"No, I just wanted to talk, but it can wait until you have time." Jensen rushed to reassure him.

"Jensen, I always have time for you. If you want to talk about something I'll just call Chad and tell him I won't be in today."

"I don't want to keep you from your appointments," Jensen said, shaking his head. "I know you have a lot to do before you have to leave for your location shoot."

"Chad knows not to schedule appointments on the day you have your doctor visit. I told him we never knew what extra tests might need to be done and how long they'd take. It keeps Chad from having to do extra work which he was ever so grateful for." Jared told him, rolling his eyes at Chad's sarcastic seal of approval on his no extra work clause.

"Are you sure?" Jensen asked, indecision warring with relief. He hadn't realized Jared had cleared his calendar just for his doctor's appointment. It gave him a warm feeling he didn't want to put a name to right at the moment.

"Jensen, if you want to talk, I want to listen." Jared reassured, waiting for Jensen to navigate the steps into the garage before he locked and shut the door.

"Okay," Jensen said softly.

"Do you want to drive?" Jared asked as he opened the garage door and set the alarm.

"No, not today."

"Are you feeling all right?" Jared looked over with concern.

"I'm fine, just have a lot on my mind. I don't want to be driving and zone out." Jensen explained, sighing a little when he leaned back into the soft leather.

"Your back still bothering you?"

"A little, not all the time though," Jensen answered, smiling a little at Jared's grunt of disbelief.

"You do know I can see you when you rub it all the time right?"

"I think it's become a habit. The pain is like a discomfort more than a hurt. I know that's not very helpful, but it's hard to explain." Jensen looked over and grinned at Jared's continued skepticism. When he didn't say anything, Jensen closed his eyes and settled in for the ride.

Jared just shook his head, turning his attention back to the road, his mind instantly returning to the scars on Jensen's back, and his need to talk later. The worried frown and nervous way in which Jensen had approached him, as if he was scared of the reaction he'd receive to his request, made Jared uneasy in what he would learn.

Jensen had fallen into a light sleep, but woke as soon as Jared pulled to a stop and shut the engine off.

"We here?" Jensen looked around, blinking a little.

"Yeah, we're a little early, traffic wasn't as heavy as I thought it would be. Did you want to go on in?"

"Sure, I've got to talk to billing anyway," Jensen answered, stretching as he tried to muffle a yawn.

"Is something wrong?" Jared asked. He'd forgotten to tell Jensen he'd stuck his nose in things, and he had a feeling the jig was up.

"No. nothing’s wrong. I just forgot to ask them a question. I meant to do it before I came back, but with the showing and everything else..." Jensen trailed off.

"Oh," Jared figured now was as good as time as any to tell Jensen what he'd done, maybe he'd be able to salvage the situation if it blew up in his face.

He laid in his hand on Jensen's arm so he wouldn't get out of the truck yet.

"I need to tell you something," Jared stated hesitantly when Jensen looked at him confused.

"Okay," Jensen shut the door and turned in the seat so he could look at Jared.

"Um... well I did something, and I'm not sure if it's going to make you mad, but it's only fair so if it does, you're just going to have to yell at me," Jared babbled.

"Jared, I've no idea what you're talking about," Jensen interrupted him, bewildered. "I seriously doubt you've done anything to make me mad, unless you've lied to me."

Jared swallowed thickly. "Well, no, not really," he answered slowly.

"You're not being very clear, and I haven't developed the power to read minds," Jensen joked, exasperated.

Jared nodded, deciding to just tell Jensen and then deal with the fallout.

"You remember when we had to fill out the forms the last time, right?" Jared asked, waiting for Jensen to nod before he continued. "Well, I saw that you had yourself listed as the sole responsible party for payment."

Jared paused, watching Jensen's face. He thought he saw a flicker of understanding, but he forged ahead. "When I took them back to the desk I asked the receptionist to file it under my insurance and that I would talk to you about the rest," he finished in a rush.

"All right." Jensen relaxed back into the seat. "That explains it then."

"All right?" Jared asked incredulous and then a beat later. "What does it explain?" He was still a little perplexed and maybe a little disappointed with the anti-climatic response after working himself up to defend his right to help.

"Well, yeah, I guess that's fine. I mean you don't have to do that, but if it's something you want to do then I'm not going to complain. They didn't ask me for payment last time, and I was trying to figure out if it was just a mistake or if they just forgot."

"You're not mad?" Jared asked, wanting to make sure.

"No, I'm a little confused?" Jensen said slowly.

"Why are you confused?"

"Why would you think I'd be mad?" Jensen asked, still puzzled instead of answering Jared's question.

