Fic: Five Times Kurt Hummel Fell For Someone, And One Time They Fell For Him Too Post I
Five Times Kurt Hummel Fell For Someone
And One Time They Fell For Him Too
For: chuckney and the gleeslash Gleekret Santa Exchange
Fandom: Glee
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox, I just like playing in it.
Pairings: Several counts of Kurt/OMC, Kurt/Puck, Kurt/Finn
Rating / Warnings: PG-13 for some language and boys making out, if that offends.
Spoilers: Through "Sectionals," see the author's note for details.
Summary: Kurt's always given his heart away at the drop of a hat. He's working on it. He swears.
Notes: 18,071 words.
Beta by bekkis, even though I only gave her, like, a day to do it. GO TELL HER SHE'S GORGEOUS FOR ME, YO. ♥
Part 1 is based on the interview here.
Part 5 includes some blink-and-you'll-miss-it casting spoilers for the back nine. If you don't know about it, you'll never know it's there. If you DO know about it, you might not know it's there, but I figured I'd mention it anyway. Think of it as an easter egg.
Sorry this took so long, chuckney! It ate my braaaaaaaaaaaaaain. This is why prompts given to me should be 'they make sandwiches, the end'. And even that would end up 5000+ words. I tried to include your first prompt in here as well, because that was equally awesome. Enjoy enjoy enjoy!
Con crit is loved and appreciated.
1) Kimberly Hart
When Kurt is little, his mom and dad always take him to visit his cousins’ just outside of Dayton. They spend every Saturday playing in their yard or going into the city to do something educational, and then there's a big family dinner that they all help cook. Owen and Mikey were a few years older than him, and like to roughhouse and tease him for being such a baby. But Kurt has the determination of any other four year old when it comes to his cooler, older cousins. He wants them to play with him, and he's ready to go crying to each one of their parents to get his way.
One time, the boys are already outside when the Hummels arrive. They're playing some game where they yell a lot and punch and kick at the air. They shoot invisible lasers at invisible enemies, and then they start acting like robots. Kurt doesn't understand what's going on, but they just say that it's not a game for babies. If he really wants to play, he can be one of the Putty Patrollers. They start doing their fake karate moves at him and push him around and shoot their lasers and Kurt doesn't like it one bit. He runs into the kitchen and grabs hold of his mother, sobbing that they're being mean to him and won't tell him what they're playing and he got his new sweatshirt dirty when they pushed him down. His mom hugs him tight and kisses his cheek, and promises to sit the boys down for a talk. She lets him stay in the kitchen and watch as she makes desert with her sister, sneaking him bits of chocolate and more kisses as they work.
The next day his mom puts on a tape that Aunt Kathy had given her. It's Owen and Mikey's favorite show and the game they were playing, she tells him. Kurt sits and watches in awe. It's a big boy show, and it's loud and colorful and Kurt can't look away. A bunch of older kids magically get special colorful suits that give them super powers, and then they have giant robots shaped like dinosaurs that turn into an even bigger robot. And they fight bad guys and save the day and everybody likes them.
There are only three episodes on the tape. As soon as it's done, he asks his mom to rewind it so can watch it again. When he goes to bed that night, he tells his dad that he wants to be a Power Ranger when he grows up. His dad seems to think this is a pretty good idea.
He's really excited for the next Saturday, because Aunt Kathy has more tapes that he can borrow. He races into the back yard as soon as they arrive. The boys are already outside, punching and kicking, and when they see Kurt they yell that he's the new monster Rita's sent after them. Kurt stamps his feet on the ground and screams that, no, he's not a monster, he's a Power Ranger and he's going to help them.
Owen and Mikey think it over and agree that they need some help with this new monster. "It's Morphin' time!" Owen calls out as he puts his hand out in front of him. "Tyranasaurus!" he yells, then strikes a cool pose. "Yeah!"
Mikey does the same thing. "Triceratops!" He kicks at the air. "Morphenominal!"
Kurt holds both his hands out. "Pterodactyl!" He spins in place and giggles.
His cousins cross their arms and pout at him. "You can't be Kimberly! You have to be Zack or Tommy," Mikey whines.
"Yeah, Kimberly's a girl," Owen says with a scrunched up face. "We're not gonna play with any girls."
"'M not a girl," Kurt whines and shakes his little fists. "I like the pink one. She's pretty and nice and I'll tell my mommy if you don't let me be the pink one!"
The boys don't want to have to deal with another lecture from their mother about being nice to Kurt. So they let him be the Pink Ranger. They punch and kick and shoot their lasers while Kurt runs around and jumps off things and does summersaults until he can't breathe from laughing. When his Uncle Frank comes out to check on them, he scoops Kurt into his arms and flies him around like he's in the Pterodactyl Zord. When they're called in to help with dinner, Owen tells him that he's the reason they were able to stop the monster, and Mikey says his flips were really cool, and Kurt feels really grown up.
He has a new tape when they get home, though his mom says he's only allowed to watch one episode every day. As soon as he gets home from preschool, he sits cross-legged on the floor in front of the television and tries his best to memorize everything about the show. He loves almost everyone, even the bullies, because they’re silly. But Kimberly is his absolute favorite. Her hair is pretty like his mommy's and she likes flowers like his mommy and she does really cool flips, which he doesn't think his mommy can do but they're just really cool. He knows Owen's really bossy so he likes Jason, and Mikey has glasses and is really smart so he likes Billy, and they're really cool to. But Kurt likes spinning around and dancing and pterodactyls are the best dinosaur, so he likes Kim.
He doesn't like Tommy very much. He doesn't understand why Kimberly goes to dances with him and holds his hand and other gross stuff. Tommy's stupid. His favorite episodes are the ones he's not in.
Playing Power Rangers is their new favorite game. Even when they have to go on boring trips to museums and things, they spend their time pointing out where monsters could be hiding and quietly kick their butts. When it gets colder and they can't go outside, they sit and color while they watch the tapes Kurt's already seen hundreds of times. All of Kurt's drawings are of him with Kimberly and her pterodactyl, doing flips and kicking bad guy butt together. They slowly replace all his other drawings that are on the fridge. He runs out of pink crayons a lot.
At Christmas, they all get really big Power Ranger dolls that are made of heavy plastic and can fight and come with Morphing Coins that they can wear. Owen gets Jason and Mikey gets Billy, of course. Kurt's dad got him Tommy, which is stupid because Tommy's stupid. He plays with him anyway, because he doesn't want to be left out again. It makes his dad really happy, which almost cheers him up.
After Christmas dinner, his dad and Uncle Frank go outside to smoke (which is a Bad Thing Grown Ups Do That He Should Never Do Ever), and his mom and Aunt Kathy give him one last secret present. It's a Kim doll. She's not the same as the other dolls. She's not heavy and her arms and legs don't move as much, but she has real hair and she can change from her Power Ranger suit to regular clothes and she's really pretty and he loves her. Owen and Mikey make fun of him for having a Barbie, but he just sticks his tongue out at them and brushes her hair.
He plays with Tommy when his dad is watching him, but late at night when he's supposed to be asleep, he takes Kim out from under the bed and changes her into her suit and makes her flip around and fight bad guys. And then he changes her back to her regular clothes and brushes her hair and then dances with her around his room, because she thinks he's a lot cooler than Tommy and wants to hold his hand instead.
Eventually, Owen and Mikey start getting bored with Power Rangers. They start liking some dumb cartoon with a stupid yellow thing that fights other stupid animals and it's really stupid. But Kurt's watched all the tapes, and the show that's on TV after school has new Power Rangers that just aren't as cool. And nobody at preschool knows what it is and won't play with him. So, slowly, Kurt starts finding other things that are just as cool, like singing and musicals and playing dress up. After awhile, he forgets all about them.
Kurt grows up. They don't go to visit his cousins so much after his mom gets sick. After a few years they stop talking all together, beyond the requisite Christmas card and Owen's graduation announcement. Kurt doesn't really miss them that much.
One day, long after he's discovered the Internet, Kurt stumbles on some old Power Ranger episodes on YouTube. He can't resist watching them. He can't believe that he used to love this show as much as he did; it's terribly dubbed over and the dialogue is ridiculous and everyone's such a goody two shoes. It's not at all compelling. Though it's really obvious to him now that Skull was totally in love with Bulk.
When he signs off, he goes into his closet and digs around until he finds his old Kim Barbie (because that's exactly what it is, he can't deny it.) He dresses her up in her Ranger costume and cartwheels her over his desk a few times. Then he changes her back and brushes her hair out and dances with her around his room. Because if there were ever any gay kids in Angel Grove, Kimberly would have been their fag hag for sure.
