Fruits Basket Analyzed: Akito Sohma
a/n Not all the personal experiences shared are mine.
Confession: I’ve been avoiding writing Akito’s essay. To me Akito is the saddest, darkest character in the whole piece. When you read that back story, it is what drives all the others. I am using the manga version of the character as the anime is not even close on this one. I’m also marking the whole essay a spoiler because both of the major spoilers in the story (chapters 98 and 101) deal with this back story. Akito is the Jade Emperor and the heart of the curse [1]. Akito is the abuser the others live in terror of (minus possibly Shigure).
The lie of abuse is that you cannot be loved for who you are-that you deserve the treatment you get because of something about you. Akito almost wasn’t born because she was the wrong sex [2]. Can you imagine your own mother despising you for something as fundamental as that? We pick up fears, likes, dislikes, and beliefs from our parents. It is undoubtedly Akito’s mother that taught her to hate herself.
Abusers often do this. Mine would say to me “I love you. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world.” That seems innocuous, but it meant that any hurt I felt at the way I was treated was wrong, that any negative feelings I had were me being crazy, because this person loved me. If they would never hurt me, why was I hurt? Likewise when Akito is told her gender is wrong, why should she question it? Maybe in her heart and mind it feels wrong, but her mother is the one who told her. Moms know everything, don’t they?
Ironically, the only person to ever love her did more damage, at least in my opinion. Akito’s father told her that she was born to be loved, but he was one of the people who refused to give her boundaries. Now the adult Akito is clinging madly to the idea that she was created to be loved and wondering why no one loves her [3]. The warped and twisted memory of her father seems to torture her more than it helps [4]. I think it’s because of his attitude for the curse that Akito is so dead set on it continuing. This never ending banquet is the only protection Akito has against ending up alone, at least as far as she knows [5].
Akito is hated for one of the many things she can’t control, but Akito will control everything she possibly can. She was lonely, so she got herself a friend [6]. Akito didn’t like Hatori’s engagement and she did something about it. We find out eventually that Ren and Akito have a bet going that if Akito let the Zodiac go, they would never come back to her [7]. Akito took the bet, probably with some goading from Shigure, to prove that the whole family was tethered to her through the “curse [8].” The sad thing is that without Torhu, they probably would all have come back [9]. She may have been scared, but she took the bet and did what it took to keep Yuki in her power while he was gone [10].
Have you ever looked at someone and thought “I can’t live without you, but you don’t need me”? It’s one of the worst feelings in the world in my opinion. I think there’s a biological reason the parents are supposed to bond with their child to the extent they do-the child can’t survive without the parents, and if the parents didn’t have a matching need for the child it would be bad. When I meet someone I try to find out what makes them tick, ways to make them happy and how they process hurt. Mostly this is because I’m nice, but there’s something to be said for balance of power. I don’t give anyone the power to hurt me unless they have given me the power to hurt them. That sounds self-serving, but I’ve been hurt so many times now, I need to make sure I have a way to defend myself.
This need to be needed takes on a disturbing context with Kureno [11]. I’m not sure who taught Akito the mechanics of intercourse, but when push came to shove, I’m sure it was her idea. She knew Kureno wanted to leave and only stayed out of pity [12]. In my mind’s eye she had nightmares about him leaving her behind. He was the one and only person that accepted her in her fears and weaknesses-in her damned femaleness. To prevent that she used the one weapon she had at her disposal. All men want sex right? It’s the one thing they will never say no to, right? Then at least he’s staying for some selfish reason-at least he needs her for something. Funny, it works on Shigure too [13]. After all, what else are women good for?
For all this, I don’t think Akito’s worst fear is being alone-I think it’s herself. My heart breaks a little for her when we see her reaction to Hatori’s injury [14]. Even as she assigns blame elsewhere, Akito knows what she just did and it terrifies her. It’s clear when it happens that Akito is deeply in love with Shigure, yet when she felt threatened she attacked him-even drew a little blood before he pulled her off [15].
One of my most vivid memories is the day I finally admitted I have hypoglycima. My personality can literally change depending on my bloodsugars, and when they are too high I’m panicky and I have no impulse control. One day when I was 11 I had eaten a whole bag of marshmallows while I had the house to myself. When my 7 year old brother came home he ran up and gave me a hug. I shoved him to the ground with all my strength. I ran into the computer room and slammed the door. My brother shook himself off and chased after me, wanting to know what was wrong. When he ran up to me a second time I slapped him across the face. That was too much for him and he ran off crying that time. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me-I had no reason to be mad, but I was out of control. I was raised that it was not okay to hurt anyone, let alone someone smaller than you. My brother was my best friend, and yet I had just physically attacked him twice. What was wrong with me?
