Shame, Fanfic, Original fic and Identity - you know, just your usual Saturday post
As anyone who reads my fanfic knows, I write slash. I like to write it, I like to read it. I love the pairings and the relationships and fanfiction REALLY revived my interest in writing at a time I thought I might not get it back.
So, what's this post about then?
Well, I've written an original fic novel and as fortune/luck would have it, it's coming out next month and I've been struggling with merging my fanfiction identity of "Zoe" with my RL identity.
I want people to know that I have a 'volume' of work. and that work includes fanfic and original fic.
and this led to me being... worried about my fandom identiy crossing with my real life one.
and then I was like, omg, am I ASHAMED??? IS THIS SHAME I FEEL????
I'm really... uncomfortable with that.
To be fair, I think a LOT of it has to do with my Catholic upbringing. I do think I carry a more heavy guilt complex than some people and I think when I was young, I was just really impressionable and a lot of stuff I heard and read stuck with me - IN ALL WAYS. Sexuality, religion, horror, storytelling - all these things imprinted on my brain and the result is who I am today. and I LIKE who I am.
but I think the thing I'm really concerned about when I think about people reading my fanfic is the reaction to the sexytimes. it's one of the reasons I love the anonymity that comes with fandom!
It's weird, I'm not worried about FANDOM knowing REAL LIFE ME. I'm worried about REAL LIFE people knowing FANDOM ME. I feel rather kindred and comfortable with fandom people and I want people to know that I wrote a book! but I'm not sure how I feel about people in REAL LIFE knowing about my fanfic. In a way, I feel like people who've read my fandom stories know me better than people in the real world.
IDK.
It feels like when I say all this that I'm ashamed of my work. and as I've noted, I'm REALLY uncomfortable with that. I don't want to be ashamed of my work! I worked hard at it and I think I've really grown as a writer/storyteller.
If anyone has any advice, I'd be glad to hear it!
So, what's this post about then?
Well, I've written an original fic novel and as fortune/luck would have it, it's coming out next month and I've been struggling with merging my fanfiction identity of "Zoe" with my RL identity.
I want people to know that I have a 'volume' of work. and that work includes fanfic and original fic.
and this led to me being... worried about my fandom identiy crossing with my real life one.
and then I was like, omg, am I ASHAMED??? IS THIS SHAME I FEEL????
I'm really... uncomfortable with that.
To be fair, I think a LOT of it has to do with my Catholic upbringing. I do think I carry a more heavy guilt complex than some people and I think when I was young, I was just really impressionable and a lot of stuff I heard and read stuck with me - IN ALL WAYS. Sexuality, religion, horror, storytelling - all these things imprinted on my brain and the result is who I am today. and I LIKE who I am.
but I think the thing I'm really concerned about when I think about people reading my fanfic is the reaction to the sexytimes. it's one of the reasons I love the anonymity that comes with fandom!
It's weird, I'm not worried about FANDOM knowing REAL LIFE ME. I'm worried about REAL LIFE people knowing FANDOM ME. I feel rather kindred and comfortable with fandom people and I want people to know that I wrote a book! but I'm not sure how I feel about people in REAL LIFE knowing about my fanfic. In a way, I feel like people who've read my fandom stories know me better than people in the real world.
IDK.
It feels like when I say all this that I'm ashamed of my work. and as I've noted, I'm REALLY uncomfortable with that. I don't want to be ashamed of my work! I worked hard at it and I think I've really grown as a writer/storyteller.
If anyone has any advice, I'd be glad to hear it!