2) Chester Graham
On Kurt's first day of first grade, his dad walks him to the bus stop. It's just at the end of his street, only two houses down, but he insists on coming with him. He holds his hand as they walk, beaming. His boy is going to school. It's a milestone. He's got his camera ready and he might even cry from fatherly pride. Kurt doesn’t get why this is any different from his other first days of preschool and kindergarten, but he's got new shoes that are really shiny and a superhero lunch box filled with PB+J (without crusts) and a note from his mommy, so he'll allow it for now.
There are a couple of other kids already at the stop. Most of them are older and don't need their parents to see them on the bus. In fact, only one other little boy is there with his mom and dad. Kurt's dad seems to know them, and they shake hands in greeting and start comparing their cameras, trying to determine who will get the better shots. Kurt kind of remembers seeing the boy playing in his yard further down the street, but he's never talked to him before. He's never talked to any of the boys on his street. He holds his father's hand a little tighter, suddenly shy.
The boy is anything but. He grins widely, showing off a lot of gaps from missing teeth. "Hi!" he chirps. "I'm Chester."
"Kurt," he says. He stares down at his reflection in his shiny shoes. When was the bus getting here?
"I like your lunchbox," Chester went on, lisping slightly due to his missing front teeth. "Superman's my third favorite superhero. My first is the Hulk. My second is the Ninja Turtles. My big brother says the Ninja Turtles aren't real superheroes, but he's a poop head, so they're my second."
Kurt stares at him in stunned silence for a moment. "Thanks. My daddy bought it for me."
"Is he your favorite?"
"My daddy?"
"No, poop head, Superman!"
"Oh." Kurt looks around as he thinks. He doesn't even know who the guy on his lunch box is, nevermind if he's his favorite anything. "I like the Power Rangers, but I don't know if they're really super heroes."
"Cool!" The boy holds out his own lunch box. "Do you like mine? It's Hot Wheels. I have like a billion Hot Wheels at home. You should come over some time and play with them with me, it's a lot of fun! Sometimes my big brother builds me ramps and we can shoot them all over the house! It's so much fun!"
Chester really likes to talk. He barely pauses to breathe as he describes his favorite cars and the cool tricks he can make them do, then doubles back and starts talking about the ramps and how one time his brother made a car hit him in the face and that's how he lost one of his teeth. Kurt kind of wants to tell him that his father works will all kinds of cars, only they're real and cooler, but he doesn't even try to get a word in edgewise.
When the bus arrives, their parents have them stand together in front of it so they can take a few quick pictures. As the boys climb up, Chester enthusiastically introduces himself to the fat lady driving. He grabs Kurt's hand and has them sit directly behind her. He starts talking about the time he got on a plane with his mom and dad and brother and they went far away to look at a really big hole in the ground and it was really cool and Kurt just keeps on staring at his shiny shoes.
He's not sure if he likes Chester or not just yet. He's glad that he has someone to sit with on the bus, because he was really worried about that. He's glad he talks so much and hasn't asked him why his mommy wasn't at the bus stop with him and his dad. When he finds out the other boy's going to be in Ms. Ross's class, and not Miss Kelly's with him, he's a little disappointed.
Everybody he used to play with last year is in Ms. Ross's class - Mercedes, Artie, Brittany, everybody. He's stuck at a table next to Jacob Israel, who smells funny and sometimes eats paste. Rachel Berry is a few tables over, near their teacher, and he can hear her talking and singing when they're supposed to be making nametags and Kurt's never liked her, so he's not very happy that she's here. He stays quite for the whole day, doing his work without so much as a peep. At lunch, they still have to sit with their classes. He can see his friends all sitting together at Ms. Ross's table, laughing and sharing their desserts and not even noticing him. But Chester sees him. His face lights up and he starts to wave frantically and he doesn't stop until Kurt raises a hand back in his direction. Kurt wiggles his fingers just a little and the corners of his mouth perk up and maybe he likes Chester after all.
On the bus ride home, Chester tells him all about all the things he did and all the people he'd met that day. Ms. Ross is really strict and keeps her desks in rows and they already have homework. Kurt interrupts him, because Miss Kelly is young and nice and lets them play games that help with spelling and math and the only homework he has is to play outside while the weather is still nice. Chester hangs on his every word. Kurt talks for a full six minutes, more than he's said to anyone the entire day. He's finally starting to feel excited about school. When he steps off the bus, he's smiling so hard that his father just has to smile back.
Chester invites him over for an after school snack, but Kurt wants to get home and tell his mommy about how excited he is now. He doesn’t tell Chester that, though, just politely says no thanks.
~*~
Eventually, Kurt decides that yes, he does like Chester. He likes Chester a lot. He's funny and full of energy and he doesn't think Kurt's singing and clothes are stupid at all. He likes cars and bugs and superheroes and a lot of other things that Kurt doesn’t really get, but he doesn't make fun of him for it. He's willing to explain to him exactly why all those things are cool, and... Well, Kurt still doesn't really get it, but Chester likes them, so maybe there's something to it. The boy never fails to put a smile on Kurt's face, even if all he's doing is waving to him in the cafeteria.
Every morning, Kurt waits at the front window until he sees his friend walking towards the end of the street and runs out to join him, because his dad won't let him go alone. Kurt meets Chester at the bus stop and they trade stories about the night before - the TV shows they watched and the games they played and what they had for dinner. They'd sit together on the bus and Kurt teaches him the new song he had heard on the radio, or the old ones his mommy used to sing to him. On the ride back, they'll swap stories about their lessons and Chester will complain about Ms. Ross. He's not the smartest boy he's ever met, Kurt realizes, and Ms. Ross is harsh and mean and no fun. Miss Kelly makes every lesson a game or a song and Kurt loves every second of it, even if Rachel Berry keeps upstaging him. He does his best to try and pass these lessons along to his new friend, but Chester shrugs it off, because school is stupid anyway.
Chester always invites him over for a snack or to dinner or even to sleep overs on the weekend, but Kurt always says no. He doesn't want to be away from home any longer than he has to. It's another great thing about Chester: he always invites him and never asks why he says no. He still says Kurt is his friend and still talks to him even though he doesn't want to play anymore, unlike some other people in Ms. Ross's class who are totally poop heads.
Getting to talk to Chester is his favorite part of every day. His parents don't really get why he doesn't want to play with him after school, but they're just happy that he's so happy, and that he has gotten so close to someone. When Chester's birthday approaches, Kurt's dad takes him to the mall and lets him wander around for hours, trying to decide on the perfect present.
Kurt holds his breath as Chester rips away the wrapping paper, right there at the end of the street. His face brightens with one of the biggest smiles Kurt's ever seen on his small face. "My big brother never lets me play with his Transformers!" he says, which of course Kurt knows, because he's heard all the stories. Chester grins down at the box in his hands. "Now I have one, and he totally won't be allowed to touch it."
"It turns into a really cool car," Kurt points out. "Well, my daddy says it's a really cool car. I thought you'd like it."
"Mmhmm!" Chester hums excitedly. "Thanks a lot, Kurt." The birthday boy pulls him into a hug, and Kurt smiles and gives him a quick kiss on the lips and hugs him back as tight as he can manage.
The older boys are all staring at them, he notices, laughing to themselves and pointing and whispering. Chester is staring at him, too, his face scrunched up and confused. He glances over to the boys, then quickly shoves his gift into his backpack. He stares at the ground until the bus arrives. He doesn't say a word the entire ride, which Kurt never thought was even possible. Chester won't even look at him when he tells him about his trip to the mall and all the things he could have bought for him, but didn't. When they get to school, Chester runs ahead of him and disappears without a sound.
Kurt spends his day worried. He can't even get into the Math March with the other kids, which is always his favorite because he always beats Rachel to be the leader. His head is too caught up in just what could have happened in that short time that made Chester so sad all of a sudden.
When Kurt gets on the bus that afternoon, Chester is sitting in their usual seat, but with his backpack and lunch box and a few other presents spread out where Kurt always sits. The other boy stares out the window and won't turn around no matter how much Kurt tries to get his attention, and the bus driver glares at him so he just takes an empty seat a few rows back.
At their stop, Kurt tries desperately to get his friend to tell him what's wrong. He tugs at his arm with all his weight and begs him to say something. He doesn't. He just turns around and pushes him as hard as he can and then takes off running down the street. Kurt sits there on the hard asphalt and his butt hurts and his hands are all scratched up and even though he's a big boy now, he can't stop himself from starting to cry. The older boys are all laughing at him again, and they're calling him names that he doesn't understand and home has never felt so far away.
When he does finally make it home, he throws his stuff down in the front hallway and heads straight for his parent's room. His mommy is propped up in bed, like she always is, staring blankly at the TV. Kurt crawls up with her, careful to not get tangled in the tubes that connect her to all the different machines in the room, and rests his head in her lap. She's watching My Fair Lady and the sound's on really low, which is okay with Kurt because he always thought she sang it way better than the lady in the movie. He listens to her ragged breathing and tries not to think.