"I guess because I didn't discuss it with you first, and I should have said something sooner," Jared explained.

"Oh," was all Jensen could come up with. He wasn't used to being included in decisions, not that Jeff was overbearing.

Jeff just had a habit of trying to take care of everything. It had always been his nature. Jensen had tried to tell him he didn't have to do it by himself, but he was so programmed to try and avoid conflict by that point, he just didn't push the issue. As for Jared not telling him right away, he could understand why. It had been non-stop upheaval for the past month. Between his show, the center's grand opening, and Jared's schedule with the out of town meeting, there hadn't really been any down time.

That was all before the vandalism. Jensen tried to keep calm just thinking about it, but he could feel his heart start to race and his breathing quicken. Unfortunately, Jared caught the change and thought the worst.

"You are mad," Jared sighed.

"No, I'm not," Jensen rushed to assure him. "I honestly understand you forgetting with everything that's happened over the last few weeks.

"Then what's wrong?" Jared asked concern leaking into his voice.

"I was just thinking about everything that's been going on, and I'd been trying not to dwell on your office being vandalized," Jensen explained.

"Detective Lloyd said they hadn't found anything to connect it to Joshua," Jared said hoping Jensen would relax a little.

"He also said he hadn't found anything to rule him out either," Jensen argued stubbornly.

"That's true, but he's still working on it, and worrying about it's not going to do either of us any good," Jared insisted.

Jensen sighed, "Yeah, I know. It's just hard not to."

"I know," Jared agreed, glancing down at his watch. "It's almost time for your appointment. Are you ready to go in?"

"Sure, let's go brave all the pregnant women," Jensen teased, smiling.

"Hey, I've heard those are the most dangerous kinds," Jared defended himself.

"Right.... What are they going to do? Knock you over with their bellies?" Jensen giggled as he shut the door on Jared's outraged reply.

Jensen was still smiling when they checked in. He couldn't help the snicker when he turned to see several women gawking at Jared. He felt Jared shift a little closer and almost laughed out loud.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," Jensen whispered, unable to resist teasing a little bit more.

"Zip it!" Jared shot back, placing a hand on Jensen's lower back and looking for a seat in the corner where he could see any sneak attacks.

Jensen might have said something about Jared's attempts to put their backs to the wall if he hadn't been trying to convince himself that the shiver coursing down his back was nothing but the air conditioner working overtime in the waiting area.

The billing department nabbed them before they were called back for their appointment. The new balances had been worked up with the insurance estimates on coverage and the new paperwork was ready to be signed. Jared took the paperwork and tucked it in his jacket before Jensen could swipe it and try to come up with some fair split that was just going to make him work twice as hard to get around. The nurse stuck her head in the door to let them know it was their turn before Jensen could comment.

Jared sat at the nurse's desk looking at the fetal development charts while Jensen was in the bathroom. There were charts for men as well as women, and Jared was lost in comparing the similarities and differences when Jensen slumped beside him blushing. Jared quirked an eyebrow in question and Jensen groaned.

"I hate that part."

"More than the getting undressed and felt up?" Jared asked amused.

"Well, no, I don't like that part either, but I get to hear the baby's heartbeat, so there's a payoff in that one." Jensen tried to explain his logic.

Jared snickered and then yelped when Jensen pinched his arm.

"That hurt!" Jared rubbed his arm.

"Not as much as it's going to if you keep it up!" Jensen promised.

"That's what got us into this in the first place," Jared snarked, waggling his eyebrows.

Jensen glared at him. "No, that was Jack and Jose. I can't even threaten you with the 'you're having the next one' because..." Jensen stalled, looking for a way to word it.

"I don't have the plumbing," Jared quipped.

Jensen made sure he twisted when he pinched Jared's arm again.

"OW!" Jared whined loudly.

The nurse walked in, giving them an odd look before shaking her head, smiling at Jensen's innocent look and Jared's pout. She asked all the routine questions, taking Jensen's temperature and weight, but paused and frowned when she was taking his blood pressure. She re-inflated the cuff and manually took his pulse this time instead of relying on the finger clip. Jensen had been reading a pamphlet that he'd picked up in the waiting room and hadn't seen the nurse's reaction but Jared had.

He tried to keep himself calm, not wanting to stress Jensen out before the nurse finished, but he was finding it difficult not to yell and ask for answers.

"Mr. Ackles, are you sure you haven't been dizzy or lightheaded?" The nurse asked, typing information into the computer.

Jensen looked up, frowning. "No," he paused. "If I stand up too fast sometimes I get a little lightheaded, but that happened before I got pregnant. Why, what's wrong?"

