[oneshot] Missing [post 2 of 2]
First half the story is here.
The scent of burning wood hit him first, a comforting aroma that enveloped him, along with the warmth. Yagyuu thought of the days spent at home, with that man lying on the sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace with a cup of eggnog, telling Yagyuu all sorts of things, some dubious truths, some blatant lies, and Yagyuu himself in the armchair, listening and drinking tea while winter raged on outside.
Yagyuu opened his eyes. He was in a warm and comfortable feather bed, in a room with cottage-style white walls and beams. A boy was crouched in front of a fireplace, putting chopped wood on the fire.
"Excuse me..."
The boy fell on his backside. He scrambled to stand, dusting himself with dirty hands and rushing to Yagyuu's side. "Sir! How are you feeling?"
Yagyuu wanted to say "not too great", as his head was hurting, but decided there was no point in telling the boy that. "Where am I?"
"This is the Yuuki Hotel desu!" The boy told him.
Yagyuu meant to ask which town he was in, but the boy's Yamabuki accent answered the question. "How did I get here?"
"Someone brought you here desu! A mister, with white hair. He left you with us." The boy held his hands together, looking awkward. "The manager took payment from your wallet desu. But I made sure he only took the correct amount!"
Niou. They were over a day's journey away from Yamabuki when the storm hit and Niou took him all the way here. "So how long have I been here?"
"Two days. You had a fever, but that went down quite quickly."
"And my companion?"
"He went out desu, but didn't say where he was going and didn't listen when I suggested for him to wait till the weather gets better. But he said he'll be back." The boy looked out the window, a little distressed. "Anyway, would you like something to eat?"
Yagyuu didn't know what to do right now, so he nodded. The boy smiled and left the room.
Yagyuu sat up and stared out the window. He had been in bed for two days, so Niou had been gone for two days and outside, the storm looked even worse than Yagyuu remembered. Where had Niou gone? He had already wasted two days here and they were supposed to be at Fudomine by now.
With unsteady steps, Yagyuu brought himself to the window. He had to find Niou, but could he even go out when the wind was strong enough to rip trees from the ground? If he stepped outside now, he would literally be blown away. This was the kind of storm that killed, the kind that that man would laugh at and say it was nothing, but then go sprawl in front of Yagyuu's fireplace like a cat instead because "why go and get sodding wet when I could be spilling eggnog on your expensive rug instead?"
Yagyuu had no choice but to trust Niou would return. Niou had been doing all that he could to help Yagyuu, and Yagyuu refused to believe the creature's last master died because Niou deliberately let the thirty-days limit lapse. Under the formidable power and maybe the madness, there was something good in Niou, like all other creatures. Like that man. Yagyuu never stopped believing in him, and he would believe in Niou now.
Rain turned to snow, quiet but deadly. The temperature dropped further. A few days after Yagyuu woke in the hotel, he had fully recovered and was ready to go and search for Niou. The bond told him which direction Niou was in - and the fact that Niou wasn't dead - but not the distance, nor what he was doing, nor if he was hurt.
How must Yanagi feel, waiting day after day after day?
And then one morning, Yagyuu woke to find Niou lounging in front of the dying fire.
The first thing Yagyuu wanted to do was to hit him.
Niou turned just enough to make eye contact when Yagyuu sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"You should have woke me. Are you aware how much time has been wasted and how worried I-"
There was blood on Niou's hair. Yagyuu pulled off the layers of blanket Niou had wrapped himself in, yanking when Niou resisted.
It was the same as a few days ago with the atobe. One of Niou's hands was painted completely red by blood, and there was more blood all over him. Yagyuu froze, taking stock of what he saw and what it meant.
"Is any of this blood yours?"
Niou did not answer.
Yagyuu took a deep breath, feeling the magic stir within him. He had tried not to abuse this power to impose anything onto Niou, but if Niou insisted on being difficult on something this important then Yagyuu had no choice. "Niou-kun, I request your full cooperation."
It was then that Niou turned towards him fully, scowling in mild annoyance. Yagyuu gasped, pulling back - one side of Niou's face was completely bloodied, and his eye...
Steadying himself, Yagyuu reached forward, but didn't dare to touch the mess on Niou's face. There was more than just blood. "Will this heal?"
Niou looked at him as if he had asked a stupid question. Yagyuu pulled the blanket down further, revealing other wounds, including a chunk of flesh torn from a leg, but those were all mending already. Creatures always healed fast. But that didn't mean they didn't feel pain.
Anger made Yagyuu shake. But who could he blame? Niou'd left him behind and went on his own to Fudomine to kill a tachibana for the spell. There was nothing Yagyuu could have done to help anyway. The tachibana fought back, not wanting his heart to be ripped out and eaten by one of his own kind. And this was the result.
"I may be useless in a battle situation," Yagyuu said, getting up, the frown on his face very, very faint, "but I know how to treat injuries, or at least make them hurt less."
Niou let Yagyuu do whatever he wanted to do - he had no choice. Yagyuu made him drink something from a vial, then got him to sit up and lean back against a wall.
Yagyuu held a hand just above Niou's half-missing eye, over the concaved eyelid.
"I know that you can speak." When Yagyuu concentrated, the palm of his hand tingled and started to feel cold. This was a sign he was doing it right. Yanagi taught him this. "The mute potion's effect has worn off; the errand boy said you have talked to him. I have no intention to silence you again, but if you decide you don't wish to speak to me, I respect your choice."
Niou showed no reaction at all.
"I have had some time to think over the last few days, and realised it is unfair to put you through all of this without telling you the reason," Yagyuu said. "I will only be brief because it is not something I wish to remember, obviously." He snorted humourlessly, his eyes fixed on a spot on the wall just next to Niou's head. "There is someone I wish to forget about... or perhaps that is the wrong way to say this. It is not that I want to forget about him, but remembering is too painful and I am a coward who cannot stand it any longer."
Niou's lips moved, but he made no sound. Yagyuu chuckled once, doubling his efforts on taking away Niou's pain. If he could do this for himself, then there would be no need to forget that man. But if this worked beyond physical injuries, then Yagyuu could have saved him and there was no need for any of this to begin with.
"Men are selfish and weak, that is why we seek out creatures like you when we cannot cope. I am genuinely sorry that I am making you hurt your own kind. It is something I have to do and I don't expect your understanding or forgiveness."
Soft laughter. Niou was shrugging - not as if he didn't care, but as if he didn't mind. He lifted his hand, covered in dried blood, and patted Yagyuu on the head, messing it up. Yagyuu didn't know what to make of this, but the moment soon broke when he realised how hard Niou was shaking, and the fact that he kept biting his own lips and swallowing hard.
The tachibana's heart. Niou was trying to keep it down without being noticed.
Yagyuu looked away, moving his hand to Niou's leg, his own stomach turning at the sight of the wound there. They wouldn't be going anywhere in the next few days. But there was still time.