"What's the matter, pumpkin?" she asks after a few minutes, running her fingers gently through his hair. She tries very hard not to cough, but Kurt can feel the vibrations through her body. He turns and buries his face in her lap and won't say a word.
After a few long minutes, when he can't take it anymore, he lifts his head up but won't look over at her. "Mommy?"
"Yes, pumpkin?"
"What does 'queer' mean?"
Her fingers stop and she sits up a little straighter in bed. "Why? Did someone... did someone say that to you?" Kurt just shakes his head and pushes his face back into her thigh. He knew he shouldn't have asked. He can tell she's upset by the way she's breathing, even though she's resting back on her pillows and has gone back to stroking his hair. Finally, she says, "It means... something different. Something special that's like no one else around and sometimes people don't quite understand it at first. But after some time, they realize just how amazing it really is, and they love it forever."
Kurt can tell she's lying, in that way that grown ups do where it's not really lying but still isn’t at all true. Like when his father told him that his mommy was going to come home from the hospital because she didn't like it there and missed her family. Kurt had known then that she was coming home without getting better, and if she couldn't get better at the hospital than she wasn't getting better at all.
She leans down, careful of her oxygen tube, and kisses her son behind the ear. "And you're my special little boy," she whispers, nuzzling into his hair. "And I'm going to love you forever."
Kurt wishes he could believe her.
3) Lucas Post
His father says that he has to come by the garage after school, and that just because he's finally a teenager doesn't mean he can take care of himself. Kurt doesn't really mind; it's not like he'd do anything different if he were at home. This way, after he's done his homework in the office, he can come out and work with his dad, learn some stuff about cars, and earn a little spending money. It's all very boring, if he's honest with himself, but he knows his dad likes the time together, and anything that makes him a little less sad is worth doing. Because it certainly wasn't because he needed the help, much less from Kurt.
Hummel Tires & Lube was known as a kind of starting point for people just setting out into the auto-repair business. Kurt's dad would hire the people with no experience for a few weeks, giving them some hands-on training and a good referral, then send them on to bigger and better things. He'd say he was their mentor, that he enjoyed being the one to start them on the path of the most fulfilling careers imaginable (his words). Kurt suspected that it had more to do with not being able to afford taking on anybody else full time, but he wasn't about to argue.
Still, it's interesting to watch the parade of people that come and go through their doors. It's mostly recent McKinley graduates who had tinkered around with their own cars before but didn't want to commit to trade school just yet. There's the occasional older man who had gotten fed up with his desk job and wants to turn his hobby into a career. And then there are the people who are just passing through. The drifters who would come to Lima hoping to start over in a quiet little town, but would leave after a few months, because it's Lima. Kurt always spends hours watching them work, talking to them, trying to figure out their stories. They fascinate him - not so much because of their chosen career path, but the fact they could just get up and go to an entirely new life at the drop of the hat... he could never imagine doing something like that, but not for lack of wanting to.
They are people like Tony, who used to be bouncer at a strip club somewhere out in Texas. Almost all of his stories would get cut off by his dad, who didn't think they were appropriate for a boy his age, but Kurt's pretty sure what his mind comes up with to fill in the blanks is a whole lot worse than the truth. Or Meg, with her shocking pink hair and crazy, industrial music. She would take scrap metal home and weld it together into giant sculptures she's leave on her front lawn. The rest of the town would complain about how unsightly they were, and Kurt would be the first to say they were butt ugly, but he still really admired her for it. And then there are the people who won't talk to him at all, and Kurt has to take in their tattoos and their scars and come up with their stories on his own.
And for the past few weeks, there had been Lucas.
He was only eighteen, having dropped out of high school in favor of traveling the world a little. He drove a motorcycle and had an earring. He would sneak outside to smoke or drink from the flask he kept in the pocket of his coveralls, and when he did he'd give a quite little nod to Kurt that said 'Don't tell, this is our little secret.' He played guitar and used to sing in the band he left back in Pittsburgh. He wasn't very good, judging by the way he sang along with the radio, but when Kurt knew enough of the words to join in, he'd smile just a little bit wider.
Kurt liked it when he smiled. Kurt liked him a lot in general, though he was nothing at all like the kind of guy he had decided he would end up with. He wasn't sophisticated or articulate and he was pretty sure he only owned three t-shirts. But that didn't stop Kurt from watching him from his father's office, his hands and face and neck covered in grease, the muscles in his arms bulging as he fought with stubborn screws and nuts. After spending his days watching him, Kurt would dream about those arms as they pressed him hard against one of those cars as he swooped down to kiss him. In the morning he'd wake up feeling sweaty and wearing a pair of ruined pajama bottoms. That part was getting kind of annoying.
The little voice inside of Kurt whispers that he should try and be brave, and thinks that maybe he should stop just looking. For once, Kurt listens.
He digs through his book bag with a little extra panic and turns to his father. "I need to go to the library."
His dad looks up from the stack of custom orders he had been going through. He's grumpier than usual today. "What, right now?"
"Yeah." Kurt swallows deeply. "I've got a report due tomorrow. I kind of forgot."
His dad's frown deepens. "That's not like you."
"I know. It's just for history. I thought it would be easy so I put it off but now I can't find the book I need and the school will be locked by now so I can't go get it and I-"
"Okay, okay, calm down." His father looks down at his paperwork, sighs, and calls out into the garage, "Hey, Luke!"
Sometimes, when his father is too busy (or too lazy), he'll send Lucas out to get coffee or Chinese food or something from AutoZone. And when Kurt asks nicely, Lucas will toss him his helmet and let him ride on the back of the bike. His father would usually frown and make veiled threats about what would happen to his apprentice if his only son ended up as road kill, but Lucas was charming enough and had proved his loyalty and had assured his boss that he knew how to handle a motorcycle. It was all blatant lies, in Kurt's opinion. He is absolutely terrified of that thing, especially the way Lucas drives it. But it's an excuse to bury his face into his back, take in the smell of grease and sweat and man while his arms are tight around his muscled stomach. Once, all that closeness combined with the vibrations from the bike had led to a bit of an accident, but Kurt had covered it up by spilling his iced mocha latte down the front of his new Dior jeans. It had cost over $300 and his father was now making him pay for his own designer clothes, but it had been worth it.
"Where the hell is the library even at in this town?" Lucas wonders aloud as Kurt settles behind him.
"In the center of town, near the post office," Kurt tells him. He glances back to make sure his father is still in the office. "But I don't really need to go there. I'm just bored."
"Oh man," Lucas says with a laugh as he kicks the bike to life. "Where were you in all the jobs I didn't like?"
They drive around town for a long time. Lucas yells something about the feel of the wind in his face but Kurt's too busy trying not to fall off. They pass by his house, and he's very tempted to ask them to stop, go hang out for a while, maybe take him down to his room... He may be brave today, but he's not completely delusional. No way a guy like him would want to do anything with a scrawny awkward inexperienced seventh grader who keeps ruining his pants.
They have to stop for gas. Lucas buys himself a new pack of cigarettes and a blue Slushie for Kurt. They sit in the parking lot, smoking and drinking, and Kurt can barely keep hold of the cup with his sweaty palms.
"You know, kid, you're pretty cool."
Kurt feels like his face is going to break, he smiles so hard. "Really?"
"Yeah," he says, blowing a stream of smoke towards his feet. "And if anybody ever says otherwise, punch them in the face."
Kurt laughs. His head feels light. "Most people just say I'm... weird."
"So you got some quirks, big fucking deal." He punches him lightly on the arm. "Give it another year or two, every girl in that school is gonna want on your dick. They love all that metro-whatever bullshit."
Kurt suddenly feels hot, in a very different way than Lucas normally makes him feel. He stares into the depths of his blue-flavored ice and tries to think of a way to say it without actually saying it because he's never said it before and maybe he's been more wrong about all this than he's willing to admit. Longing and what-could-be's, he can deal with. Confrontation is a whole different beast. "I'm not... I don't... really... I..." He stutters for a few more seconds before just shutting up.
Lucas has gone still beside him, and he can't bring himself to look up at his face. "You some kind of fag or something?"
Kurt's mind flashes back to elementary school. Rachel Berry throwing a tantrum on the playground, something about her dads. There's an assembly about tolerance that was lame as hell, even if it did answer a whole lot of questions Kurt didn't even knew he had. All he can think of is the guy in the bear suit and baseball uniform as he repeats, "That word's a stone, it can hurt just as much. You shouldn't use it."
He hears Lucas snort at how absolutely pathetic he is. "I just call 'em like I see 'em. A fag's a fag."
Try as he might to stop them, the tears start to dribble down his cheeks. He knows his face his red and starting to scrunch up and he can't bend any lower over his cup, which he's starting to crush between his shaking hands. Because he is but he's not and this is not the way today was supposed to go.
