FML series (Kirk/McCoy, Pike/Boyce, R)
Title: FML (fuck my life) series
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek AOS, Pike/Boyce, Kirk/McCoy and foursome mix
Rating: up to NC-17
Warnings: none
Word Count: Around 10,000 for all six episodes / This part 1500
Prompt: This is an expanded version of a fill written for the jim_and_bones Fuck My Life Flash Fill Challenge, to an inspired prompt from weepingnaiad.
Summary: Thanks to Jim, Leonard inadvertently sends some dirty texts to the Surgeon General. Who shares them with Admiral Pike. It's all downhill from there.
Recced at crackenterprise.
FML (fuck my life)
FML: the Admirals' take
FML: Protocol for an orgy
FML: Looking in from the outside
FML: Going Space-Crazy
FML: Time to let go
Leonard gazes at the instructor with glazed eyes. Honestly, he knows he needs to cram all this stuff in. It wasn’t as if he’d expected to become a CMO the minute he left the Academy, but it’s enough already. He glances around. M’Benga looks as exhausted as he feels. Chapel is trying to looks focused but he suspects she’s asleep with her eyes open. A handful of other students are nodding where they sit. His guess is that the instructor is over-compensating, as if trying to stuff their heads with this shit at the very last minute will bring back a single one of the many dead.
The last few weeks have been very strange. The loss of Vulcan is too enormous to contemplate but the loss of so many cadets and instructors is heartbreakingly tangible. Yet inextricably mixed in with the pain is the somewhat hysterical joy at having survived, at having saved so many more through their actions, and at having been so precipitously promoted to such prestigious positions. No one is acting anything like their normal selves.
The instructor has turned back to the white-screen. Leonard grabs his comm and without even looking at it, pulls up Jim’s name on priority dial. << Sugar, this is bad! Distract me before I fall asleep.>>
It still gives him a thrill to be able to send such comms to Jim. They’d manfully ignored their UST right through the Academy, Leonard thinking Jim too much of a flirt to settle for one man, Jim thinking Leonard too hurt by his divorce to contemplate love again. It had taken the trauma on the Enterprise for Leonard to grab Jim in a tight hug and hold him as if he’d never let go again, for Jim to tilt his face up and take that first kiss as it is was the start of a whole new cycle of life. They’ve been hanging onto each other ever since.
The answer doesn’t take long to come. << What kind of distraction do you have in mind?>>
It is unusual for Jim to text in full sentences but Leonard is too tired to think it through. He wants to be back in bed, curled up around Jim’s naked body, falling asleep in the warmth and security of the other man’s arms. << Talk dirty to me, darling. I’m losing the will to live here. Tell me what you want to do to me.>>
Again a quick reply. Whatever Jim is doing, he must be bored too. << Mostly I want to put you over my knee and spank you.>>
Leonard boggles. If he has one complaint about his new relationship, one very small complaint, it’s that it’s all a little vanilla. He’d expected the great Jim Kirk, conquistador of so many sentient beings, to be a bit more kinky. He suspects Jim may be playing it safe, assuming the good boy who married his high-school sweetheart will be shocked by anything too off the wall. He suspects Jim would be surprised to know just what a kinky little thing Jocelyn had been. The trouble is that Leonard is not good at asking for what he wants, not face-to-face. It’s easier just to go with the flow. So this idea is sending a hot rush of pleasure straight to his groin. << Seriously? I can be persuaded. Tell me more.>>
Another quick reply. << I’d bend you over my knee, pull down those tight cadet reds over your ample ass and apply my hand to your tight cheeks until they’re as rosy as a peach.>>
Leonard swallows hard. It’s not just what Jim has to say, it’s the way he’s saying it, with a kind of cool authority that’s sending all Leonard’s blood spiraling to his groin. There is no ‘dude’, no text-speak, just the voice of a commander laying out how it’s going to be.