When Niou's act crumbled and he began to choke and gag audibly, Yagyuu just focused on what he was doing. It was the only thing he could do and sometimes, there were no words that could convey what one wanted to say.
Arms hooked over a horizontal bar so that he was almost draped on the metal, he smirked at Yagyuu.
"I'm your bird."
Yayguu frowned. He turn over the hand he was holding, feeling every knuckle, checking for injuries. He had been throwing himself at the bars. Fortunately there were only bruises. Yagyuu rubbed ointment on the hands.
The man had shut himself in the cage last night after hours of curling up in a seat, holding his head. Yanagi's potion didn't help. Eventually he stalked to the room with the birdcage, sat inside and told Yagyuu to turn the lock and go away.
Yagyuu went to bed in a room furthest away from the cage, clutching the key.
In the early morning, before the sun had even risen, Yagyuu went to check on the man. And there he was, bruised up and exhausted, smirking at him.
Yagyuu let go of the hand and unlocked the cage. The hinges turned with a sharp squeak when the door opened. "I will get some food prepared. Eat something, then we can both get some proper rest." Yagyuu passed the ointment over. "Do the rest yourself; I am not your servant."
"Yagyuu."
Yagyuu looked at him.
"Com'ere." He waved his arms playfully. "Closer. Closer closer closer."
He was definitely back to his insufferable self. Yagyuu humoured him, stepping closer.
"A bit more..."
Yagyuu didn't move, but let him take his hand when he gestured for it. Then Yagyuu was tugged forward until he was right up against the cage, only metal bars separating them.
"There." He grinned. Yagyuu could feel his breath.
"Now what do you want?"
The man pulled his arms back and put them through again at a lower position. He held Yagyuu in place. He kissed him.
Momentarily, Yagyuu froze. Then he responded, removing his eyeglasses first, so that he could better kiss him. Arms slipped through the cage to rest on the other man's back as tongue found each other, stroking and sliding and tasting. Yagyuu's heart sped up as he realised just how much he had wanted this, to kiss and hold and feel him. Make love to him.
The man was the one to pull away first. He looked unsure, almost afraid, something Yagyuu rarely saw. He forced a smile, running a nervous hand through his hair. "Want to give your pet some proper loving?"
"If you want me to," said Yagyuu, his hands staying exactly where they were.
"Yeah," the man said, "I want you to want me to want you to. Yeah, dammit."
"I do not know how to, though." Yagyuu's teeth grazed his own lip.
"Slight difference in anatomy, that's all. I know how. Wish I don't but glad I do, right now." The man stopped, then smiled uneasily. "I've just spoiled it, haven't I?" He turned around to lean against the bars, his back to Yagyuu, breathing out hard. "Never mind. Sorry."
Yagyuu took a deep breath. He put the lock and key down on the floor, then stepped through the door, shutting it behind him. There were some things about this man he had always known on a subconscious level and this just confirmed it, nothing more.
The man looked at Yagyuu out of the corner of his eyes, for once his face as easy to read as an open book. Yagyuu responded to that reserved hopefulness with a question.
"What kind of man do you take me for?"
"I just know what I am." Corners of lips quivered as Yagyuu approached. "But I haven't... I'm clean. Swear I am. Haven't let anyone touch me for years."
Something inside Yagyuu clenched; this wasn't a simple thing he was being offered. He walked up close but stopped just short of contact.
"Show me," he whispered. He slipped his hands under the man's shirt, pressed their bodies together, trapping the man between himself and the metal bars. "Is this all right?" he asked, kissing the corner of the mouth, and received laughter in return.
Yagyuu raised an eyebrow, amused, and pushed a little harder, stripping his partner of his shirt by pulling it over his head. He let the same be done to him. Then the man removed the rest of their clothes, revealing his skin, his scars, his life. Yagyuu kissed him again, feeling that dull ache in his chest deepening. He trailed his mouth to the cheek, the jaw, down the neck, listening to the way the man breathed, feeling the way he responded. Then the man stopped him, and it was his turn to be caressed, to have calloused hands run all over him.
He gasped when the mouth found his chest and the warm tongue played with a nipple, never before realising he was sensitive there. Sparks of sensations travelled through him as lips sucked and teased. He put a hand on the back of his partner's head, gently encouraging him, but the man abandoned the area and sank down on his knees. He bent over until he was close to the floor, then his lips were on Yagyuu's ankle, kissing and nibbling their way up inch by inch.
Yagyuu had to move to lean against the side of the cage, hands grasping the bars to keep himself steady. This was more erotic than anything he had experienced and when the man made his way to the inner thigh, Yagyuu had to bite back a moan. It felt like forever before finally, finally his cock was kissed and sucked and he sighed, the pleasure making him weak in the knees. The man's tongue circled the head, lapping it like candy, careful and thorough in his pleasuring. Yagyuu was close to climax when the mouth left him and the man stood, his face flushed. He leaned back into Yagyuu, his backside rubbing on Yagyuu's cock. He turned his face to the side, speaking into the crook of Yagyuu's neck.
"Works the same way. Just put it in."
Yagyuu almost did - hold him at the waist, position himself and shove it in. But he expected more from himself; if he did that then he was no different from those who had exploited this man before.
He wrapped a hand around the man's erection and started stroking it, his other hand trailing across the chest, feeling every scar, every rib. The body against his trembled. When eyes met, he looked confused, as if Yagyuu was doing something he shouldn't, or something that hadn't been done for him before. His cock was completely hard in Yagyuu's hand. "Yagyuu." Pushing himself back, he moved his hips, rubbing himself against Yagyuu's cock and making Yagyuu pump him harder. "Don't need any more; I've been waiting long enough. Right now. I want you to."
The man pushed himself off Yagyuu. Shakily he draped himself over the iron bars once more, the way he did when Yagyuu first came in this morning. "Do it."
Yagyuu got behind him and he guided him in, moaning loudly as Yagyuu pushed in, little by little. Yagyuu held him tightly, too worried to go any faster and just kept going until he was all the way inside. The cock in Yagyuu's hand jerked.
"All right?"
"Never been better. Now do me good."
Yagyuu took his time, pulling out a little, pushing back, his eyes on the display of old wounds in front of him to keep reminding himself to be careful. He didn't really know what he was doing but the man was taking it and he seemed to be enjoying it; there was no pain in the whimpering, they were only sounds that encouraged Yagyuu to continue. Yagyuu shifted, moving them both right up to the cage, his cock still in the man's arse. With every push of the hips, the man gripped harder on the bars, moaning loudly. Yagyuu nearly lost it.