"Jesus, kid, I don't give two shits. Nobody loves fags more'n me. I'm just stating facts, y'know?" He throws his cigarette to the ground and crushes it under his boot. Kurt tries to focus on that, anything that's outside of himself or this conversation or anything right now. "And be careful with that thing, you're gonna make a mess of yourself."
"Don't tell my dad." His voice is tiny, hollow, and he doesn't bother to see if Lucas even heard him as he stands and walks away. He dumps his Slushie, dries his face with the back of his hands, and runs his fingers through his hair. He slips on a mask of stony indifference and walks back to the bike.
"You're gonna have to get a thicker skin, kid. Lot more people are gonna say a lot worse than me." Lucas says as he hands Kurt his helmet. "I'm just an idiot. Most others are flat-out mean."
Kurt straps it on and climbs on behind him. "It really doesn't matter," he says as he reluctantly wraps his arms around the older man. "Because I... I'm not gay."
He's said it. There are extra words and the meaning's different, but it's still an admission all on its own. It's out there now, for the world to see and judge and do with what it will. Lucas chooses to roll his eyes, because he thinks he knows better. For someone who's supposed to be older, Kurt realizes, he doesn't know nearly as much about the world as he probably thinks.
Kurt doesn't know much either, he can admit. But if he's learned anything, it's that he's never being brave again.
Kurt holds on just as tight as always on the ride back, because he's still afraid of dying horribly. The closeness makes him feel sick, though, and he can't get back to the garage fast enough. They stop at a library to get that book he needed, so they'll have a cover story. When they get back, Kurt locks himself in the office and pretends to read, not daring to look up from the page he never turns.
He does the same thing the next day, and the next, and the next. His dad keeps asking him what's wrong, but he just shrugs it off as school and stress and being a teenager. He considers playing the mom card, which he hates to do, even if it's necessary sometimes. He just wants to be left alone.
A few days later, his dad catches Lucas with his flask. It's a minor offense at worst, but good old Burt just knows that something hasn't been quite right and fires him on the spot. Lucas tries to say goodbye, but Kurt focuses on his schoolwork and pretends he's not even there. He watches from the window as Lucas pulls out of the parking lot on his death trap of a motorcycle. A big part of him hopes that he crashes. The rest of him doesn't even bother to feel bad about it.
4) Noah Puckerman
On the first day of freshman year, Kurt is shoved into some lockers and nearly loses all the confidence he had spent the summer building. Then he notices that the person doing the shoving is absolutely gorgeous, and he has an equally gorgeous and apologetic friend. Of course, he knows Puck and Finn, he's been going to school with them for as long as he cares to remember. But this was after a summer of puberty and growth spurts and football training and wow, his arms are big. He is completely willing to forgive the tragic Mohawk because it just works on him.
He gives his heart to Finn, because he's nice and always has the decency to look embarrassed when his teammates gang up on him. But he's always being sickeningly sweet with his perfect blonde girlfriend and it hurts a little too much to watch them sometimes, holding hands and smiling and being offensively happy. So sometimes, Kurt lets his mind wander, just a little, to the boy with the bad attitude and something to prove.
Even as a lowly freshman, Puck had already slept with half of the Cheerios, if the rumors were true. And most of their older sisters. And some of their mothers. And Ms. Sylvester, which is just disturbing. He has a girlfriend too, half the time. Santana Lopez is best known at this point of her high school career for her very public attacks on her boyfriend, trying to kill him in one breath then trying to fuck him in the next. Regardless, Puck's response is a cocky smile and a slap on her ass that just eggs her on.
A guy with that much sexual energy, in Kurt's opinion, had to be a little bi-curious. At least.
He is still in love with Finn, of course, and he fully plans on seducing him over to his side as soon as the opportunity arises. But Puck would be good for something quick and dirty, janitor's closet between classes, no emotions, hot and wet and hard, gasping for breath and covered in sweat. And afterwards, Puck would punch him in the back of the head as they pass in the cafeteria, but with a twinkle in his eye that said 'same time tomorrow.'
Not that Kurt thought about it a lot.
He knows he should maybe feel guilty, because, as a founding member of the Celibacy Club, Finn would never be interested in someone who wanted to be so used. But screw it, fantasizing won't hurt anybody. It's not like Puck will ever, ever admit to wanting him anyway, no matter how true Kurt knows it is.
Maybe he doesn't try very hard to avoid the bullying, though. Because maybe he's a little pathetic. When every shove and back pack tossed in the toilet and Slushie to the face is an admission of secret lust, then Kurt is willing to bear it with grace and dignity.
He's very aware, one afternoon, as he cuts through the staff parking lot on his way home, that he's being followed by the object of his lust. This is it, he thinks as he spins suddenly to face his stalker. We're alone. There's no one around for him to reaffirm his masculinity to. It's going to happen.
"What can I do for you, Noah?" he asks primly, hoping his excitement isn't showing.
Puck looks startled that he's being so forward, but shakes it off and returns to his usual angry scowl. "You know that stupid essay we have to write for Mrs. Lewis's class?"
"No." Kurt waits for him to get it, but Puck continues to stare him down menacingly. "I'm in honors English. Where we actually read the books."
"Like I give a shit," Puck says as he takes a step closer, getting into his personal space. It's supposed to be threatening, but Kurt's body doesn't seem to know that. "Point is, you're a loser who will write it for me, because when you do, we'll leave you alone for a week."
"Wow, a whole week," Kurt gasps in mock excitement. Obviously, when there isn't enough blood in his brain, he becomes stupidly brave. "I think I'll pass, Mr. Puckerman."
He tries to turn back on his way, but Puck has managed to back him into an SUV. Kurt was stuck between a rock and a hard place and he had a hard place and suddenly, he wasn't so sure about his assessment of Puck's sexuality.
Puck looked down at him in a way that makes Kurt think he's going to eat him, and not in a pleasurable way. "If you do it for me," he purrs, placing a hand on the car on either side of his head, "I'll make it worth your while."
Kurt takes a deep, shaky breath, straightens his back, squares his jaw, and looks the punk square in the eye. "And how would you do that, exactly?" he breathes.
Puck punches him in the face.
It isn't a particularly bad punch, it won't even bruise that much. But for the moment, Kurt is stunned, reeling in a world of pain. He doesn't even realize he's being carried until he's put down: tossed into the dumpster behind the cafeteria. As he lies there, feeling that day's spaghetti sauce ooze down the back of his shirt and wondering if he'll ever see clearly out of that eye again, he can hear Puck laughing to himself, and then, "See you tomorrow, faggot."
After that, Kurt gets it worse than anybody else at William McKinley High. Each day starts with a dumpster dive, and if he's lucky he can change his clothes and go about his day. Most of the time, he is shoved, punched, tripped, kicked, and generally abused as he walked through the halls. He gets shoved into lockers much harder than before and locked in the janitor's closet through three periods. His stuff would go missing and if it ever showed up again, it was usually as a pile of ash in the parking lot. His locker was often broken into and outright vandalized to the point where he didn't even use it anymore.
Both Principal Figgins and his father sit him down repeatedly to try and get him to rat on the boys who are doing this to him. Kurt just closes his eyes and sees that hungry smile and hears that sickening laugh and says he doesn't know. Ratting would just make things worse, he's sure of it.
Weeks later, Kurt once again knows someone is following him as he cuts through the parking lot, but he's choosing to ignore it this time. Then someone calls his name. He knows that voice, despite not having ever gathered the courage to speak to him face to face. Or at all. The fact that Finn Hudson knows his name at all absolutely makes his year. He spins around eagerly, his face split in a grin.
The balloons that burst over him are surprisingly warm. His new coat of the day is white, so the yellow stains spreading across the material really pop. The liquid drips down his face and into his eyes and into his mouth. His ears were filled with laughter and 'that's a good color on you, Hummel' and 'bet the fairy likes shit like that' and one incredulous 'wait, there's pee in these?'
Kurt refuses to let them see him cry. He turns back onto his course and walks home with some of them following and laughing at him the entire way. As far as he's concerned, he's alone, and nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and some people's houses are about to get burned down in the dead of night.
~*~
In the next year, Kurt will teach Puck and the rest of them how to dance like Beyonce. They will win their first football game in years and carry him around on their shoulders like he'd always been one of them. Puck will join glee and whatever hints of bullying would completely disappear from Kurt's life. From the football team, anyway.
Puck is surprisingly good at the glee stuff. He has a really nice voice. When he sings Sweet Caroline, every heart inclined to liking males melts. Kurt can't help his mind wandering back to old fantasies, can't stop the small sigh that escapes his lips. Mercedes can, though, with a libido-killing look that says 'if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I will be the one to punch you in the face this time.'
