ironically enough, things were so much simpler , albeit in certain areas, when i had my fallback "just get fucked up enough and you'll be somewhere different". stone sobriety is rough, but exciting. im finding myself feeling the feelings i felt when i was 6 or 7 years old, incredibly visceral and when misunderstood, painful feelings and emotions. ( Read more... )

Thhis has gone on quite long enough. Time to shoot myself or get off the fucking pot.

this is the most disconnected ive felt in a long, long time..and im surronded to a negative degree with people...everyones got fucking issues and negativity and stress and i just want to trust people and live and laugh and love and i miss the people that glued things together. i am lost

one things for sure....this summer will be different.

i just want to get through this, and everyone to be ok on the other side. loneliness is such a tricky paradox...its not the physical proximity of people, its the internal loneliness. sigh. i feel like i could look up a journal entry from 4 years ago and it would say the same thing, just switch around a few circumstances. ive been back here a year, ( Read more... )

man...reading this thing makes me feel happy, then sad, then devestated, the hopeful, then happy, then rinse and repeat. am i really a bad person? you do realize that i love you, and i always will.

im just not quite sure. everything i thought was real im questioning, everyone i was told i could count on forever is not quite living up to that. turns out forever comes with stipulations. i guess that was my biggest fear, losing a person period.

they need to make a sobriety test device that will lock you out of livejournal/facebook/myspace and everything if you're too fucked up.

Three sleepless nights ( Read more... )

..if i'll really ever be completely happy in a realationship with antother person. maybe ive already given up and thats why it seems so difficult, or maybe its so distorted in my head that ive actually had it a bunch of times and not known. who the hell knows.