He pulled out, pried the man's fingers off the cage and made him lie down on the floor, on top of the cushions. Yagyuu spooned behind him and entered him again, holding their sweat-slicked bodies together, his hand on the man's cock, pumping slowly. Pleasure was building up and they both moaned, but Yagyuu controlled the pace and he was determined to take his time even though the way his cock was squeezed, the friction and the heat was driving him insane. He kept going until the man whimpered once more, telling Yagyuu to do whatever it was he just did again, and it was then that they lost control, their bodies rocking together faster and faster until neither of them could do it anymore. The man came, shooting into Yagyuu's hand, his body trembling with release. Yagyuu climaxed inside him, the world around them melting and fading away.
They didn't say anything afterwards. There was nothing Yagyuu could say that better conveyed how he felt than what he just did.
When the man was soundly asleep, Yagyuu left briefly to get a towel and a blanket, then crouched down beside the man and dabbed his face dry, cleaned them both the best he could before lying down again, pulling the blanket over them. The man stiffened instinctively, then relaxed, as if he could tell who it was touching him, like a pet recognising his owner's scent.
Yagyuu held him tight. If he didn't, this man would fall apart.
Niou slept a troubled sleep. He woke several times, looked around himself, looked at Yagyuu, moved his shoulders, then leaned on the side of the carriage again, his eyes closing. The damaged eye was much better than it was a few days ago and all the other injuries had completely healed, yet he kept moving about as if something was causing him discomfort. It took Yagyuu half a day to realise sitting like this meant Niou was putting pressure on his wings.
When Niou jolted awake once more, Yagyuu tapped him on the shoulder. "If you do not mind, then please use my lap."
Moments later, Niou lay curled up on their seat, his head on Yagyuu's lap, looking content. Yagyuu's hand played with Niou's hair. It was surprisingly soft, like fur. His skin was slightly cool, but felt exactly the same as that of men's. The one thing that made him stand out, apart from his hair colour, were the wings...
Niou hunched his shoulders and breathed in sharply. He lifted his head to look at Yagyuu, who jerked his hand away.
"I'm sorry," said Yagyuu, embarrassed. He'd let himself get carried away despite knowing how important the wings were to a creature.
Niou didn't seem angry, only tired, like he had been since going to Fudomine. Too much energy was being spent on healing his body. He settled down again, a hand tugging on his cape, throwing the fabric away from himself, leaving the wings exposed. Granting permission. He closed his eyes, but there was no way to tell if he was going back to sleep. He just stayed very still when Yagyuu's hand ran down one of his wings lightly, and when Yagyuu pressed a kiss to his temple, letting that speak what he wanted to say.
Yagyuu had been to Seigaku before, first as a child and then during his travels, and the city had not changed much since his last visit. Yagyuu felt slightly more at ease, finally being at a place where he knew his way around.
Seigaku was not like Hyoutei, which prided itself in its "work hard, play hard" lifestyle, or Rikkai, which was all about economic trade, financial power. Seigaku's development was more rounded, placing as much emphasis on culture as it did on finance, on helping the disadvantaged as well as drawing the best out of people. Poverty still existed, but it was a problem that was controlled and being eradicated, whereas in Rikkai, only the strong survived.
That man would probably still have sneered at Seigaku though, Yagyuu thought. He couldn't say why, but he had this feeling.
Niou didn't seem to care much about Seigaku either. They found a place to have a meal, but Niou showed no interest in the city and seemed glad when Yagyuu led the way to where they were staying. Once inside the room, he drew the curtains, blocking out the bright sunshine everyone outside was enjoying, then went to bed. Yagyuu chuckled, shaking his head in resignation. He sat up in his bed, not tired enough to rest so early in the day.
"We have a few days left, enough for us to finish here and go back to Rikkai."
The top of his head peeking out from the covers, Niou stared at Yagyuu.
"I guess I will forget about you, too, once you have performed the spell. It is only logical for this to happen." Yagyuu said in the semi-darkness. "After what you have done for me, I can't accept the thought of simply forgetting about you. But it is a case of it will happen, whether I can accept it or not. And you," he breathed out, smiling, "would rather have freedom after this is over."
Niou moved a bit, but didn't agree or disagree.
"You remind me of him - the person I am trying to forget. But you remind me of the good days. I wish I can be selective about what I remember, then I don't have to forget him. Or you." Yagyuu paused. His voice shook slightly. "The day we met, he pushed me out of the way from an oncoming carriage, but then proceeded to steal my wallet. That was the type of man he was: something good, something not-so-good." The memory brought on a smile. "There was a madness inside him, a huge shadow that always threatened to engulf him. He fought it. I always, always believed he would win. Never had I once doubted.
"He died in an accident. After all he had been through, he died that way. You could say that at least he did not lose to the madness." Yagyuu tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I am not someone who believes in fairness, but if anyone deserved something better, it was him. Could have let him have a few peaceful years before they took him away. I was going to set up a farm for him, with sheep, and some damn hedgehogs..."
A faint rustle. Niou buried himself under the covers completely.
Yagyuu took a deep breath, tried to banish those feelings once more.
"I should let you rest." he said to the bundle on the other bed, forcing himself to smile. "Sleep well, Niou-kun."
Niou led the way. They had been walking for hours and the cold was starting to wear on Yagyuu, but he was determined not to let Niou go on his own, having caught Niou try to go out from the windows of their room. Perhaps his presence would serve no purpose, just a superficial form of support from the one who forced this on Niou in the first place, but he went anyway.
They were in the outskirts of Seigaku, with nothing to light their way apart from moonlight and the glow of Niou's wings, a faint red hue that wasn't there before. It was the two hearts he had eaten that gave his wings the colour, like the mark of a killer. Yagyuu followed, with no idea where they were going, only that they were at a river bank and walking upstream, until they found what they were looking for.
The tezuka was surrounded by a golden glow. It seemed like he had been waiting for them.
"I heard about the others," said the tezuka, a frown etched deep between his brows. "You have come this far, so you won't stop unless one of us dies." His gaze turned to Yagyuu. "One out of the three of us."
Standing only a short distance away, Yagyuu showed no reaction. He would not become Niou's burden.
"You can't kill him, but I can. Once I do, you will be free. You won't need to make any more sacrifices for him."
Niou shook his head to the tezuka's offer. The stand-off continued, the tezuka waiting for Niou to change his mind. But it didn't happen.
"Fine. Take it."
Nobody moved.
"Tachibanas and atobes can fight without hesitation or even reason, but I cannot. If you are prepared to carry it through then I know it's worth it."
Niou smiled, but there was no emotion behind the smile. The muscles on his arm tightened as he walked to the tezuka, putting his hand over where the heart is. The tezuka's attention turned to Yagyuu.
"It is said that we don't need our hearts, and a lot of us exist with an empty space in our chests, but no one would let others know they have given their hearts away. It is time to see if all that is true."
Yagyuu didn't find out. The tezuka had staggered away, his hand over the hole in his chest, leaving his heart behind. Perhaps he would live, perhaps not.
