The Legend Of Rah And The Muggles: Chapter Seven - A Special Place And A Stone
ZeldaQueen: Hey folks, remember the first bit of this sporking, when I told you how Nancy was bragging about her poetry for kids? We're going to see a little bit of how "good" she is in this chapter...
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter Seven: A Special Place And A Stone
Again, this one is kind of...empty. You'll just have to see.
Well, some unspecified amount of time has passed and Rah and Zyn are now a lot older and capable of looking after themselves. They seem to be quite adventurous and go exploring the forest and shorelines a lot.
Our chapter starts with them exploring and going off "Pinker Path" and into the forest. They find a giant willow tree and a big lake filled with "snoutfish". We're told that snoutfish are so named because they have horn-shaped snouts that they use to suck up their food "like vacuum cleaners". I actually think this is less stupid than the Greeblies and Nardles, if only because their names aren't like those of a poor man's Doctor Seuss
It turns out that Golda is also here, because this is her secret place that she first found with her grandfather when she was eleven. She calls to Rah and Zyn to sit with her under the willow tree and - wait a second. So this tree was around during the time of the hazy-filled sky. Golda even talks about how frightening it was. But I thought that most stuff didn't grow without sunlight. I - I'm just going to move on *is tired*
Anyway, Rah notices that Golda is reading a story which was about her great-grandmother. Zyn asks her to read it to them and we get an incredibly stupid poem titled "The Fishing Hole". And I mean it's really, really mediocre and goes on for five freaking pages. I know that Stouffer bragged before about her children's poetry, but this? Let's have a look at the first section.
"Perched high on a fence by a field of corn,
Ralphie the rooster doodle-dooed the morn,
as though he were proud
a new day was born.
I pulled up the covers clear over my head,
Still smelling honeysuckle next to the shed"
ZeldaQueen: That's how it goes. The syllables and rhyming is weird and Stouffer just makes up names to fit the rhymes. Like this beautiful bit.
"Granny had room
in her heart, mind, and house,
For a tattered and torn rag doll named Clouse,
Old picnic baskets, and yes - even a mouse
All living things need a home;
it only seems fair,
Animals of all shapes and sizes
were everywhere,
Horses, chickens, geese,
a mule, a dog, and a hare."
ZeldaQueen: Seriously? I've written better children's poetry. In Scots. Look Stouffer, your bragging would carry more weight if you didn't suck so badly. Sorry, but it's true. That's not even getting into the issue of why Golda's mother would be writing about her grandmother if Golda was the only Muggle to ever be a freaking grandmother.
Anyway, we're told that Rah and Zyn continue to meet Golda in the secret place, where she teaches them all sorts of stuff. One day, the boys ask her to teach them the language of the Snoutfish, because I'm sure every child wants to learn how to talk to fish. To do this, they go to the edge of Lemonade Lake? Remember that place? This is leading up to a rather silly revelation.
Golda has them put their ears to the water so they can hear the Snoutfish talking. The boys can only hear the Snoutfish breathing. Breathing? Uh...okay. I guess I can let that pass only because Stouffer previously informed us that Snoutfish sometimes stick their noses above water, so theoretically they could be breathing (not sure exactly how that works, but whatever). She doesn't specify if their noses are above water or not, so we'll just assume they are. After a bit, both boys hear them talking. Unfortunately, Zyn can't understand what they're saying. But then it turns out that Rah can, and gives some silly explanation about how it's "symbolic sounds". As they turn to listen again, we get an infodump about how Zyn is insecure in the presence of Rah.
It turns out that the fish are talking about how hungry they are, so Golda suggests that they get food for the fish. She and Zyn go off in search of some and as they search, Golda takes a drink from Lemonade lake. She then tells Zyn to take a drink and he is shocked to discover that the water tastes like...wait for it...Kool Aide. No seriously, it tastes like lemonade. Because apparently in a post-apocalyptic world, they've still got lemonade. No mention about why this is or how Zyn somehow went for most of his life without realizing that a place called Lemonade Lake tastes like lemonade! Gah. And this is "the strangest thing [he] learned about today". Kid needs to get out more.
Golda then finds a colorful, smooth stone in the lake and gives it to Zyn. She explains that it's a "worry stone", which is reputed to have magical powers. All you do is rub it when you're worried about something and you will be reminded of how much you are loved. While this is possibly the best-written part of the chapter thus far, I find it hilarious that Stouffer sued Rowling over things that are considered normal fantasy elements while she herself is cribbing something like worry stones. Anywho, Zyn is happy that he is the only one to be given the stone and that Rah does not have one. Well gee, this is all so subtle!
Golda and Zyn find seeds good for feeding the fish and do so. They and Rah all head back to the village where Stouffer does some more pointless name drops as she introduces more Muggles (who we'll never hear of again) and their jobs (which don't affect the story). The chapter ends with Bumper (remember him?) crying his eyes out for reasons we have yet to hear of. Hooray for bizarre chapter breaks.
