Stay...

[_fredless]

Twice in a single day Wesley had asked me if I had wanted him to stay, and twice I had replied with the answer I thought we both wanted to hear. After downstairs, and Charles, I had been so frightened of anything ever remotely resembling alone that the words had come tumbling out with a force I thought I had forgotten. And then, in the part after

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[xxcordeliaxx]

I took a rebar through the gut because of this man

[_fredless]

I moved easily enough through the kitchen, conciously aware of how I sought to mimic the dance I had seen mom perform countless times, slipping from one place to the other with practiced history. And even as new as everything felt, there was...history. Mine and the hotels, and the timing where it started to become the same thing again

[xxcordeliaxx]

"Yes. It is."Boy, death really did a number on her. Not that she isn't entitled to be less cheerful than usual after what she went through, I just haven't adjusted to it yet. The new version of Fred. The one who looks like she needs comfort instead of being the one giving the comfort

[_fredless]

I was surprised at how easily eating came to me once I sat down and set to actually doing so. After all, the food was there, and I was there, and Cordy was across from me just like we had done countless times before, and I guess that...well at least it was something.

And right now something felt like a lot. Only I did hate the part where that thought made me feel like crying over all over again. So I looked up from my plate and caught up Cordy's profile, and something in her face worked me into remembering the night before. Because that? That had been...something too. So just as quickly as it had come the moment passed, and I think I might have even felt a small smile form.

"What? No!"

I almost choked on my biscut, but it kept me from saying anything right at the moment, anything that might've gotten me in trouble. Instead I just watched Cordy and waited, sure than eventually she would come around. Of all the things that had been dumped on us the past few days, one of them certainly was more time, and I was willing to use it

[xxcordeliaxx]

"I'm not really sure."

If Fred thinks she isn't sure, I'd like to know where she thinks I should be on the certainty scale right now. I slept with Spike, twice. I've spent two out of my two nights of my new second life with him, and he doesn't know where this is going any more than I do.

Unless he does, and he's getting a kick out of driving me crazy. This is one of those few times when I just don't know. Spike isn't the easiest vampire to read. Even Angel used to give away some things with his rapid eyebrow movements.

"Besides, I thought I asked you first. Actually...I know I did.""Don't think I won't be asking you later

[_fredless]

"Don't think I won't be asking you later."

I tried to look away, but of course Cordy's eyes caught mine in that way she has, the one that always got the guys the melt, and then they would pretty much do whatever she wanted. Even when they didn't know what was happened. But I watched...I saw. It was a weapon she used as well as any other, and now it was directed at me. I finally managed to break away, not answering, and focusing my attention on my eggs.

A part of me totally wanted to tell Cprdy everything right then and there, but at the same time I was afraid of how the works might hurt...might physically hurt coming back up, scratching and pulling all the way.

And...when did I get this afraid. It really wasn't very fair of me, especially to them, and even more especially when I still had so much. We were all back, only this time it felt like it was without the benefit of a childhood. When we learn how to deal with all those hurts and scrapes and tears, and how to face the strength of our own emotions.

"We've been spending a lot