They spent the night in Seigaku, then rode back to Rikkai.
The last day. If Niou didn't complete his spell today he would lose his mind.
Yagyuu made all his staff leave the house. Niou stood in the front room and waited.
"Don't get caught again after this, Niou-kun." Yagyuu took off his eyeglasses. This was the one part of the spell that was never documented, because the user would not remember if he was successful, and if he wasn't, he wouldn't live to know. "Don't let yourself be made to help people like me."
Niou only smiled. His wings spread out, red as blood. The air changed. The constant burn in Yagyuu's chest strengthened, then lifted, yet he wanted to cry. He would soon forget all about that man, he would become a man living without knowing his heart was gone. But at least he could go on.
Niou stepped closer, putting a hand on Yagyuu's chest, his eyes closed. The magic dispersed, reformed, hummed in Yagyuu's ears. He gasped when memories were brought forth, leaving him breathless.
It wasn't until then he noticed Niou was holding something, which he was now pressing into Yagyuu's palm, forcing Yagyuu to curl his fingers around it.
Yagyuu shook his head violently.
"No."
No.
"Hold it tight."
Yagyuu could not let go of the knife. There was magic in Niou's words. He should have muted him. He should have muted him.
Guiding Yagyuu's hands, Niou showed him where the blade needed to go: into his heart.
"No..." Yagyuu felt dizzy, sick. "I cannot hurt you."
"You have to, because I'll lose my mind soon and kill you."
"I can't let you sacrifice for me!"
"That," Niou grabbed Yagyuu's hands with both of his own, and pulled. "is my purpose."
Yagyuu hadn't seen him for two days. They were going to do some travelling together: "two men, two horses, two bags. See how far we can go." It was a challenge Yagyuu gladly accepted, but on the day of departure, that man did now show up.
And then Yagyuu read the papers.
He penned a message and got someone to deliver it to Yanagi, then set out to search for that man.
The stench of the slums was unbearable. If it were possible, living conditions seemed to have deteriorated even further than when Yagyuu braved them and lived here with that man.
Yagyuu found him in the room he used to live in, once shared with some ten others, but now it was deserted, save him.
He stood very still, a knife in his hand. There was dried blood on it, and there was blood on him. Yagyuu knew then that he was looking at the madman who the papers said killed five men last night.
"You cannot carry on this way," said Yagyuu, his voice small, shaking. "Come back. You can do it."
The man walked forward. Yagyuu took a step back, nearly losing his balance when he tripped over the door frame. He could see the man's eyes and he could tell he was gone. His mind was gone. And he was going to kill him.
"No. No." Yagyuu's back hit the wall of the alley outside, rough bricks pressing into his back through his shirt. "Don't."
He couldn't run.
Vibrations. A force rushed through the air, rocking the man off his feet. He looked to the side, sneering at the figure at the end of the alley: Yanagi, rushing towards them, his arm outstretched.
Yagyuu snatched the knife and put it in the man's chest.
In that split second, the man smiled.
Yagyuu collapsed with him.
The next thing he knew was Yanagi pulling him away, trying to lift him off the ground.
He had killed him. Out of fear. Because he didn't believe in him completely, didn't see that he was still there, deep inside, still fighting. He'd become afraid. All the things he'd said in the past were a lie, he didn't believe in him enough, he was craven. So he killed him.
He was still clutching the knife. He couldn't tell what was going through his mind at that point. The fresh blood on the blade looked fascinating. He touched it, but couldn't tell if it was warm or not. He held it high above himself, to see the bright red against the dull, lifeless sky, and he looked down and saw the man's lifeless body.
Yanagi tried to pry the weapon from his hand, but he wouldn't let go. Then he felt a sudden numbness and his fingers loosen. Damn Yanagi and his magic.
He trembled in Yanagi's arms, staring at the dead body. Something ripped through and tore out of him as a scream. There were words from Yanagi, but he didn't hear what they were. He kept screaming - I killed him I killed him I killed him - but Yanagi would not let him have the knife back even though cowards like him simply didn't deserve to live if people with real courage had to die in such a way.
At some point during the struggle, Yagyuu found himself suddenly exhausted. Yanagi's hands were on his shoulders and he was saying something. A hypnosis spell.
"You have nothing to do with his death. He died in an accident. You were at home when it happened. It was an accident."
Consciousness faded away.
"I know you," they were up close, their breaths intermingling. The memory that had been suppressed rushed forth. Yagyuu looked at their hands - Niou holding his, his holding the knife, the knife inside Niou's chest. It was happening all over again. "I know you."
"You won't very soon," said Niou, smirking, insufferable as ever. "Thanks for the ride, it's been fun."
The very same smile.
Suddenly Yagyuu's hands lost their strength. He let go. Niou fell backwards.
"Byebye."
"There is no turning back after this."
"I know." Yagyuu's mouth closed over the niou's. He breathed out, air and binding magic in his breath. The creature barely moved, though he seemed to have mouthed a word:
Yagyuu.
"Hello, Yagyuu."
"Good morning."
"How are you?"
Yagyuu wondered why Yanagi's smile seemed a bit tight. Uneasy.
"I've hit my shoulder. It seems like I fainted without reason yesterday, and my shoulder hit the floor." Yagyuu looked up at the displayed goods, searching for suitable ingredients to help with the bruising.
There was quiet for a while, then Yanagi spoke. "If you're looking to make up an ointment for it, I have some already made. Why don't you go to the back, and we'll take a look at it properly?"
Yagyuu was about to reply, but the door opened. Someone limped in, his clothes dirty and in tatters, his hair a tangled mess. He made it to Yanagi's desk, dropped the bag he had been carrying, pulled out a horn half the size of himself, then dropped it on Yanagi's desk without ceremony.
"That damned beast gave me so much trouble. But there, killed it."
Yanagi pushed his chair back and stood, walking around to bring himself close to the visitor.
Yukimura dropped his smile. His brows gathered. Light danced in his eyes.
"Sorry, Renji."
Yagyuu watched his friends embrace each other. Something ate at him, like there was a hollowness inside. Something missing.
Yanagi closed the shop and ushered his two dear friends to the other room. Yagyuu stopped when he passed by the slate wall. The edges on his mind tickled.
"Yanagi-kun, did you not use to have some creatures here?"
Yanagi was helping Yukimura sit down. "I've set them free upon completion of my research. Though one has decided to stay." He looked up at the mezzanine, raising his voice a little. "Akaya? Please come down here for a minute."
Someone was napping on the mezzanine's floor. He stirred and looked around. "Yanagi-san." He hopped over the edge, landing softly beside Yanagi with the help of his wings. "Who are these people - your buddies?"
"Yes." Yanagi patted Akaya on the head. "My most important buddies."
Something tugged at Yagyuu again - that empty space inside. He looked at the creature, then at the wall.