"You're blood pressure is a little elevated. It may not be anything, but it's early in your pregnancy, and we want to make sure it doesn't continue or get worse if we can help it," she explained.

"Okay," Jensen said, taking a deep breath, trying not to panic.

"What do we need to do?" Jared asked, putting his hand on Jensen's back and rubbing in slow circles.

"Well, it depends on what's causing it. If it's physical, the doctor may put you on medicine or restrict your activity. If it's stress, he's going to want you to remove yourself from the environment if possible, or tell you to find a way to avoid what's causing the stress as much as possible."

Jensen slumped back in the chair, his heart racing. "What if I have no control over the situation?"

Jensen's face was pale and Jared could feel the tension along Jensen's shoulders.

"We'll do what we need to do. You're going to have to find a way to not worry so much," Jared said gently.

Jensen nodded even though he knew it was going to be a massive feat. He was a worrier by nature. The only time he was completely free of thought was when he was painting. However, he wasn't going to endanger the baby in any way so he'd find some way to stay relaxed as much as possible.

"Maybe once the center is open, I'll have something to take my mind off things," Jensen suggested.

"As long as you don't overdo it. I think you're right," Jared agreed.

"All right Mr. Ackles, let's get you to your room." The nurse appeared, leading them down the hall for Jensen's examination.

She left him a gown so he could remove his shirt. Jensen didn't have to strip completely thanks to the new pants he'd bought that had a stretchable panel built in. He'd cringed when he had to go shopping, but Sophia had helped him find a store whose maternity clothes looked the same as regular ones. It was amazing even in male maternity clothes the descent into absurd graphics and weird ensembles one was subjected to. The shop Sophia had taken him to specialized in designers that retained the normal lines of clothes, but with added features. He could lift his shirt and no one could tell the material stretched.

Jensen didn't bother going behind the curtain just to take his shirt off, but he did turn so he was facing Jared instead of having his back to him while they were talking. He looked down at the small swell that had started to show and smiled. He hadn't really felt pregnant since there had been no visual evidence even with the puking as an indicator. That just reminded him of the flu he'd had last year, although an endless case at the rate his morning sickness kept hanging in. Jensen pulled on the soft gown and climbed on the table, settling in to wait for the doctor. He looked over to where Jared was sitting and blushed at the amazed looked adorning his husbands face.

Jared couldn't help staring. Realistically, he knew Jensen's body was changing, had even witnessed it this morning as a matter of fact. However, he'd not seen Jensen from the front, and since he didn't often, *or never* his mind supplied, see Jensen without his clothes, he just didn't realize how visible the changes had become. When he was finally able to pull his eyes away from Jensen's stomach, he noticed the blush staining Jensen's cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know you could see a difference yet," Jared apologized, standing and moving to Jensen's side.

"It's all right, I wasn't really showing. It just sort of appeared overnight," Jensen said softly, running his hand over the small bump.

"Would you like to feel?" Jensen asked, blushing again. He'd noticed the way Jared started to reach out and then pulled back, dropping his hands and putting them in his pockets as if to control the urge to touch.

"You don't mind?" Jared asked already reaching out to place his hand on Jensen's stomach.

"No, I know our situation is.... unique, but this is your baby too, and you should be able to experience everything every other father should," Jensen answered honestly, pushing the stretchy panel down so Jared could actually get that much closer to their child.

Jared swallowed thickly, and watched Jensen adjust his clothes his hand hovering in mid air. When Jensen lay back on his elbows Jared finally placed his hand on the small rounded swell. He wasn't sure what he felt at the moment, the swirl of emotions colliding and mixing to break apart and assault his heart. Jared settled his palm at the top of Jensen's stomach, his fingers stretched over smooth warm skin and engulfed almost the entire span of where their baby was protected.

Jensen watched the look of awe and love light up Jared's face. He stayed still as Jared's hand stroked an outline over and around his belly.

"How does it feel?" Jared asked barely above a whisper, his eyes flicking up to look at Jensen before dropping them back down to watch his hand against Jensen's skin.

"I don't really feel anything yet," Jensen's forehead crinkled as he thought. "I mean other, than what you are now. Sometimes I think a feel this flutter inside.." he broke off, trying to find a way to describe it.

Jared just waited, watching him quietly, his hand stilling for a moment.

"I can't feel it on the outside." Jensen explained, "but it's like little butterfly wings flitting around in there," he finished, glancing down at his stomach.

Jared thought about it for a few seconds before he nodded his understanding. There was a tap on the door before it opened and Dr. Agnit walked in.