Kurt never thinks those things again.
Continue to Part II
And One Time They Fell For Him Too
For: chuckney and the gleeslash Gleekret Santa Exchange
Fandom: Glee
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox, I just like playing in it.
Pairings: Several counts of Kurt/OMC, Kurt/Puck, Kurt/Finn
Rating / Warnings: PG-13 for some language and boys making out, if that offends.
Spoilers: Through "Sectionals," see the author's note for details.
Summary: Kurt's always given his heart away at the drop of a hat. He's working on it. He swears.
Notes: 18,071 words.
Beta by bekkis, even though I only gave her, like, a day to do it. GO TELL HER SHE'S GORGEOUS FOR ME, YO. ♥
Part 1 is based on the interview here.
Part 5 includes some blink-and-you'll-miss-it casting spoilers for the back nine. If you don't know about it, you'll never know it's there. If you DO know about it, you might not know it's there, but I figured I'd mention it anyway. Think of it as an easter egg.
Sorry this took so long, chuckney! It ate my braaaaaaaaaaaaaain. This is why prompts given to me should be 'they make sandwiches, the end'. And even that would end up 5000+ words. I tried to include your first prompt in here as well, because that was equally awesome. Enjoy enjoy enjoy!
Con crit is loved and appreciated.
1) Kimberly Hart
When Kurt is little, his mom and dad always take him to visit his cousins’ just outside of Dayton. They spend every Saturday playing in their yard or going into the city to do something educational, and then there's a big family dinner that they all help cook. Owen and Mikey were a few years older than him, and like to roughhouse and tease him for being such a baby. But Kurt has the determination of any other four year old when it comes to his cooler, older cousins. He wants them to play with him, and he's ready to go crying to each one of their parents to get his way.
One time, the boys are already outside when the Hummels arrive. They're playing some game where they yell a lot and punch and kick at the air. They shoot invisible lasers at invisible enemies, and then they start acting like robots. Kurt doesn't understand what's going on, but they just say that it's not a game for babies. If he really wants to play, he can be one of the Putty Patrollers. They start doing their fake karate moves at him and push him around and shoot their lasers and Kurt doesn't like it one bit. He runs into the kitchen and grabs hold of his mother, sobbing that they're being mean to him and won't tell him what they're playing and he got his new sweatshirt dirty when they pushed him down. His mom hugs him tight and kisses his cheek, and promises to sit the boys down for a talk. She lets him stay in the kitchen and watch as she makes desert with her sister, sneaking him bits of chocolate and more kisses as they work.
The next day his mom puts on a tape that Aunt Kathy had given her. It's Owen and Mikey's favorite show and the game they were playing, she tells him. Kurt sits and watches in awe. It's a big boy show, and it's loud and colorful and Kurt can't look away. A bunch of older kids magically get special colorful suits that give them super powers, and then they have giant robots shaped like dinosaurs that turn into an even bigger robot. And they fight bad guys and save the day and everybody likes them.
There are only three episodes on the tape. As soon as it's done, he asks his mom to rewind it so can watch it again. When he goes to bed that night, he tells his dad that he wants to be a Power Ranger when he grows up. His dad seems to think this is a pretty good idea.
He's really excited for the next Saturday, because Aunt Kathy has more tapes that he can borrow. He races into the back yard as soon as they arrive. The boys are already outside, punching and kicking, and when they see Kurt they yell that he's the new monster Rita's sent after them. Kurt stamps his feet on the ground and screams that, no, he's not a monster, he's a Power Ranger and he's going to help them.
Owen and Mikey think it over and agree that they need some help with this new monster. "It's Morphin' time!" Owen calls out as he puts his hand out in front of him. "Tyranasaurus!" he yells, then strikes a cool pose. "Yeah!"
Mikey does the same thing. "Triceratops!" He kicks at the air. "Morphenominal!"
Kurt holds both his hands out. "Pterodactyl!" He spins in place and giggles.
His cousins cross their arms and pout at him. "You can't be Kimberly! You have to be Zack or Tommy," Mikey whines.
"Yeah, Kimberly's a girl," Owen says with a scrunched up face. "We're not gonna play with any girls."
"'M not a girl," Kurt whines and shakes his little fists. "I like the pink one. She's pretty and nice and I'll tell my mommy if you don't let me be the pink one!"
The boys don't want to have to deal with another lecture from their mother about being nice to Kurt. So they let him be the Pink Ranger. They punch and kick and shoot their lasers while Kurt runs around and jumps off things and does summersaults until he can't breathe from laughing. When his Uncle Frank comes out to check on them, he scoops Kurt into his arms and flies him around like he's in the Pterodactyl Zord. When they're called in to help with dinner, Owen tells him that he's the reason they were able to stop the monster, and Mikey says his flips were really cool, and Kurt feels really grown up.
He has a new tape when they get home, though his mom says he's only allowed to watch one episode every day. As soon as he gets home from preschool, he sits cross-legged on the floor in front of the television and tries his best to memorize everything about the show. He loves almost everyone, even the bullies, because they’re silly. But Kimberly is his absolute favorite. Her hair is pretty like his mommy's and she likes flowers like his mommy and she does really cool flips, which he doesn't think his mommy can do but they're just really cool. He knows Owen's really bossy so he likes Jason, and Mikey has glasses and is really smart so he likes Billy, and they're really cool to. But Kurt likes spinning around and dancing and pterodactyls are the best dinosaur, so he likes Kim.
He doesn't like Tommy very much. He doesn't understand why Kimberly goes to dances with him and holds his hand and other gross stuff. Tommy's stupid. His favorite episodes are the ones he's not in.
Playing Power Rangers is their new favorite game. Even when they have to go on boring trips to museums and things, they spend their time pointing out where monsters could be hiding and quietly kick their butts. When it gets colder and they can't go outside, they sit and color while they watch the tapes Kurt's already seen hundreds of times. All of Kurt's drawings are of him with Kimberly and her pterodactyl, doing flips and kicking bad guy butt together. They slowly replace all his other drawings that are on the fridge. He runs out of pink crayons a lot.
At Christmas, they all get really big Power Ranger dolls that are made of heavy plastic and can fight and come with Morphing Coins that they can wear. Owen gets Jason and Mikey gets Billy, of course. Kurt's dad got him Tommy, which is stupid because Tommy's stupid. He plays with him anyway, because he doesn't want to be left out again. It makes his dad really happy, which almost cheers him up.
After Christmas dinner, his dad and Uncle Frank go outside to smoke (which is a Bad Thing Grown Ups Do That He Should Never Do Ever), and his mom and Aunt Kathy give him one last secret present. It's a Kim doll. She's not the same as the other dolls. She's not heavy and her arms and legs don't move as much, but she has real hair and she can change from her Power Ranger suit to regular clothes and she's really pretty and he loves her. Owen and Mikey make fun of him for having a Barbie, but he just sticks his tongue out at them and brushes her hair.
He plays with Tommy when his dad is watching him, but late at night when he's supposed to be asleep, he takes Kim out from under the bed and changes her into her suit and makes her flip around and fight bad guys. And then he changes her back to her regular clothes and brushes her hair and then dances with her around his room, because she thinks he's a lot cooler than Tommy and wants to hold his hand instead.
Eventually, Owen and Mikey start getting bored with Power Rangers. They start liking some dumb cartoon with a stupid yellow thing that fights other stupid animals and it's really stupid. But Kurt's watched all the tapes, and the show that's on TV after school has new Power Rangers that just aren't as cool. And nobody at preschool knows what it is and won't play with him. So, slowly, Kurt starts finding other things that are just as cool, like singing and musicals and playing dress up. After awhile, he forgets all about them.
Kurt grows up. They don't go to visit his cousins so much after his mom gets sick. After a few years they stop talking all together, beyond the requisite Christmas card and Owen's graduation announcement. Kurt doesn't really miss them that much.
One day, long after he's discovered the Internet, Kurt stumbles on some old Power Ranger episodes on YouTube. He can't resist watching them. He can't believe that he used to love this show as much as he did; it's terribly dubbed over and the dialogue is ridiculous and everyone's such a goody two shoes. It's not at all compelling. Though it's really obvious to him now that Skull was totally in love with Bulk.
When he signs off, he goes into his closet and digs around until he finds his old Kim Barbie (because that's exactly what it is, he can't deny it.) He dresses her up in her Ranger costume and cartwheels her over his desk a few times. Then he changes her back and brushes her hair out and dances with her around his room. Because if there were ever any gay kids in Angel Grove, Kimberly would have been their fag hag for sure.
