J2 - An Unexpected Love - Chapter 9B/16 - Mpreg
Title : An Unexpected Love 9B/16
Rating : R
Word Count : 16,148/96,643
Disclaimer : Really if they belonged to me do you think I'd have time to be posting.
Warnings : Talk of past abuse, Mpreg
Author : angels3 aka Angela
Beta : munibunny
Art and Soundtrack : ldyghst
Additional Art : wincest_drarry
Characters : Jensen/Jared, Steve/Chris, there may be more pairings along the way I'm not sure at the moment.Mike, Tom, Chad, Sandy, Sophia and Joshua Jackson will all be in this fic. There may be others as I find myself needing more characters.
Summary : Grief stricken over the death of his brother, cynical movie maverick Jared Padalecki did the unthinkable - he sought comfort in the arms of his brother's fiancee. The morning after, they both realized their mistake and left for their separate lives. Only Jared can't forget Jensen's soft lips and beautiful eyes. Even as Jared was beginning to think he had to see him again, Jensen came to him.
Jensen was pregnant with his child. His - not his brother's. Jared knew he wanted Jensen more than he'd ever wanted any other woman or man.
First he had to marry him.
Then he had to make Jensen love him.
Author Notes : I am basing this story off a book I read fourteen years ago. I do actually have the book but I will not be using it to write this story. I will be going from my memory of what happened in it, there will be some things that run the way the book did and lots that will not as this is a J2 and mpreg on top of that. The only thing that will be word for word, and then not really, will be the summary since I couldn't do it justice any other way.
Based on the book Scandals by JoAnn Ross
Harlequin Temptation Sept.1994 #506
Chapters 1 2 3 4A 4B 5A 5B 5C 6A 6B 7A 7B 8A 8B 9A 9B 10 11A 11B 12A 12B 13A 13B 14 15A 15B 16
Art and Soundtrack
Additonal Art
The police arrested Joshua but with his parents money and connections he made bail the same day. Jeff made sure no one was allowed to visit me unless they were approved by him. He arranged to have me moved across from the nurses' station and once he cleared it, he took his vacation to stay with me."
"Is that how you met Chris and Steve?" Jared asked. He'd been wondering for a while, and had even asked Steve, but the other man had given him a sad smile and told him it wasn't his story to tell. Looking over at Jensen when he'd said it made it clear whose it was.
"Yeah, the hospital has a lot of staff that volunteers at the shelter they worked at. When they had an abuse case, they'd call them and someone would come down, try to talk to the person out of going back, give them options and whatever they could do to help."
"Did Jeff call them?"
"Actually, no. He freaked out a little when he walked in and saw two guys there until he realized who it was. One of the nurses that had been on vacation when I was brought in and hadn't seen it notated that someone had called so she did, not realizing that Jeff knew me."
"So how did they never meet Joshua?" Jared wondered how not only he but his parents had never known Jensen had been hurt like he had.
"Everything was handled through lawyers. He got ten years supervised probation, a conviction for domestic abuse went on his permanent record as well as assault with intent to inflict serious bodily injury and a few other charges. He was to never contact me and never come anywhere near me."
"Why the hell didn't he get jail time?" Jared growled.
"The D.A. didn't think he would get a conviction. Joshua wasn't going to confess and there were no witnesses to any of his attacks. The staff saw the aftermath, but they couldn't afford to lose their jobs. Plus, I think they were just as scared of him as I was."
"Somehow, I can't work up any sympathy for the staff," Jared responded. He was going to have to visit the dentist for caps where he'd ground his teeth so much, not to mention TMJ he was developing. Jared unclenched his jaw, working it to loosen some of the tension.
Jensen gave him a small smile before continuing, "Mr. Collins didn't think he could get a conviction, but he was willing to try. Anyway, I asked him if there anything else we could do that would get me free of him. Mr. Collins decided to let Joshua's lawyer know we were going ahead with a trial, and that he was calling a press conference for the next day. The governor had just finished running his campaign with domestic violence as one of his platforms."
"Scare tactic," Jared mumbled to himself.
"Yes and no, since he was willing to take it to court. His lawyer called, and asked what we wanted to keep it out of the media. Joshua's parents didn't want their name," Jensen snarked using air quotes, "to be blemished. I found out early on they got him out of any trouble he got in. Anyway, the D.A. set up the terms, but Joshua's lawyer wanted the record sealed. Mr. Collins refused and told them they could take it or leave it. He told them he'd drag the trial out as long as he could and make sure there was plenty of television coverage if they didn't take the plea agreement."
