[oneshot] Missing [post 1 of 2]

[yuki_scorpio]

Title: Missing
Author: yuki_scorpio
Rating: NC17
Genre: AU, drama, romance
Warnings: Violence, character deaths, sex
Characters: Yagyuu, Niou, Yanagi, plus minor chars
Notes: I showed this to friends, who said this is a "trippy fairy tale"... I don't know how to summarise or describe this story. But it's probably not something to be read when you're in a hurry.

Fic has been split into two posts because it's too long for one LJ entry.


Missing

Something tugged at Yagyuu again - that empty space inside.

He could not remember.

The rusted bell on the door rang, its sound dull and solid. The shop had the musty scent of old books - or the fragrance of knowledge, as its owner always said. The man was currently at his desk at the far end of the shop, not looking up from his writing to greet the customer. The sort of people who visited such a place were those who knew what they wanted and did not require assistance, unless they were looking for something special.

That was not to say that none of what Yanagi had on display in his shop was special. In fact, it was the very opposite: every item was exquisite, rare, sought-for. But very few people could afford them, and even fewer prepared to pay the true price. And then there were the other things that were not displayed, and those were even more extraordinary.

Yanagi knew what it was what this particular customer wanted, that he had made up his mind about it, and no matter how much time Yanagi gave him to consider, nothing was going to change. That was the way with this man, as it was the way with many people Yanagi became close with in his life. He shook his head, resigned; he was always attracted to people with such a quality.

Yanagi ended the passage he was writing, pressed the tip of his pen on the blotter and set it down carefully. "Something to drink, Yagyuu?" It was more an invitation than a question, as he was already filling a pot with tea leaves from a paper bag in his drawer. Yagyuu gave a small nod as he continued to browse the goods - labelled jars of small creatures suspended in liquid; dried plants and animal parts sorted in a wall of little drawers, half of which were too high to reach without a ladder; gemstones, many of them unrefined; several fine collections of feathers; leather-bound books of unknown age, detailing the secrets and powers behind many things, some of which could be found in this shop - until Yanagi presented him with a cup of perfectly brewed tea.

"Thank you." Yagyuu blew on the tea before taking a sip.

"Anything in particular you're looking for?" Yanagi asked, although he already knew the answer. He had to hear Yagyuu make the request first, so that he could maintain a clear conscience, that Yagyuu had wanted it and was not led to wanting it because of Yanagi. Although, in this instance, the "clear conscience" would only be something relative.

"A niou. Would I be able to obtain one from you?"

Yanagi breathed out, almost sighing. He went to the door and flipped the sign around so that it said "Closed", then locked it.

"Come with me."

Through a door at the back, they entered a room. On one side was a mezzanine, its wall lined with bookshelves that were completely filled. On the other side were the creatures, pinned to a stone wall, their wings spread so that they could be studied, their heads bowed in sleep. Insect specimens, crucified criminals, or entities lovingly cared for by Yanagi.

"The combined effect of the iron pins and slate induces a state of relaxation and renders their powers useless," said Yanagi. "This doesn't hurt or harm them."

"Which one is..." Yagyuu walked closer.

Yanagi gestured at one with white hair. Yagyuu stepped even closer. A male, human-sized. In fact, every bit of him looked human apart from the wings, two pairs of them. They were long, thin and transparent, like those of dragonflies, and even had the web of patterns just like the insects.

"As a merchant, I am obliged to warn you of the potential dangers: there is powerful, aggressive magic in a niou's words. In theory he wouldn't use it against you after a bond is made, but there are records of collateral damage. There are potions that can seal him, but you must remember to give it to him again before the effects wear off. He should be strong enough even when mute."

"Seal him as in sealing his speech?"

"Yes. So that he will not speak at all." Yanagi looked at Yagyuu. "From the moment he is bound to you, you only have thirty days to gather what you need and perform the spell. He is a crafty creature, but he will help you as long as he is bound to you. If you do not complete the spell within that time, he will lose his mind and kill you."

"I am fully aware of that." Yagyuu nodded. "I'll put my signature on the necessary documents to absolve you of any responsibility."

"May I speak to you as a friend?"

Moving away from the slate wall, Yagyuu stepped back to Yanagi's side.

"Don't do it, Yagyuu."

Yagyuu's smile was sad. "This is the one thing I need the most in my life now."

There was nothing more that Yanagi could say. He left the room for a while, returning with a vial of clear liquid. "Here."