2) Chester Graham
On Kurt's first day of first grade, his dad walks him to the bus stop. It's just at the end of his street, only two houses down, but he insists on coming with him. He holds his hand as they walk, beaming. His boy is going to school. It's a milestone. He's got his camera ready and he might even cry from fatherly pride. Kurt doesn’t get why this is any different from his other first days of preschool and kindergarten, but he's got new shoes that are really shiny and a superhero lunch box filled with PB+J (without crusts) and a note from his mommy, so he'll allow it for now.
There are a couple of other kids already at the stop. Most of them are older and don't need their parents to see them on the bus. In fact, only one other little boy is there with his mom and dad. Kurt's dad seems to know them, and they shake hands in greeting and start comparing their cameras, trying to determine who will get the better shots. Kurt kind of remembers seeing the boy playing in his yard further down the street, but he's never talked to him before. He's never talked to any of the boys on his street. He holds his father's hand a little tighter, suddenly shy.
The boy is anything but. He grins widely, showing off a lot of gaps from missing teeth. "Hi!" he chirps. "I'm Chester."
"Kurt," he says. He stares down at his reflection in his shiny shoes. When was the bus getting here?
"I like your lunchbox," Chester went on, lisping slightly due to his missing front teeth. "Superman's my third favorite superhero. My first is the Hulk. My second is the Ninja Turtles. My big brother says the Ninja Turtles aren't real superheroes, but he's a poop head, so they're my second."
Kurt stares at him in stunned silence for a moment. "Thanks. My daddy bought it for me."
"Is he your favorite?"
"My daddy?"
"No, poop head, Superman!"
"Oh." Kurt looks around as he thinks. He doesn't even know who the guy on his lunch box is, nevermind if he's his favorite anything. "I like the Power Rangers, but I don't know if they're really super heroes."
"Cool!" The boy holds out his own lunch box. "Do you like mine? It's Hot Wheels. I have like a billion Hot Wheels at home. You should come over some time and play with them with me, it's a lot of fun! Sometimes my big brother builds me ramps and we can shoot them all over the house! It's so much fun!"
Chester really likes to talk. He barely pauses to breathe as he describes his favorite cars and the cool tricks he can make them do, then doubles back and starts talking about the ramps and how one time his brother made a car hit him in the face and that's how he lost one of his teeth. Kurt kind of wants to tell him that his father works will all kinds of cars, only they're real and cooler, but he doesn't even try to get a word in edgewise.
When the bus arrives, their parents have them stand together in front of it so they can take a few quick pictures. As the boys climb up, Chester enthusiastically introduces himself to the fat lady driving. He grabs Kurt's hand and has them sit directly behind her. He starts talking about the time he got on a plane with his mom and dad and brother and they went far away to look at a really big hole in the ground and it was really cool and Kurt just keeps on staring at his shiny shoes.
He's not sure if he likes Chester or not just yet. He's glad that he has someone to sit with on the bus, because he was really worried about that. He's glad he talks so much and hasn't asked him why his mommy wasn't at the bus stop with him and his dad. When he finds out the other boy's going to be in Ms. Ross's class, and not Miss Kelly's with him, he's a little disappointed.
Everybody he used to play with last year is in Ms. Ross's class - Mercedes, Artie, Brittany, everybody. He's stuck at a table next to Jacob Israel, who smells funny and sometimes eats paste. Rachel Berry is a few tables over, near their teacher, and he can hear her talking and singing when they're supposed to be making nametags and Kurt's never liked her, so he's not very happy that she's here. He stays quite for the whole day, doing his work without so much as a peep. At lunch, they still have to sit with their classes. He can see his friends all sitting together at Ms. Ross's table, laughing and sharing their desserts and not even noticing him. But Chester sees him. His face lights up and he starts to wave frantically and he doesn't stop until Kurt raises a hand back in his direction. Kurt wiggles his fingers just a little and the corners of his mouth perk up and maybe he likes Chester after all.
On the bus ride home, Chester tells him all about all the things he did and all the people he'd met that day. Ms. Ross is really strict and keeps her desks in rows and they already have homework. Kurt interrupts him, because Miss Kelly is young and nice and lets them play games that help with spelling and math and the only homework he has is to play outside while the weather is still nice. Chester hangs on his every word. Kurt talks for a full six minutes, more than he's said to anyone the entire day. He's finally starting to feel excited about school. When he steps off the bus, he's smiling so hard that his father just has to smile back.
Chester invites him over for an after school snack, but Kurt wants to get home and tell his mommy about how excited he is now. He doesn’t tell Chester that, though, just politely says no thanks.
~*~
Eventually, Kurt decides that yes, he does like Chester. He likes Chester a lot. He's funny and full of energy and he doesn't think Kurt's singing and clothes are stupid at all. He likes cars and bugs and superheroes and a lot of other things that Kurt doesn’t really get, but he doesn't make fun of him for it. He's willing to explain to him exactly why all those things are cool, and... Well, Kurt still doesn't really get it, but Chester likes them, so maybe there's something to it. The boy never fails to put a smile on Kurt's face, even if all he's doing is waving to him in the cafeteria.
Every morning, Kurt waits at the front window until he sees his friend walking towards the end of the street and runs out to join him, because his dad won't let him go alone. Kurt meets Chester at the bus stop and they trade stories about the night before - the TV shows they watched and the games they played and what they had for dinner. They'd sit together on the bus and Kurt teaches him the new song he had heard on the radio, or the old ones his mommy used to sing to him. On the ride back, they'll swap stories about their lessons and Chester will complain about Ms. Ross. He's not the smartest boy he's ever met, Kurt realizes, and Ms. Ross is harsh and mean and no fun. Miss Kelly makes every lesson a game or a song and Kurt loves every second of it, even if Rachel Berry keeps upstaging him. He does his best to try and pass these lessons along to his new friend, but Chester shrugs it off, because school is stupid anyway.
Chester always invites him over for a snack or to dinner or even to sleep overs on the weekend, but Kurt always says no. He doesn't want to be away from home any longer than he has to. It's another great thing about Chester: he always invites him and never asks why he says no. He still says Kurt is his friend and still talks to him even though he doesn't want to play anymore, unlike some other people in Ms. Ross's class who are totally poop heads.
Getting to talk to Chester is his favorite part of every day. His parents don't really get why he doesn't want to play with him after school, but they're just happy that he's so happy, and that he has gotten so close to someone. When Chester's birthday approaches, Kurt's dad takes him to the mall and lets him wander around for hours, trying to decide on the perfect present.
Kurt holds his breath as Chester rips away the wrapping paper, right there at the end of the street. His face brightens with one of the biggest smiles Kurt's ever seen on his small face. "My big brother never lets me play with his Transformers!" he says, which of course Kurt knows, because he's heard all the stories. Chester grins down at the box in his hands. "Now I have one, and he totally won't be allowed to touch it."
"It turns into a really cool car," Kurt points out. "Well, my daddy says it's a really cool car. I thought you'd like it."
"Mmhmm!" Chester hums excitedly. "Thanks a lot, Kurt." The birthday boy pulls him into a hug, and Kurt smiles and gives him a quick kiss on the lips and hugs him back as tight as he can manage.
The older boys are all staring at them, he notices, laughing to themselves and pointing and whispering. Chester is staring at him, too, his face scrunched up and confused. He glances over to the boys, then quickly shoves his gift into his backpack. He stares at the ground until the bus arrives. He doesn't say a word the entire ride, which Kurt never thought was even possible. Chester won't even look at him when he tells him about his trip to the mall and all the things he could have bought for him, but didn't. When they get to school, Chester runs ahead of him and disappears without a sound.
Kurt spends his day worried. He can't even get into the Math March with the other kids, which is always his favorite because he always beats Rachel to be the leader. His head is too caught up in just what could have happened in that short time that made Chester so sad all of a sudden.
When Kurt gets on the bus that afternoon, Chester is sitting in their usual seat, but with his backpack and lunch box and a few other presents spread out where Kurt always sits. The other boy stares out the window and won't turn around no matter how much Kurt tries to get his attention, and the bus driver glares at him so he just takes an empty seat a few rows back.
At their stop, Kurt tries desperately to get his friend to tell him what's wrong. He tugs at his arm with all his weight and begs him to say something. He doesn't. He just turns around and pushes him as hard as he can and then takes off running down the street. Kurt sits there on the hard asphalt and his butt hurts and his hands are all scratched up and even though he's a big boy now, he can't stop himself from starting to cry. The older boys are all laughing at him again, and they're calling him names that he doesn't understand and home has never felt so far away.
When he does finally make it home, he throws his stuff down in the front hallway and heads straight for his parent's room. His mommy is propped up in bed, like she always is, staring blankly at the TV. Kurt crawls up with her, careful to not get tangled in the tubes that connect her to all the different machines in the room, and rests his head in her lap. She's watching My Fair Lady and the sound's on really low, which is okay with Kurt because he always thought she sang it way better than the lady in the movie. He listens to her ragged breathing and tries not to think.