"So you literally had no contact in which they would have met Joshua," Jared stated. He understood it was probably better to have protected Jensen with the plea deal than to risk a not guilty in court and have nothing to show for it. The hard cold facts of it didn't make him any happier, but he could see why they had taken that route. It explained why Chris and Steve never had the pleasure of meeting the bastard and didn't realize he was at the showing that night.
"I thought Chris was going to kill Jeff when he walked into the room. If Steve hadn't grabbed his arm so Jeff could explain who he was I don't think it would have been pretty," Jensen said, bringing Jared back from his thoughts.
"I don't think Jeff would have been in any danger," Jared snorted at the thought of his brother's 6 foot 6 inch frame not being able to ward off Chris’ ire.
"Don't bet on it. It's taken some time but...." Jensen paused trying to decide if he should share anything from his friend’s past. It wasn't really a secret. They just never really talked about it, unless they were trying to get through to a victim.
"But what?" Jared asked.
"Steve grew up in an abusive house, and when he started dating the cycle just kept repeating. Chris was working at a shelter, doing a sentence for community service. I'll tell you later," Jensen promised at Jared's face showed his surprise and curiosity. "Anyway, Steve showed up there after I don't even know how many bad relationships. Chris said it took him a week to get Steve to look anywhere near the vicinity of his chest and not the floor. Not his eyes or his face, but his chest, and it took a couple more to even get a word out of him."
"So they've been together for awhile then?"
"Yeah, almost twelve years," Jensen smiled. "Chris saw a lot in that shelter, changed his whole life, but Steve made it personal. People being abused puts him in a fighting frame of mind, and even if he's not as big, but his drive to right the wrong can motivate a really big fight."
"Hmm," Jared mused, thinking about the narrowed blue eyes leveled at him the first time they had met. "I can see where he could be dangerous," he acknowledged.
"Exactly," Jensen smiled again. "Anyway, between Jeff and the guys, I made it through the recovery and dealing with all things Joshua, even if Misha was the go between."
"Misha?" Jared questioned, trying to remember if he'd missed the name while he'd been fuming at different points in Jensen's story.
"Sorry, that was the D.A.'s name. I just got tired of being all formal. Jeff and I spent almost more time talking to him than we did with anybody else for several months. He told us that calling him by his job title was ridiculous and that Mr. Collins was his granddaddy.
"Oh, well, that's understandable. Do you still talk to him?" Jared couldn't remember Jensen mentioning him in the months they'd been together.
"No, not often. He checks in every few months, but he's been out of town for the last several. Some big case somewhere that he couldn't talk about the last time we spoke."
"Does he know about Jeff?" Jared asked.
"Yeah, he called right after it hit the news. You'll get to meet him sooner or later," Jensen promised.
Jared nodded, leaning back and stretching his legs out in front of him. "So when did things change with you and Jeff?" Jared's curiosity had been gnawing at him for a while now. He not only wanted to know about that time in Jensen's life but also a period he knew nothing about in his brother’s.
"I'm not sure exactly," Jensen's face scrunched up as he thought about it. "It just sort of happened," he shrugged.
"There wasn't any one moment, it was more gradual, I think. You know we'd always been close, I guess it was just the next step. It felt right," Jensen answered softly.
"How did Jeff keep something so big from our parents? He was always a horrible liar," Jared stated.
"I asked him not to tell them what had really happened. I was ashamed and embarrassed at how stupid I was. I didn't want them to think badly of me," Jensen answered sheepishly.
"Jensen, you know my parents would never think any such thing," Jared scolded gently.
Jensen shrugged, "I didn't think too much of myself, so I just felt everyone would do the same."
"Did you think Jeff did?"
Jensen laughed softly, "No, Jeff didn't know how to think that about anyone he knew. He always saw the best in everyone he let into his life."
Jared smiled, "Yeah, he did. He was the constant optimist to every situation. So why did you decide to tell me now?"
He couldn't figure out what was different today than yesterday or even last week, for that matter.
Jensen sighed, "I wanted you to know how dangerous he is. Joshua's not someone you take lightly and you should know what we're up against. I thought, maybe, if I shared the worry then it would be easier since it's not good for the baby and the visit today kind of supports that doesn't it?" Jensen finished grimly.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you had good people there for you to lean on. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me something so difficult," Jared said, making sure he kept eye contact.
