Comments | write_away: Maybe

daisy_adair in write_away

Maybe

Dec 12, 2005 03:19

Hello. I did Prose Prompt #29. It's late, I know (sorry), but I did time myself, and it took about an hour. Just to clarify, I'm not trying to be all sexist. This was meant to show how much teen angst a girl could feel within like 3 minutes. I wasn't really sure how to go about making it clear that her thoughts were thoughts. Was using quotation ( Read more... )

type: prose, user: daisy_adair, type: prompt response

Comments 22

:) contemplate_me December 12 2005, 07:02:04 UTC

I love it, its so real and really relaxing to read.

Thank you

smeddley December 12 2005, 07:29:09 UTC

In the first line, "scrolled" might be more what you are looking for.

As for the rest, it was very stream of consciousness kind of writing, which I like. I didn't like the "chowing down more intensely" on her nails bit, I would have been okay with "chewing," I think, but "chowing down" seems to refer more to eating... ick.

I like the ending, where she does a complete 180 and is happily singing along. I think you did capture the capricious nature of a teenage girl's emotions.

Thinking out loud a_l_p_h_a_b_e_t December 12 2005, 07:31:27 UTC

I find that if you have thoughts and speech in the same section you can get away with either the thoughts in italics or just do not use quotation marks:

I'm a twit, she thought. "I'M A TWIT!" she said to back up her thought.

Maybe they ARE all the same, with one focus, one mind set, "me, it's all about me, me, me."
In this case, perhaps use ' instead of " when dealing with someone else's dialog within the main character's monalog.

Great post, I think it reinforces the fact that I will never completely understand women...

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daisy_adair December 14 2005, 00:09:07 UTC

Cool! I'll probably look back on other prompts when I get a chance. My first college semester's almost over so hopefully I'll be getting a lot of personal writing done soon. :-)

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daisy_adair December 14 2005, 10:21:24 UTC

Good luck with getting all your work in on time!!!!

Thread 5

dragonlaire December 12 2005, 10:45:18 UTC

'Flash' is fine. Other alternatives: scroll, roll, appear...etc.

I thought your use of quotation marks was awkward. Judicious use of 'She thought' in strategic places throughout the piece would have accomplished the same objective without the distraction of wondering if actual speech was intended. Save quotation marks for conversation or vocalization. That's standard practice. Nice piece. I like the stream of consciousness introspection. I'll echo that I find women incomprehensible at times.:)