"So how's my favorite patient?" The doctor asked grinning as he shook both their hands.

Jensen rolled his eyes, "You ask everyone that, I've heard you."

"Doesn't make it any less true." Dr. Agnit smiled even wider. "So I hear your blood pressure is a little elevated, but you're not feeling dizzy. Is that right?"

"No, I've felt pretty good, except the nausea and being tired." Jensen confirmed.

"Okay, well, let's do the physical exam, and we'll talk about it some more in my office." The doctor patted his leg, standing and grabbing his stethoscope so he could listen to Jensen's heart. When he finished, the doctor declared that his patient was alive and his ticker was ticking away. He pulled out the measuring tape to check the baby's growth. Happy with all the information he gathered, he jotted some notes down. Dr. Agnit reached back and pulled the gel out, grinning at Jensen's groan.

"Oh, come on, it warms up quick," the doctor said cheerfully.

"Not fast enough," Jensen muttered shivering.

The doctor had to chase the baby around this time as it seemed to be avoiding the intrusion into its space, but Dr. Agnit was happy with the rate and strong sound he heard once he pinned the baby down long enough to get a good listen.

"I really wanted to do your first sonogram today, but our technician had to leave early, one of her children was sick. I don't want to wait until your next visit either, so I think what we'll do is have you come back next week. I want to do another blood pressure anyway. We can't afford to have that as a problem, especially this early on," Dr. Agnit explained helping Jensen sit back up.

"Jensen, go ahead and get dressed and meet me next door," the doctor told him, handing him a towel to clean up with before grabbing his charts and shutting the door.

"Okay," Jensen agreed, trying to wipe the gel off his stomach. He scowled at Jared's grin and flicked a glob his way.

"Ew... gross!" Jared complained, whipping it off his arm.

"Exactly," Jensen huffed as he finished cleaning himself off.

Jared caught a flash of Jensen's back as he put his shirt on, but it was so quick he only caught a vague glimpse of thin lines wrapping around a hip.

Jensen turned back around to find Jared frowning, "What's wrong?" He asked, working on the buttons to his shirt.

"Nothing," Jared assured, his frown clearing. "Just thinking about what I need to rework so I can come with you next week," Jared hedged. It wasn't a complete lie. He had been trying to remember what was going on next week, but it wasn't a complete truth either. Maybe when they talked later today he'd ask about the scars, Jared decided.

"Jared, you don't have to come to every appointment. I know how busy you are."

"I'm never going to be too busy not to come to your appointments," Jared contested. "I may miss one or two if I'm out of town, but if I'm in the same state then I'm going to be here. Besides, next week we get to see the baby for the first time."

"I know, I didn't mean then. I know you want to be there to see her for the first time, I just didn't want you to feel like you had to be at everyone."

"Her?" Jared asked.

"Well, I get tired of saying the baby this and the baby that, and you take offense to the word 'it'," Jensen answered, grinning at Jared's scowl. "I just decided it's a her for now."

"So you're going to give the baby a complex before it's even born if it's a boy?" Jared asked, playing along.

"Oh please," Jensen said, rolling his eyes.

"That's fine. I'll just call him a he, that way it'll be fair," Jared proclaimed.

Jensen just shook his head, smiling at Jared's silliness. "If it makes you feel better, go right ahead."

They met the doctor next door in his office. After they settled in large leather chairs, they waited patiently for Dr. Agnit to finish his notes.

"So tell me Jensen, what has you so stressed it's affecting your blood pressure? Your show is over, correct?" The doctor asked, peering at them over his glasses.

Jensen felt like he was back in the principal's office when he'd let all the frogs go in science class.

"Yes, the showing was a couple of weeks ago," Jensen acknowledged.

"All right." The doctor made a note. "Could it be the teaching? I know you were supposed to be starting that soon," he asked, searching his notes for a specific date.

"No, that won't be for another couple of weeks or so. The grand opening is scheduled for the beginning of March, and then it'll be whenever they have someone sign up for one," Jensen explained.

"So if it's not the showing or the opening and all your other tests look fine, what else is going on?" He asked, pinning them with a direct stare, and frowned.

"There was an incident at my office, and it may have involved Jensen's ex-husband. The police are still investigating," Jared answered wanting to take some of the pressure off Jensen.

"I see," the doctor mused, "and am I to assume this ex is not the most gracious of fellows?"

"I wouldn't use any pleasant terminology for Joshua," Jensen answered tiredly.

Jared reached over and took Jensen's hand squeezing it softly before resting them on Jensen's thigh.

