Earth-shattering Insight into Me. Yeeeeeeees.

[wraithwitch]

People have asked at different points why I'm as I am, and most importantly why I seek to harm or destroy myself in various ways on a semi-regular basis despite the fact that a lot of the time I don't actually want to be dead; it just ends up a lesser of two evils or something to do because I'm off my head for some reason, which isn't great as

Comments

[spacedmonkey]

Oddly yes. More lucid a comment when I'd had a bath and a cup of tea.

[wraithwitch]

heh, I like it when I'm sarcastic and burble to myself and then you turn round and say, 'Actually...' =)

[spacedmonkey]

Well, it was enlightening about cutting, because it's not something I've understood. I get beaten enough at school without harming myself. But I would assume it is rather like how I will put myself down first. "I'll beat you to it and do it better, so don't even try." sort of thing.

[eniel]

I had pride like a glacial ice-sheet but the self esteem of an over-fried egg

I like this sentence a lot. Especially the egg part. And yes, it does make sense, in a rather twisted way.
Besides, would a 9-5 job given you gloriously amusing (and wrong) slashfiction of Javert and Valjean? (Yes, I can't reread the book now, because I won't stop thinking "Aha! So that's what they meant").

gleeeee!

[wraithwitch]

*laughs* I lose track of where I throw my stories and thoughts into the world and am mostly sure no one reads them, so am always happy with the realisation they've warped anyone's view even a little =)

I'm still not sure whether I think Valjean and Javert should do anything slashy together, yet at the same time I wrote that they did and kinda believed it... I certainly think they should have been given the chance to be friends (in a brilliantly intense and argumentative way) and sometimes when the stars are right I think they would have worked as (an equally intense and argumentative) couple as well =P

PS - when I have money for material, I'm gonna make an 18th century dress (with corset and coat too) and that's what I'm going to use your lovely buttons for =)

maybe i shouldn't be, but...

[wraithwitch]

I'm rather taken with the phrase 'maladaptive behaviour'.
I'v not heard it before but I think it could sum up swathes of my life =P
neurons are now writing it on everything with great relish =)

Re: Oh, feel free, what the heck!

[wraithwitch]

Ha! I'm not sure anyone approves of my "life maintenance activities"
=P

[ginasketch]

I always did it because I wanted to feel something other than emotional pain and it would distract me. I suppose that is a form of control...

[wraithwitch]

Meep, originally I did it for various reasons, self hate, wanting physical pain rather than emotional pain, convoluted form of control, many many complex reasons twisted together, and sometimes just for the very simple reason that I thought making a hole in my wrist and watching the blood run down, 'worked' and helped me in some way. I think the trouble comes if you ever start to buy into the fact it 'works' whilst losing sight of why you're still doing it, because at that point it's just become a bad habit. Needful still in its way, but just as dangerous as drinking five pints when you're upset without wondering why or how you can fix it.

*shrugs* I dunno, it's different for everyone, but for me, there have been times when self harm stops me doing anything worse, and other times when I think it's more like habit. I can accept the former as a thing in my life, but the latter is just stupid and if I can ditch it, I should =)

[wraithwitch]

There's a line in a song - 'I fell in your opinion when i fell in love with you' which sums up the whole, shiny-people-think-i'm-shiny-too-WTF?! dilemma quite neatly =)