I think the pitch I'm going to make is I want every nite from 8:30-9 to be 'their time'. Preferably quietish, cuddling, reading, cool down time. Either in her room or ours. Ie NO TV.
This way she gets HER time with him, and I get a 'break'.
I figure most of his current shows don't start until 9, and if it's before then we can work with it.
I'm going to frame it as she wants to spend time with him. So it doesn't seem as though 'I can't handle her'. And then I'm going to hope in the long run, that bed time, becomes 'their thing'. you know
I used to be the 'one' to put her to sleep and some where in the last six months or so the novelty of Daddy putting her to sleep really took shape.
I think the other problem is typically when he puts her to bed, he goes to bed himself, so he has no desire to then move her into her own bed. She's also close to 30 pounds and is really heavy for me with my nerve damage to carry around.
I like that reframe. Yes, It's not that you "can't handle her" because you totally can... but he's her father and they need their time too. My kid is broken too... she sleeps on her mattress on the floor beside my bed for sometimes all night, usually a few hours, then wakes up and gets in bed with us. I say I'm going to move her to her own room, and I totally want to, but it's hard... I want it to be magically easy and for her to sleep all night in her own bed, but I know it won't be that way. I know it will be hard and I just avoid it. Truthfully though.... I sleep better sometimes when she's in bed with me because I'm not waiting for her to wake up.
Nikki doesn't sleep through the nite, or at least she has a really fitful sleep. Which I have. When she was about 4 or 5 months old we had an experience where she was shrieking in her sleep, fully asleep. I stood there for a solid 10 min, watching her, light on, light off, shrieking, soundly asleep.
IT was frightening.
I used to feel more at ease knowing she was with me and cuddling. But she's almost 30 pounds. She takes up a lot of room. Neither my husband or I are tiny. So it's not like we have copious amounts of room to share.
The mattress on the floor isn't so bad. For a second there I thought you were going to tell me she had a dog bed at the foot of your bed or something. lol
I am afraid I am on this same pattern. Sidrah is 13 months old now. We put her to bed in her crib every night, but she wakes up after half an hour or an hour and she ends up with me when I go to bed. It's frustrating, so frustrating. I love her, but I want her to sleep in her own bed. And eventually, I want the girls to share a room and end the madness of needing someone with them 24 hours a day.
So, I feel for you! And I don't know what to do, but if you figure it out, you have to tell me!
It may not be any consolation but to know I'm not the only one, does make me feel a *little* bit better.
Not even I want her in her own bed. I want to sleep with no one touching me, or breathing on me, or kicking me in the head or face. I'm sick of waking up because someone has a death grip going on my hair and is giggling.
I also find partially because I'm not working, but mostly because she's in my bed. I'm going to bed later since there is no 'reason' to go to bed earlier, whether to cuddle or anything else. Ie that's how I'm 'trying' to get my time in. Which is equally asinine.
We have talked about that. But then other 'projects' come up.
I can in the long run do that. But right now, her room is situated with her crib converted to a toddler bed. To put a twin mattress in her room(which I have in the garage) I have to rearrange her entire bedroom and furniture.
It's also a much better option than how I spent Wednesday nite. I actually got her to sleep in her bed, briefly. But it involved me,bent at the waist laying down with her, with one leg in the air and one bent resting on her bed, to wrap around her and not fall off her bed.
As we have it set up as a true 'toddler' bed that has the crib railing on one side, and the half mini rail on the other.
I never converted cribs into the toddler bed configuration. I know money is tight for you but you can get a twin bed frame and bed slats at IKEA for $60 and plop that twin mattress on top. If people ask what they can get for her for chanukah I would say $20 for IKEA.
I may have a toddler bed that uses a twin mattress, that I inherited in the garage.(when my dad's gf moved in with him and sold her house, I got all her 'good' stuff that she didn't need) so I have her kids mattresses and what not in my garage. I'll ask her tommorrow, what kind it is.
Honestly, at this point, I don't feel as though she needs a 'whole bed' if she'll sleep on a twin mattress in her room, then I'll worry about an actual bed.
I could just as easily take the bed frame from the twin bed in my room, and put that underneath a mattress I already have. And put my bed on the floor. IT's a lot of configuring to figure out.
I don't think we're doing Hannukah presents this year. It's not in the cards this year.
Without rearranging the room you could put the toddler bed mattress on the floor. Then get the twin up when you have time. The daddy/daughter time idea is a good one.
Reuben was putting Shira to bed when he went to bed because that was easier for him too. I kept telling him to put her to bed earlier, but he was going through some moody stuff at the time and just couldn't get things together. It was very hard but I pushed myself and sleep trained Shira (not lots of crying). I just had to give up a lot of sleep myself and make sure not to fall asleep in her room and to always take her out of ours. I was pregnant and it really sucked but was so worth it.
Wait I'm confused, I should dismantle her crib/toddler bed and put the crib mattress on the floor? I think the crib mattress is so not soft and mushy as opposed to the regular mattresses. It's also small.
I'm actually REALLY hesitant to put the mattress directly on the floor, because the wall right behind where I have the crib is an electical outlet with a lamp plugged into it. Right now it's blocked by the crib wall, and she doesn't hop it's there.
Moody husband, the story of my life. I'm also having the battle, where if I want to try to have 'quiet' time say at 9:15 his response is, 'she's not going to sleep yet'.
How long does Shira sleep at nite? Nikki is sleeping like 9 or 10 hours at nite. Is that enough?