<< Oh god Jim… and then?>>
<< I’ve always thought you needed a good reaming out. So next would be three slick fingers shoved straight into your aching ass. But we’d need to find a way to plug up that pouty mouth of yours, you talk back way too much.>>
Cocky ass, thinks Leonard, feeling a little affronted. He’d thought Jim liked the way he talked in bed. << Oh yeah? And how are you planning to do that?>>
It takes a little longer for the answer to come this time. << Another man’s cock would do the trick. I’d like to see you plugged up solid at both ends.>>
Okay, this is way beyond the bounds of the kind of kinky Leonard had expected from Jim. He wants a threesome? Leonard thinks that he really should be horrified but instead he’s achingly hard, having to surreptitiously adjust himself under the desk. A quick glance tells him the instructor is mid-way through the official treatment protocols for all the Federation races. He’s going to be ages yet.
<< How long have you wanted to do that?>> asks Leonard.
<< Pretty much from the first time I met you and you opened that insubordinate mouth of yours.>>
Insubordinate? That’s a big word for a kid who was a cadet just a few weeks ago, busy cheating his way through the Kobayashi Maru. << This captain thing going to your head, is it?>> types Leonard. He may not fully approve but he can’t help but respond to the authoritative tone. His fingers are just a little shaky and he keeps hitting the wrong keys. << You figure now you’re my CO you can do what you want with me?>>
<< That is one of the advantages of the chain of command.>>
Leonard stares at the message. Finally something that’s been worrying away in the back of his mind pushes through the haze of exhaustion and lust. Jim just doesn’t write like this. Something is wrong.
He flicks quickly through his contacts list. Some of the numbers he knows by heart and those quickly tell him that someone - Jim, it has to be, it’s always Jim - has randomly renamed all his contacts. He can tell that the number he’s been comming is Starfleet, but he doesn’t know who it is. He stares at the screen in horror. It really doesn’t sound like a fellow cadet.
He’s got to do something. The comms have his name on them. He can’t pretend this hasn’t happened.
<< OK, so I’ve just realized that you’re not Jim and this was probably highly inappropriate and I’M REALLY SORRY. Who are you?>> He sends it off and waits in an agony of suspense.
When the reply pings in, he can hardly bear to open it. << Damn, you rumbled it. You’ve been keeping Chris and I amused through the world’s most boring Federation briefing meeting. It’s been fun. Shall I let Jim know you’re up for the spanking thing? Phil.>>
Phil? As in Admiral Philip Boyce, Surgeon-General. Chris? As in Doctor Boyce’s best friend and (according the campus scuttle-butt) maybe something more, Admiral Christopher Pike. Oh fuck no!
He and Jim have been so careful to keep their relationship discreet and now he’s blown it open in the most blatant way possible. And he now knows far more than he’s ever wanted to about Boyce’s tastes in kink. And Pike’s, for that matter.
Jim Kirk may have survived the Battle of Vulcan and the battle for Earth. He may be Earth’s favorite hero right now. But sometimes, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. The kid is so dead, thinks Leonard.
* * *
“Damn, Bones, that was way awesome. Why didn’t you tell me you liked the kinky shit?”
There had indeed been spanking - firm, efficient, prolonged spanking, followed by a thorough reaming out of the lobster-red ass. But Jim, for his sins, had been at the receiving end of it. It might have been a more effective punishment if he hadn’t seemed to enjoy it so much.
Leonard’s hand is aching and his prick is pleasantly chafed from fucking with too little prep and he is exquisitely fucked-out and all he wants to do is sleep. But Jim, the annoying bastard, wants to chat.
“So the Admirals are dirty-minded old men, are they? Gorgeous though, both of them, don’t you think. Silver foxes of the hottest kind.”
Leonard grunts. Much as he would like never to think of Boyce or Pike again, let alone have to meet them and look them in the eye, he has to admit that Jim is right.
“And they’ve got a point, y’know. You would look really pretty plugged up at both ends. D’you think they’d be up for a foursome? I could direct!”
Leonard snaps awake. “Jim? Jim, no!” Jim has grabbed Leonard’s comm and is retreating across the room with it. “Why don’t I ask them, Bones. Just a quick text. Seeing as you’ve opened up the line of communication, so to speak.”
Leonard is scrabbling across the bed, trying to get at the comm but his co-ordination is off and his legs are tangled up in the sheets. Jim dances away from him, and Leonard hears the ping of message sent.
No, oh fuck no, he thinks. When he’d wanted kinkier, he’d not been thinking on quite this scale. Fuck Jim, he thinks. Fuck the Admirals. Fuck my life.
- THE END -
So how do the Admirals reply to Jim's text?