Yagyuu did not hesitate. He drank from the vial, then approached the creature once more. The niou's mouth hung slightly open, relaxed in sleep. Yagyuu held the niou's face. His skin was slightly cool to the touch.

"There is no turning back after this."

"I know." Yagyuu's mouth closed over the niou's. He breathed out, air and binding magic in his breath. The creature barely moved, though he seemed to have mouthed a word.

"We better seal his speech now."

The magic caused a searing pain within Yagyuu, burning through his soul. The pain was familiar, and it made him wonder how binding oneself to another could feel so much like loss. Like grief.

He took the mute potion from Yanagi and fed it to the niou, then he pulled out the pins that held the creature in place. The niou toppled forward, Yagyuu caught him, letting him rest his head on a shoulder. Yanagi didn't offer any more help; this was something Yagyuu was doing for himself. Only he would know the true weight of his decision: spells as powerful as the one Yagyuu was preparing for always required a sacrifice.

Yanagi accompanied Yagyuu out to his carriage. "He'll come around before the end of the day. Keep him locked in a darkened room until he calms down enough to comprehend his situation; he dislikes sunlight."

Yagyuu refused his driver's offer to help, putting the niou inside the carriage himself. Wrapped in cloth up to his neck, the niou slumped against the side of the vehicle, unaware of his fate just yet.

"Yanagi-kun," Yagyuu said, "why did you get him in the first place?"

"For study. These creatures are spirits that have taken physical forms. There is very little known about them - where they come from, where they go, if their existence is as pointless and aimless as our own," Yanagi said, paused, then sighed, his breath misting in the winter cold. "That, and I had a feeling this day would come. If you could not obtain one from me, you would try other means, at whatever cost."

There was truth in Yanagi's words, but was that really the whole truth? "Is that all?"

A false smile tried to make its way to Yanagi's lips, but it refused to form. The corners of Yanagi's lips trembled, his lips parting, but there were no words. He took a deep breath then, feeling the icy air fill his lungs. It made him shiver.

"The thought had crossed my mind," his voice was low as a whisper, "but I believe one day, he will return. Having a niou is a test to my belief; I am strong enough to give the niou away because I am not giving up on him."

Although he had asked for it, the admission took Yagyuu aback. He touched Yanagi's shoulder with his hand.

"He will come back."

"Yes. All I have to do is wait. It's what he wants," said Yanagi. He leaned forward then, placing a kiss on Yagyuu's cheek. "Good luck."

"Thank you."

The heavy curtains were drawn, light coming in through gaps between fabric and window. Yagyuu sat on a chair, one leg crossed over another. Waiting.

The creature stirred, pulling limbs towards himself, transforming elegant sprawl into foetal curl on the velvet cushions. Then he drew an audible breath, opened his eyes and stood up in a flash. He looked around him, spotting Yagyuu after he made a complete turn.

He ran towards Yagyuu, only to be held back by metal bars, body slamming heavily against them, the sound echoing in the room. He stretched his hand out, as if trying to reach Yagyuu. His mouth opened but no sound came.

Yagyuu uncrossed his legs and stood.

"Calm down, Niou-kun. You will not be hurt." He walked close to the creature, but stayed just out of reach. "I placed you in this cage only so that I can get you to listen to me first. Calm down. I will let you out soon and I will not hurt you."

It was a lie. Yagyuu knew this. Niou would also soon know.

Niou withdrew his arm, stumbling back several steps. Looking around him, he took stock of his situation, felt the metal of the giant birdcage he had been locked inside, and suddenly, he threw his head back and laughed. It should be laughter, as far as Yagyuu could tell without the sound. There seemed to be genuine amusement on Niou's face, reminding Yagyuu of that man, who had laughed so hard when he first gave this cage to Yagyuu as a present out-of-the-blue, saying he'd found it in an abandoned mansion and took it because it was pretty and Yagyuu's home had the space and ceiling height for a giant, ornate birdcage.

"What are you doing now?" Yagyuu asked, arms crossed, staring at him.

He sat down on the cushions, grinning at Yagyuu through the bars. "Seeing what it feels like to be you."

"Niou-kun," Yagyuu said once more, since he didn't know how else to address the creature, "I believe you are able to tell we have been bonded."

