Fic: The harm that befell him (11.03 episode coda)
There were things that I enjoyed about this week's episode.
[Spoilers (click to open)]Visually, I thought it looked good. I liked the look and feel and think that Jensen did a good job directing.
I enjoyed Rowena. I like her character and I think that Ruth does a wonderful job with her. Her, "but I'm in heels" comment made me laugh out loud.
I continue to be intrigued by the Darkness and find myself mulling over the fact that Death described it as amoral...unaware of or indifferent to 'right' or 'wrong'. Crowley may find the Darkness far harder to manipulate than he anticipates.
Dean's shirt (you know the one) made me think of an episode of Angel, where Angel dressed very similarly and assumed the role of somebody's driver so that he could get close without being recognised.
And I liked him getting shot down by the blonde woman too.
The angel and the demon who walked into a bar..that amused me. But. I do hope that it doesn't become a thing. The rebel alliance. And suddenly they get their own story. twnchesterangel made the comment on cassiopeia7's journal that supporting characters are meant to support. And that's what I want to see. The supporting characters supporting Sam and Dean's story, not skipping off to the side with their own separate storyline.
I was pretty ho hum about Castiel's fairly quick and easy fix.I expected it,so there was no tension and they didn't do anything overly interesting with characterisation so, yeah. (Please Show, do something interesting with Castiel this season. There are possibilities this season, what with the Darkness and maybe even God getting involved. But see note above about supporting characters.)
And then Dean refused to let Cas heal him because he 'had it coming' and my heart shattered into a million pieces. Dean has a habit of breaking my heart and...I just couldn't stop thinking about Dean and that line. So of course, that's what I had to write about.
--
Title: The harm that befell him
Author: zara_zee
Beta: Not beta’d
Genre(s): Episode coda
Rating: PG-13, Gen
Spoilers: Episode 11.03
Word Count: ~1,100
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in the sand box.
Summary: “It’s fine, Cas,” Dean says. “Besides, I had it coming.”
--
“No, no, no, no,” Dean’s eyes are lowered and he holds a hand up, in a defensive, stop gesture. “It’s fine, Cas. Besides, I had it coming.”
He looks up then, meets Cas’s gaze head-on, and his expression is filled with guilt and self-loathing.
Cas inclines his head slightly and sits back down.
Sam looks from one to the other and frowns. Cas should’ve argued more; should’ve turned Dean’s earlier you were under a spell comment back on him, because that beat down Dean gave Cas right before he took off last week was all down to the Mark of Cain’s influence.
Sam supposes he could remind Dean of that himself, except that he knows his brother; knows that Dean won’t be able to hear that right now.
Maybe Cas knows that too. His dealing with people skills may not be the sharpest, but he did rebuild Dean from the soul up.
He probably knows as well as Sam that Dean has had the weight of the world on his shoulders for a very long time.
When four-year-old Sam got into Dad’s research notes, it was Dean’s fault, because taking care of Sam was his job.
When Dad was away on a Hunt for longer than he’d planned and they ran out of money, it was Dean’s fault for not managing the finances better.
(And still, when Dad came home, wrecked, Dean would take care of him and tell him that everything was going to be alright.)
When Dean didn’t get his homework done because Dad dragged him off on a werewolf Hunt, it was Dean’s fault that he wasn’t a more diligent, more responsible student.
Teachers called him lazy, wilfully disobedient, slow. They called him a trouble-maker and suggested that he had learning difficulties.
Dean regularly cooked their supper by the age of ten. He always supervised Sam’s homework, no matter what; he knew the difference between a death omen, a vengeful spirit and a poltergeist and how to deal with each of them; and he could fix a crappy motel heater or tap into their neighbor’s cable TV. But he believed it wholeheartedly when teachers said that he lagged behind his peers, that he wasn’t very bright.
When Dean got worked over by a couple of guys he’d been trying to hustle at pool, Dad told him he had it coming; that he’d been too obvious.
When he got bailed up by a big guy in a truck stop restroom, the guy told Dean that he was asking for it, that he obviously wanted it. Sam shudders to think what might’ve happened if he and Dad hadn’t arrived in the restroom when they had. Dad had beaten the crap out of the big guy, but he’d looked at Dean askance and muttered something disparaging about tight jeans, friendship bracelets and hair gel. Dean had started wearing baggier clothes and more layers after that. Had started practicing his tough-guy swagger.
When Sam left for Stanford, Dad’s ‘don’t you ever come back’ ringing in his ears, Dean blamed himself. If only he’d been a better brother. If only he’d been a better son. Sam stopped taking his calls. After a while he stopped listening to his rambling drunken voicemails too.
In all the time since, in all the time they’ve been hunting together, whenever they fail to save someone; when someone gets hurt on Dean’s watch; Dean always says that it’s on him. And then gets very drunk. Or finds himself a bar fight. Or both.
