The Legend Of Rah And The Muggles: Chapter Six - An Emergency Situation
ZeldaQueen: Who wants hijinks? I bet you do! Well, you aren't going to get any, but there's always what Stouffer thinks passes for hijinks!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter Six: An Emergency Situation
I'm sorry folks, but this chapter sucks. I'll tell you right up front, it's just stupid. Even moreso than normal. I just really want to ignore the stupid thing and move straight on to chapter seven. But I'm sure you all want to read this. Well, actually, you probably don't, but I promised myself I'd do the whole thing, so here we go.
We start off in that stupid first-person switch as Stouffer informs us that the arrival of sunlight has caused fruit and food to grow in abundance, as opposed to the dark ages before when food was scarce. Well at least something remotely makes sense here. Since there's so much more stuff growing, there are a whole slew of new jobs and Muggle life is just so much busier and complex. I still don't care about any of this though, since we never get any chances to actually see examples of what Stouffer tells us. It's really getting annoying.
We're also told how Yur has set up a system in the Ancient Book of Tales to categorize the various trades. These are basically "Keeper of the [job]", like "Keeper Of The Light" or "Keeper Of The Children". This serves basically no purpose or point and gets no more explanation, so I honestly don't know why Stouffer decided to include it. This is starting to be a trend, I see. Incidentally, this was one of the silly, lesser-known reasons backing up the plagiarism claim - because Hagrid was the Keeper of the Keys. Even though, thus far at least, there are no "Keeper Of The Keys" in this book. Fail.
Anyway, Pitter and Patter (remember them?) have jobs as well, specifically to look after Rah and Zyn, who are now old enough to crawl around. The Muggles are a bit baffled as to why Rah and Zyn are starting to look different, even though they're twins. We're told that Zyn has "really changed" and that his "hair is the color of rusty metal" and he has "bright green eyes". Meanwhile, Rah still has "soft, wavy golden hair" and "violet-blue eyes". Huh, one is more traditionally Aryan attractive than the other. Can't for the life of me tell where this is going. Pitter comments on how it's easier to tell them apart now and talks about how Rah's hair is "bee-you-ti-ful", like "silk spun from the finest fibers". Oy...
Patter, meanwhile, wonders about what it's like to have hair and his musings are interrupted when Pitter remembers learning about fraternal twins. Not that we get the actual name. Instead, she explains that Grandpa Yur told her a story from the Ancient Book of Tales explaining about twins that don't look alike. You know, that book is mighty selective in stuff that it records and stuff that is forgotten. Patter wonders if the twins can tell them apart and we get some random info on how Muggles don't have twins.
And then this idiocy is interrupted when Rah and Zyn say their first words - specifically "Pit-ter" and "Pat-ter". Uh huh. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't that unusually sudden and articulate for a baby's first words? I mean, I know I'm probably wrong, but I thought that babies usually babbled a lot and spouted littler words before being able to rattle off the two random people who kept an eye on them (wouldn't they be saying Nona's name first? She is their adopted mother). Oh well, never mind. Moving on.
Pitter and Patter get all giggly and freaked out at this, because it seems that Muggle children don't start talking until their six. *coughs* Okay, I am going to quote from an earlier chapter. "'How'd they get up there?' Stubby, a five-year-old Muggle boy who asks questions about everything he sees, asked Golda..." So Muggles can't talk before six and thus the twins learning to talk causes a huge stir...but Stubby apparently talks quite a lot at age five. Interesting. *head desk*
Anyway, Pitter and Patter run for Yur and Golda shouting that they've got news and all of the Whos down in Whoville Muggles come out to hear what's up. It's explained that the babies can talk and to demonstrate, Pitter asks Rah to say her name. He rattles it off at once. Huh. I thought that babies didn't just spout off stuff on command after their first word ever, but maybe I was mistaken. Golda picks up Zyn and Zyn says "Goldy", with "a naughty giggle". Everyone cheers because apparently babies learning to talk is a big deal there.
We're introduced to a shy nine-year-old Muggle named Bumper, who apparently is very shy, and then Yur comes out, shouting what in "tar-nation" is going on. Golda tells him "The twins have spoken their first words and everyone is excited!" and Yur apparently hears "the bins have broken air by thirsty birds". Golda tells him "never mind, dear" and Yur thinks that she said something about "blind deer". My God, this is stupid!
Yur is very confused by everything and asks Golda to get his ear horn. While she goes to do that, he starts shouting for everyone to fill buckets with water and get warm clothes and "aloe salve" because he thinks there's an emergency going on. Everyone is confused but decides that perhaps this is all some tradition and does so.
Golda comes back with the ear horn and asks what just happened. Yur tells her that she was the one who said about the "tragedy" and she reminds him that she was talking about the twins learning how to talk. She then walks off in a huff, before coming back and asking where everyone went. Yur waffles around a whole lot and finally Golda notices the Muggles bringing water and aloe salve, and asks why the Sam Hill they need all of that. Yur finally explains that it was for the thirsty birds and blind deer and is all embarrassed. Golda is patronizingly sweet and we end on a note making fun of Yur's hearing.
There, now wasn't that fun? Just like a sharp stick to the head!