This caught Niou's attention once more. Yagyuu placed a hand on one of the cast iron bars. Vines crawled up along it, metal leaves and flowers blossoming, all intricately crafted in iron. Although beautiful from afar, the bars felt rough to the hand. Cold, but warming to him quickly. Not unlike someone he knew.

"I request your help in the spell of oblivescence."

This was the only spell nious could be used for - the only spell they were hunted for - but Yagyuu didn't say what he said to state the obvious. It was his demand as the master.

Niou's gaze rested on Yagyuu, betraying nothing on his face.

"We start tomorrow. There are clothes for you on the chair and I have arranged a bedroom for you." Yagyuu didn't look at Niou. "Dinner has been prepared. Come to the main room when you are ready." He unlocked the cage and left it for Niou to open it himself. Niou didn't do it right away, silently watching Yagyuu head towards the exit.

Light crept into the room when Yagyuu opened the door. He paused, his hand on the handle.

"I'm sorry."

The door closed behind him.

Niou wore the trousers but didn't want the shirt, though he had found a way to tie a bedsheet so that he could wear it like a cape over a shoulder, keeping his wings free. He ate with his hands, sat cross-legged on his chair and would not stop looking at Yagyuu.

Yagyuu allowed him. He could give Niou some freedom. It was the least he could do.

In the morning, Yagyuu opened his eyes and saw Niou slumped on the floor next to his bed, half awake.

He had known the weight of his decision before the visit to Yanagi, but seeing Niou like this now just suddenly made everything real.

"Funny little things," the man said with his accented voice. Yagyuu used to think it was the way people like him - those born on the streets - spoke, but during those crazed days when Yagyuu spent time with him where he came from, Yagyuu realised it wasn't the sound of misfortune or poverty. It was just the way this man was. Eccentric.

"These are supposed to be, what, intelligent beings. But they do things for people and wait on them like good dogs."

"They are rewarded for their work and set free when the task is done."

The two creatures Yagyuu had hired were almost finished with fitting the new window. One of them came over to Yagyuu and he gave her an apple. She smiled thankfully at him.

"You think they're really doing this for your apples? Maybe they'd do a trick and wag their tails if you offered a biscuit?" the man asked when the creature went back to work. "She can't find apples on her own?"

"What are you trying to say?"

The man didn't answer. Taking some apples from the bowl, he called out at the creatures and started juggling, making them laugh. He tossed two apples at them and took a generous bite out of the third.

"Apple?" He held the fruit at Yagyuu, letting the bitten part face outwards, showing sweet, white flesh. Yagyuu frowned with slight disgust.

Watching them, the creatures giggled. The man shrugged and went to help them lift a stone slab for the windowsill, laughing when the creatures whispered something to him.

Back then, Yagyuu didn't understand.

The journey from Rikkai to Hyoutei was one better made by the steam train, unless one was prepared to sacrifice large numbers of horses in order to cross the vast land between the two cities. Legends said the land used to be one great desert, but now it was fertile with life. Still, farming had not extended to this area yet; the great distance to any form of civilisation was enough to put anyone off.

That man wanted to live here. "Smack-dab in the middle of nowhere," he called it. It was another one of his mad ideas. Yagyuu had promised him a herd of sheep. He said he wanted some hedgehogs as well, and Yagyuu told him to get himself some. That man was truly insane. Yagyuu never once doubted any doctor would come to this conclusion should one meet him on the days he grabbed his head and screamed until he lost his voice and still kept screaming, slamming himself against any hard surface, trying to knock himself out. Those were the days even Yanagi's potions and magic could not ease his pain, the days Yagyuu wished the pain could be shared so that he didn't have to endure it alone.

Once, after being completely drugged up, he admitted to Yagyuu there were voices telling him to do things, trying to take over him. But he didn't say what he was told to do, just like how he never told Yagyuu what gave him his scars, both physical and mental, and made him this way. Some things simply could not be put into words.

Yagyuu knew perfectly well the reason behind getting that birdcage and keeping it at his place.

Outside the window, gentle hills rolled by, along with blue sky, endless grassland and the occasional tree. That man could have lived at a place as peaceful as this, away from the people, the city that had hurt him so deeply and robbed him of his mind. A place where he didn't have to fear himself.

"I should have done it faster."

Niou pushed himself up a bit from where he lounged across the sofa in their private cabin. Yagyuu thought he had fallen asleep.

"Just talking to myself," Yagyuu explained.