I think Akito has a lot of these moments. She will lose her temper then look at the aftermath in horror. I find it very sad that no one besides Shigure seems to have had the courage to tell her “no [16].” Akito has learned from her family that she is someone to fear, and she does fear herself. This is what happens when children receive no discipline-they have no safety from themselves. Can you imagine how that would add to Akito’s already substantial self-hatred?
In the moment Akito saw her world crumble she lashed out again, this time with the knife [17]. She only had one tenuous connection to hope and it had been snapped, so I’d say the reaction was understandable. It was a desperate attempt to seize power and control. What finally snaps her out of it is having an event completely out of her control. The reality of the situation is that Torhu could have fallen from that cliff regardless of Akito’s presence [18]. For once in her life, Akito’s fear of herself is superseded by her fear for another person. Akito’s first step away from selfishness sets a new precedent that she can do good. After striving for love of some kind her whole life, Akito finally loves another person.
The dynamics of ending the curse surprised me a little. Akito had to let go of each of them, one at a time [19]. Members of the zodiac talk about the loneliness they feel without their animal, imagine how Akito feels to lose all of them. yet in losing them, she finally found what she had wanted. There’s a famous paradoxical verse in the Bible stating “He who findeth his life shall lose it, but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.” Similarly Kagura lost control of Kyo and found his love [20]. Akito gave up demanding the love she finally had a chance to win it [21]. It seems to me those living on the estate stayed there for a while after the curse broke, and Akito got the chance to win them over.
To me the most miraculous moment of the story was when Akito was able to reach out to another person [22]. It’s easy and pleasant to reach from a place of strength to help someone else, but Akito reached out in her own fear and insecurity to support someone else. In Akito’s place I would have been terrified, yet she did it. She accepted her gender, she let go of the curse, and she reached out to others around her in a positive way. In my mind Akito is a very real hero.
[1] Chapter 65
[2] Chapter 97
[3] Chapter 117
[4] Chapter 118
[5] Chapter 64
[6] Chapter 72
[7] Chapter 98
[8] Chapter 98
[9] Chapter 136
[10] Chapter 20
[11] Chapter 50
[12] Chapter 118
[13] Chapter 101
[14] Chapter 10
[15] Chapter 132
[16] Chapter 101
[17] Chapter 117
[18] Chapter 121
[19] Chapter 130
[20] Chapter 68
[21] Chapter 132
[22] Chapter 133
Confession: I’ve been avoiding writing Akito’s essay. To me Akito is the saddest, darkest character in the whole piece. When you read that back story, it is what drives all the others. I am using the manga version of the character as the anime is not even close on this one. I’m also marking the whole essay a spoiler because both of the major spoilers in the story (chapters 98 and 101) deal with this back story. Akito is the Jade Emperor and the heart of the curse [1]. Akito is the abuser the others live in terror of (minus possibly Shigure).
The lie of abuse is that you cannot be loved for who you are-that you deserve the treatment you get because of something about you. Akito almost wasn’t born because she was the wrong sex [2]. Can you imagine your own mother despising you for something as fundamental as that? We pick up fears, likes, dislikes, and beliefs from our parents. It is undoubtedly Akito’s mother that taught her to hate herself.
Abusers often do this. Mine would say to me “I love you. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world.” That seems innocuous, but it meant that any hurt I felt at the way I was treated was wrong, that any negative feelings I had were me being crazy, because this person loved me. If they would never hurt me, why was I hurt? Likewise when Akito is told her gender is wrong, why should she question it? Maybe in her heart and mind it feels wrong, but her mother is the one who told her. Moms know everything, don’t they?
Ironically, the only person to ever love her did more damage, at least in my opinion. Akito’s father told her that she was born to be loved, but he was one of the people who refused to give her boundaries. Now the adult Akito is clinging madly to the idea that she was created to be loved and wondering why no one loves her [3]. The warped and twisted memory of her father seems to torture her more than it helps [4]. I think it’s because of his attitude for the curse that Akito is so dead set on it continuing. This never ending banquet is the only protection Akito has against ending up alone, at least as far as she knows [5].
Akito is hated for one of the many things she can’t control, but Akito will control everything she possibly can. She was lonely, so she got herself a friend [6]. Akito didn’t like Hatori’s engagement and she did something about it. We find out eventually that Ren and Akito have a bet going that if Akito let the Zodiac go, they would never come back to her [7]. Akito took the bet, probably with some goading from Shigure, to prove that the whole family was tethered to her through the “curse [8].” The sad thing is that without Torhu, they probably would all have come back [9]. She may have been scared, but she took the bet and did what it took to keep Yuki in her power while he was gone [10].