"It was never about trust Jared," Jensen said shocked. "I had hoped never to have to tell that story to someone I care about again. It's just so humiliating, I still can't believe how stupid I was in the fist place," Jensen mumbled, looking down so he wouldn't see the disgust that was sure to be present on Jared's face. Even now he had a hard time believing that person had been him.
"You weren't stupid! You loved and trusted him," Jared growled, tipping Jensen's chin up so he could look him in the eye again. "He betrayed that trust. The only thing you're guilty of is trying to make an impossible situation bearable.
"You think so?" Jensen asked brokenly.
"You know I wouldn't say it unless I believed it," Jared answered honestly. "Did you talk to a therapist at the hospital?"
"Yes, and after, I know all the logical arguments, the dependency and the battered spouse syndrome. However, knowing it and assigning it to yourself is a lot harder. Even when you do, it's sometimes difficult to remember it," Jensen acknowledged.
Jared sat back, thinking about everything Jensen had told him. "So that's where the scars on your back come from?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
"Yes, Joshua had a fondness for using the belt. I kept waiting for you to ask me about them, but you never did."
Jared was a little taken back by the comment. "Really?"
"Well, yeah, you've seen them. I just figured your curiosity would finally get the better of you," Jensen told him, smiling so Jared knew he didn't think it would have made him rude if he had.
"Honestly, I didn't realize I'd seen them until this morning when I saw you getting dressed," Jared confessed. "I was really wasted that night, but I kept feeling like I was forgetting something important. Then when I saw them this morning, I got a foggy recollection of touching"
"Tequila was not a good thing to drink after Jack," Jensen agreed.
Jared smiled. "I'm not sure what hated me the most that morning my head, stomach or esophagus."
"My head definitely," Jensen volunteered. "Of course, then my conscience sort of overrode everything, so I kind of welcomed the physical ailments as my punishment."
"I think that's half the heaving I did that morning," Jared agreed.
Jensen nodded in understanding. "I'm not sorry we're having this baby," he added, feeling that he needed to say it again just so there was no confusion.
"Took me a few days after that night to get over the self disgust, but I realized why we did what we did so that helped me reconcile it. I know and I'm not sorry either Jensen. I never really thought about having a family, but from the minute you told me you were pregnant it's invaded every second. Now, I can't think of anything but having a family with you.
Jensen blushed. There was a big difference in Jared wanting a family and wanting one specifically with him. Before he could come up with a response, he was sabotaged by a huge yawn.
"How about you go take a nap, and I'll take you over to the center when you get up. I know you wanted to go help them today for a little while," Jared suggested.
"I can go by myself if you have things to do," Jensen said as he unfolded his legs from their tucked position and slid to the edge of the couch.
"I actually promised Steve that I'd help him with some heavy lifting the next time we visited. I can get some paperwork done while you're resting.
"Okay, but don't let me sleep more than a couple of hours. I get a headache if I sleep too long," Jensen agreed as he hid another yawn.
Jared stood and helped Jensen to his feet, smiling as his husband shuffled his way upstairs and to his room. After he changed and grabbed a snack, Jared looked in on Jensen, who was sound asleep. He shut the door and as soon as he was seated called Chad while he waited for his computer to load.
"Hey boss, how'd the visit go?" Chad asked.
"Jensen's blood pressure is a little high, and we have to go back next week, so I'm going to have to juggle things around a little."
"Okay, what day is it on?"
Jared told him the day and time. Chad was positive he could rearrange everything without too much of a problem and told him he thought the revision would work out better anyway since one of the studio executives had needed his appointment changed anyway.
"Chad, I need you to do me a favor?"
"Is this business or something else?" Chad asked.
Jared could tell he was leaning back in his chair from the tortured squeaks he could hear across the phone line. "Something else."
"Hit me with it," Chad said. He could count on one hand how many times he'd heard Jared sound the way he currently did, and none of them had been good.
"I need you to make contact with Eric. I want and in depth background on Joshua Carter Jackson, and I need it as soon as possible," Jared told him.
"Is it just background or do you want the financials too?" Chad asked, typing the name into a search engine.
"I want to know what kind of toothpaste is hanging in his toothbrush holder," Jared pushed past his clenched teeth. He was met with complete silence. Even the keyboard clicking had ceased. Jared knew Chad was processing the information that he'd just been given, including the way it had been delivered.
Chad cleared his throat and resumed typing before he asked his next question. "Do you have a picture or a description?"
