My cousin and his beautiful wife just welcomed their second baby boy into their lives. He has down syndrome. I am reading their blogs, cheering them on, and supporting them in every way I can and I have realized that I am awash in grief. I am looking forward to holding little Levi and whispering his name in his ear, I want to study his little face ( Read more... )

Yesterday after putting Rayn to bed Jello and I toasted Gabriel a happy birthday with some wine.  Then we ate sauteed mushrooms and brie while watching House.  John fell asleep with his head in my lap so I carted him off to bed before taking the dog for a walk.  It was a good day.  A bit lonely and a bit long at times, but not dreadful by any ( Read more... )

I do not regret his life, or having had him.  Gabriel helped shape who I am today.  He taught me a greater capacity for love.  He awoke a passion in me for children who need help in one way or another.  He taught me about grief, sorrow, and living.  I am still sad about the life he never had, sad that he was taken away from me, but I do recognize ( Read more... )

Happy Birthday, Gabriel!

Monday looms large and I still remember.  I always remember.

Today was the Down Syndrome Buddy Walk and for the first time since Gabriel died I was going it alone. I felt some trepidation at the prospect but thought I could do it. On the drive down to Littleton this morning I reached the point where I didn't think I could do it and burst into tears. I waited until my tears subsided and then called my ( Read more... )

We rearranged the living room today and I love it. It seems more spacious, open, and still has more seating for people. Today was a beautiful day. I love warm summer days that dissolve into beautiful rain storms in the late afternoon or early evening. I walked the dog with the setting sun. This morning we joined friends at bouncetown and Rayn ( Read more... )

I can feel the breeze over my naked body. Skin is amazing. I love the way a breeze feels on my skin, or water, or more than anything else, I love the way someone else’s skin feels on my naked body. I can't sleep, and the loneliness of this time of night is sinking into my lungs making it harder to breath. In a way it feels good, I allow myself ( Read more... )