Mine would say to me “I love you. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world.” That seems innocuous, but it meant that any hurt I felt at the way I was treated was wrong, that any negative feelings I had were me being crazy, because this person loved me. If they would never hurt me, why was I hurt?
THIS SO MUCH. Invalidating and dismissing feelings--no matter how nicely--is a big part of dismissing the person, and therefore of telling them they are worthless. I remember how it felt every time I was told I was wrong, or ungrateful, or selfish for feeling pain. In time I made myself go numb so I wouldn't have to experience the disorientation and self-hatred for having the "wrong" feelings, and I'm still recovering from that.
[The rest are spoilers]Akira's treatment of Akito is another example of "niceness" gone terribly wrong, much like the way Kyo's mother dealt with his true self. In both cases the parent is refusing to face the reality of the child and professing love for a fantasy version of the child: In Akito's case the Very Special Person who is somehow
( ... )
Akito was the biggest shock for me in jumping from the anime to the manga. Now that I've read it, I will never be able to bring myself to hate Akito.
[Spoiler (click to open)]It's tragic that being nice can be harmful, but Kyo and Akito both prove it, as you said. The best I can figure is that acting in fear can only engender more fear, no matter the intent.
As a teacher, I genuinely contemplated Akito during my day. It's so easy to let kids get away with things and so hard to correct them. Sometimes I needed to take a long hard look at the consequences of letting things slide.
I'm glad you enjoyed the end scene with Akito as much as I did. I love that I feel her womanhood is an essential part of her character. She goes from being a scared girl to a beautiful woman, and in accepting herself finds a special power and radiance she never knew she had. If that's the take away, I'd definitely say this is a happy story.
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THIS SO MUCH. Invalidating and dismissing feelings--no matter how nicely--is a big part of dismissing the person, and therefore of telling them they are worthless. I remember how it felt every time I was told I was wrong, or ungrateful, or selfish for feeling pain. In time I made myself go numb so I wouldn't have to experience the disorientation and self-hatred for having the "wrong" feelings, and I'm still recovering from that.
[The rest are spoilers]Akira's treatment of Akito is another example of "niceness" gone terribly wrong, much like the way Kyo's mother dealt with his true self. In both cases the parent is refusing to face the reality of the child and professing love for a fantasy version of the child: In Akito's case the Very Special Person who is somehow ( ... )
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[Spoiler (click to open)]It's tragic that being nice can be harmful, but Kyo and Akito both prove it, as you said. The best I can figure is that acting in fear can only engender more fear, no matter the intent.
As a teacher, I genuinely contemplated Akito during my day. It's so easy to let kids get away with things and so hard to correct them. Sometimes I needed to take a long hard look at the consequences of letting things slide.
I'm glad you enjoyed the end scene with Akito as much as I did. I love that I feel her womanhood is an essential part of her character. She goes from being a scared girl to a beautiful woman, and in accepting herself finds a special power and radiance she never knew she had. If that's the take away, I'd definitely say this is a happy story.
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