NaBloPoMo 12? oops 13- I broke my kid
I broke my kid with the help of my husband and now I'm dealing with the aggrevating consequences.
This may also be the closest I've ever come to discussing my intimate relationship with my husband.
So when Nechama was born, she HATED sleeping in the co-sleeper, and most nights wound up in bed with me while I was nursing. When she was a few months old, she tolerated her crib for part of the nite. The problem was she couldn't fall asleep in it, so we'd put her to sleep either on the couch with one of us holding her or in our bed and then move her.
She's NEVER been able to fall asleep in her crib.
So the falling asleep and then moving her thing, worked for a good while. and then if she woke she'd wind up sleeping with us.
That worked until she was too big for me to delicately put in her crib. So we attempted by converting her crib into a toddler bed, that that would eliminate the 'drop' problem I was having in putting her in her crib.
The toddler bed is a bust. She's maybe slept in it a grand total of 24 hours in the past four months. Mike's theory is it's too narrow and the bars on each side, freak her out. I think she's spent the past 2 years sleeping with us, that she's not used to being 'alone'.
Furthermore, if she's in our bed she's a barrier to our being close or even having our own time to just be together. Not even sexual I mean time WITHOUT THE KID TOUCHING ME. It is really upsetting at times when Mike won't even try to move her into her own bed, it's like a giant REJECTION of intimacy sign. Emotionally, I'm feeling pretty isolated and in some deluded sense that he's picking her over me. Which I know is crazy.
When I had the miscarriage I was happy to cuddle and cry into her hair at nite. But a person needs a break. Part of the problem is he can't let her cry AT ALL.
He won't even give her a few minutes to see if she'll settle herself or even come into our room on her own. She's able to open and close doors. She cries and he's right there. Which on one hand is admirable on the other hand I feel as though we're depriving her of developing coping skills. I'm not talking let her cry for two hours, I'm saying give her fifteen minutes and then go tend to her.
I'm further frustrated because Mike is frequently discussing his desire to expand the size of our family. But with her in our room it's a barrier to even ttc. He would NEVER even consider it. We have enough debates about cuddling with her nearby. So I feel so pushed, but he's unwilling to set the ground work.
What he also misses, she settles down with him to sleep better than she does with me. But he's unwilling to do bed time until he goes to sleep. His priorities once he gets home are change, eat and watch tv. He expects me to put her to bed, but clearly most nites she wants him. Admittedly I am not as strong as I would like to be about bedtime and bedtime routine, a combination of my depression, and not working and his desire to not upset her(which is an almost constant fight).
I'm just frustrated and feel as though I can't even talk to Mike because he'll just turn it around, in an asshole way when it doesn't need to be that way.
This may also be the closest I've ever come to discussing my intimate relationship with my husband.
So when Nechama was born, she HATED sleeping in the co-sleeper, and most nights wound up in bed with me while I was nursing. When she was a few months old, she tolerated her crib for part of the nite. The problem was she couldn't fall asleep in it, so we'd put her to sleep either on the couch with one of us holding her or in our bed and then move her.
She's NEVER been able to fall asleep in her crib.
So the falling asleep and then moving her thing, worked for a good while. and then if she woke she'd wind up sleeping with us.
That worked until she was too big for me to delicately put in her crib. So we attempted by converting her crib into a toddler bed, that that would eliminate the 'drop' problem I was having in putting her in her crib.
The toddler bed is a bust. She's maybe slept in it a grand total of 24 hours in the past four months. Mike's theory is it's too narrow and the bars on each side, freak her out. I think she's spent the past 2 years sleeping with us, that she's not used to being 'alone'.
Furthermore, if she's in our bed she's a barrier to our being close or even having our own time to just be together. Not even sexual I mean time WITHOUT THE KID TOUCHING ME. It is really upsetting at times when Mike won't even try to move her into her own bed, it's like a giant REJECTION of intimacy sign. Emotionally, I'm feeling pretty isolated and in some deluded sense that he's picking her over me. Which I know is crazy.
When I had the miscarriage I was happy to cuddle and cry into her hair at nite. But a person needs a break. Part of the problem is he can't let her cry AT ALL.
He won't even give her a few minutes to see if she'll settle herself or even come into our room on her own. She's able to open and close doors. She cries and he's right there. Which on one hand is admirable on the other hand I feel as though we're depriving her of developing coping skills. I'm not talking let her cry for two hours, I'm saying give her fifteen minutes and then go tend to her.
I'm further frustrated because Mike is frequently discussing his desire to expand the size of our family. But with her in our room it's a barrier to even ttc. He would NEVER even consider it. We have enough debates about cuddling with her nearby. So I feel so pushed, but he's unwilling to set the ground work.
What he also misses, she settles down with him to sleep better than she does with me. But he's unwilling to do bed time until he goes to sleep. His priorities once he gets home are change, eat and watch tv. He expects me to put her to bed, but clearly most nites she wants him. Admittedly I am not as strong as I would like to be about bedtime and bedtime routine, a combination of my depression, and not working and his desire to not upset her(which is an almost constant fight).
I'm just frustrated and feel as though I can't even talk to Mike because he'll just turn it around, in an asshole way when it doesn't need to be that way.