"There may be a picture of him at Jensen's showing, but I doubt he was stupid enough to be caught on film, with what it would cost him if he did. He has light brown hair, stands about 6 foot 1 or 2."
"Is this the ex?" Chad asked.
"Yes," Jared growled, not sure he could say anything else without losing control of his temper.
"I'm assuming Jensen talked to you?"
"Yeah, we just finished. He's up taking a nap."
"Wasn't good, I'm guessing?"
"Worse than I even imagined."
"Shit!" Chad breathed.
"You've no idea." Jared heaved a sigh and flopped back in his seat.
"I'm here if you need to talk, you know that man," Chad said, worry underlying his offer.
"I know. It's just not something I can think too deep on right now, or I'm going to be in jail. Just make sure Eric knows how important it is."
"Not a problem, I have a basic write up, and I'll give him a call as soon as we hang up," Chad promised. "What are you going to be doing the rest of the day?"
"I'm going to catch up on some paperwork while Jensen's resting, and then we're going to go over to the center to help them get ready for their grand opening."
"That's in a couple of weeks, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's the third of March. Why?" Jared asked, hearing something in Chad's voice.
"I thought I might come to the opening if that's okay. I mean if it's not an invitation only sort of thing, and you don't mind me taking the day off," Chad said uncertainly.
"You know I don't mind, and it's not an invitation type event. I'm sure they'd be glad to have you." Jared reassured. "Is there any particular reason you wanted to go?"
"I'm curious mostly. I've heard you and Jensen talk about it so much, and I really liked Jensen's friends when I met them at the showing. I wanted to see the place for myself and maybe see if there's anything I could do to help."
They talked for a couple of minutes more and then said their goodbyes. Jared spent the rest of the Jensen's nap catching up on paperwork and finalizing the details of the upcoming shoot in Argentina. He wasn't happy about being that far away from Jensen, but it was an unavoidable part of this movie, so they had made sure to set the time away as early as possible. There was no way in hell he was going to be halfway across the world when Jensen was eight months along. He wasn't thrilled about it at four and a half months either, especially with the whole Joshua business.
At least it was only for two weeks. He'd been on some that'd lasted two months and there was no way he'd be able to tolerate being gone that long. Jensen could have gone with him, but doctors didn't want high risk patients on air planes and Jared didn't want his husband that far away from his doctor either.
Jared sighed, pushing his papers into a pile and throwing down his pen. He couldn't even concentrate on what he was doing just thinking about the trip. He glanced at his watch, noting that two hours were almost up. Jared couldn't have been happier. Since he obviously wasn't going to get anything else done, he'd wake Jensen up so they could get on the road.
He frowned as he approached Jensen's room. The door to the nursery was open, and he knew they'd been keeping it closed. Jared stuck his head around the door, searching for the reason it was open and found Jensen sitting on the floor. His back was against the wall, and he had his eyes closed. Jared wasn't sure if he'd wandered in and fell asleep or something else was going on. He didn't want to startle his husband but sitting on the hard floor couldn't be good for him.
"Jensen," Jared called softly.
Jensen's eyes opened slowly and he tilted his head up to look at Jared, smiling.
"Are you okay?" Jared asked when Jensen said nothing, stepping completely into the room.
"Yeah, I'm good."
"What are you doing?" Jared asked as he slid down the wall to sit next to his husband.
"Getting a feel for the room," Jensen answered quietly.
Jared just waited for Jensen to decide to explain.
Jensen let his head loll to side and looked at Jared. "I want to start the mural after the opening, and I'm trying to get a sense of the space."
"Okay," Jared agreed, not really sure what that meant.
"Don't you need to know what you're going to paint first?" Jared asked.
"Yes and no," Jensen answered ambiguously. "I have to know what I'm painting so I'm sure it will fit in the space, but I have to have a good idea of what the space I'm working with is."
"Sounds like the paradox, what came first the chicken or the egg," Jared uttered, still a little baffled.
Jensen smiled. "It's like when you have to set up a shot, isn't it? Didn't you say you had to plot the angles and such to get the shot right, but you needed to know what was in the shot to do it?"
"Well, yeah," Jared answered slowly.
"I thought you'd never done a mural before?"
"I haven't but it's the same concept I use for canvases. I have to know what scale I'm painting on, if it's an 8x10 or a huge 32x40. It changes the size and amount of detail I can paint," Jensen explained.
"That makes sense," Jared nodded in understanding, his analytical mind drawing the parallels in their techniques.