Niou sat up, nudged himself along the sofa until he was up against the window, opposite Yagyuu. He looked out, trying to see what Yagyuu was looking at, smiling when he saw the scenery outside, as if recalling a fond memory. Curiosity made Yagyuu want to ask what it was that Niou was thinking, wanting to know that someone else could look at this land and associate it with happiness, but Niou had been made mute and Yagyuu wasn't sure, even if Niou could talk, that he would share what was on his mind.

"A friend of mine wanted to live out here. I made arrangements to help him set up, but I took too long and he could not wait for me."

Niou pulled a face of mocked sadness, making it clear that he didn't care; there was no reason for him to. He tugged on the cord hanging by the window, drawing the curtains closed, then flopped back down to sleep until Yagyuu made him use the bunk bed instead.

But somehow, Yagyuu ended up being the one lying down. Niou waved a hand in front of his eyes, Yagyuu recognised the aura as that of a sleeping spell, then the world faded away.

Nearly two days had gone by when Yagyuu woke, and he could have slept even longer if not for his thirst. He drank the water they'd brought and what was in the jug on the serving trolley, then sent Niou to get it refilled. When Niou returned and saw Yagyuu wolfing food down, he nearly doubled-over laughing. Yagyuu swallowed, wiped his mouth and warned Niou not to do this again.

He slept better than he had in a long time. If this was the strength of Niou's silent magic, then there was no wonder that Yanagi warned him so strongly about Niou's words. In any case, even if the intentions were good - Yagyuu did need the rest - he could not just let Niou use magic as he pleased. Yagyuu needed to be the one to steer their every step.

Niou shrugged and put the jug, refilled, in front of Yagyuu. Ignoring the man, he stepped around the small table to open the curtains. Outside, a great city glowed in the night.

They had arrived at Hyoutei, the city that never slept.

Hyoutei was a land of excessives, of constant festivals. Nothing was too much or too intense. Yagyuu had never set foot here before, had no taste nor desire for such extravagance. Merely walking through the streets was a dizzying experience, with the sounds, the smells, the lights all assaulting his senses at once. Gas street lamps made the night almost as bright as day. Revellers sang and danced, alcohol in their hands. A few yards away, the drunk slept near their own vomit. Bare-chested men stood on benches, juggling lit torches to the rhythm of drums and brass music. Women walked arm-in-arm, some escorted by men, tripping over their own dresses and their bosoms threatening to topple out of the low necklines.

A man rushed past Yagyuu, bumping shoulders with him. Yagyuu's hand was on his wallet before it could be taken. Niou swang his arm, hitting the back of the man's head and sending him to the ground, sliding painfully on the cobbled street. Niou laughed silently.

Unlike any other creatures Yagyuu had hired or worked with before, Niou could be cruel and violent. But that didn't surprise Yagyuu. If he were Niou, he would feel nothing but hatred for humans. The fact that Niou treated him with respect, and as a companion rather than enemy, was because of the bond, although this bond would be what would hurt him in the end.

Yagyuu smiled meekly. He wasn't regretting this. But it would be easier if he just stopped thinking about it.

"Do you need to rest, Niou-kun?" Yagyuu wasn't tired, and it didn't seem like Niou was, either. They might as well just get on with things. "Do you know where we need to go?"

The question was only perfunctory - Niou was the only one who knew the exact locations.

The playful look on Niou's face vanished. He seemed suddenly bored, or perhaps it was a sadness, Yagyuu couldn't tell. He gestured for Yagyuu to follow him, stealing two horses that were tied to a flickering street lamp just outside a tavern, then they were riding, getting out of the city centre. Yagyuu couldn't see in the faint moonlight, and it seemed like the horse couldn't see much either, refusing to go faster than a trod once they were in the shadow of a wood. He gritted his teeth and forced his horse to go forward.

Niou slowed down so that they could ride shoulder to shoulder. His face was completely unreadable.

In the distance, up on a gentle hill, was a castle. From afar and in this light, Yagyuu couldn't see the state of it. But their destination seemed closer, because the animals were refusing to go any further and Niou hopped off, pulled his makeshift cape to one side to free his wings, pointed at Yagyuu and took off into the air.

It took a while for Yagyuu to realise Niou wanted him to wait here.

He got off his horse and walked, purely by instinct, letting the bond between himself and Niou guide him.

When he found Niou, what he saw took his breath away.