Companion piece from the point of the view of the Admirals.
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek AOS, Pike/Boyce, Kirk/McCoy and foursome mix
Rating: up to NC-17
Warnings: none
Word Count: Around 10,000 for all six episodes / This part 1500
Prompt: This is an expanded version of a fill written for the jim_and_bones Fuck My Life Flash Fill Challenge, to an inspired prompt from weepingnaiad.
Summary: Thanks to Jim, Leonard inadvertently sends some dirty texts to the Surgeon General. Who shares them with Admiral Pike. It's all downhill from there.
Recced at crackenterprise.
FML (fuck my life)
FML: the Admirals' take
FML: Protocol for an orgy
FML: Looking in from the outside
FML: Going Space-Crazy
FML: Time to let go
Leonard gazes at the instructor with glazed eyes. Honestly, he knows he needs to cram all this stuff in. It wasn’t as if he’d expected to become a CMO the minute he left the Academy, but it’s enough already. He glances around. M’Benga looks as exhausted as he feels. Chapel is trying to looks focused but he suspects she’s asleep with her eyes open. A handful of other students are nodding where they sit. His guess is that the instructor is over-compensating, as if trying to stuff their heads with this shit at the very last minute will bring back a single one of the many dead.
The last few weeks have been very strange. The loss of Vulcan is too enormous to contemplate but the loss of so many cadets and instructors is heartbreakingly tangible. Yet inextricably mixed in with the pain is the somewhat hysterical joy at having survived, at having saved so many more through their actions, and at having been so precipitously promoted to such prestigious positions. No one is acting anything like their normal selves.
The instructor has turned back to the white-screen. Leonard grabs his comm and without even looking at it, pulls up Jim’s name on priority dial. << Sugar, this is bad! Distract me before I fall asleep.>>
It still gives him a thrill to be able to send such comms to Jim. They’d manfully ignored their UST right through the Academy, Leonard thinking Jim too much of a flirt to settle for one man, Jim thinking Leonard too hurt by his divorce to contemplate love again. It had taken the trauma on the Enterprise for Leonard to grab Jim in a tight hug and hold him as if he’d never let go again, for Jim to tilt his face up and take that first kiss as it is was the start of a whole new cycle of life. They’ve been hanging onto each other ever since.
The answer doesn’t take long to come. << What kind of distraction do you have in mind?>>
It is unusual for Jim to text in full sentences but Leonard is too tired to think it through. He wants to be back in bed, curled up around Jim’s naked body, falling asleep in the warmth and security of the other man’s arms. << Talk dirty to me, darling. I’m losing the will to live here. Tell me what you want to do to me.>>
Again a quick reply. Whatever Jim is doing, he must be bored too. << Mostly I want to put you over my knee and spank you.>>
Leonard boggles. If he has one complaint about his new relationship, one very small complaint, it’s that it’s all a little vanilla. He’d expected the great Jim Kirk, conquistador of so many sentient beings, to be a bit more kinky. He suspects Jim may be playing it safe, assuming the good boy who married his high-school sweetheart will be shocked by anything too off the wall. He suspects Jim would be surprised to know just what a kinky little thing Jocelyn had been. The trouble is that Leonard is not good at asking for what he wants, not face-to-face. It’s easier just to go with the flow. So this idea is sending a hot rush of pleasure straight to his groin. << Seriously? I can be persuaded. Tell me more.>>
Another quick reply. << I’d bend you over my knee, pull down those tight cadet reds over your ample ass and apply my hand to your tight cheeks until they’re as rosy as a peach.>>
Leonard swallows hard. It’s not just what Jim has to say, it’s the way he’s saying it, with a kind of cool authority that’s sending all Leonard’s blood spiraling to his groin. There is no ‘dude’, no text-speak, just the voice of a commander laying out how it’s going to be.
<< Oh god Jim… and then?>>
<< I’ve always thought you needed a good reaming out. So next would be three slick fingers shoved straight into your aching ass. But we’d need to find a way to plug up that pouty mouth of yours, you talk back way too much.>>
Cocky ass, thinks Leonard, feeling a little affronted. He’d thought Jim liked the way he talked in bed. << Oh yeah? And how are you planning to do that?>>
It takes a little longer for the answer to come this time. << Another man’s cock would do the trick. I’d like to see you plugged up solid at both ends.>>
Okay, this is way beyond the bounds of the kind of kinky Leonard had expected from Jim. He wants a threesome? Leonard thinks that he really should be horrified but instead he’s achingly hard, having to surreptitiously adjust himself under the desk. A quick glance tells him the instructor is mid-way through the official treatment protocols for all the Federation races. He’s going to be ages yet.