He could not remember.
[end]
The scent of burning wood hit him first, a comforting aroma that enveloped him, along with the warmth. Yagyuu thought of the days spent at home, with that man lying on the sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace with a cup of eggnog, telling Yagyuu all sorts of things, some dubious truths, some blatant lies, and Yagyuu himself in the armchair, listening and drinking tea while winter raged on outside.
Yagyuu opened his eyes. He was in a warm and comfortable feather bed, in a room with cottage-style white walls and beams. A boy was crouched in front of a fireplace, putting chopped wood on the fire.
"Excuse me..."
The boy fell on his backside. He scrambled to stand, dusting himself with dirty hands and rushing to Yagyuu's side. "Sir! How are you feeling?"
Yagyuu wanted to say "not too great", as his head was hurting, but decided there was no point in telling the boy that. "Where am I?"
"This is the Yuuki Hotel desu!" The boy told him.
Yagyuu meant to ask which town he was in, but the boy's Yamabuki accent answered the question. "How did I get here?"
"Someone brought you here desu! A mister, with white hair. He left you with us." The boy held his hands together, looking awkward. "The manager took payment from your wallet desu. But I made sure he only took the correct amount!"
Niou. They were over a day's journey away from Yamabuki when the storm hit and Niou took him all the way here. "So how long have I been here?"
"Two days. You had a fever, but that went down quite quickly."
"And my companion?"
"He went out desu, but didn't say where he was going and didn't listen when I suggested for him to wait till the weather gets better. But he said he'll be back." The boy looked out the window, a little distressed. "Anyway, would you like something to eat?"
Yagyuu didn't know what to do right now, so he nodded. The boy smiled and left the room.
Yagyuu sat up and stared out the window. He had been in bed for two days, so Niou had been gone for two days and outside, the storm looked even worse than Yagyuu remembered. Where had Niou gone? He had already wasted two days here and they were supposed to be at Fudomine by now.
With unsteady steps, Yagyuu brought himself to the window. He had to find Niou, but could he even go out when the wind was strong enough to rip trees from the ground? If he stepped outside now, he would literally be blown away. This was the kind of storm that killed, the kind that that man would laugh at and say it was nothing, but then go sprawl in front of Yagyuu's fireplace like a cat instead because "why go and get sodding wet when I could be spilling eggnog on your expensive rug instead?"
Yagyuu had no choice but to trust Niou would return. Niou had been doing all that he could to help Yagyuu, and Yagyuu refused to believe the creature's last master died because Niou deliberately let the thirty-days limit lapse. Under the formidable power and maybe the madness, there was something good in Niou, like all other creatures. Like that man. Yagyuu never stopped believing in him, and he would believe in Niou now.
Rain turned to snow, quiet but deadly. The temperature dropped further. A few days after Yagyuu woke in the hotel, he had fully recovered and was ready to go and search for Niou. The bond told him which direction Niou was in - and the fact that Niou wasn't dead - but not the distance, nor what he was doing, nor if he was hurt.
How must Yanagi feel, waiting day after day after day?
And then one morning, Yagyuu woke to find Niou lounging in front of the dying fire.
The first thing Yagyuu wanted to do was to hit him.
Niou turned just enough to make eye contact when Yagyuu sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"You should have woke me. Are you aware how much time has been wasted and how worried I-"
There was blood on Niou's hair. Yagyuu pulled off the layers of blanket Niou had wrapped himself in, yanking when Niou resisted.
It was the same as a few days ago with the atobe. One of Niou's hands was painted completely red by blood, and there was more blood all over him. Yagyuu froze, taking stock of what he saw and what it meant.
"Is any of this blood yours?"
Niou did not answer.
Yagyuu took a deep breath, feeling the magic stir within him. He had tried not to abuse this power to impose anything onto Niou, but if Niou insisted on being difficult on something this important then Yagyuu had no choice. "Niou-kun, I request your full cooperation."
It was then that Niou turned towards him fully, scowling in mild annoyance. Yagyuu gasped, pulling back - one side of Niou's face was completely bloodied, and his eye...
Steadying himself, Yagyuu reached forward, but didn't dare to touch the mess on Niou's face. There was more than just blood. "Will this heal?"
Niou looked at him as if he had asked a stupid question. Yagyuu pulled the blanket down further, revealing other wounds, including a chunk of flesh torn from a leg, but those were all mending already. Creatures always healed fast. But that didn't mean they didn't feel pain.
Anger made Yagyuu shake. But who could he blame? Niou'd left him behind and went on his own to Fudomine to kill a tachibana for the spell. There was nothing Yagyuu could have done to help anyway. The tachibana fought back, not wanting his heart to be ripped out and eaten by one of his own kind. And this was the result.
"I may be useless in a battle situation," Yagyuu said, getting up, the frown on his face very, very faint, "but I know how to treat injuries, or at least make them hurt less."
Niou let Yagyuu do whatever he wanted to do - he had no choice. Yagyuu made him drink something from a vial, then got him to sit up and lean back against a wall.
Yagyuu held a hand just above Niou's half-missing eye, over the concaved eyelid.
"I know that you can speak." When Yagyuu concentrated, the palm of his hand tingled and started to feel cold. This was a sign he was doing it right. Yanagi taught him this. "The mute potion's effect has worn off; the errand boy said you have talked to him. I have no intention to silence you again, but if you decide you don't wish to speak to me, I respect your choice."
Niou showed no reaction at all.
"I have had some time to think over the last few days, and realised it is unfair to put you through all of this without telling you the reason," Yagyuu said. "I will only be brief because it is not something I wish to remember, obviously." He snorted humourlessly, his eyes fixed on a spot on the wall just next to Niou's head. "There is someone I wish to forget about... or perhaps that is the wrong way to say this. It is not that I want to forget about him, but remembering is too painful and I am a coward who cannot stand it any longer."
Niou's lips moved, but he made no sound. Yagyuu chuckled once, doubling his efforts on taking away Niou's pain. If he could do this for himself, then there would be no need to forget that man. But if this worked beyond physical injuries, then Yagyuu could have saved him and there was no need for any of this to begin with.
"Men are selfish and weak, that is why we seek out creatures like you when we cannot cope. I am genuinely sorry that I am making you hurt your own kind. It is something I have to do and I don't expect your understanding or forgiveness."
Soft laughter. Niou was shrugging - not as if he didn't care, but as if he didn't mind. He lifted his hand, covered in dried blood, and patted Yagyuu on the head, messing it up. Yagyuu didn't know what to make of this, but the moment soon broke when he realised how hard Niou was shaking, and the fact that he kept biting his own lips and swallowing hard.
The tachibana's heart. Niou was trying to keep it down without being noticed.
Yagyuu looked away, moving his hand to Niou's leg, his own stomach turning at the sight of the wound there. They wouldn't be going anywhere in the next few days. But there was still time.