The colour of magic wasn't one that could easily be described. It was like waves, or vibrations, like light being distorted in the air on a particularly hot day. Magic glowed around Niou, its waves lifting his cape into the air, sweeping wild white hair back. He floated just off the ground, charging forward in extraordinary speed towards another creature. When the two collided, the roar of magic knocked Yagyuu back. When he looked again, Niou was getting up, rubbing the corner of his lips with the back of a hand, his face betraying nothing.

His opponent, another creature with a human form, threw his head back and laughed.

"You pitiable thing," the atobe said, his entire form wrapped in light, "I suppose you don't get a choice. Ore-sama will end your misery for you!"

Another clash. For the briefest of moment, Niou's face seemed to have changed, becoming someone else, but it was too fast for Yagyuu to see.

The atobe was on the ground, his wings twisted and ripped. Niou stood, looming over him. It was over, Yagyuu knew that much; if the wings were damaged, a creature would soon die.

"Goddamn. You and your fancy tricks. Won't work against tezukas, remember that." Somehow the atobe seemed to be finding this amusing. Maybe there was just nothing he could do but laugh. "Oh, go on then."

Niou went down on one knee.

"Tell me: is he worth it?"

Niou held up two fingers. The atobe closed his eyes. He seemed to have understood. "Good."

The heart had to be ripped out, alive.

Unconscious steps took Yagyuu closer.

The nails on Niou's hand grew, sharp and long. Suddenly his hand wasn't part of a limb, but an instrument, metal wrapped in skin. It pushed inside the atobe's chest with a sickening crunch, crushing bones, splitting flesh.

The organ that Niou pulled out glistened under residual light that still surrounded the atobe, dripping blood. Fresh and very, very red, a colour more vivid than any other. It painted Niou's hand, spattered on his pale chest in a stark contrast of red and white.

Niou's eyes darted to the side, acknowledging that Yagyuu was there. Then he opened his mouth and bit into the dripping heart.

Yagyuu covered his mouth and turned away. He thought he was going to be sick. His feet wandered, taking him towards a random direction in the darkness, wanting nothing except to get away from the scene. He knew all along Niou had to eat the atobe's heart - that was what they came here for - but somehow he never thought about it beyond a knowledge level. The act actually had to be done. And it wasn't pretty to watch.

At least Niou seemed to enjoy it.

He had no idea how far he had gone or how long he had been walking, but suddenly Niou was beside him, a hand - the one not covered in blood - on Yagyuu's arm, guiding him back to their horses. There was blood all around Niou's mouth and cheeks, as if he had tried to wipe it off but only ended up smearing it.

Back in the city centre, Niou cleaned up the best he could, then they found an inn. Their third-floor room faced away from the maddening streets. Niou walked straight past his bed, opened the window and sat so that his legs dangled outside, his back turned to Yagyuu.

Yagyuu struggled to sleep.

He didn't hear Niou's approach, but when he felt the beginning of that sleeping spell, he didn't try to stop it.

"Has he got any world domination plans?" He asked.

Yagyuu could easily follow that line of thought - Yanagi didn't use magic often, never showing off his true strength, but he was unbelievably, mind-blowingly powerful. Put together with that seemingly limitless knowledge, it felt like Yanagi was capable of anything. And of all the things he could do, he chose to run a shop.

Yanagi heard the question. "Ruling the world is too much hassle. Not something I would like to do." He passed cups of tea to his visitors.

The man didn't like tea in particular, but they all knew Yanagi had added medication into that particular cup. He drank it. "Spells and all that. Pretty useful. Could just start a fire anywhere when it's cold, no? Could've helped me through lots of winters."

"If you'd like to learn, I have books on elemen-" Yanagi stopped, noticing the way Yagyuu nudged his eyeglassses, hinting at something.

"It's fine." The man spoke into his cup. "I was just saying, that's all."

Yanagi's face reddened a little, ashamed of his own thoughtlessness: this man could not read.

"I could teach you something simple, if you'd like. Something useful and non-destructive." Yanagi paused to think, a small smile appearing on his lips. "How about a sleeping spell? You'll need a partner to practise on."

"Ah ha..." The two men looked innocently at Yagyuu.

Yagyuu did not like the sound of this.

Niou was washing with some water from a bowl. Yagyuu sat up, refreshed from the night's sleep, and watched Niou try to get bloodstains off his clothing. It wasn't working very well.

