Bridal Shower...

[inmeggsyoutrust]

So one of my best friends is getting married in October of this year. Her MOH hasn't contacted the rest of the bridal party at all about preliminary planning for her bridal shower, so my other friend [who is also a BM], contacted all of us about pre-planning. That is not the issue though

Comments

[affectiion]

I spose for me I think it's more the Groom's decision to make. If he's choosing that his own mother should not attend the shower, it's his own wedding that will be affected.
However, if the bride is aware that there will be a shower (you dont need to tell her where or when if it's a surprise=p) perhaps you can ask her if it's appropriate to ask his family to be in attendance. If she gives you the info, then there you go, if not, then obviously there's something happening that you're not aware of that would make it uncomfortable for the bride and groom.. and it's their decision:)

[etoilepb]

I have a friend who wants to throw me a shower but I would sooner go without altogether -- which I had thought I was doing, because I live 400 miles away from everyone else, so being asked for a guest list was a surprise -- than invite my fiancé's mother. She is not a nice person, to put it mildly. Maybe you should actually talk to the bride and groom and figure out what's what? Not all situations are the same and maybe the MOH wasn't planning her a shower because the bride is in a situation like mine.

[inmeggsyoutrust]

We all live in the same state, except for the FIL's, they live about an hour away in southern PA. I've spoken to the bride and all she keeps saying is 'They don't have any money, so that's why we can't invite them'. I think that that decision should be up to FMIL if she doesn't have the money to attend the shower. The FIL's are being invited to the wedding.

When we the bridal party spoke about the shower once very early on, the MOH kept saying things like "well, i work weekends and if i take off, I'm losing a lot of money." I work weekends, too, but I'd be willing to take off early ONE day to throw my best friend a bridal shower. The MOH and the bride have been friends basically since birth.

[shandriz]

Hm. I don't know-- the FMIL would probably feel like it's -necessary- for her to come, given the relation she has to her family, and her son and FDIL may simply be worried that if you send an invite she'll feel like she has to go even if she can't afford it, y'know? I mean, it's either that or they don't think she'll buy an expensive enough gift and will embarrass them or something, and I'd hope that isn't the case.

I think this is a situation in which yes, you should probably respect the wishes of the groom. He knows the situation better than you do, and while it might seem wrong to you, he may have a really good reason for it.

[camper4lyfe]

I was thinking something along the same lines. There may be a reason as to why the groom doesn't want his mother invited to the shower.

[lizzie]

The FMIL is typically the one to plan the shower with the MOH, right?I've never heard that. For the weddings I've been in (including my own), the showers were planned/thrown by whomever wanted to do it. If the FMIL doesn't want to be involved in the planning or hosting, then that's her choice. In this situation, the groom knows his mother better than you do, so it's safe to assume that if HE is saying she shouldn't be involved, it's for good reason. Maybe he's worried that his mother will be embarrassed because she's not able to contribute to the shower or the wedding. Or maybe he's worried that the shower will involve lingerie and sex toys, neither of which he wants to expose his mother to (since the lingerie and sex toys would be assumed to be used with her son and future daughter-in-law). Maybe he knows that she just doesn't like parties or showers. Whatever the reason, if he's said he doesn't think his mother should be involved, then just accept that. You can double-check with the bride to make sure she is okay with this,

[inmeggsyoutrust]

I had heard from someone else that the FMIL usually planned the shower with the MOH, so I was just asking a question, not assuming that that's what was going to happen. I thought that the bridal party or whomever was going to plan the shower.

I would never try to force someone to host a party, I just thought that she should be invited at the very least.

Knowing the bride and her bridal party, nothing like sex toys or lingerie would come up. Everyone seems to be very conservative.

[lizzie]

Invitations are a tricky thing. Some people are grateful for the invite and to be included and thought of, even if they can't attend (for whatever reason). Other people take offense to it, because they feel pressured to go even when they can't (for whatever reason). In this case, it sounds like BOTH the bride and groom don't want the FMIL invited because of money issues. I say you respect their wishes (after all, they know her better than you do!) and not invite her.

[inmeggsyoutrust]

i never thought of the feeling pressured thing.

[shadowboxer70]

My bridal shower was actually completely hosted by a close neighbor and a long-time friend of the family, practically a second mom. My bridal party had nothing to do with it, though they all lived out-of-state so this was perfectly fine. So anyone can host it that is kind enough to put the time in.

As for the mother in law, I would talk to the bride. I'm assuming the shower isn't a surprise (I honestly think those are bad ideas anyway) and perhaps she can give some insight as to why FI doesn't want his mother involved. I'm sure she will have some contact information for his family.

[morningapproach]

If the FH doesn't want the mother invited, there is likely a reason. Family falling out, whatever. Likely she won't be coming to the wedding. Don't overstep your bounds and send her an invitation AGAINST the family's wishes. Trust me. It will only get nasty.

That said, I would be bloody pissed if I was the bride and one of my maids invited members of the family who would specifically NOT be invited to the wedding to the shower.

[inmeggsyoutrust]

I know that it's not a case of he and his mother having had a falling out, she's excited for them to be "finally" getting married! They speak all the time even though she lives in PA and he is here in MD. He's only said that he doesn't want us to involve her because of money, and all I want to do is invite her to the shower, NOT ask her for money/time/effort for the party planning.