"What's the matter, pumpkin?" she asks after a few minutes, running her fingers gently through his hair. She tries very hard not to cough, but Kurt can feel the vibrations through her body. He turns and buries his face in her lap and won't say a word.
After a few long minutes, when he can't take it anymore, he lifts his head up but won't look over at her. "Mommy?"
"Yes, pumpkin?"
"What does 'queer' mean?"
Her fingers stop and she sits up a little straighter in bed. "Why? Did someone... did someone say that to you?" Kurt just shakes his head and pushes his face back into her thigh. He knew he shouldn't have asked. He can tell she's upset by the way she's breathing, even though she's resting back on her pillows and has gone back to stroking his hair. Finally, she says, "It means... something different. Something special that's like no one else around and sometimes people don't quite understand it at first. But after some time, they realize just how amazing it really is, and they love it forever."
Kurt can tell she's lying, in that way that grown ups do where it's not really lying but still isn’t at all true. Like when his father told him that his mommy was going to come home from the hospital because she didn't like it there and missed her family. Kurt had known then that she was coming home without getting better, and if she couldn't get better at the hospital than she wasn't getting better at all.
She leans down, careful of her oxygen tube, and kisses her son behind the ear. "And you're my special little boy," she whispers, nuzzling into his hair. "And I'm going to love you forever."
Kurt wishes he could believe her.
3) Lucas Post
His father says that he has to come by the garage after school, and that just because he's finally a teenager doesn't mean he can take care of himself. Kurt doesn't really mind; it's not like he'd do anything different if he were at home. This way, after he's done his homework in the office, he can come out and work with his dad, learn some stuff about cars, and earn a little spending money. It's all very boring, if he's honest with himself, but he knows his dad likes the time together, and anything that makes him a little less sad is worth doing. Because it certainly wasn't because he needed the help, much less from Kurt.
Hummel Tires & Lube was known as a kind of starting point for people just setting out into the auto-repair business. Kurt's dad would hire the people with no experience for a few weeks, giving them some hands-on training and a good referral, then send them on to bigger and better things. He'd say he was their mentor, that he enjoyed being the one to start them on the path of the most fulfilling careers imaginable (his words). Kurt suspected that it had more to do with not being able to afford taking on anybody else full time, but he wasn't about to argue.
Still, it's interesting to watch the parade of people that come and go through their doors. It's mostly recent McKinley graduates who had tinkered around with their own cars before but didn't want to commit to trade school just yet. There's the occasional older man who had gotten fed up with his desk job and wants to turn his hobby into a career. And then there are the people who are just passing through. The drifters who would come to Lima hoping to start over in a quiet little town, but would leave after a few months, because it's Lima. Kurt always spends hours watching them work, talking to them, trying to figure out their stories. They fascinate him - not so much because of their chosen career path, but the fact they could just get up and go to an entirely new life at the drop of the hat... he could never imagine doing something like that, but not for lack of wanting to.
They are people like Tony, who used to be bouncer at a strip club somewhere out in Texas. Almost all of his stories would get cut off by his dad, who didn't think they were appropriate for a boy his age, but Kurt's pretty sure what his mind comes up with to fill in the blanks is a whole lot worse than the truth. Or Meg, with her shocking pink hair and crazy, industrial music. She would take scrap metal home and weld it together into giant sculptures she's leave on her front lawn. The rest of the town would complain about how unsightly they were, and Kurt would be the first to say they were butt ugly, but he still really admired her for it. And then there are the people who won't talk to him at all, and Kurt has to take in their tattoos and their scars and come up with their stories on his own.
And for the past few weeks, there had been Lucas.
He was only eighteen, having dropped out of high school in favor of traveling the world a little. He drove a motorcycle and had an earring. He would sneak outside to smoke or drink from the flask he kept in the pocket of his coveralls, and when he did he'd give a quite little nod to Kurt that said 'Don't tell, this is our little secret.' He played guitar and used to sing in the band he left back in Pittsburgh. He wasn't very good, judging by the way he sang along with the radio, but when Kurt knew enough of the words to join in, he'd smile just a little bit wider.
Kurt liked it when he smiled. Kurt liked him a lot in general, though he was nothing at all like the kind of guy he had decided he would end up with. He wasn't sophisticated or articulate and he was pretty sure he only owned three t-shirts. But that didn't stop Kurt from watching him from his father's office, his hands and face and neck covered in grease, the muscles in his arms bulging as he fought with stubborn screws and nuts. After spending his days watching him, Kurt would dream about those arms as they pressed him hard against one of those cars as he swooped down to kiss him. In the morning he'd wake up feeling sweaty and wearing a pair of ruined pajama bottoms. That part was getting kind of annoying.
The little voice inside of Kurt whispers that he should try and be brave, and thinks that maybe he should stop just looking. For once, Kurt listens.
He digs through his book bag with a little extra panic and turns to his father. "I need to go to the library."
His dad looks up from the stack of custom orders he had been going through. He's grumpier than usual today. "What, right now?"
"Yeah." Kurt swallows deeply. "I've got a report due tomorrow. I kind of forgot."
His dad's frown deepens. "That's not like you."
"I know. It's just for history. I thought it would be easy so I put it off but now I can't find the book I need and the school will be locked by now so I can't go get it and I-"
"Okay, okay, calm down." His father looks down at his paperwork, sighs, and calls out into the garage, "Hey, Luke!"
Sometimes, when his father is too busy (or too lazy), he'll send Lucas out to get coffee or Chinese food or something from AutoZone. And when Kurt asks nicely, Lucas will toss him his helmet and let him ride on the back of the bike. His father would usually frown and make veiled threats about what would happen to his apprentice if his only son ended up as road kill, but Lucas was charming enough and had proved his loyalty and had assured his boss that he knew how to handle a motorcycle. It was all blatant lies, in Kurt's opinion. He is absolutely terrified of that thing, especially the way Lucas drives it. But it's an excuse to bury his face into his back, take in the smell of grease and sweat and man while his arms are tight around his muscled stomach. Once, all that closeness combined with the vibrations from the bike had led to a bit of an accident, but Kurt had covered it up by spilling his iced mocha latte down the front of his new Dior jeans. It had cost over $300 and his father was now making him pay for his own designer clothes, but it had been worth it.
"Where the hell is the library even at in this town?" Lucas wonders aloud as Kurt settles behind him.
"In the center of town, near the post office," Kurt tells him. He glances back to make sure his father is still in the office. "But I don't really need to go there. I'm just bored."
"Oh man," Lucas says with a laugh as he kicks the bike to life. "Where were you in all the jobs I didn't like?"
They drive around town for a long time. Lucas yells something about the feel of the wind in his face but Kurt's too busy trying not to fall off. They pass by his house, and he's very tempted to ask them to stop, go hang out for a while, maybe take him down to his room... He may be brave today, but he's not completely delusional. No way a guy like him would want to do anything with a scrawny awkward inexperienced seventh grader who keeps ruining his pants.
They have to stop for gas. Lucas buys himself a new pack of cigarettes and a blue Slushie for Kurt. They sit in the parking lot, smoking and drinking, and Kurt can barely keep hold of the cup with his sweaty palms.
"You know, kid, you're pretty cool."
Kurt feels like his face is going to break, he smiles so hard. "Really?"
"Yeah," he says, blowing a stream of smoke towards his feet. "And if anybody ever says otherwise, punch them in the face."
Kurt laughs. His head feels light. "Most people just say I'm... weird."
"So you got some quirks, big fucking deal." He punches him lightly on the arm. "Give it another year or two, every girl in that school is gonna want on your dick. They love all that metro-whatever bullshit."
Kurt suddenly feels hot, in a very different way than Lucas normally makes him feel. He stares into the depths of his blue-flavored ice and tries to think of a way to say it without actually saying it because he's never said it before and maybe he's been more wrong about all this than he's willing to admit. Longing and what-could-be's, he can deal with. Confrontation is a whole different beast. "I'm not... I don't... really... I..." He stutters for a few more seconds before just shutting up.
Lucas has gone still beside him, and he can't bring himself to look up at his face. "You some kind of fag or something?"
Kurt's mind flashes back to elementary school. Rachel Berry throwing a tantrum on the playground, something about her dads. There's an assembly about tolerance that was lame as hell, even if it did answer a whole lot of questions Kurt didn't even knew he had. All he can think of is the guy in the bear suit and baseball uniform as he repeats, "That word's a stone, it can hurt just as much. You shouldn't use it."
He hears Lucas snort at how absolutely pathetic he is. "I just call 'em like I see 'em. A fag's a fag."
Try as he might to stop them, the tears start to dribble down his cheeks. He knows his face his red and starting to scrunch up and he can't bend any lower over his cup, which he's starting to crush between his shaking hands. Because he is but he's not and this is not the way today was supposed to go.
