Fic: The harm that befell him (11.03 episode coda)

[zara_zee]

There were things that I enjoyed about this week's episode.

[Spoilers (click to open)]Visually, I thought it looked good. I liked the look and feel and think that Jensen did a good job directing

Comments

[twnchesterangel]

This was heartbreakingly accurate. I have always known that Sam sees Dean as a genious, a hero, even if flawed. And he loves him. That's the most important thing. Not only does Dean not see himself that way, I'm not sure he loves himself either. Guilt, blame, shame, all of it. Dean is drowning in it. I think not only does he not love himself, I don't know that he thinks he's worthy of love. Respect? Yes. Trust? Yes. But love? Probably not. And I'm not sure he puts a lot of time into thinking about it either. Because he thinks he's not worth the time or effort. It's just sad. And it's sad that Sam actually looks up to him and wants him to see himself that way but Dean is like a brick wall. He's not very receptive to emotional conversation. Lol But hey, the good news for the boys is that the more tragic they are, the more we love them. Also, I'm blaming every single tear on my pillow tonight on you and that last line. *sniffle*

[zara_zee]

Thank you!

Guilt, blame, shame, all of it. Dean is drowning in it

He really is. He was such an emotionally intelligent, empathic little boy as we saw in his four-year-old self's interactions with Mary. And then Mary died and John became obsessed and all of that just sort of...ended up with Dean taking on board responsibility for the whole world and he can never win. It's heartbreaking.

(Dean says to tell you that all the tears on your pillow are his fault, not mine. That it's all on him.)

[twnchesterangel]

Ok, first of all, I'm trying to break that damaging cycle so I choose to blame you. heehee And second of all, do you have Dean THERE? You lucky, lucky girl. :P

But yes. YES. To all you said. I always say that even though they've both had multiple traumatic events in their lives, I believe Sam changed in Mystery Spot. The episodes before that, he still had some of his innocent ways. But after, he's just never ever been the same. With Dean, it was definitely Mary's death. And of course it would change anybody's life but for Dean, it rocked his world and everybody's around him. Life was completely changed, unrecognizable for him. And John. And it defined Dean from that moment on. Sorry, I'm babbling. But yes, to everthing you said. *sob*

[zara_zee]

Hahaha...Dean's always here. In my head. ;)

[ex1led_nyer]

So heartbreaking, so true. Poor Dean. That last line is beautiful.

[zara_zee]

Thank you. So very Dean. :(

[ex1led_nyer]

So heartbreaking, so true. Poor Dean. That last line is beautiful.

[indiachick]

Thank you so much for this. I've been sorta failing to connect with Dean this season, maybe because of whiplash from the last season, and somehow, you made it all click together for me. I love this fic. I love that it's from Sam's POV, I love how Sam just gets it and offers a piece of comfort that Dean doesn't shy from taking. No, Dean really didn't have it coming, but he's never going to give himself a break, is he? :( <333

[zara_zee]

Thank you. I think Sam really does get Dean and I think he's learned in recent years that it's better not to push too hard, just to offer, as you say, the comfort that he knows Dean will take. Dean has been very flat this season...but I'm sure we're going to see the fallout from last season sometime soon and that's bound to be quite explosive! :D

[madebyme_x]

I love all of this! The close examination of Dean throughout the years, and how you told this through Sam's POV was so perfect; he knows his brother, and when not to push but guide.

Dean has always struggled with his self worth and I loved how you explored that here. The last line was killer.

Thank you for sharing :)

[zara_zee]

Thank you. It had to be Sam's POV because he sees Dean a lot more clearly than Dean sees himself! Dean, as you say, struggles with his self-worth and has a very skewed view of himself. So happy you enjoyed this. :D