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Onward to: Chapter Seven: A Special Place And A Stone
Back to: Chapter Five: What's In A Name?
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter Six: An Emergency Situation
I'm sorry folks, but this chapter sucks. I'll tell you right up front, it's just stupid. Even moreso than normal. I just really want to ignore the stupid thing and move straight on to chapter seven. But I'm sure you all want to read this. Well, actually, you probably don't, but I promised myself I'd do the whole thing, so here we go.
We start off in that stupid first-person switch as Stouffer informs us that the arrival of sunlight has caused fruit and food to grow in abundance, as opposed to the dark ages before when food was scarce. Well at least something remotely makes sense here. Since there's so much more stuff growing, there are a whole slew of new jobs and Muggle life is just so much busier and complex. I still don't care about any of this though, since we never get any chances to actually see examples of what Stouffer tells us. It's really getting annoying.
We're also told how Yur has set up a system in the Ancient Book of Tales to categorize the various trades. These are basically "Keeper of the [job]", like "Keeper Of The Light" or "Keeper Of The Children". This serves basically no purpose or point and gets no more explanation, so I honestly don't know why Stouffer decided to include it. This is starting to be a trend, I see. Incidentally, this was one of the silly, lesser-known reasons backing up the plagiarism claim - because Hagrid was the Keeper of the Keys. Even though, thus far at least, there are no "Keeper Of The Keys" in this book. Fail.
Anyway, Pitter and Patter (remember them?) have jobs as well, specifically to look after Rah and Zyn, who are now old enough to crawl around. The Muggles are a bit baffled as to why Rah and Zyn are starting to look different, even though they're twins. We're told that Zyn has "really changed" and that his "hair is the color of rusty metal" and he has "bright green eyes". Meanwhile, Rah still has "soft, wavy golden hair" and "violet-blue eyes". Huh, one is more traditionally Aryan attractive than the other. Can't for the life of me tell where this is going. Pitter comments on how it's easier to tell them apart now and talks about how Rah's hair is "bee-you-ti-ful", like "silk spun from the finest fibers". Oy...
Patter, meanwhile, wonders about what it's like to have hair and his musings are interrupted when Pitter remembers learning about fraternal twins. Not that we get the actual name. Instead, she explains that Grandpa Yur told her a story from the Ancient Book of Tales explaining about twins that don't look alike. You know, that book is mighty selective in stuff that it records and stuff that is forgotten. Patter wonders if the twins can tell them apart and we get some random info on how Muggles don't have twins.
And then this idiocy is interrupted when Rah and Zyn say their first words - specifically "Pit-ter" and "Pat-ter". Uh huh. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't that unusually sudden and articulate for a baby's first words? I mean, I know I'm probably wrong, but I thought that babies usually babbled a lot and spouted littler words before being able to rattle off the two random people who kept an eye on them (wouldn't they be saying Nona's name first? She is their adopted mother). Oh well, never mind. Moving on.
Pitter and Patter get all giggly and freaked out at this, because it seems that Muggle children don't start talking until their six. *coughs* Okay, I am going to quote from an earlier chapter. "'How'd they get up there?' Stubby, a five-year-old Muggle boy who asks questions about everything he sees, asked Golda..." So Muggles can't talk before six and thus the twins learning to talk causes a huge stir...but Stubby apparently talks quite a lot at age five. Interesting. *head desk*
Anyway, Pitter and Patter run for Yur and Golda shouting that they've got news and all of the Whos down in Whoville Muggles come out to hear what's up. It's explained that the babies can talk and to demonstrate, Pitter asks Rah to say her name. He rattles it off at once. Huh. I thought that babies didn't just spout off stuff on command after their first word ever, but maybe I was mistaken. Golda picks up Zyn and Zyn says "Goldy", with "a naughty giggle". Everyone cheers because apparently babies learning to talk is a big deal there.
We're introduced to a shy nine-year-old Muggle named Bumper, who apparently is very shy, and then Yur comes out, shouting what in "tar-nation" is going on. Golda tells him "The twins have spoken their first words and everyone is excited!" and Yur apparently hears "the bins have broken air by thirsty birds". Golda tells him "never mind, dear" and Yur thinks that she said something about "blind deer". My God, this is stupid!
Yur is very confused by everything and asks Golda to get his ear horn. While she goes to do that, he starts shouting for everyone to fill buckets with water and get warm clothes and "aloe salve" because he thinks there's an emergency going on. Everyone is confused but decides that perhaps this is all some tradition and does so.
Golda comes back with the ear horn and asks what just happened. Yur tells her that she was the one who said about the "tragedy" and she reminds him that she was talking about the twins learning how to talk. She then walks off in a huff, before coming back and asking where everyone went. Yur waffles around a whole lot and finally Golda notices the Muggles bringing water and aloe salve, and asks why the Sam Hill they need all of that. Yur finally explains that it was for the thirsty birds and blind deer and is all embarrassed. Golda is patronizingly sweet and we end on a note making fun of Yur's hearing.
There, now wasn't that fun? Just like a sharp stick to the head!
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Onward to: Chapter Seven: A Special Place And A Stone
Back to: Chapter Five: What's In A Name?
Back to: Table of Contents