When Niou's act crumbled and he began to choke and gag audibly, Yagyuu just focused on what he was doing. It was the only thing he could do and sometimes, there were no words that could convey what one wanted to say.
Arms hooked over a horizontal bar so that he was almost draped on the metal, he smirked at Yagyuu.
"I'm your bird."
Yayguu frowned. He turn over the hand he was holding, feeling every knuckle, checking for injuries. He had been throwing himself at the bars. Fortunately there were only bruises. Yagyuu rubbed ointment on the hands.
The man had shut himself in the cage last night after hours of curling up in a seat, holding his head. Yanagi's potion didn't help. Eventually he stalked to the room with the birdcage, sat inside and told Yagyuu to turn the lock and go away.
Yagyuu went to bed in a room furthest away from the cage, clutching the key.
In the early morning, before the sun had even risen, Yagyuu went to check on the man. And there he was, bruised up and exhausted, smirking at him.
Yagyuu let go of the hand and unlocked the cage. The hinges turned with a sharp squeak when the door opened. "I will get some food prepared. Eat something, then we can both get some proper rest." Yagyuu passed the ointment over. "Do the rest yourself; I am not your servant."
"Yagyuu."
Yagyuu looked at him.
"Com'ere." He waved his arms playfully. "Closer. Closer closer closer."
He was definitely back to his insufferable self. Yagyuu humoured him, stepping closer.
"A bit more..."
Yagyuu didn't move, but let him take his hand when he gestured for it. Then Yagyuu was tugged forward until he was right up against the cage, only metal bars separating them.
"There." He grinned. Yagyuu could feel his breath.
"Now what do you want?"
The man pulled his arms back and put them through again at a lower position. He held Yagyuu in place. He kissed him.
Momentarily, Yagyuu froze. Then he responded, removing his eyeglasses first, so that he could better kiss him. Arms slipped through the cage to rest on the other man's back as tongue found each other, stroking and sliding and tasting. Yagyuu's heart sped up as he realised just how much he had wanted this, to kiss and hold and feel him. Make love to him.
The man was the one to pull away first. He looked unsure, almost afraid, something Yagyuu rarely saw. He forced a smile, running a nervous hand through his hair. "Want to give your pet some proper loving?"
"If you want me to," said Yagyuu, his hands staying exactly where they were.
"Yeah," the man said, "I want you to want me to want you to. Yeah, dammit."
"I do not know how to, though." Yagyuu's teeth grazed his own lip.
"Slight difference in anatomy, that's all. I know how. Wish I don't but glad I do, right now." The man stopped, then smiled uneasily. "I've just spoiled it, haven't I?" He turned around to lean against the bars, his back to Yagyuu, breathing out hard. "Never mind. Sorry."
Yagyuu took a deep breath. He put the lock and key down on the floor, then stepped through the door, shutting it behind him. There were some things about this man he had always known on a subconscious level and this just confirmed it, nothing more.
The man looked at Yagyuu out of the corner of his eyes, for once his face as easy to read as an open book. Yagyuu responded to that reserved hopefulness with a question.
"What kind of man do you take me for?"
"I just know what I am." Corners of lips quivered as Yagyuu approached. "But I haven't... I'm clean. Swear I am. Haven't let anyone touch me for years."
Something inside Yagyuu clenched; this wasn't a simple thing he was being offered. He walked up close but stopped just short of contact.
"Show me," he whispered. He slipped his hands under the man's shirt, pressed their bodies together, trapping the man between himself and the metal bars. "Is this all right?" he asked, kissing the corner of the mouth, and received laughter in return.
Yagyuu raised an eyebrow, amused, and pushed a little harder, stripping his partner of his shirt by pulling it over his head. He let the same be done to him. Then the man removed the rest of their clothes, revealing his skin, his scars, his life. Yagyuu kissed him again, feeling that dull ache in his chest deepening. He trailed his mouth to the cheek, the jaw, down the neck, listening to the way the man breathed, feeling the way he responded. Then the man stopped him, and it was his turn to be caressed, to have calloused hands run all over him.
He gasped when the mouth found his chest and the warm tongue played with a nipple, never before realising he was sensitive there. Sparks of sensations travelled through him as lips sucked and teased. He put a hand on the back of his partner's head, gently encouraging him, but the man abandoned the area and sank down on his knees. He bent over until he was close to the floor, then his lips were on Yagyuu's ankle, kissing and nibbling their way up inch by inch.
Yagyuu had to move to lean against the side of the cage, hands grasping the bars to keep himself steady. This was more erotic than anything he had experienced and when the man made his way to the inner thigh, Yagyuu had to bite back a moan. It felt like forever before finally, finally his cock was kissed and sucked and he sighed, the pleasure making him weak in the knees. The man's tongue circled the head, lapping it like candy, careful and thorough in his pleasuring. Yagyuu was close to climax when the mouth left him and the man stood, his face flushed. He leaned back into Yagyuu, his backside rubbing on Yagyuu's cock. He turned his face to the side, speaking into the crook of Yagyuu's neck.
"Works the same way. Just put it in."
Yagyuu almost did - hold him at the waist, position himself and shove it in. But he expected more from himself; if he did that then he was no different from those who had exploited this man before.
He wrapped a hand around the man's erection and started stroking it, his other hand trailing across the chest, feeling every scar, every rib. The body against his trembled. When eyes met, he looked confused, as if Yagyuu was doing something he shouldn't, or something that hadn't been done for him before. His cock was completely hard in Yagyuu's hand. "Yagyuu." Pushing himself back, he moved his hips, rubbing himself against Yagyuu's cock and making Yagyuu pump him harder. "Don't need any more; I've been waiting long enough. Right now. I want you to."
The man pushed himself off Yagyuu. Shakily he draped himself over the iron bars once more, the way he did when Yagyuu first came in this morning. "Do it."
Yagyuu got behind him and he guided him in, moaning loudly as Yagyuu pushed in, little by little. Yagyuu held him tightly, too worried to go any faster and just kept going until he was all the way inside. The cock in Yagyuu's hand jerked.
"All right?"
"Never been better. Now do me good."
Yagyuu took his time, pulling out a little, pushing back, his eyes on the display of old wounds in front of him to keep reminding himself to be careful. He didn't really know what he was doing but the man was taking it and he seemed to be enjoying it; there was no pain in the whimpering, they were only sounds that encouraged Yagyuu to continue. Yagyuu shifted, moving them both right up to the cage, his cock still in the man's arse. With every push of the hips, the man gripped harder on the bars, moaning loudly. Yagyuu nearly lost it.
