FFXII - 1000 Firsts
Series: FFXII
Title: 1000 Firsts
Characters/pairings: Gabranth/Ffamran, Basch/Balthier, Zargabaath, Zecht, Jules
Rating: PG, I suppose.
Summary: Because there are a thousand firsts in every second.
Spoilers: For the whole game.
------------------
The first time Ffamran sees Gabranth, he is not yet ten years of age. His mother recently dead and his father still in the throes of grief, those surrounding the boy are indulgent. But Gabranth is a newly-made Judge, and has no time for childish tricks.
At the ordainment ceremony, Ffamran seeks to make a nuisance of himself until the low rumble of Gabranth's voice pulls him up short; a simple, “Keep out of the way, brat,” enough to catch his attention and startle him into silence. A dull ache blooms in his heart then, but he is still too young to recognize the feeling.
He keeps himself glued to Zargabaath's side the remainder of the afternoon, his eyes steadfast on Gabranth's cloaked back.
------------------
The first time Larsa-the-babe laughs in Gabranth's arms and Gabranth returns the sound in kind, Ffamran feels his guts twist and learns of jealousy.
------------------
The first time Gabranth rejects Ffamran, he feels his heart will break.
The second time, it does.
The third, he tells himself he feels nothing, and does not ask again.
------------------
The first time Ffamran lies with Jules it is agony, never mind his assurances that yes, he wants this and yes, he is ready. He screams at first, nails leaving crescents in Jules' shoulders, until the man covers his mouth with a hand. He bites, then, and a wad of cloth is stuffed into his mouth as a reward.
Then Jules does something that wrenches at his gut and sets him aflame and Ffamran is thankful for the cloth between his teeth; the bitter taste of Illuse fibers gives him something to think about other than the overwhelming, unbearable, searing heat settled in his belly, twisting his face into a grim mockery of pain.
He knows no more until Jules wakes him later with sweet caresses, murmuring in his ear, telling him how beautiful he is. He does not understand the meaning of the word until years later when he is Balthier and he has Basch pinned to a bed with hips and hands and tongue and for the first time in an age he feels clean.
------------------
The first time Ffamran runs from Archades, his father is too caught up in research and madness to notice.
Three days later, Zargabaath brings him home, and Cid stares at the boy as though meeting him for the first time.
Ffamran has never felt so alone.
------------------
The first time Ffamran meets Al-Cid, he thinks the man an insufferable ass, and this thought is confirmed when the young master of House Margrace cheerfully pinches his backside.
------------------
The first time Ffamran kisses Fran, she slaps him across the face for his effort and does not speak to him for a week.
He dares not be so bold again and suffers the too-long silence in terror.
------------------
The first time Ffamran calls himself Balthier, Fran looks at him as though he has grown a second head and tells him he is being silly. He considers scrapping the idea, but then Fran tests the name, carefully enunciated consonants and slurred vowels falling off her tongue like water.
Balthier cannot control the sudden flush that warms his cheeks and has to excuse himself with a nervous cough. Behind him, Fran laughs, knowing.
------------------
The first time Balthier, self-proclaimed sky pirate, is caught at his work, he lies about his age to the Judges who trap him. They speak to each other in hushed, hurried voices for a few moments before deciding on a reduced sentence on account of his being a minor still.
Twenty stripes and half a night in the stocks later, weathering rain and rotten vegetables alike, he is shaking and fevered. Fran shows him little kindness, lacking the sympathy to even let him pilot his beloved Strahl.
“You are in no condition to make flatcakes, let alone fly.” she tells him, and he is too tired then to cry.
------------------
The first time Balthier kills a man, he is sick for hours after and has nightmares for days.
It gets easier.
------------------
The first time Balthier lies with a woman, he is in Balfonheim, and she is his for an hour only. It is too hot and too cold at once, and he feels painfully awkward, despite reassurances he is wonderful. (She is paid to say such things, he knows, and does not heed her.)
After, he is faintly ill and feels inexplicably dirty. The experience has left him feeling as though he is covered in a thin layer of grime, and the sensation will not fade, though he scrubs his skin raw trying to erase it.