"Well, there's not much medically we can do for ignorant people, since they frown on lobotomies nowadays. The only thing I can recommend is keeping it off your mind as much as possible and trying to stay as calm as you can. We will, of course be keeping a close check on your vitals, and if they don't improve there's a possibility you'll be put on bed rest."

Jensen paled at the thought of six months of bed rest. He'd do it if that's what it took to deliver their baby safe and healthy, but he was afraid they'd have to commit him before then. He didn't do well with boredom.

The doctor noticed Jensen's parlor. "That's the worst-case scenario. We'll try everything else first, but you have to do your part as well."

"I will, and if you tell me bed rest, I'll do it, but I don't know how to stay still to be honest with you," Jensen confessed.

Jared smiled at Jensen's confession. He'd noticed his husband's propensity to fuss over things. Even when he painted and his whole body was focused on that one task, he would hum. Thinking back, though, he realized Jensen had always been that way. He remembered both Jeff and Jensen doing their homework at the kitchen table. Jeff would be still and silent, the only thing moving the pencil he was writing with, but Jensen would be swinging his foot or humming under his breath. Jared wondered why it hadn't irritated his brother , but now he realized it had never bothered Jeff.

Jared wouldn't have been surprised if his brother hadn't been halfway in love with Jensen the moment he'd walked into their home. Jeff just accepted that whatever Jensen did it was just how he was. Jared noted that not only did it not bother him either, but he actually enjoyed the little quirks that made up his husband.

They finished up at the doctors and stopped for lunch. Jensen knew he was being quiet, but he couldn't help dreading the upcoming conversation, even if he had been the one to initiate it. Jared seemed to understand, filling the space with easy chatter and questions about the center's upcoming opening. When they pulled into the garage, Jared put his hand out to stop Jensen's exit from the vehicle.

"Jensen, whatever you want to talk about isn't going to change anything."

"You don't know that," Jensen contested quietly.

"Yes, I do. I've known you since we were kids, and I know you've changed since then, so have I, but you're still Jensen."

"Sometimes I wish I hadn't been," Jensen whispered, smiling sadly as he got out of the truck.

Jared sent Jensen to the living room, promising to bring some tea as soon as he talked with Chad. Chad growled at the schedule changes he was going to have to make but promised he'd take care of it.

Jared took a deep breath and grabbed the glasses of tea, heading to the living room. He stopped in the doorway, the sight of Jensen huddled in the corner of the couch again breaking his heart.

Jensen wasn't small by any stretch of the imagination, but the way he was curled in on himself made him seem impossibly fragile.

"Hey, here's your tea," Jared said softly.

"Thanks," Jensen startled a little before taking the offered glass and taking a sip before he set it on the table.

Jared noticed the slight tremor in Jensen's hand as he set the glass down. He'd been trying to decide if sitting in the chair across from Jensen was a better choice than beside him. His husband’s distress had him sitting at the other end of the couch so he could reach out and touch, hoping it would be accepted if the need arose.

"I know you'll have questions, and I'll answer them, but let me try and get through as much of this in one go as I can," Jensen requested, his voice pleading.

"I'll try my best," Jared promised, it was as much as he could do, having a feeling it was going to be nearly impossible not to interrupt at some point.

Jensen nodded his head, and took a deep breath, clearing his throat. "I told you things didn't end well with Joshua, but it was a lot more than that. When we first started dating, Joshua was so attentive and I didn't realize it at first, but it wasn't about him trying to make me happy. Looking back, I can see now that things had started changing even before we got married." Jensen paused and took another sip of his tea.

"He always wanted to be with me, wanted to go where ever I was going. If I mentioned a friend coming with us to an opening or to lunch, he would tell me he just wanted to spend time together just us. I didn't see it, but he was slowly cutting me off from everybody but him. I still called my mom, and still wrote Jeff, but calls were too hard because I never knew when Jeff had just pulled a double shift, and I didn't want to wake him, so I always wrote instead. Joshua never actually said anything about the letters, but every time he saw one going out in the mail he wasn't pleased. At some point, I stopped writing as often," Jensen sighed, ashamed of himself. He shifted to a more comfortable position, and adjusted the pillow at the small of his back.

"How did you know he wasn't pleased?" Jared asked, even as he tried to keep the question in.

"Nothing really overt to start with. He would get moody and make the occasional comment about me leaving him for Jeff. He'd always try to pass if off as a joke, but I knew that's not how he meant it. I'd promise him it wasn't like that, that Jeff was my best friend, more like a brother, so he didn't have to worry about me leaving him. It worked most of the time. When it didn't, I'd use a distraction."