Sam watches as Dean turns away and presses the dish cloth full of ice against his swollen jaw. He remembers back when Lucifer and Michael were looking to make the Winchesters their meatsuits. He remembers the drive back to Bobby’s after they’d failed to rescue Adam from Zachariah, remembers Dean dismissing the beating Cas had dished out to him earlier that day as something he’d had coming.
When Sam had been trying to finish the trials, holed up in that Church, slowly curing Crowley of his demonhood, Crowley had waxed lyrical about how beautifully Dean had suffered for Alastair on the rack. “Like the martyrs of old,” the King of Hell had said reverently. “Like someone who knew that he deserved every single hot poker, every single strike of the whip.”
Dean is Sam’s big brother and Sam has never thought he was anything but a good, worthy man. And maybe he’s been angry at times and lashed out at his brother in ways that he knew would hurt him, but he’s never actually believed any of the crap he’s thrown at Dean.
Dean, though, believes it all. He sees himself as a grunt. Expendable. Only good for slicing throats. He honestly believes that it’s his job to save everybody, always, and when he fails to save someone, as he inevitably will, that’s on him. Whatever pain, whatever suffering, whatever punishment, comes his way, he has it coming.
“Quit lookin’ at me like that,” Dean says, his voice muffled behind the ice pack.
Sam makes eye contact with Cas and then clears his throat.
“Save it,” Dean says, voice clipped.
“How about I go get some pizza and we catch up on Game of Thrones?” Sam says.
Dean looks at him, his raw expression morphing into surprise, then relief.
“Get some more beer,” Dean says. “And some snacks. And don’t forget the licorice this time.”
Later, when Dean is stuffed full of pizza and candy, when he’s had enough to drink for in vino veritas to kick in, Sam will tell him again that he’s not evil. That he didn’t ask for this life--neither of them did--that they’re just trying to do the best they can.
Are they perfect? No. Do they make mistakes? Yes. Are they exhausted and worn down and probably suffering from a whole host of trauma and stress disorders? Absolutely. But they are good men. Dean is a good man.
His brother has always seen the worst in people, the worst in the world. He’s always seen the monster, in others and in himself.
Sam has always seen the good in everyone. He meant what he said to God in the hospital chapel. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. He should never have been made to feel that saving six billion lives was on his shoulders. And he should never have been made to feel that all of the pain and suffering he has to endure is something he deserves.
Dean is not responsible for any of the harm that has befallen him. The world is not a good and moral place and bad things happen to good people.
Dean is not a bad seed. He was just planted in bad soil.
--
[Spoilers (click to open)]Visually, I thought it looked good. I liked the look and feel and think that Jensen did a good job directing.
I enjoyed Rowena. I like her character and I think that Ruth does a wonderful job with her. Her, "but I'm in heels" comment made me laugh out loud.
I continue to be intrigued by the Darkness and find myself mulling over the fact that Death described it as amoral...unaware of or indifferent to 'right' or 'wrong'. Crowley may find the Darkness far harder to manipulate than he anticipates.
Dean's shirt (you know the one) made me think of an episode of Angel, where Angel dressed very similarly and assumed the role of somebody's driver so that he could get close without being recognised.
And I liked him getting shot down by the blonde woman too.
The angel and the demon who walked into a bar..that amused me. But. I do hope that it doesn't become a thing. The rebel alliance. And suddenly they get their own story. twnchesterangel made the comment on cassiopeia7's journal that supporting characters are meant to support. And that's what I want to see. The supporting characters supporting Sam and Dean's story, not skipping off to the side with their own separate storyline.
I was pretty ho hum about Castiel's fairly quick and easy fix.I expected it,so there was no tension and they didn't do anything overly interesting with characterisation so, yeah. (Please Show, do something interesting with Castiel this season. There are possibilities this season, what with the Darkness and maybe even God getting involved. But see note above about supporting characters.)
And then Dean refused to let Cas heal him because he 'had it coming' and my heart shattered into a million pieces. Dean has a habit of breaking my heart and...I just couldn't stop thinking about Dean and that line. So of course, that's what I had to write about.
--
Title: The harm that befell him
Author: zara_zee
Beta: Not beta’d
Genre(s): Episode coda
Rating: PG-13, Gen
Spoilers: Episode 11.03
Word Count: ~1,100
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in the sand box.
Summary: “It’s fine, Cas,” Dean says. “Besides, I had it coming.”
--
“No, no, no, no,” Dean’s eyes are lowered and he holds a hand up, in a defensive, stop gesture. “It’s fine, Cas. Besides, I had it coming.”
He looks up then, meets Cas’s gaze head-on, and his expression is filled with guilt and self-loathing.
Cas inclines his head slightly and sits back down.
Sam looks from one to the other and frowns. Cas should’ve argued more; should’ve turned Dean’s earlier you were under a spell comment back on him, because that beat down Dean gave Cas right before he took off last week was all down to the Mark of Cain’s influence.