"Jesus, kid, I don't give two shits. Nobody loves fags more'n me. I'm just stating facts, y'know?" He throws his cigarette to the ground and crushes it under his boot. Kurt tries to focus on that, anything that's outside of himself or this conversation or anything right now. "And be careful with that thing, you're gonna make a mess of yourself."
"Don't tell my dad." His voice is tiny, hollow, and he doesn't bother to see if Lucas even heard him as he stands and walks away. He dumps his Slushie, dries his face with the back of his hands, and runs his fingers through his hair. He slips on a mask of stony indifference and walks back to the bike.
"You're gonna have to get a thicker skin, kid. Lot more people are gonna say a lot worse than me." Lucas says as he hands Kurt his helmet. "I'm just an idiot. Most others are flat-out mean."
Kurt straps it on and climbs on behind him. "It really doesn't matter," he says as he reluctantly wraps his arms around the older man. "Because I... I'm not gay."
He's said it. There are extra words and the meaning's different, but it's still an admission all on its own. It's out there now, for the world to see and judge and do with what it will. Lucas chooses to roll his eyes, because he thinks he knows better. For someone who's supposed to be older, Kurt realizes, he doesn't know nearly as much about the world as he probably thinks.
Kurt doesn't know much either, he can admit. But if he's learned anything, it's that he's never being brave again.
Kurt holds on just as tight as always on the ride back, because he's still afraid of dying horribly. The closeness makes him feel sick, though, and he can't get back to the garage fast enough. They stop at a library to get that book he needed, so they'll have a cover story. When they get back, Kurt locks himself in the office and pretends to read, not daring to look up from the page he never turns.
He does the same thing the next day, and the next, and the next. His dad keeps asking him what's wrong, but he just shrugs it off as school and stress and being a teenager. He considers playing the mom card, which he hates to do, even if it's necessary sometimes. He just wants to be left alone.
A few days later, his dad catches Lucas with his flask. It's a minor offense at worst, but good old Burt just knows that something hasn't been quite right and fires him on the spot. Lucas tries to say goodbye, but Kurt focuses on his schoolwork and pretends he's not even there. He watches from the window as Lucas pulls out of the parking lot on his death trap of a motorcycle. A big part of him hopes that he crashes. The rest of him doesn't even bother to feel bad about it.
4) Noah Puckerman
On the first day of freshman year, Kurt is shoved into some lockers and nearly loses all the confidence he had spent the summer building. Then he notices that the person doing the shoving is absolutely gorgeous, and he has an equally gorgeous and apologetic friend. Of course, he knows Puck and Finn, he's been going to school with them for as long as he cares to remember. But this was after a summer of puberty and growth spurts and football training and wow, his arms are big. He is completely willing to forgive the tragic Mohawk because it just works on him.
He gives his heart to Finn, because he's nice and always has the decency to look embarrassed when his teammates gang up on him. But he's always being sickeningly sweet with his perfect blonde girlfriend and it hurts a little too much to watch them sometimes, holding hands and smiling and being offensively happy. So sometimes, Kurt lets his mind wander, just a little, to the boy with the bad attitude and something to prove.
Even as a lowly freshman, Puck had already slept with half of the Cheerios, if the rumors were true. And most of their older sisters. And some of their mothers. And Ms. Sylvester, which is just disturbing. He has a girlfriend too, half the time. Santana Lopez is best known at this point of her high school career for her very public attacks on her boyfriend, trying to kill him in one breath then trying to fuck him in the next. Regardless, Puck's response is a cocky smile and a slap on her ass that just eggs her on.
A guy with that much sexual energy, in Kurt's opinion, had to be a little bi-curious. At least.
He is still in love with Finn, of course, and he fully plans on seducing him over to his side as soon as the opportunity arises. But Puck would be good for something quick and dirty, janitor's closet between classes, no emotions, hot and wet and hard, gasping for breath and covered in sweat. And afterwards, Puck would punch him in the back of the head as they pass in the cafeteria, but with a twinkle in his eye that said 'same time tomorrow.'
Not that Kurt thought about it a lot.
He knows he should maybe feel guilty, because, as a founding member of the Celibacy Club, Finn would never be interested in someone who wanted to be so used. But screw it, fantasizing won't hurt anybody. It's not like Puck will ever, ever admit to wanting him anyway, no matter how true Kurt knows it is.
Maybe he doesn't try very hard to avoid the bullying, though. Because maybe he's a little pathetic. When every shove and back pack tossed in the toilet and Slushie to the face is an admission of secret lust, then Kurt is willing to bear it with grace and dignity.
He's very aware, one afternoon, as he cuts through the staff parking lot on his way home, that he's being followed by the object of his lust. This is it, he thinks as he spins suddenly to face his stalker. We're alone. There's no one around for him to reaffirm his masculinity to. It's going to happen.
"What can I do for you, Noah?" he asks primly, hoping his excitement isn't showing.
Puck looks startled that he's being so forward, but shakes it off and returns to his usual angry scowl. "You know that stupid essay we have to write for Mrs. Lewis's class?"
"No." Kurt waits for him to get it, but Puck continues to stare him down menacingly. "I'm in honors English. Where we actually read the books."
"Like I give a shit," Puck says as he takes a step closer, getting into his personal space. It's supposed to be threatening, but Kurt's body doesn't seem to know that. "Point is, you're a loser who will write it for me, because when you do, we'll leave you alone for a week."
"Wow, a whole week," Kurt gasps in mock excitement. Obviously, when there isn't enough blood in his brain, he becomes stupidly brave. "I think I'll pass, Mr. Puckerman."
He tries to turn back on his way, but Puck has managed to back him into an SUV. Kurt was stuck between a rock and a hard place and he had a hard place and suddenly, he wasn't so sure about his assessment of Puck's sexuality.
Puck looked down at him in a way that makes Kurt think he's going to eat him, and not in a pleasurable way. "If you do it for me," he purrs, placing a hand on the car on either side of his head, "I'll make it worth your while."
Kurt takes a deep, shaky breath, straightens his back, squares his jaw, and looks the punk square in the eye. "And how would you do that, exactly?" he breathes.
Puck punches him in the face.
It isn't a particularly bad punch, it won't even bruise that much. But for the moment, Kurt is stunned, reeling in a world of pain. He doesn't even realize he's being carried until he's put down: tossed into the dumpster behind the cafeteria. As he lies there, feeling that day's spaghetti sauce ooze down the back of his shirt and wondering if he'll ever see clearly out of that eye again, he can hear Puck laughing to himself, and then, "See you tomorrow, faggot."
After that, Kurt gets it worse than anybody else at William McKinley High. Each day starts with a dumpster dive, and if he's lucky he can change his clothes and go about his day. Most of the time, he is shoved, punched, tripped, kicked, and generally abused as he walked through the halls. He gets shoved into lockers much harder than before and locked in the janitor's closet through three periods. His stuff would go missing and if it ever showed up again, it was usually as a pile of ash in the parking lot. His locker was often broken into and outright vandalized to the point where he didn't even use it anymore.
Both Principal Figgins and his father sit him down repeatedly to try and get him to rat on the boys who are doing this to him. Kurt just closes his eyes and sees that hungry smile and hears that sickening laugh and says he doesn't know. Ratting would just make things worse, he's sure of it.
Weeks later, Kurt once again knows someone is following him as he cuts through the parking lot, but he's choosing to ignore it this time. Then someone calls his name. He knows that voice, despite not having ever gathered the courage to speak to him face to face. Or at all. The fact that Finn Hudson knows his name at all absolutely makes his year. He spins around eagerly, his face split in a grin.
The balloons that burst over him are surprisingly warm. His new coat of the day is white, so the yellow stains spreading across the material really pop. The liquid drips down his face and into his eyes and into his mouth. His ears were filled with laughter and 'that's a good color on you, Hummel' and 'bet the fairy likes shit like that' and one incredulous 'wait, there's pee in these?'
Kurt refuses to let them see him cry. He turns back onto his course and walks home with some of them following and laughing at him the entire way. As far as he's concerned, he's alone, and nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and some people's houses are about to get burned down in the dead of night.
~*~
In the next year, Kurt will teach Puck and the rest of them how to dance like Beyonce. They will win their first football game in years and carry him around on their shoulders like he'd always been one of them. Puck will join glee and whatever hints of bullying would completely disappear from Kurt's life. From the football team, anyway.
Puck is surprisingly good at the glee stuff. He has a really nice voice. When he sings Sweet Caroline, every heart inclined to liking males melts. Kurt can't help his mind wandering back to old fantasies, can't stop the small sigh that escapes his lips. Mercedes can, though, with a libido-killing look that says 'if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I will be the one to punch you in the face this time.'
Kurt never thinks those things again.
Continue to Part II