"Is there anything particular you'd like me to paint?" Jensen asked.
"I think anything you decide will be beautiful," Jared answered honestly, grinning at Jensen's blush. "I'll just be here to get your drinks and snacks. I can do the taping and get the tarp out, though, but I think the rest is going to be up to you."
Jensen smiled and resumed studying the walls and ceiling "I haven't decided if the ceiling needs to be painted yet or not," he mused.
"If you want it painted all one color, I can do that," Jared offered. "There’s no way I’m letting you get up on a ladder."
"I may have to be on a stool to reach the high parts of the mural," Jensen informed him.
"Then make sure I'm home when you want to work on that part of it, and we'll ding you a step stool that's safe." Jared compromised, "but only if I'm here with you just in case."
"Yeah okay," Jensen agreed as he maneuvered himself so he could stand.
"You ready to go to the center?" Jared asked as he got to his feet, offering Jensen a hand to steady him.
"Yep, just let me run to the bathroom first," Jensen answered, scowling at the lack of bladder control that seemed to plague him constantly.
Jared just smiled and went to retrieve his phone and keys.
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Jensen decided before they left the city and headed to the center, he wanted to check in at the gallery. All of his commissions were handled there as he didn't have an assistant and he didn't give out his phone number for obvious reasons. Jared wandered around, looking at some of the pieces on display while he waited. He noticed there were two of Jensen's paintings still hanging but neither of them had been at the showing.
The paintings were just as spectacular as the others, but there was something different about them, something darker that he couldn't quite put his finger on. He stood there staring for a few minutes before he realized what had been nagging at him.
The first painting was of a child playing in the surf along the beach. It had all the detail and vivid imagery that Jared had come to expect of Jensen's work. However, while the sun was shining brightly and the scene was idyllic in the foreground, in the background there were dark clouds rolling about on the horizon and there were glimpses of jagged lightening hidden among the clouds. Jared glanced around to see if Jensen was coming, but no one was paying him a bit of attention and his husband was still in the back.
He focused on the second picture, trying to find what made him uneasy with this one as well. Jared almost gasped out loud when he found it. The scene depicted was of a lady floating in the middle of a river. She was in a small rowboat, her long hair blowing in the breeze, and she held an umbrella to shade herself from the sun overhead. Everything looked peaceful and serene, but when studied closer, he could see a dark shadow under the surface of the water and the tip of a dorsal fin gliding along side the boat.
Jared shivered at the underlying emotion he could feel pouring from the canvas. He didn't hear Jensen walk up behind him and was startled when he felt Jensen lean against his side, trying to peer around his body to what had him so engrossed.
"What are you looking at?" Jensen asked, finally giving up on trying to see around Jared's broad shoulders.
"Some of your paintings. When did you do these?" He asked, stepping back so Jensen could see what he was looking at.
Jensen groaned a little when he saw the canvases. "I did those during the Joshua period."
"The ones you sold at the showing, were they before or after these?" Jared asked.
"They were after. I'm not even sure why they put these up now," Jensen mused, brow furrowing.
"Do you not want these seen?"
"Well, no, it's not that, but I would have thought they'd want something a little more current."
"Maybe they liked how different and yet how the same they are to your other work," Jared offered.
"Maybe..." Jensen trailed off studying the painting. "I think I'll go ask while I'm here, if you don't mind waiting."
"Nope, take as long as you need. I'm just going to look around while you're gone."
"Okay, it shouldn't take me but a couple of minutes," Jensen assured before heading back the way he'd come.
Jared still couldn't take his eyes off the paintings and the longer he stood there he found himself searching for the signature he'd come to relate to all Jensen's work. He'd almost given up hope without a magnifying glass when he realized there were no delicate wings, rather just the initials JA worked into the swirl of a wave. He found the other hidden in marsh grass at the edge of the river painting.
"I thought you were going to look around?" Jensen asked, making Jared jump yet again.
"Hmm..." Jared responded still focused on the initials.
"You said you were going to look around," Jensen repeated, smiling at the less than coherent response he'd received. "It doesn't look like you've budged."
"Oh, I was just looking for the wings," Jared answered, vaguely dragging his eyes off the canvas and to Jensen's face.
"Wings?" Jensen asked confused.
"Yeah, your signature, but you didn't use them here. You have your initials instead," Jared clarified, sounding a bit miffed.
Jensen arched an eyebrow. Most people didn't pay close attention to signatures, unless the artist was either famous or dead. His lips twitched at the thought that Jared had a thing for wings. "Oh," was his only response, trying hard not to start laughing at the put upon face Jared gave him at his simple comment.