Jared could tell by the blush running across Jensen's cheekbones what kind of distraction he'd probably used, but stayed quiet.

"Things didn't get any better after we were married. I'd thought up until then he'd relax some since it proved I was really with him, but it didn't." Jensen kept his eyes down as he let out a shaky breath.

"The first time he hit me was on our wedding night. We were in the honeymoon suite at a resort, and he was downstairs in a private poker game. He'd been drinking and was losing. Everyone was smoking and it was killing my contacts. I was tired and just wanted to go to our room, so we could spend our honeymoon night together. I wasn't loud or anything, just whispered it in his ear a couple of times. I thought he was ready to go up when he excused himself, but when we got up to the room, he grabbed my arm and backhanded me. He told me to never interrupt him, and that unless he spoke to me, I should keep my fucking mouth shut. Then he went back downstairs." Jensen paused to collect himself.

"Two hours later when he came up with champagne I had my bags packed, ordered my plane ticket and was waiting for the airport shuttle. He seemed shocked that I was leaving, but he cried and apologized, begged me not to go. He promised me it would never happen again, and that's where I made my biggest mistake, I believed him," Jensen paused, taking another sip of tea. "I stayed, but I promised myself if he ever hit me again I'd be out of there."

"Did it get better?" Jared asked when Jensen seemed to get lost in his own head.

"Yes and no," Jensen sighed. "He didn't hit me again for another four months, but I always knew when I hadn't pleased him. He'd stay gone at night, or he'd not speak to me for days. I just tried harder to get it right, be what he wanted or needed. Then Joshua had to attend a party. He was working a deal, and the people he needed to contact were going to be there. I thought everything had gone well, but on the ride home I could tell he was mad. I could see the muscle ticking in his jaw, and he wouldn't talk to me at all. I already had a headache from the smoke, so I headed upstairs to shower and change.

Joshua came in behind me, and when he shut the door, he locked it. He never slammed it when he was getting ready to 'set me straight' as he put it. There was always this soft click of the door meeting the plate and then the click of the lock," Jensen said softly, the tremor unmistakable in his voice.

"I had already taken my suit coat off and was halfway out of my shirt when he started asking me what I thought I'd been doing. I didn't know what he was talking about, and that just seemed to make him angrier. He started yelling about me whoring myself and how he'd seen me with the hosts' son. I tried to tell him we were just talking, but he refused to listen. He punched me in the jaw, and told me he saw how the guy was looking at me, that I had dressed provocatively." Jensen stopped abruptly, swallowing thickly, looking up at Jared.

"I didn't, honest. I was wearing a tailored suit. it fit me but it wasn't tight, I swear." Jensen's voice was hoarse as he pleaded with Jared to believe him.

Jared reached out and pulled Jensen into his side, "Shh.. I know you wouldn't do something like that. It's not your fault… you did nothing wrong." Jared reassured him, running his hand through his husband's hair.

"Do you want to take a break?" Jared asked, worried about Jensen's blood pressure.

"No, I want to get it over with. I don't want there to be any more secrets," Jensen answered, taking a shuddering breath.

"All right, but I want you to try and not get upset. I promise you nothing you can say is going to change the way I feel about you. As for Joshua, you're mine now, and I won’t let him hurt you again," Jared promised, refusing to believe he couldn't.

Jensen nodded his head a little and continued. "Each time it was a little worse. He broke my wrist once, and my arm another time. He always begged me to forgive him, until the time I went to Jeff's graduation. He didn't want me to go, but I had promised Jeff I would be there, and I didn't want to miss it. He'd worked so hard to finish so soon."

"Joshua was waiting when I got to home. I knew it was going to be bad when he didn't even wait to lock the door. The whole time he beat me, he told me how useless I was, how I never did anything right, that I was always flirting. He said he knew I'd slept with Jeff while I was gone." Jensen looked up at Jared, wanting to make sure he understood. "I hadn't, even though me and Jeff started dating after, I never cheated, never even thought about it, and Jeff would never mess with anyone that was taken."

"Is that why Jeff was upset that night?" Jared asked massaging the back of Jensen's neck, trying to relieve some of the tension that was coiled there.

"He saw some of the bruises from the beating a few days prior. I wouldn't take my suit coat off, but I had to push the sleeves up when I was washing my hands. Jeff saw the ones Joshua had left on my wrist and I had two fingers splinted. I'd lied and told Jeff I'd caught them in a door, but when he saw the bruises, he knew," Jensen explained sadly. "I didn't want to ruin his day, but I couldn't even get that right."

