Please crit?

[mystik_serena]

A project with three parts, the first being an objective third person, the second being one of the characters involved and the third being more of an introspection. Warning: Slash

Comments

[coyotecult]

Please cut the entire piece, if you would! If you don't do it shortly (indicating you maybe posted and went to bed, hehe), I might delete the post to save people's friends page, but do feel free to repost with an lj-cut.

[mystik_serena]

I tried to cut it in thirds, one for each part, but my formatting got eaten. It'll be fixed ASAP.

[coyotecult]

No problem and much thanks!

[coyotecult]

Sure you can! It's easy, just go like this: Aurelle/Callisto. Except I haven't really read, only scanned, so maybe I'm doing it in the wrong order.

[mystik_serena]

Slash is a cover-all term for gay relationships in a lot of cases. I would label it june if anybody knew what that meant, and I'm also not a manga-ka. Slash is a word that describes it best.

[i_eatglass]

I'm kind of out of the gay-men-are-so-hot phase, but, I still love reading and writing about them. Because they're still guys and...guys are hot. Whether they prefer one gender or another, well, that's their business. You get to, and where I live, have to play on society's reactions though most of my gay or bisexual characters don't think anything of it, because they shouldn't. But there's always atleast one that's a little conflicted, beyond the whole "I'm bisexual" or "don't define me" phase, but more like, "I hate the way people stare at us when we hold hands in public" kind of thing.

I love this. You write guys like guys. Which = love.

[mystik_serena]

Thank you very much ^^

[heddychaa]

I read the first few paragraphs of this and found it incredibly wanting. I know you're going for a theme in that first paragraph, but all the jewel and precious stone words were grating and unprofessional sounding. the sentence structure was really unclear and overly wordy

[heddychaa]

also I would like to meet the women that named their children Aurele and Callisto, but that's just a personal petpeeve. Name your characters whatever you like.

[i_eatglass]

Always good to have constructive criticism, isn't it?

[heddychaa]

that's what I came to this community for.

[chibibluebird]

The characters struck me as not just stereotypically feminine but so over-the-top stereotypically feminine that I'd even have a hard time finding these people believable if you'd written them as women. Maybe tone it down a little, or give them other concerns along with the over-the-top emotional ones?

While the three points of view vary in tone between them, I didn't feel that each offered enough of a different perspective to justify telling the same story three times. I mean, I didn't really gain any new insight into the story or characters upon reading the second two versions.

[mystik_serena]

Thanks. I'll do what I can to make the characters more realistic.