"Are the wings a new thing?" Jared finally gave into his curiosity.
"I started using them after I recuperated and was free of Joshua. I used to use just my first name when I was in school, but I didn't like how it interfered with the picture. By the time I was with Joshua I'd decided to use something else. Things weren't going so well, and I had no real inspiration, so I just used my initials."
Jared nodded in understanding. "Did you get your questions answered?" He asked as he took Jensen's hand, and they headed for the door.
"They put them up when the showing sold out of all the other ones."
"That's good isn't it?" Jared asked, unlocking the door.
"I guess, I mean all they had to do was call, and I could have brought over some more, but they had those, so they just figured I wouldn't care...." Jensen trailed off.
Jared got behind the wheel and shut the door. "But you do care," he stated.
"Not really, I mean it's good work, and it probably won't hurt to change up the styles they show, but it's like hanging a part of me on the wall, and not a good part either. Does that make sense?" Jensen asked, his nose scrunched up in concentration.
"I get it. I feel the same way about the films I produce. If I have an off day I can tell in the finished product. No one else might see it, but I can."
Jensen smiled, leaning back into the seat. He was happy Jared understood. Sometimes, he had a hard time putting his feelings and thoughts into words and the person he was talking to either had a blank look, or one of utter confusion. It was nice to carry on a conversation with someone that felt the same way about his work, even if the medium was different.
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The traffic wasn't as congested as the last time they'd gone to the center so the drive went by quickly, the comfortable silence helping to relax both men from the tension that had been building all day.
Chris was thrilled to have Jensen at his mercy. He was about to go insane trying to finish out the schedule for the classes. Every time he thought he had them set, he realized he couldn't have Mike teaching basic computer skills when he was supposed to be helping with the group therapy session.
Jared took a few minutes just to watch the interaction, smiling at how calmly his husband handled the spastic whirlwind that was Christian. Steve came around the corner a few minutes later and quietly stood beside him, watching as well. When Jared turned, Steve motioned for them to head back down the hall.
"Thank God you both came today. I swear I thought I was going to have to raid the meds and find some Valium. Tom's already threatened to dose his food with anti-psychotics for the next two weeks if he doesn't chill out. Hell, even Mike is steering clear and that man is the epitome of psychotic," Steve explained, leading the way to the storage area.
Jared snorted, "Here I just thought Mike was high strung."
Steve rolled his eyes, grabbing the tools they needed to get started.
"So what are we going to be working on today?" Jared asked.
"The playground," Steve said with a sadistic grin on his face.
"Playground?" Jared swallowed loudly.
"Yup, we have to get the swing set put together and the castle still needs its top level."
"Oh goody," Jared answered blandly.
What? Don't tell me you're one of those folks that swings a hammer and hits everything but the nail."
"No," Jared said indignantly. "I just tend to hit my fingers right along with the nails," he mumbled.
Steve snickered, "That's okay you can hold the boards and me and Gabriel will weld the hammers."
"That might keep the cussing to a minimum," Jared said grinning.
Gabriel was already waiting outside, he was a little overwhelmed by Jared's side, but once he found out that this was Jensen's husband he relaxed and the afternoon sped by with the swing set completed before
Gabriel had to leave for an early evening class.
They were working on the castle when Jared asked about the people working at the center.
"So how many of the people working here have been in the same situation as the people they're trying to help?"
Steve paused as he was getting ready to press the trigger on the nail gun, a fact that Jared was still pouting over. He'd have played with the nail gun, but Steve said if he couldn't hammer straight there was no way in hell he was going to get to shoot.
"Everybody but Chris and a couple of our therapists that you haven't met yet." Steve answered, waiting to see where the conversation was going.
"Do you think that makes it easier or do you think it causes your help stress?" Jared asked, curious as to how seeing something they'd lived affected how they dealt with everything.
"I think it makes us more empathetic. We understand the traps and obstacles that not only the abused face, but the ones the abusers use. It's not easy seeing someone go through the things you've experienced.
You want to shake them and make them wake up, but it didn't work that way in our cases, and very few times would it ever work in theirs."
"Doesn't it give you nightmares or flashbacks?" Jared asked worried about how Jensen would deal with people coming in so damaged, especially with Jensen's innate desire to fix things for everyone.
Steve stared at him for a few minutes, and Jared was wondering if he'd asked one too many questions and crossed a line.