This, too, gets easier.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees Zecht (Reddas now, though he does not yet know that), he freezes in horror, mouth suddenly gone dry, near to panic.
Zecht has come to kill him. There can be no other explanation. He is a deserter from the Archadian armies, he has committed acts of piracy and theft, has murdered (granted, so save his own life), adultery and gods above, sodomy, that, too, of all the laws of Archadia for him to shatter, for that alone he will die, surely and--
Reddas laughs.
------------------
The first time Balthier drinks more than his share, it is fine Nabradian Madhu that does him in. He vomits for half a day, feels ill longer than that, and vows to Fran that he will never drink again.
He keeps this promise, mostly, and Madhu, at least, is off-limits after that.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees Gabranth, near to five years after leaving, his heart fills to bursting. He lets himself hope, just briefly, but he is too far away, and Gabranth on the hunt for Balthier-the-sky-pirate and not Ffamran-the-boy besides. He dares not move closer, dares not confront the man he has missed these years.
He sheds no tears. There is no need.
Fran holds him anyway.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees his father for the hundredth time, he feels resigned to what is, and nothing more.
------------------
The first time Balthier dies, he cannot help but laugh. Blaze of glory, indeed.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees Basch (no, Gabranth now, he must remind himself) nearly a year after, his first impulse is to run, as he has done so many times before. He stops short, however, when Basch breathes his name, nearer to a prayer than anything else. The sound of his erstwhile lover's voice revives a dull ache in his heart he had hoped was long gone. He is certain it never will be, now that Gabranth is gone and Basch in his place.
Basch catches him by the arm, then, turns him around, looks him in the eye, and a different sort of pain blooms, filling the Gabranth-shaped hole in his heart that has eaten at him for too many years. He does not resist when Basch coaxes him into another room with gentle words and sugar-sweet kisses.
Perhaps, he thinks later, curled in a patch of sunshine with Basch's arm flung loose over his bare hip, he has been wrong all this time; for while there are indeed a thousand first impressions, there are a thousand more second chances, and he means to make the best of every one of them.
Title: 1000 Firsts
Characters/pairings: Gabranth/Ffamran, Basch/Balthier, Zargabaath, Zecht, Jules
Rating: PG, I suppose.
Summary: Because there are a thousand firsts in every second.
Spoilers: For the whole game.
------------------
The first time Ffamran sees Gabranth, he is not yet ten years of age. His mother recently dead and his father still in the throes of grief, those surrounding the boy are indulgent. But Gabranth is a newly-made Judge, and has no time for childish tricks.
At the ordainment ceremony, Ffamran seeks to make a nuisance of himself until the low rumble of Gabranth's voice pulls him up short; a simple, “Keep out of the way, brat,” enough to catch his attention and startle him into silence. A dull ache blooms in his heart then, but he is still too young to recognize the feeling.
He keeps himself glued to Zargabaath's side the remainder of the afternoon, his eyes steadfast on Gabranth's cloaked back.
------------------
The first time Larsa-the-babe laughs in Gabranth's arms and Gabranth returns the sound in kind, Ffamran feels his guts twist and learns of jealousy.
------------------
The first time Gabranth rejects Ffamran, he feels his heart will break.
The second time, it does.
The third, he tells himself he feels nothing, and does not ask again.
------------------
The first time Ffamran lies with Jules it is agony, never mind his assurances that yes, he wants this and yes, he is ready. He screams at first, nails leaving crescents in Jules' shoulders, until the man covers his mouth with a hand. He bites, then, and a wad of cloth is stuffed into his mouth as a reward.
Then Jules does something that wrenches at his gut and sets him aflame and Ffamran is thankful for the cloth between his teeth; the bitter taste of Illuse fibers gives him something to think about other than the overwhelming, unbearable, searing heat settled in his belly, twisting his face into a grim mockery of pain.
He knows no more until Jules wakes him later with sweet caresses, murmuring in his ear, telling him how beautiful he is. He does not understand the meaning of the word until years later when he is Balthier and he has Basch pinned to a bed with hips and hands and tongue and for the first time in an age he feels clean.