Sam supposes he could remind Dean of that himself, except that he knows his brother; knows that Dean won’t be able to hear that right now.
Maybe Cas knows that too. His dealing with people skills may not be the sharpest, but he did rebuild Dean from the soul up.
He probably knows as well as Sam that Dean has had the weight of the world on his shoulders for a very long time.
When four-year-old Sam got into Dad’s research notes, it was Dean’s fault, because taking care of Sam was his job.
When Dad was away on a Hunt for longer than he’d planned and they ran out of money, it was Dean’s fault for not managing the finances better.
(And still, when Dad came home, wrecked, Dean would take care of him and tell him that everything was going to be alright.)
When Dean didn’t get his homework done because Dad dragged him off on a werewolf Hunt, it was Dean’s fault that he wasn’t a more diligent, more responsible student.
Teachers called him lazy, wilfully disobedient, slow. They called him a trouble-maker and suggested that he had learning difficulties.
Dean regularly cooked their supper by the age of ten. He always supervised Sam’s homework, no matter what; he knew the difference between a death omen, a vengeful spirit and a poltergeist and how to deal with each of them; and he could fix a crappy motel heater or tap into their neighbor’s cable TV. But he believed it wholeheartedly when teachers said that he lagged behind his peers, that he wasn’t very bright.
When Dean got worked over by a couple of guys he’d been trying to hustle at pool, Dad told him he had it coming; that he’d been too obvious.
When he got bailed up by a big guy in a truck stop restroom, the guy told Dean that he was asking for it, that he obviously wanted it. Sam shudders to think what might’ve happened if he and Dad hadn’t arrived in the restroom when they had. Dad had beaten the crap out of the big guy, but he’d looked at Dean askance and muttered something disparaging about tight jeans, friendship bracelets and hair gel. Dean had started wearing baggier clothes and more layers after that. Had started practicing his tough-guy swagger.
When Sam left for Stanford, Dad’s ‘don’t you ever come back’ ringing in his ears, Dean blamed himself. If only he’d been a better brother. If only he’d been a better son. Sam stopped taking his calls. After a while he stopped listening to his rambling drunken voicemails too.
In all the time since, in all the time they’ve been hunting together, whenever they fail to save someone; when someone gets hurt on Dean’s watch; Dean always says that it’s on him. And then gets very drunk. Or finds himself a bar fight. Or both.
Sam watches as Dean turns away and presses the dish cloth full of ice against his swollen jaw. He remembers back when Lucifer and Michael were looking to make the Winchesters their meatsuits. He remembers the drive back to Bobby’s after they’d failed to rescue Adam from Zachariah, remembers Dean dismissing the beating Cas had dished out to him earlier that day as something he’d had coming.
When Sam had been trying to finish the trials, holed up in that Church, slowly curing Crowley of his demonhood, Crowley had waxed lyrical about how beautifully Dean had suffered for Alastair on the rack. “Like the martyrs of old,” the King of Hell had said reverently. “Like someone who knew that he deserved every single hot poker, every single strike of the whip.”
Dean is Sam’s big brother and Sam has never thought he was anything but a good, worthy man. And maybe he’s been angry at times and lashed out at his brother in ways that he knew would hurt him, but he’s never actually believed any of the crap he’s thrown at Dean.
Dean, though, believes it all. He sees himself as a grunt. Expendable. Only good for slicing throats. He honestly believes that it’s his job to save everybody, always, and when he fails to save someone, as he inevitably will, that’s on him. Whatever pain, whatever suffering, whatever punishment, comes his way, he has it coming.
“Quit lookin’ at me like that,” Dean says, his voice muffled behind the ice pack.
Sam makes eye contact with Cas and then clears his throat.
“Save it,” Dean says, voice clipped.
“How about I go get some pizza and we catch up on Game of Thrones?” Sam says.
Dean looks at him, his raw expression morphing into surprise, then relief.
“Get some more beer,” Dean says. “And some snacks. And don’t forget the licorice this time.”
Later, when Dean is stuffed full of pizza and candy, when he’s had enough to drink for in vino veritas to kick in, Sam will tell him again that he’s not evil. That he didn’t ask for this life--neither of them did--that they’re just trying to do the best they can.
Are they perfect? No. Do they make mistakes? Yes. Are they exhausted and worn down and probably suffering from a whole host of trauma and stress disorders? Absolutely. But they are good men. Dean is a good man.
His brother has always seen the worst in people, the worst in the world. He’s always seen the monster, in others and in himself.
Sam has always seen the good in everyone. He meant what he said to God in the hospital chapel. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. He should never have been made to feel that saving six billion lives was on his shoulders. And he should never have been made to feel that all of the pain and suffering he has to endure is something he deserves.
Dean is not responsible for any of the harm that has befallen him. The world is not a good and moral place and bad things happen to good people.
Dean is not a bad seed. He was just planted in bad soil.
--