"You're worried about Jensen?"
"Yeah, he was always trying to fix things when we were young, and I'm scared he'll get lost in all that pain and grief."
Steve nodded, still studying Jared. "He told you about Joshua didn't he?"
Jared was a little unnerved by how observant and intuitive Steve was.
"Yeah he told me today." Jared admitted.
Steve set the nail gun down and took a seat on the edge of the deck they'd been working on. "Did he tell you everything?"
"He told me what happened on their honeymoon, and everything between then and the day the maid found him and called the rescue squad." Jared answered, sitting down beside Steve.
"Did he tell you how he met us?"
"Yeah, and how you met Chris, just not why Chris was doing community service." Jared answered, trying hard not to grin.
Steve smiled, "Oh, I'm not touching that one. You can ask him if you want, or you're stuck waiting for Jensen to tell you."
"That's all right. I'm just happy he finally trusted me enough to tell me." Jared ran his fingers through his hair pushing it off his forehead.
"I don't think it's ever been about trust, or at least Jensen's never seen it that way."
"How do you know?" Jared asked, not sure how Steve could be so certain.
"Because he never would have agreed to marry you," Steve held up his hand forestalling Jared's interruption.
"He didn't marry you for protection, yes it may have given him a push, but he'd never put himself at risk again if he hadn't trusted you. He married you, moved in with you, and if he'd not trusted you, he'd never have done any of it."
"I told him I knew he'd changed his mind about the wedding, and that I didn't care why. He never said that it wasn't why he married me."
"You've known Jensen a long time right?" Steve continued after Jared nodded. "His past has changed him, there's no doubt about it, but I'm betting even before then he still hid behind what people thought
rather than being shoved into the spotlight by correcting the assumption. Then of course there's the part where I think Jensen would rather believe that he did this for protection than the real reason."
"What do you mean by the real reason?" Jared asked, not sure what Steve meant.
"He has feelings for you, ones that I'm sure he hasn't even let grace the light of day in his own head. He's so very oblivious sometimes it's almost endearing if it weren't so fucking frustarting." Steve shook his
head smiling.
"I'm not so sure. I mean I know he has feelings for me, but I'm not sure they're the same ones you think they are." Jared swung his foot, bouncing the heel of his shoe off the ladder to the castle.
"Well I am. I've watched Jensen for awhile now. I can tell when he's trying to hide things, even when they're from himself."
"I hope your right," Jared said soberly.
"You love him," Steve stated, not even bothering to make it a question.
"I'm that transparent?"
"You're pretty much telegraphing it," Steve smiled.
"Well it wasn't really a secret, I've told him how I feel."
"Give him some time, he'll get there." Steve reassured. "As for your question earlier. Sometimes it brings back bad memories, but that's tempered by the knowledge that we can help people get through
the same thing that someone helped us through. It's amazing the change that comes over the men, women and children we work with when they realize you're not just talking at them, but you're talking to
them and you're talking from experience.
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Jensen couldn't help laugh at Chris' panicked expression. Sometimes he wondered if he could get away with a hidden camera just to capture some of the more amusing ones to use as blackmail.
"Chris calm down. You're not ever going to get it straight if you keep spazing out."
"I am not spazing!" Chris stated indignantly.
"Fine, fine, you're the epitome of cool and collected." Jensen said stifling a giggle.
Chris scowled at him, "It's not funny."
Jensen schooled his features into one of sympathy. "You're right it's not. Show me what you have for classes and therapy sessions and let's see what we can do with it."
Chris eyed him suspiciously, even as Jensen tried to keep his lips from twitching.
"You know karma is a bitch right, that baby is going to come out with your ears." Chris threatened.
"Hey! What's wrong with my ears?" Jensen asked covering the maligned body parts.
"Not a thing." Chris said grinning. "Dumbo," he whispered under his breath.
"I heard that." Jensen growled. "You're going to figure this mess you've got out on your own if you keep it up."
"I'll send Mike to keep you company during your classes," Chris shot back.
"I'm telling Steve," Jensen whined.
"You think I'm scared of Steve?" Chris asked haughtily.
"Uh... yeah," Jensen answered grinning as Chris deflated.
"Damn right I am," Chris mumbled, slumping down next to Jensen. "Where do we start?" he asked morosely.
"Give me the lists and let me look over it while you set up a grid."
"What do you want on it?" Chris asked as he handed over the information Jensen needed.
