Shame, Fanfic, Original fic and Identity - you know, just your usual Saturday post

[zoemathemata]

As anyone who reads my fanfic knows, I write slash. I like to write it, I like to read it. I love the pairings and the relationships and fanfiction REALLY revived my interest in writing at a time I thought I might not get it back

Comments

[sgamadison]

Congrats on the original novel! What's it about? Who's it with? *excited

[zoemathemata]

THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE

[sgamadison]

This story sounds like it has the potential to really pull in the YA market--that and having sequels in mind means it could really go big for you--how cool is that? :D

I can tell you I did a lot of things wrong. I'm probably still doing things wrong. I know there are other people in fandom who've gone on to become big names, that doesn't seem to be the case for me. But I've always been PB&J in a caviar world. Fortunately a few people *like* PB&J. Bottom line, take everything someone tells you with a grain of salt. What works for them may not work for you--in terms of amount of time you can invest or comfort level (For example, I get easily overwhelmed in chat lists and tend to avoid them) or if it simply doesn't register as 'right' for you.

I follow Kristen Lamb's WordPress blog: We Are Not Alone. She has a book out by the same title that is a guide to social media, as well as one on writing blogs to increase reader interaction and following. I don't agree with everything she says, but she has a lot of very good things to say

[zoemathemata]

I have followed her blog! I like to take in a lot of information and then filter it all down into what I think will work for me. Thanks for the rec!

I would love to do a guest blog when my book comes out! I will send you an email for sure!

[melagan]

I think this is an awesome subject for squee weekend. Bet you'll find as many answers as there are fangirls.

I'm careful about crossing streams in either direction.

In a way, I feel like people who've read my fandom stories know me better than people in the real world.

THIS 100 TIMES

[zoemathemata]

I will bring it up at Squee!

I still cannot get over and have a very hard time articulating to others how EASY it was to meet you guys at squee and just... fall into a conversation/camaraderie so easily. People don't get that when we're online, there's just... less artifice, I think.

I felt immediately at ease with you all.
Compare that to my Real Life job where I've been for 15 months and am JUST NOW starting to feel relaxed and open. With fandom people, it took about two minutes and a shout of "Hey! Are you Zoe???" and me saying "YEAH I AM!!"

and that was it!

[popkin16]

You might find this tumblr post interesting. It sort of touches on what you're talking about? Though it's a bit more preachy than I'd like for this conversation. But I wonder if that's part of it - fanfiction/fandom is part of this shameful thing that we fangirls try hard to keep separate from our "real lives", so the idea of the two meeting is uncomfortable.

I have no useful advice, though - sorry :(

[zoemathemata]

I'm going to check that out!
Part of the sense of it all that I get boils down to a HEAVY conversation on women feeling uncomfortable expressing any kind of sexual desire. Not that there aren't women who 'own' their sexuality. but I feel as though we [as women] have made strides, our sexuality is still expected to fit inside this very narrow definition of straight, vanilla sex and anything outside that is still considered somewhat taboo. there is still this persisting notion of the 'good girl' and what that means.

Or maybe that's just MY OWN feelings and society has moved on without me, I don't know.

you know what I mean?

[selenic76]

there is still this persisting notion of the 'good girl' and what that means.

...and if it's not that, it's the 'bad girl' and everything she's supposed to be. Like there aren't any gray areas *sigh*

But I think there's a difference in what it appears the society and media think about this, and what real people really think about this, which I consider to be a hopeful thing. (As for me, still trying to come out of my shell regarding this, writing slash helps a lot :D)

[zoemathemata]

Okay! It took me a while to get my gumption up for the phone call, but we are booked for our room at Squee weekend. We have a double from Sept 25 to Oct 1. Is yoru email addy on FB? I can send you the confirmation email or you can PM me your email addy and I'll send it to you so you have it!

[goddess47]

It's weird, I'm not worried about FANDOM knowing REAL LIFE ME. I'm worried about REAL LIFE people knowing FANDOM ME.

Exactly... I have a professional job and I do pretty blithely admit to writing "romance" and "fan fiction" but I never admit to writing slash, much less porn... ;-) While I have a lot of credibility at work, I do worry what 'people' would think if they knew more about what I do in my spare time.

But congratulations on the book! Good for you and we certainly will squee over it with you!

[zoemathemata]

Yes! The work people! because in my head, I was like "Well you're talkign about two different things. One - your family knowing and two - the world at large, which may mean the next time I go to a meeting someone there may know that I write slash"

and I was BREAKING OUT IN A COLD SWEAT ABOUT IT. but then part of me rages against that. like hey! I can write/read porn and STILL be one of the best people at my job that my company has seen! the two are not mutual exclusive!

but it's a scary scary thought!

[qthelights]

I think a lot of us go through this.. for what it's worth, i've found that it isn't necessarily a blanket shame. For instance, I'm not at all ashamed with people knowing about it if I know that they're open towards sexuality. So while I might feel ashamed at telling someone (or having them find out) if I'd only just met them, or did not know how they would perceive the 'porn' aspect of fic, if I know they like that sort of thing, or don't judge it, then i'm happy to ramble on about my writing it, without shame.

Er, so what i'm trying to say is that I think it has more to do with society's reaction to sexual material than it does with us being ashamed at writing it. If people are okay with it, we aren't ashamed at all, if they aren't, then we fall back into that upbringing of sex=taboo.

[zoemathemata]

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT POINT - like I'm only worried if they have a negative reaction! Otherwise I'm like "Hey! you're okay with this kind of stuff? CHECK MY WRITING OUT!!!"

and it's almost like I wish I could hand out a questionnaire first to gauge their reaction and then tell or not tell them.

[qthelights]

right? which in some ways is just manners. No one wants to bring up any subject if the person they're talking to might be upset by it.

There's also a generational fandom aspect to it.. I don't know if you remember when SPN did the first meta episode with the fan convention ep and there was a whole lot of wank that went on, but one of the points was that people who'd been fans for ages, especially when fandom was secret, were terrified, because if their sig others or families found out they wrote gay sex the ramifications could be huge and devastating. and then there was the other, mainly younger side of fandom that was all, this is amazing they're showing us and fandom is mainstream now, my boyfriend is my beta reader, duh...

i fall in between those two extremes I suspect, I've been in fandom for a long time now.. but i got in when the internet started, so it was already starting to go mainstream, albeit slowly.

[zoemathemata]

I have tentatively tried to bring up my fanfic with one of my sisters and she was NOT receptive. She was okay with the gen stuff but I mentioned that "some people" really saw a connection between Dean and Cas and wrote fic for that and there was this LONG PAUSE and then she was like "ew"

So there sailed that boat.

however! My other sister is a shade more liberal and I've recently brought it up with her and she's like "hey if that's what you like, that's cool"

so possibly success??