"Jeff didn't want me to go back, but I had to. All my stuff was there, and I just couldn't give up on my marriage even though it was like living in hell. I kept trying to be better. I thought I could do it. Joshua would tell me that I only needed to fix something, and it seemed such an easy thing to correct but then he would find something else. I know that has to be the stupidest reasons you've ever heard, but I couldn't fail at my marriage. My parents hadn't and I grew up watching yours, and I wanted to have what they had, but no matter how hard I worked at it....." Jensen trailed off, not sure how to explain.

"My parents still fought Jensen, you probably didn't see it and, really, me and Jeff never saw much of it either, but they had they're verbal sparring matches. They weren't perfect and I bet if you'd have asked your Mom, no matter how much she loved your dad, they probably had disagreements too." Jared tried to make sure Jensen knew that no couple was perfect.

"I guess, but when I was younger, it looked as perfect as anything could be. Did you know they'd dance on Sunday nights? I caught them one night when I couldn't sleep," Jensen smiled to himself, remembering. "I'd gone to the kitchen to get some water, and I heard music coming from the living room. It wasn't loud or anything, but when I peeked around the door, they were doing this slow dance, and I remember thinking how sweet it was that even after that many years they still loved each other so much."

Jared smiled, he'd caught them a time or two himself, but they were his parents, so it just made him roll his eyes and avoid the living room. Kids just didn't want to contemplate their parents like that, especially when you were old enough to know where it might lead.

"I think knowing I couldn't have that hurt worse than the physical abuse," Jensen murmured softly.

"How did you get out?" Jared asked, trying hard not to growl.

He wanted to inflict every single break, bruise and hurt Joshua had ever heaped on Jensen, but he knew the man beside him needed him to be there for him not just physically but emotionally too.

"The only time I'd ever left without Joshua was for Jeff's graduation, and I was in the bed for a week after he finished showing me how displeased he was. When mom got sick I'd come home as often as I could, we'd moved back to the states by then, and I used the money from my paintings to fly in so he wouldn't know I had left the house. The day Jeff called me to tell me she had died, I wanted to do the same.

I never told Joshua about my mom's illness, or that she had died. I made all the arrangements from home and as soon as Joshua left on another one of his trips and then I was on the next plane out. I thought I could make it home before he got back, but he came in a day early, and I wasn't back yet. When I got home, he decided his fists weren't good enough. I'm not sure how long I was in the bed that time."

Jared wanted to ask what that meant exactly, but he held off. He had a feeling he'd find out pretty soon and Jensen didn't disappoint.

"A couple of months later Joshua had a function here, something having to do with one of his parents' charities, and they wanted him to be there. Things were pretty good the first night we were here. Joshua seemed happy, at least as much as he ever was when it had to do with his parents. However, they got in the next day and things went to hell from there. We attended the dinner that night. There were place cards so we didn't have a choice of seating. Joshua was on my right but there was an older gentleman on my left." Jensen paused taking a deep breath.

"I can't even tell you what he looked like. We made small talk in between dishes, but nothing of importance since I always tried very hard not to pay attention to anyone but Joshua. I didn't realize anything was wrong because Joshua didn't seem unhappy or tense. He always got the pent house suite no matter where we went. He said he didn't want to be right on top of someone else, but I'm sure it was his desire not to be heard when he was angry at me."

Jared felt Jensen lean a little more heavily into him, and he couldn't stop himself from placing a kiss to the top of his head. He knew the next part of Jensen's revelations were going to be even more trying than the previous and he needed the contact just about as much as he felt his husband did.

"We weren't flying out until the next day, but his parents were leaving that night. Every time he had to do something to please his parents, he found a way to blame me for what he perceived as their disappointment in him. When we got back, he wanted me to get undressed. I thought he wanted what he always did when he needed to release the tension from being around his parents." Jensen shivered and cleared his throat.

"What was it he always wanted?" Jared asked, even though he could give an educated guess.

"Typically? Me on my knees," Jensen answered hoarsely.

Jared wasn't surprised, but it didn't help the growing rage he felt sweeping through his body at the confirmation that Joshua had used sex as a weapon as well. "But that's not what he wanted this time?"

"Well, that's not all he wanted," Jensen stopped, gathering his will to push forward and finish this even though he was awash in humiliation and self disgust. "He had a thing about looking down at me when I was on my knees for him after he had smacked me around some. He started ranting about how I'd let anybody fuck me and how much of a slut I was. When he started taking off his belt, I tried to dodge him but my knees were killing me and my legs were numb, so I didn't move fast enough. He shoved me backwards and I hit my head on one of the tables that was in the room. I might have blacked out because he was standing over me with the belt and I couldn't remember him getting there. I thought that was it, I was going to die. He didn't stop, just kept hitting and kicking me until I passed out." Jensen shuddered at the remembered feeling of helplessness.

