This is naturally how I see it too. I mean, like I said, I hold zero animosity about not being invited to the wedding (I didn't even expect to be), but this seems tacky.
No, I don't think it's rude. Some people can afford huge weddings, and some can not. I made a huge list of people that I would have liked to invite to my wedding, but when it came down to the cost, we could only afford half the people I would have liked. I still invited a few people to my shower who we couldn't afford at the wedding, and I didn't do it because I wanted gifts. I actually didn't get gifts from everyone who came to the shower and I didn't really care. I was very disappointed that so many people didn't show up to the shower which was my one chance to celebrate with everyone I would have liked at the wedding. I cried when the shower was over because we had all this food and spent all this time planning and only my family and four friends ended up coming.
I think it may have been different if she had said something along the lines of, "Please don't bring a gift, I just want to have a party including those we can't invite to the wedding" because then I wouldn't feel obligated, but the word "shower" in and of itself implies the gift-giving. :-/
I think with this it really is a matter of context. I threw two showers prior to my wedding. One that was held by my church (which was also where I was married) and one that I personally did to invite people that couldn't come to the wedding due to financial restrictions. In the second invite I explicitly stated that presents were not needed or required and that I simply wanted to have a fun get together with my friends. Many of them came, partly because I put in the invite that I wasn't trying to get free stuff. A lot of them said they were glad I had made that clear since most of them were on my B List and probably wouldn't be able to come.
It's a personal call for you if you choose to go or not, and whether you wish to bring a gift or not. If you feel your friend has invited you to simply spend time together then go for it!
Hm yeah, I think if I had been an invite to your particular shower I would've definitely come. :o) I definitely think you did it the way I personally would, as well.
Hers has a Facebook event and I just went and checked to make sure it doesn't say anything about no gifts...it actually has her (three) registries listed on the event page, sooo...I think she expects gifts. And even if not, I think everyone will bring one, and I don't want to be the jerk who shows up without a gift, lol.
Lol I think I will unless she asks why I couldn't make it. Maybe I can say I wasn't feeling well or something. It was just awkward this past weekend because we were at the same party for the NFL playoffs and she was like, "YOU'RE COMING, RIGHT!?" I was like, "Errr I think my friend is coming into town but IDK she might not..." I'm so bad at making things up...
Considering it was a Facebook invite, I wouldn't even bother with a note and card. If someone finds it appropriate to send out invites through Facebook, I doubt the would appreciated the effort put into a card with regrets.
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Anyways, it wouldn't be rude to not go if you were invited to the wedding so if you don't want to go, decline the invite.
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If I am not important enough to be invited to share in your special day, why am I special enough to buy you a $30 punch bowl?
I would decline.
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I think it may have been different if she had said something along the lines of, "Please don't bring a gift, I just want to have a party including those we can't invite to the wedding" because then I wouldn't feel obligated, but the word "shower" in and of itself implies the gift-giving. :-/
I hope you had a better time at your wedding!
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It's a personal call for you if you choose to go or not, and whether you wish to bring a gift or not. If you feel your friend has invited you to simply spend time together then go for it!
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Hers has a Facebook event and I just went and checked to make sure it doesn't say anything about no gifts...it actually has her (three) registries listed on the event page, sooo...I think she expects gifts. And even if not, I think everyone will bring one, and I don't want to be the jerk who shows up without a gift, lol.
Thanks for the advice!
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