Please crit?

[mystik_serena]

A project with three parts, the first being an objective third person, the second being one of the characters involved and the third being more of an introspection. Warning: Slash

Comments

[heddychaa]

I read the first few paragraphs of this and found it incredibly wanting. I know you're going for a theme in that first paragraph, but all the jewel and precious stone words were grating and unprofessional sounding. the sentence structure was really unclear and overly wordy

[heddychaa]

also I would like to meet the women that named their children Aurele and Callisto, but that's just a personal petpeeve. Name your characters whatever you like.

[i_eatglass]

Always good to have constructive criticism, isn't it?

[heddychaa]

that's what I came to this community for.

[mystik_serena]

Thank you for your input. I'll do what I can to fix the mistakes.