Loss
My cousin and his beautiful wife just welcomed their second baby boy into their lives. He has down syndrome. I am reading their blogs, cheering them on, and supporting them in every way I can and I have realized that I am awash in grief. I am looking forward to holding little Levi and whispering his name in his ear, I want to study his little face and tell him how perfect he is. And all the while something in my heart whispers "where is my baby boy?" I sit here typing this with tears streaming down my face and arms that ache with emptiness. I will and can celebrate little Levi. I will love him and support his family in any way I can. But this quiet moment of grief and loss is mine. Let me have it. Let me weep for my sweet son, let me grieve for the hugs and kisses and whispers I can never give him. Tonight I miss my beautiful Gabriel, I miss his soft and curly brown hair, I miss never getting to hold his hand and smile at him. I am angry, I am sad, and I miss him.