The scene of Niou ripping the heart out of the atobe and eating it played in Yagyuu's mind again, his stomach lurching at the thought. He could have sworn there was mania and challenge in Niou's eyes, as if to say, "I told you to wait. But now that you're here, I dare you watch this."

Was Niou trying to prove a point, that Yagyuu should listen to him, or was this just part of Niou's nature?

"I will get you new clothes," Yagyuu told Niou, getting dressed. "I am going downstairs to ask about breakfast. Would you like anything?"

Niou shook his head.

"We have a long day ahead of us."

Niou shook his head again. He burped, a hand on his stomach.

"Fair enough." That heart must have been filling. Yagyuu's throat tightened again, but he ignored the feeling the best he could. He had to eat if he was going to keep travelling.

Yagyuu took his time with food, went to buy clothes to replace Niou's stained ones, then walked around the much-quieter morning streets of Hyoutei, before returning. He didn't want to see Niou just yet. Somehow Niou had managed to remind Yagyuu of that man with that simple sleeping spell, and Yagyuu didn't need the image of that man drenched in blood. He didn't want to think about him, that was why he got Niou in the first place - to help him forget, not to bring up memories of him or what he could have been capable of if madness took hold of him completely. The evil streak in him was undeniable, but that was from nurture, not nature; he was not truly evil, not like Niou, who could -

There was violent coughing inside the room. Gagging. Someone wanting to throw up.

Yagyuu stopped outside. Listened. Realised what this meant.

Niou only did what he had to do.

Hyoutei was a different city in daylight, unrecognisable from its nighttime madness. The very same people who danced on the streets, fell into water fountains and poured alcohol down their cleavages were the same ones who kept this city running and kept it proud. During the day, they worked. At night, they lived. Two sides of the same coin. One could not love one side and shun the other.

Yayguu thought of that man again.

He bought two horses from a stablemaster, who said the best way to get to Fudomine was through the town of Yamabuki. Three days' ride to Yamabuki, then another days' ride to their destination. Travelling by water would be faster, but the ongoing conflict between the Rokkaku and Higa Islands had become so intense that no one would sail no matter how much gold was being offered.

The stablemaster yammered on, telling Yagyuu all about the day Higa sank a passenger boat without the slightest hesitation. Yagyuu pressed his gold pieces into the man's hands, and he promptly shut up and got the horses prepared for them, got his customers to try the saddles and stirrups, making adjustments on the spot with great care. Yagyuu did not agree with the life style of the people here in Hyoutei, but he could appreciate their professionalism.

They were out of the city before midday, riding along a popular route used by travellers and merchants alike. Niou seemed to be feeling better, but he had obscured most of his face from the sun with fabric, leaving only his eyes and the tips of his white hair exposed, so there was no way to be sure.

Yagyuu understood Niou's intentions now, that Niou meant to scare him off so that he would not get close again when Niou killed, that Niou made him sleep last night so that he wouldn't know Niou's body tried to reject the raw heart. He wanted to tell Niou there was no need to hide, that it was all right, but he wouldn't. Because it wasn't all right. There was nothing he could do to lessen the hurt he was putting Niou through for his own selfish needs. He couldn't destroy Niou's pride as well.

The horse beside his slowed down. Niou was studying Yagyuu, an eyebrow arched, as if asking, "you want to take a break?" Yagyuu shook his head. He wasn't great at riding, having always lived in the city and travelled by carriage, but rest could come later. He didn't need Niou to look after him.

By the end of the first day, Yagyuu had to accept Niou's help just with dismounting from the horse, his muscles too sore to move. At the travellers' inn, they got a room and Niou, when no one was looking, flew upstairs holding Yagyuu around the waist.

Yagyuu lay chest down on the bed, feeling pathetic and wishing he had done more riding in the past than just the odd recreational hunt. That man once said that Yagyuu was "surprisingly tough" given his background, meaning Yagyuu was so pampered he should collapse and die from a small cold or the slightest bit of manual labour. Yagyuu responded by going to live with him at his place until he held his hands up in defeat and took his words back, said this was stupid and they should go back to Yagyuu's home.

Those were the wildest days in Yagyuu's life.

He looked up when he heard the door. Niou came in with a basin of steaming water. He wrung some flannels and used them to cover Yagyuu's calves.