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Onward to: Chapter Eight: Doctor! Doctor!
Back to: Chapter Six: An Emergency Situation
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter Seven: A Special Place And A Stone
Again, this one is kind of...empty. You'll just have to see.
Well, some unspecified amount of time has passed and Rah and Zyn are now a lot older and capable of looking after themselves. They seem to be quite adventurous and go exploring the forest and shorelines a lot.
Our chapter starts with them exploring and going off "Pinker Path" and into the forest. They find a giant willow tree and a big lake filled with "snoutfish". We're told that snoutfish are so named because they have horn-shaped snouts that they use to suck up their food "like vacuum cleaners". I actually think this is less stupid than the Greeblies and Nardles, if only because their names aren't like those of a poor man's Doctor Seuss
It turns out that Golda is also here, because this is her secret place that she first found with her grandfather when she was eleven. She calls to Rah and Zyn to sit with her under the willow tree and - wait a second. So this tree was around during the time of the hazy-filled sky. Golda even talks about how frightening it was. But I thought that most stuff didn't grow without sunlight. I - I'm just going to move on *is tired*
Anyway, Rah notices that Golda is reading a story which was about her great-grandmother. Zyn asks her to read it to them and we get an incredibly stupid poem titled "The Fishing Hole". And I mean it's really, really mediocre and goes on for five freaking pages. I know that Stouffer bragged before about her children's poetry, but this? Let's have a look at the first section.
"Perched high on a fence by a field of corn,
Ralphie the rooster doodle-dooed the morn,
as though he were proud
a new day was born.
I pulled up the covers clear over my head,
Still smelling honeysuckle next to the shed"
ZeldaQueen: That's how it goes. The syllables and rhyming is weird and Stouffer just makes up names to fit the rhymes. Like this beautiful bit.
"Granny had room
in her heart, mind, and house,
For a tattered and torn rag doll named Clouse,
Old picnic baskets, and yes - even a mouse
All living things need a home;
it only seems fair,
Animals of all shapes and sizes
were everywhere,
Horses, chickens, geese,
a mule, a dog, and a hare."
ZeldaQueen: Seriously? I've written better children's poetry. In Scots. Look Stouffer, your bragging would carry more weight if you didn't suck so badly. Sorry, but it's true. That's not even getting into the issue of why Golda's mother would be writing about her grandmother if Golda was the only Muggle to ever be a freaking grandmother.
Anyway, we're told that Rah and Zyn continue to meet Golda in the secret place, where she teaches them all sorts of stuff. One day, the boys ask her to teach them the language of the Snoutfish, because I'm sure every child wants to learn how to talk to fish. To do this, they go to the edge of Lemonade Lake? Remember that place? This is leading up to a rather silly revelation.
Golda has them put their ears to the water so they can hear the Snoutfish talking. The boys can only hear the Snoutfish breathing. Breathing? Uh...okay. I guess I can let that pass only because Stouffer previously informed us that Snoutfish sometimes stick their noses above water, so theoretically they could be breathing (not sure exactly how that works, but whatever). She doesn't specify if their noses are above water or not, so we'll just assume they are. After a bit, both boys hear them talking. Unfortunately, Zyn can't understand what they're saying. But then it turns out that Rah can, and gives some silly explanation about how it's "symbolic sounds". As they turn to listen again, we get an infodump about how Zyn is insecure in the presence of Rah.
It turns out that the fish are talking about how hungry they are, so Golda suggests that they get food for the fish. She and Zyn go off in search of some and as they search, Golda takes a drink from Lemonade lake. She then tells Zyn to take a drink and he is shocked to discover that the water tastes like...wait for it...Kool Aide. No seriously, it tastes like lemonade. Because apparently in a post-apocalyptic world, they've still got lemonade. No mention about why this is or how Zyn somehow went for most of his life without realizing that a place called Lemonade Lake tastes like lemonade! Gah. And this is "the strangest thing [he] learned about today". Kid needs to get out more.
Golda then finds a colorful, smooth stone in the lake and gives it to Zyn. She explains that it's a "worry stone", which is reputed to have magical powers. All you do is rub it when you're worried about something and you will be reminded of how much you are loved. While this is possibly the best-written part of the chapter thus far, I find it hilarious that Stouffer sued Rowling over things that are considered normal fantasy elements while she herself is cribbing something like worry stones. Anywho, Zyn is happy that he is the only one to be given the stone and that Rah does not have one. Well gee, this is all so subtle!
Golda and Zyn find seeds good for feeding the fish and do so. They and Rah all head back to the village where Stouffer does some more pointless name drops as she introduces more Muggles (who we'll never hear of again) and their jobs (which don't affect the story). The chapter ends with Bumper (remember him?) crying his eyes out for reasons we have yet to hear of. Hooray for bizarre chapter breaks.
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Onward to: Chapter Eight: Doctor! Doctor!
Back to: Chapter Six: An Emergency Situation
Back to: Table of Contents