He pulled out, pried the man's fingers off the cage and made him lie down on the floor, on top of the cushions. Yagyuu spooned behind him and entered him again, holding their sweat-slicked bodies together, his hand on the man's cock, pumping slowly. Pleasure was building up and they both moaned, but Yagyuu controlled the pace and he was determined to take his time even though the way his cock was squeezed, the friction and the heat was driving him insane. He kept going until the man whimpered once more, telling Yagyuu to do whatever it was he just did again, and it was then that they lost control, their bodies rocking together faster and faster until neither of them could do it anymore. The man came, shooting into Yagyuu's hand, his body trembling with release. Yagyuu climaxed inside him, the world around them melting and fading away.
They didn't say anything afterwards. There was nothing Yagyuu could say that better conveyed how he felt than what he just did.
When the man was soundly asleep, Yagyuu left briefly to get a towel and a blanket, then crouched down beside the man and dabbed his face dry, cleaned them both the best he could before lying down again, pulling the blanket over them. The man stiffened instinctively, then relaxed, as if he could tell who it was touching him, like a pet recognising his owner's scent.
Yagyuu held him tight. If he didn't, this man would fall apart.
Niou slept a troubled sleep. He woke several times, looked around himself, looked at Yagyuu, moved his shoulders, then leaned on the side of the carriage again, his eyes closing. The damaged eye was much better than it was a few days ago and all the other injuries had completely healed, yet he kept moving about as if something was causing him discomfort. It took Yagyuu half a day to realise sitting like this meant Niou was putting pressure on his wings.
When Niou jolted awake once more, Yagyuu tapped him on the shoulder. "If you do not mind, then please use my lap."
Moments later, Niou lay curled up on their seat, his head on Yagyuu's lap, looking content. Yagyuu's hand played with Niou's hair. It was surprisingly soft, like fur. His skin was slightly cool, but felt exactly the same as that of men's. The one thing that made him stand out, apart from his hair colour, were the wings...
Niou hunched his shoulders and breathed in sharply. He lifted his head to look at Yagyuu, who jerked his hand away.
"I'm sorry," said Yagyuu, embarrassed. He'd let himself get carried away despite knowing how important the wings were to a creature.
Niou didn't seem angry, only tired, like he had been since going to Fudomine. Too much energy was being spent on healing his body. He settled down again, a hand tugging on his cape, throwing the fabric away from himself, leaving the wings exposed. Granting permission. He closed his eyes, but there was no way to tell if he was going back to sleep. He just stayed very still when Yagyuu's hand ran down one of his wings lightly, and when Yagyuu pressed a kiss to his temple, letting that speak what he wanted to say.
Yagyuu had been to Seigaku before, first as a child and then during his travels, and the city had not changed much since his last visit. Yagyuu felt slightly more at ease, finally being at a place where he knew his way around.
Seigaku was not like Hyoutei, which prided itself in its "work hard, play hard" lifestyle, or Rikkai, which was all about economic trade, financial power. Seigaku's development was more rounded, placing as much emphasis on culture as it did on finance, on helping the disadvantaged as well as drawing the best out of people. Poverty still existed, but it was a problem that was controlled and being eradicated, whereas in Rikkai, only the strong survived.
That man would probably still have sneered at Seigaku though, Yagyuu thought. He couldn't say why, but he had this feeling.
Niou didn't seem to care much about Seigaku either. They found a place to have a meal, but Niou showed no interest in the city and seemed glad when Yagyuu led the way to where they were staying. Once inside the room, he drew the curtains, blocking out the bright sunshine everyone outside was enjoying, then went to bed. Yagyuu chuckled, shaking his head in resignation. He sat up in his bed, not tired enough to rest so early in the day.
"We have a few days left, enough for us to finish here and go back to Rikkai."
The top of his head peeking out from the covers, Niou stared at Yagyuu.
"I guess I will forget about you, too, once you have performed the spell. It is only logical for this to happen." Yagyuu said in the semi-darkness. "After what you have done for me, I can't accept the thought of simply forgetting about you. But it is a case of it will happen, whether I can accept it or not. And you," he breathed out, smiling, "would rather have freedom after this is over."
Niou moved a bit, but didn't agree or disagree.
"You remind me of him - the person I am trying to forget. But you remind me of the good days. I wish I can be selective about what I remember, then I don't have to forget him. Or you." Yagyuu paused. His voice shook slightly. "The day we met, he pushed me out of the way from an oncoming carriage, but then proceeded to steal my wallet. That was the type of man he was: something good, something not-so-good." The memory brought on a smile. "There was a madness inside him, a huge shadow that always threatened to engulf him. He fought it. I always, always believed he would win. Never had I once doubted.
"He died in an accident. After all he had been through, he died that way. You could say that at least he did not lose to the madness." Yagyuu tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I am not someone who believes in fairness, but if anyone deserved something better, it was him. Could have let him have a few peaceful years before they took him away. I was going to set up a farm for him, with sheep, and some damn hedgehogs..."
A faint rustle. Niou buried himself under the covers completely.
Yagyuu took a deep breath, tried to banish those feelings once more.
"I should let you rest." he said to the bundle on the other bed, forcing himself to smile. "Sleep well, Niou-kun."
Niou led the way. They had been walking for hours and the cold was starting to wear on Yagyuu, but he was determined not to let Niou go on his own, having caught Niou try to go out from the windows of their room. Perhaps his presence would serve no purpose, just a superficial form of support from the one who forced this on Niou in the first place, but he went anyway.
They were in the outskirts of Seigaku, with nothing to light their way apart from moonlight and the glow of Niou's wings, a faint red hue that wasn't there before. It was the two hearts he had eaten that gave his wings the colour, like the mark of a killer. Yagyuu followed, with no idea where they were going, only that they were at a river bank and walking upstream, until they found what they were looking for.
The tezuka was surrounded by a golden glow. It seemed like he had been waiting for them.
"I heard about the others," said the tezuka, a frown etched deep between his brows. "You have come this far, so you won't stop unless one of us dies." His gaze turned to Yagyuu. "One out of the three of us."
Standing only a short distance away, Yagyuu showed no reaction. He would not become Niou's burden.
"You can't kill him, but I can. Once I do, you will be free. You won't need to make any more sacrifices for him."
Niou shook his head to the tezuka's offer. The stand-off continued, the tezuka waiting for Niou to change his mind. But it didn't happen.
"Fine. Take it."
Nobody moved.
"Tachibanas and atobes can fight without hesitation or even reason, but I cannot. If you are prepared to carry it through then I know it's worth it."
Niou smiled, but there was no emotion behind the smile. The muscles on his arm tightened as he walked to the tezuka, putting his hand over where the heart is. The tezuka's attention turned to Yagyuu.
"It is said that we don't need our hearts, and a lot of us exist with an empty space in our chests, but no one would let others know they have given their hearts away. It is time to see if all that is true."
Yagyuu didn't find out. The tezuka had staggered away, his hand over the hole in his chest, leaving his heart behind. Perhaps he would live, perhaps not.