"Put all your counselors and teachers on one side, and we'll work the duties in at the top and add in times after." Jensen instructed as he turned and flipped papers trying to figure out what in the hell Chris had been doing.
Chris had just finished drawing in the lines when he remembered Jensen was supposed to have had a doctor's appointment today.
"So how did your visit to the doctors go?"
Jensen glanced up for a second before he focused back on the papers in his hand. "It went fine, my blood pressure was a little high. I'm going to have a sonogram next week, and they're going to recheck the
blood pressure to see if it was a one shot deal, or if it's something that needs closer attention.
Chris frowned, "Are you sure you should be messing with this stuff?" he asked reaching out to take the lists from Jensen.
Jensen moved them out of his reach, "I'm fine, and this doesn't stress me out."
"You say that now," Chris moaned. "Wait until you think you have it fixed and then realize that Gabe is still in class when you have him scheduled to watch the kids."
"We'll get it worked out. When you've got this many different factors it's easier with two people anyway. Besides if anything was going to stress me out, the talk I had with Jared earlier should have done it."
"Why's that?" Chris asked as he blocked out the time Gabriel was in class so they didn't try to schedule him when he couldn't be there again.
"I told him about Joshua."
"I thought you'd already told him about Joshua." Chris looked up puzzled.
"No, I told him about him being my ex-husband. I mean I told him everything." Jensen clarified.
Chris nearly stabbed himself with his pencil when he realized what Jensen was saying. He set everything down and gave the conversation his entire attention.
"How did that go?"
"It actually went quite well. I wasn't sure you know, what he'd think about me after I told him, but I wanted to make sure he understood how dangerous Joshua was."
Chris prepared himself to stomp Jared into the ground if he'd made Jensen feel like shit. "So...."
"So he told me it wasn't my fault, and the only thing I did was try to make the best of a bad situation." Jensen kept his eyes on the papers.
Chris really would have preferred his friend to look him in the eye, but he could tell from the blush staining Jensen's cheeks, he was lucky to be getting this much out of him.
"Well he's right, not that I want you telling him that. It's way to early for him to think he's been okayed by me," Chris grumbled.
"We wouldn't want that would we?" Jensen said grinning.
"So have you told him how you feel about him?" Chris asked, picking up his pencil while he avoided looking at Jensen.
"How I feel?" Jensen parroted.
"Yes, you know how every time he walks in the room you blush a little, and your heart speeds up." Chris finally looked up to see Jensen's shell shocked face.
"I do not! How would you even know if my heart beat faster or not?" Jensen asked outraged.
Chris snorted, "Well the blush everyone can see, as far as your fast heartbeat. You just told on yourself, but I make a living of knowing just how scared people are. I just watch the pulse in your neck or the
one beating at your temple," he gestured at Jensen's head. "I can tell exactly when your heart rate picks up," Chris finished grinning.
"You know I really don't know why we're friends," Jensen grumbled refusing to look at the man across from him.
Chris just chuckled and went back to his grid.
Three hours later they had the schedule worked out and were downstairs in the dining room eating sandwiches that Ellen had made for them. Chris had sent Jensen in to beg for food because he refused to
step foot in the kitchen when Ellen was there for fear of losing body parts. Jensen just rolled his eyes and disappeared around the corner, coming back five minutes later pushing a tray of sandwiches, chips,
fruit and glasses of iced tea.
"Good grief," Chris said helping Jensen load everything onto the table so it could be reached easily. "Why did she make so much?"
"She's calling Jared and Steve in," Jensen explained.
"Yeah but still," Chris said looking between the food and his friend.
"You've never seen Jared eat," Jensen grinned.
"Well no but I saw Jeff eat," Chris answered still gawking at the amount of food.
"Jeff always ate like he was half his size."
Thirty minutes later Chris and Steve both were slowly backing away from the table and Jensen was trying not to laugh out loud at their expressions. Jared didn't seem to realize that anything was amiss until
Jensen finally lost his battle and burst out laughing.
"What?" he asked looking around when he decided he'd not get an answer out of Jensen while he was cackling.
"Man do you have hollow legs?" Chris asked.
Jared glanced down at his plate and then back at Steve and Chris. "What? I'm a growing boy. Why are you so far from the table?" Jared asked, waiting for an answer that was at least three minutes in coming.
"Because they're afraid you might mistake them for the next dish," Jensen gasped through tears.
Jared rolled his eyes and picked up another sandwich ignoring Jensen's giggles and Chris and Steve's incredulous gazes.
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