"But you didn't die, you survived. You're here and you're safe." Jared pulled Jensen even closer, the cold trickle of what would never have been if Jensen hadn't made it making him break out in an icy sweat.

"I wouldn't be here if the maid hadn't found me early the next morning. Joshua had forgotten to put the do not disturb sign on the door. She called the ambulance and the police came when the hotel called thinking it was a robbery gone bad. I don't remember any of it. They said I was in and out during the ride, but I never said anything." Jensen took a moment to finish his tea.

Jared could tell Jensen needed a moment to collect himself, and he could use one too, so he took both their cups to the kitchen to refill them while Jensen took the opportunity to go to the bathroom. Jared held onto the edge of the sink grinding his teeth, trying to reign in the need to punch something and rage at the pain Jensen had endured. He took deep breaths in through his nose, letting them out slowly between clenched teeth. He heard Jensen shut a door and knew he needed to move. He took one more deep breath, letting it whoosh out of his lungs, and grabbed the glasses.

Jensen was already curled up on the sofa, head resting on the back, eyes closed. Jared took a moment to assess how well Jensen was standing up to the strain of reliving such a dark period in his life. He could still see the tension stiffening his body, but his face was relaxed and his hands were resting over the small rise of their child. When he brought his eyes back up to Jensen's face he was met by clear green eyes.

"You sure you don't want to save the rest for later? You look wiped out," Jared observed gently.

"No, I want to get it all out. I am tired though, maybe a nap after we're done," Jensen conceded.

"All right." Jared settled next to his husband, waiting patiently for him to start.

"They said it was touch and go for the first seventy two hours. I had fractured ribs, a broken arm and leg, ruptured spleen, head trauma, internal bleeding and an assortment of contusions and lacerations that weren't serious enough to count until they knew I was going to survive. When they moved me to the stretcher, one of my ribs punctured my lungs. They told me later they lost me on the table twice, so I guess he actually did kill me," Jensen stated in monotone, as if he were reading an especially horrific but boring menu.

Jared kept silent and still, afraid if he moved the bile currently obstructing his esophagus would escape.

"I remember feeling like I was drifting in and out. Each time I tried to stay awake I was pulled back under, but there was always this calm peaceful feeling when I surfaced. I found out when I finally woke up for more than ten seconds that there had been someone with me the whole time."

"Please for the love of God tell me it wasn't Joshua!" Jared spat out, the venom with which he said the name shocking even himself.

Jensen just stared at him a few seconds, startled into silence. "No the police had reviewed the cameras that were in the hallway, and the only person besides the maid entering or exiting our room was Josh and me. They refused to let him visit until I gave them a statement. They apparently weren't impressed with who he was or the threats he made to sue them. It didn't help any that every time his voice could be heard into the room, my heart rate would go up and my blood pressure would shoot through the roof. Jeff told me they banned him from the hospital when he almost put me into cardiac arrest just from slinging a fit in the corridor."

"Speaking of Jeff, how did he find out you were in the hospital?" Jared asked curious as to how his brother had handled the situation, since he knew he himself wouldn't have handled it well had he known. He may not have been in love with Jensen at the time, but they had grown up in the same house and got along.

"He had been on call the day they brought me in. He was supposed to have been my attending. The EMT read off my name and vitals and the staff realized Jeff knew me and pulled in another doctor. He told me if they hadn't gone through my information, he'd have never known it was me. I wasn't very recognizable."

"Did Jeff know what had happened?" Jared asked, taking Jensen's glass of tea and setting it back on the table so he wouldn't have to uncurl.

"Not right away. If there hadn't been so much damage he may have. One of the nurses told me later that he never left my side until they pushed me through to the operating room. Jeff said he thought it was a car wreck to begin with, but found out later I'd been attacked. He had a feeling it was Joshua but wasn't sure until I woke up and gave the police my statement. I'd never seen him mad like that Jared. He scared me he was so mad." Jensen spoke the last sentence so quietly it was almost a whisper.

"Jensen, you had to know he wasn't mad at you right? That he'd never hurt you," Jared asked concerned.

"I knew. I was scared because I didn't want him to get into trouble over me, not to mention I was terrified Joshua would do something to him. Joshua had promised me if I ever left him, he'd kill the people I loved first and make me watch before he took care of me." Jensen trembled at the memory of one of his beatings, the belt hitting over and over as Joshua told him he was useless. How he was the only one who could ever love him.

Continued Here