"Thank you, Niou-kun." The heat felt wonderful, and got even better when Niou used his hands to rub and knead Yagyuu's muscles over the flannel. The ache intensified for a while, then ebbed away. Niou wasn't expert at this, but he definitely knew the principle.

But why did he know how to do this?

Creatures were naturally strong and resilient, a trade-off for their comparatively short lives. They didn't get mundane problems like muscle ache from overuse, and they should not know how to treat something like that unless a human taught them to. But nious always kept their distance from men.

Niou once had human company. Someone who didn't exploit him. Or maybe someone who...

"What happened to him?" Yagyuu had to know.

The hands on his calves paused. Niou peered at him under his fine white fringe.

"The previous human you..." served? Looked after? "...accompanied. What happened to him?"

There was no reaction from Niou for a moment, as if he was trying to understand what Yagyuu meant. And then the corners of his lips tightened in something that wasn't a frown or a smile.

Yagyuu watched carefully as Niou mouthed the word, a hint of malice in his eyes:

Dead.

In the night, Yagyuu watched Niou sleep in a bed only several feet away. It was the first time he actually saw the creature sleep.

Niou killed the last man he had bonded with. That man didn't complete the spell within thirty days, Niou lost his mind and killed him. Yagyuu was the second one he might end up killing, that was what he was telling that atobe when he held up two fingers.

"Voices." His voice was hoarse. From screaming.

"Voices?"

"Telling me to do things," he told the ceiling.

"Don't listen," Yagyuu said to the floor.

They weren't looking at each other. The man didn't want Yagyuu to see him like this, only just back from the verge of madness. Yagyuu respected that. And he couldn't bear to look at the self-inflicted injuries and the old wounds. They made him feel so powerless.

"Yagyuu."

"Yes?"

"If I lose my mind for good, you know what to do," he said. "I can trust you, right?"

"Fine," Yagyuu replied, but he knew he would never do it.

The second day on the road promised terrible weather since the morning. When the downpour started, their horses started acting up, but they managed to go far enough to find shelter at an inn.

There didn't seem to be that many travellers on the road, but the inn bustled with people; Yagyuu and Niou only just about had a place to sit down amongst everyone else hiding from the rain. They sat in silence, listening to the rain and other people's conversations. An old man said the outlook wasn't good, that this was classic of an oncoming storm, one that would last for at least a week and he knew because he had been on the road for most of his life. Someone else was talking about an atobe found dead in Hyoutei, how the heart was gone so it must mean somebody out there was using a niou. Other people disagreed, saying the rain would dry up soon and nious were only a myth.

Yagyuu ordered some food. Niou still didn't want to eat. He slumped on the table, looking sodden and bored until Yagyuu looked into their bag and pulled out an apple. His head resting on folded arms on the table, Niou looked at it, then looked up at Yagyuu, moving one lazy finger to point at the piece of fruit.

"Eat it. It might help you get your appetite back."

Niou played with the apple, holding it by the stalk and making it twirl one way, then the other. Then he held it up in front of Yagyuu.

"You need to eat," Yagyuu said, somewhat annoyed. He tried to brush Niou's hand away, then he tried to take the fruit, but Niou wouldn't let him, holding it up insistently in front of Yagyuu's mouth.

Finally Yagyuu took a bite. These creatures could be like children sometimes.

Apparently that satisfied Niou. He ate the rest of the apple, then held out his hand, grinning and wanting more. Yagyuu snorted, amused. Niou wasn't any different from other creatures in this sense.

It felt like they had been sitting there the whole day until finally the inn erupted with a collective cheer - the rain had stopped. One by one, weary bodies stretched then filed out, going to the over-crowded stables to fetch horses and carts. Niou managed to get to the horses before they got stolen, Yagyuu said they had to press on, and so they did.

The old man at the inn was right, the break in the rain was only temporary. The full storm hit that night when there was nowhere for Yagyuu and Niou to stop, so they kept moving, forcing the horses to brave the weather with them. They were the only ones still going now, and Niou had pulled his cape away long ago, wrapping it around Yagyuu instead. Soon, Yagyuu couldn't see what was ahead of him apart from the mist of his own breath in the cold and the faint glow of Niou's wings, his only guide.

Rain battered his face so hard it hurt. He felt his horse start to run wild, manic hooves sliding on mud, and his hands tightened, but couldn't do anything apart from hang on, the freezing rain having soaked through to his skin, and the cold to his bones.

Then his body gave up altogether.

[ on to the second half of the story]