I HAVE to do it, but I'm just in this vortex of suck, with my own crap. you know? I'm also resenting the amount of crap that's on my shoulders. ugh
You can't just take the mattress out of the crib the way you have it set up now? I meant it just as an easy way to lie down next to her and not need her to transfer later. I didn't mean it as a presentable permanent way of arranging the room. I think getting the toddler bed with twin mattress up is a great idea, but you were saying how projects like that just aren't getting done right now so I thought you would just pull the mattress out and plop it on the floor. Put it back in during the day so there is room to walk around her room
( ... )
Her crib is currently converted into a 'toddler' bed with a half crib/bed rail. So she's currently using a crib mattress.
I have to clear more space in her room to even put the mattress on her floor. I have clothing, that she's outgrown that I have to finish sorting and have Mike put away. I had everything packed up and was waiting for his help, and then she unpacked it.
Often even if she is with us, she'll cry during the nite. And will soothe once she has her pacifier and cuddles up against one of us.
you are really right about doing the bedtime routine. It's just having the kick in the ass to do it. Especially since I have no 'routine' right now for me, it's hard to do that to another person, you know.
I'm dying to send her to school/camp. but I feel really committed to my babysitter because of parnossah.
Thank you. Someitmes talking this stuff out while it may just be rehashing what we know helps to have the support and know we're not alone.
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This way she gets HER time with him, and I get a 'break'.
I figure most of his current shows don't start until 9, and if it's before then we can work with it.
I'm going to frame it as she wants to spend time with him. So it doesn't seem as though 'I can't handle her'. And then I'm going to hope in the long run, that bed time, becomes 'their thing'. you know
I used to be the 'one' to put her to sleep and some where in the last six months or so the novelty of Daddy putting her to sleep really took shape.
I think the other problem is typically when he puts her to bed, he goes to bed himself, so he has no desire to then move her into her own bed. She's also close to 30 pounds and is really heavy for me with my nerve damage to carry around.
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IT was frightening.
I used to feel more at ease knowing she was with me and cuddling. But she's almost 30 pounds. She takes up a lot of room. Neither my husband or I are tiny. So it's not like we have copious amounts of room to share.
The mattress on the floor isn't so bad. For a second there I thought you were going to tell me she had a dog bed at the foot of your bed or something. lol
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So, I feel for you! And I don't know what to do, but if you figure it out, you have to tell me!
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Not even I want her in her own bed. I want to sleep with no one touching me, or breathing on me, or kicking me in the head or face. I'm sick of waking up because someone has a death grip going on my hair and is giggling.
I also find partially because I'm not working, but mostly because she's in my bed. I'm going to bed later since there is no 'reason' to go to bed earlier, whether to cuddle or anything else. Ie that's how I'm 'trying' to get my time in. Which is equally asinine.
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I can in the long run do that. But right now, her room is situated with her crib converted to a toddler bed. To put a twin mattress in her room(which I have in the garage) I have to rearrange her entire bedroom and furniture.
It's also a much better option than how I spent Wednesday nite. I actually got her to sleep in her bed, briefly. But it involved me,bent at the waist laying down with her, with one leg in the air and one bent resting on her bed, to wrap around her and not fall off her bed.
As we have it set up as a true 'toddler' bed that has the crib railing on one side, and the half mini rail on the other.
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http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/20180566/
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so I have her kids mattresses and what not in my garage. I'll ask her tommorrow, what kind it is.
Honestly, at this point, I don't feel as though she needs a 'whole bed' if she'll sleep on a twin mattress in her room, then I'll worry about an actual bed.
I could just as easily take the bed frame from the twin bed in my room, and put that underneath a mattress I already have. And put my bed on the floor. IT's a lot of configuring to figure out.
I don't think we're doing Hannukah presents this year. It's not in the cards this year.
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Reuben was putting Shira to bed when he went to bed because that was easier for him too. I kept telling him to put her to bed earlier, but he was going through some moody stuff at the time and just couldn't get things together. It was very hard but I pushed myself and sleep trained Shira (not lots of crying). I just had to give up a lot of sleep myself and make sure not to fall asleep in her room and to always take her out of ours. I was pregnant and it really sucked but was so worth it.
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I'm actually REALLY hesitant to put the mattress directly on the floor, because the wall right behind where I have the crib is an electical outlet with a lamp plugged into it. Right now it's blocked by the crib wall, and she doesn't hop it's there.
Moody husband, the story of my life. I'm also having the battle, where if I want to try to have 'quiet' time say at 9:15 his response is, 'she's not going to sleep yet'.
How long does Shira sleep at nite? Nikki is sleeping like 9 or 10 hours at nite. Is that enough?
I HAVE to do it, but I'm just in this vortex of suck, with my own crap. you know? I'm also resenting the amount of crap that's on my shoulders. ugh
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I have to clear more space in her room to even put the mattress on her floor. I have clothing, that she's outgrown that I have to finish sorting and have Mike put away. I had everything packed up and was waiting for his help, and then she unpacked it.
Often even if she is with us, she'll cry during the nite. And will soothe once she has her pacifier and cuddles up against one of us.
you are really right about doing the bedtime routine. It's just having the kick in the ass to do it. Especially since I have no 'routine' right now for me, it's hard to do that to another person, you know.
I'm dying to send her to school/camp. but I feel really committed to my babysitter because of parnossah.
Thank you. Someitmes talking this stuff out while it may just be rehashing what we know helps to have the support and know we're not alone.
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