<< How long have you wanted to do that?>> asks Leonard.
<< Pretty much from the first time I met you and you opened that insubordinate mouth of yours.>>
Insubordinate? That’s a big word for a kid who was a cadet just a few weeks ago, busy cheating his way through the Kobayashi Maru. << This captain thing going to your head, is it?>> types Leonard. He may not fully approve but he can’t help but respond to the authoritative tone. His fingers are just a little shaky and he keeps hitting the wrong keys. << You figure now you’re my CO you can do what you want with me?>>
<< That is one of the advantages of the chain of command.>>
Leonard stares at the message. Finally something that’s been worrying away in the back of his mind pushes through the haze of exhaustion and lust. Jim just doesn’t write like this. Something is wrong.
He flicks quickly through his contacts list. Some of the numbers he knows by heart and those quickly tell him that someone - Jim, it has to be, it’s always Jim - has randomly renamed all his contacts. He can tell that the number he’s been comming is Starfleet, but he doesn’t know who it is. He stares at the screen in horror. It really doesn’t sound like a fellow cadet.
He’s got to do something. The comms have his name on them. He can’t pretend this hasn’t happened.
<< OK, so I’ve just realized that you’re not Jim and this was probably highly inappropriate and I’M REALLY SORRY. Who are you?>> He sends it off and waits in an agony of suspense.
When the reply pings in, he can hardly bear to open it. << Damn, you rumbled it. You’ve been keeping Chris and I amused through the world’s most boring Federation briefing meeting. It’s been fun. Shall I let Jim know you’re up for the spanking thing? Phil.>>
Phil? As in Admiral Philip Boyce, Surgeon-General. Chris? As in Doctor Boyce’s best friend and (according the campus scuttle-butt) maybe something more, Admiral Christopher Pike. Oh fuck no!
He and Jim have been so careful to keep their relationship discreet and now he’s blown it open in the most blatant way possible. And he now knows far more than he’s ever wanted to about Boyce’s tastes in kink. And Pike’s, for that matter.
Jim Kirk may have survived the Battle of Vulcan and the battle for Earth. He may be Earth’s favorite hero right now. But sometimes, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. The kid is so dead, thinks Leonard.
* * *
“Damn, Bones, that was way awesome. Why didn’t you tell me you liked the kinky shit?”
There had indeed been spanking - firm, efficient, prolonged spanking, followed by a thorough reaming out of the lobster-red ass. But Jim, for his sins, had been at the receiving end of it. It might have been a more effective punishment if he hadn’t seemed to enjoy it so much.
Leonard’s hand is aching and his prick is pleasantly chafed from fucking with too little prep and he is exquisitely fucked-out and all he wants to do is sleep. But Jim, the annoying bastard, wants to chat.
“So the Admirals are dirty-minded old men, are they? Gorgeous though, both of them, don’t you think. Silver foxes of the hottest kind.”
Leonard grunts. Much as he would like never to think of Boyce or Pike again, let alone have to meet them and look them in the eye, he has to admit that Jim is right.
“And they’ve got a point, y’know. You would look really pretty plugged up at both ends. D’you think they’d be up for a foursome? I could direct!”
Leonard snaps awake. “Jim? Jim, no!” Jim has grabbed Leonard’s comm and is retreating across the room with it. “Why don’t I ask them, Bones. Just a quick text. Seeing as you’ve opened up the line of communication, so to speak.”
Leonard is scrabbling across the bed, trying to get at the comm but his co-ordination is off and his legs are tangled up in the sheets. Jim dances away from him, and Leonard hears the ping of message sent.
No, oh fuck no, he thinks. When he’d wanted kinkier, he’d not been thinking on quite this scale. Fuck Jim, he thinks. Fuck the Admirals. Fuck my life.
- THE END -
So how do the Admirals reply to Jim's text?
Companion piece from the point of the view of the Admirals.