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[what_definesme]

Why do I have 176 messages on my voicemail? And puppies?

Why is Alfred laughing?

Comments

[itsnotcandy]

It's not stalking if it's love.

You're welcome~

[what_definesme]

...

Screw restraining orders. I'm buying your agency and having you transferred to Poland.

It's Carrie, right?

[itsnotcandy]

Cheryl.

[apennyworth]

I'm terribly sorry. Mr. Wayne is indisposed at the moment.

Feel free to leave a message on his voicemail. I understand you have the number.

Most sincerely,

Alfred Pennyworth

[no_roadmaps]

You gave out your private number? Wow, Bruce. Bold choice.

[what_definesme]

Always bold.

No worries, though. When she gets bored with mine, I'll gladly pass along yours.

[no_roadmaps]

Great idea. You're on a roll.

You're off the Christmas Card list.

[notyouranswer]

You don't have a Christmas Card list.

[not_myfather]

I'm feeling the strangest urge to watch Fatal Attraction.

[what_definesme]

That's hilarious.

If Alfred finds a squirrel boiling in a pot, this is going to get very bad, very quickly.

[not_myfather]

I know. I'm gifted.

I'm certain if anyone can find a way to ensure that never happens, it's Alfred.

[what_definesme]

There's a word for it.

-- Point.

[wearsnomask]

That's absurd. You'd be a terrible dog owner.

[what_definesme]

You're right.

I'll have them brought over to you immediately.

[wearsnomask]

Nice try.

Have you ever considered actually taking the time to tell her why you believe her interests should lie elsewhere?

[what_definesme]

No puppies? Are you afraid they'd eat the squirrel?

Hmm. There's a thought.

[have_no_mercy]

Your secret admirer sounds more fun than mine is.

[what_definesme]

She's entertaining, to say the least.

Perhaps, we should start a club.

[have_no_mercy]

Entertainment is a plus.

Well, technically mine isn't a secret anymore and I doubt very much that he actually admires me, but I can appropriate the term for club purposes. Do we get jackets?

[what_definesme]

It is.

Ahh. It sounds like you've already moved into the gold phase of the club: Something beyond secret admirer / haven't had them transferred to Poland, yet? (Please, be kind. Asking me for the different levels of the club will result in my much-overworked butler being forced to type out a club rulebook.) -- I was thinking pins, actually.