They spent the night in Seigaku, then rode back to Rikkai.
The last day. If Niou didn't complete his spell today he would lose his mind.
Yagyuu made all his staff leave the house. Niou stood in the front room and waited.
"Don't get caught again after this, Niou-kun." Yagyuu took off his eyeglasses. This was the one part of the spell that was never documented, because the user would not remember if he was successful, and if he wasn't, he wouldn't live to know. "Don't let yourself be made to help people like me."
Niou only smiled. His wings spread out, red as blood. The air changed. The constant burn in Yagyuu's chest strengthened, then lifted, yet he wanted to cry. He would soon forget all about that man, he would become a man living without knowing his heart was gone. But at least he could go on.
Niou stepped closer, putting a hand on Yagyuu's chest, his eyes closed. The magic dispersed, reformed, hummed in Yagyuu's ears. He gasped when memories were brought forth, leaving him breathless.
It wasn't until then he noticed Niou was holding something, which he was now pressing into Yagyuu's palm, forcing Yagyuu to curl his fingers around it.
Yagyuu shook his head violently.
"No."
No.
"Hold it tight."
Yagyuu could not let go of the knife. There was magic in Niou's words. He should have muted him. He should have muted him.
Guiding Yagyuu's hands, Niou showed him where the blade needed to go: into his heart.
"No..." Yagyuu felt dizzy, sick. "I cannot hurt you."
"You have to, because I'll lose my mind soon and kill you."
"I can't let you sacrifice for me!"
"That," Niou grabbed Yagyuu's hands with both of his own, and pulled. "is my purpose."
Yagyuu hadn't seen him for two days. They were going to do some travelling together: "two men, two horses, two bags. See how far we can go." It was a challenge Yagyuu gladly accepted, but on the day of departure, that man did now show up.
And then Yagyuu read the papers.
He penned a message and got someone to deliver it to Yanagi, then set out to search for that man.
The stench of the slums was unbearable. If it were possible, living conditions seemed to have deteriorated even further than when Yagyuu braved them and lived here with that man.
Yagyuu found him in the room he used to live in, once shared with some ten others, but now it was deserted, save him.
He stood very still, a knife in his hand. There was dried blood on it, and there was blood on him. Yagyuu knew then that he was looking at the madman who the papers said killed five men last night.
"You cannot carry on this way," said Yagyuu, his voice small, shaking. "Come back. You can do it."
The man walked forward. Yagyuu took a step back, nearly losing his balance when he tripped over the door frame. He could see the man's eyes and he could tell he was gone. His mind was gone. And he was going to kill him.
"No. No." Yagyuu's back hit the wall of the alley outside, rough bricks pressing into his back through his shirt. "Don't."
He couldn't run.
Vibrations. A force rushed through the air, rocking the man off his feet. He looked to the side, sneering at the figure at the end of the alley: Yanagi, rushing towards them, his arm outstretched.
Yagyuu snatched the knife and put it in the man's chest.
In that split second, the man smiled.
Yagyuu collapsed with him.
The next thing he knew was Yanagi pulling him away, trying to lift him off the ground.
He had killed him. Out of fear. Because he didn't believe in him completely, didn't see that he was still there, deep inside, still fighting. He'd become afraid. All the things he'd said in the past were a lie, he didn't believe in him enough, he was craven. So he killed him.
He was still clutching the knife. He couldn't tell what was going through his mind at that point. The fresh blood on the blade looked fascinating. He touched it, but couldn't tell if it was warm or not. He held it high above himself, to see the bright red against the dull, lifeless sky, and he looked down and saw the man's lifeless body.
Yanagi tried to pry the weapon from his hand, but he wouldn't let go. Then he felt a sudden numbness and his fingers loosen. Damn Yanagi and his magic.
He trembled in Yanagi's arms, staring at the dead body. Something ripped through and tore out of him as a scream. There were words from Yanagi, but he didn't hear what they were. He kept screaming - I killed him I killed him I killed him - but Yanagi would not let him have the knife back even though cowards like him simply didn't deserve to live if people with real courage had to die in such a way.
At some point during the struggle, Yagyuu found himself suddenly exhausted. Yanagi's hands were on his shoulders and he was saying something. A hypnosis spell.
"You have nothing to do with his death. He died in an accident. You were at home when it happened. It was an accident."
Consciousness faded away.
"I know you," they were up close, their breaths intermingling. The memory that had been suppressed rushed forth. Yagyuu looked at their hands - Niou holding his, his holding the knife, the knife inside Niou's chest. It was happening all over again. "I know you."
"You won't very soon," said Niou, smirking, insufferable as ever. "Thanks for the ride, it's been fun."
The very same smile.
Suddenly Yagyuu's hands lost their strength. He let go. Niou fell backwards.
"Byebye."
"There is no turning back after this."
"I know." Yagyuu's mouth closed over the niou's. He breathed out, air and binding magic in his breath. The creature barely moved, though he seemed to have mouthed a word:
Yagyuu.
"Hello, Yagyuu."
"Good morning."
"How are you?"
Yagyuu wondered why Yanagi's smile seemed a bit tight. Uneasy.
"I've hit my shoulder. It seems like I fainted without reason yesterday, and my shoulder hit the floor." Yagyuu looked up at the displayed goods, searching for suitable ingredients to help with the bruising.
There was quiet for a while, then Yanagi spoke. "If you're looking to make up an ointment for it, I have some already made. Why don't you go to the back, and we'll take a look at it properly?"
Yagyuu was about to reply, but the door opened. Someone limped in, his clothes dirty and in tatters, his hair a tangled mess. He made it to Yanagi's desk, dropped the bag he had been carrying, pulled out a horn half the size of himself, then dropped it on Yanagi's desk without ceremony.
"That damned beast gave me so much trouble. But there, killed it."
Yanagi pushed his chair back and stood, walking around to bring himself close to the visitor.
Yukimura dropped his smile. His brows gathered. Light danced in his eyes.
"Sorry, Renji."
Yagyuu watched his friends embrace each other. Something ate at him, like there was a hollowness inside. Something missing.
Yanagi closed the shop and ushered his two dear friends to the other room. Yagyuu stopped when he passed by the slate wall. The edges on his mind tickled.
"Yanagi-kun, did you not use to have some creatures here?"
Yanagi was helping Yukimura sit down. "I've set them free upon completion of my research. Though one has decided to stay." He looked up at the mezzanine, raising his voice a little. "Akaya? Please come down here for a minute."
Someone was napping on the mezzanine's floor. He stirred and looked around. "Yanagi-san." He hopped over the edge, landing softly beside Yanagi with the help of his wings. "Who are these people - your buddies?"
"Yes." Yanagi patted Akaya on the head. "My most important buddies."
Something tugged at Yagyuu again - that empty space inside. He looked at the creature, then at the wall.
He could not remember.
[end]