------------------
The first time Ffamran runs from Archades, his father is too caught up in research and madness to notice.
Three days later, Zargabaath brings him home, and Cid stares at the boy as though meeting him for the first time.
Ffamran has never felt so alone.
------------------
The first time Ffamran meets Al-Cid, he thinks the man an insufferable ass, and this thought is confirmed when the young master of House Margrace cheerfully pinches his backside.
------------------
The first time Ffamran kisses Fran, she slaps him across the face for his effort and does not speak to him for a week.
He dares not be so bold again and suffers the too-long silence in terror.
------------------
The first time Ffamran calls himself Balthier, Fran looks at him as though he has grown a second head and tells him he is being silly. He considers scrapping the idea, but then Fran tests the name, carefully enunciated consonants and slurred vowels falling off her tongue like water.
Balthier cannot control the sudden flush that warms his cheeks and has to excuse himself with a nervous cough. Behind him, Fran laughs, knowing.
------------------
The first time Balthier, self-proclaimed sky pirate, is caught at his work, he lies about his age to the Judges who trap him. They speak to each other in hushed, hurried voices for a few moments before deciding on a reduced sentence on account of his being a minor still.
Twenty stripes and half a night in the stocks later, weathering rain and rotten vegetables alike, he is shaking and fevered. Fran shows him little kindness, lacking the sympathy to even let him pilot his beloved Strahl.
“You are in no condition to make flatcakes, let alone fly.” she tells him, and he is too tired then to cry.
------------------
The first time Balthier kills a man, he is sick for hours after and has nightmares for days.
It gets easier.
------------------
The first time Balthier lies with a woman, he is in Balfonheim, and she is his for an hour only. It is too hot and too cold at once, and he feels painfully awkward, despite reassurances he is wonderful. (She is paid to say such things, he knows, and does not heed her.)
After, he is faintly ill and feels inexplicably dirty. The experience has left him feeling as though he is covered in a thin layer of grime, and the sensation will not fade, though he scrubs his skin raw trying to erase it.
This, too, gets easier.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees Zecht (Reddas now, though he does not yet know that), he freezes in horror, mouth suddenly gone dry, near to panic.
Zecht has come to kill him. There can be no other explanation. He is a deserter from the Archadian armies, he has committed acts of piracy and theft, has murdered (granted, so save his own life), adultery and gods above, sodomy, that, too, of all the laws of Archadia for him to shatter, for that alone he will die, surely and--
Reddas laughs.
------------------
The first time Balthier drinks more than his share, it is fine Nabradian Madhu that does him in. He vomits for half a day, feels ill longer than that, and vows to Fran that he will never drink again.
He keeps this promise, mostly, and Madhu, at least, is off-limits after that.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees Gabranth, near to five years after leaving, his heart fills to bursting. He lets himself hope, just briefly, but he is too far away, and Gabranth on the hunt for Balthier-the-sky-pirate and not Ffamran-the-boy besides. He dares not move closer, dares not confront the man he has missed these years.
He sheds no tears. There is no need.
Fran holds him anyway.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees his father for the hundredth time, he feels resigned to what is, and nothing more.
------------------
The first time Balthier dies, he cannot help but laugh. Blaze of glory, indeed.
------------------
The first time Balthier sees Basch (no, Gabranth now, he must remind himself) nearly a year after, his first impulse is to run, as he has done so many times before. He stops short, however, when Basch breathes his name, nearer to a prayer than anything else. The sound of his erstwhile lover's voice revives a dull ache in his heart he had hoped was long gone. He is certain it never will be, now that Gabranth is gone and Basch in his place.
Basch catches him by the arm, then, turns him around, looks him in the eye, and a different sort of pain blooms, filling the Gabranth-shaped hole in his heart that has eaten at him for too many years. He does not resist when Basch coaxes him into another room with gentle words and sugar-sweet kisses.
Perhaps, he thinks later, curled in a patch of sunshine with Basch's arm flung loose over his bare hip, he has been wrong all this time; for while there are indeed a thousand first impressions, there are a thousand more second chances, and he means to make the best of every one of them.