Have you ever looked at someone and thought “I can’t live without you, but you don’t need me”? It’s one of the worst feelings in the world in my opinion. I think there’s a biological reason the parents are supposed to bond with their child to the extent they do-the child can’t survive without the parents, and if the parents didn’t have a matching need for the child it would be bad. When I meet someone I try to find out what makes them tick, ways to make them happy and how they process hurt. Mostly this is because I’m nice, but there’s something to be said for balance of power. I don’t give anyone the power to hurt me unless they have given me the power to hurt them. That sounds self-serving, but I’ve been hurt so many times now, I need to make sure I have a way to defend myself.
This need to be needed takes on a disturbing context with Kureno [11]. I’m not sure who taught Akito the mechanics of intercourse, but when push came to shove, I’m sure it was her idea. She knew Kureno wanted to leave and only stayed out of pity [12]. In my mind’s eye she had nightmares about him leaving her behind. He was the one and only person that accepted her in her fears and weaknesses-in her damned femaleness. To prevent that she used the one weapon she had at her disposal. All men want sex right? It’s the one thing they will never say no to, right? Then at least he’s staying for some selfish reason-at least he needs her for something. Funny, it works on Shigure too [13]. After all, what else are women good for?
For all this, I don’t think Akito’s worst fear is being alone-I think it’s herself. My heart breaks a little for her when we see her reaction to Hatori’s injury [14]. Even as she assigns blame elsewhere, Akito knows what she just did and it terrifies her. It’s clear when it happens that Akito is deeply in love with Shigure, yet when she felt threatened she attacked him-even drew a little blood before he pulled her off [15].
One of my most vivid memories is the day I finally admitted I have hypoglycima. My personality can literally change depending on my bloodsugars, and when they are too high I’m panicky and I have no impulse control. One day when I was 11 I had eaten a whole bag of marshmallows while I had the house to myself. When my 7 year old brother came home he ran up and gave me a hug. I shoved him to the ground with all my strength. I ran into the computer room and slammed the door. My brother shook himself off and chased after me, wanting to know what was wrong. When he ran up to me a second time I slapped him across the face. That was too much for him and he ran off crying that time. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me-I had no reason to be mad, but I was out of control. I was raised that it was not okay to hurt anyone, let alone someone smaller than you. My brother was my best friend, and yet I had just physically attacked him twice. What was wrong with me?
I think Akito has a lot of these moments. She will lose her temper then look at the aftermath in horror. I find it very sad that no one besides Shigure seems to have had the courage to tell her “no [16].” Akito has learned from her family that she is someone to fear, and she does fear herself. This is what happens when children receive no discipline-they have no safety from themselves. Can you imagine how that would add to Akito’s already substantial self-hatred?
In the moment Akito saw her world crumble she lashed out again, this time with the knife [17]. She only had one tenuous connection to hope and it had been snapped, so I’d say the reaction was understandable. It was a desperate attempt to seize power and control. What finally snaps her out of it is having an event completely out of her control. The reality of the situation is that Torhu could have fallen from that cliff regardless of Akito’s presence [18]. For once in her life, Akito’s fear of herself is superseded by her fear for another person. Akito’s first step away from selfishness sets a new precedent that she can do good. After striving for love of some kind her whole life, Akito finally loves another person.
The dynamics of ending the curse surprised me a little. Akito had to let go of each of them, one at a time [19]. Members of the zodiac talk about the loneliness they feel without their animal, imagine how Akito feels to lose all of them. yet in losing them, she finally found what she had wanted. There’s a famous paradoxical verse in the Bible stating “He who findeth his life shall lose it, but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.” Similarly Kagura lost control of Kyo and found his love [20]. Akito gave up demanding the love she finally had a chance to win it [21]. It seems to me those living on the estate stayed there for a while after the curse broke, and Akito got the chance to win them over.
To me the most miraculous moment of the story was when Akito was able to reach out to another person [22]. It’s easy and pleasant to reach from a place of strength to help someone else, but Akito reached out in her own fear and insecurity to support someone else. In Akito’s place I would have been terrified, yet she did it. She accepted her gender, she let go of the curse, and she reached out to others around her in a positive way. In my mind Akito is a very real hero.
[1] Chapter 65
[2] Chapter 97
[3] Chapter 117
[4] Chapter 118
[5] Chapter 64
[6] Chapter 72
[7] Chapter 98
[8] Chapter 98
[9] Chapter 136
[10] Chapter 20
[11] Chapter 50
[12] Chapter 118
[13] Chapter 101
[14] Chapter 10
[15] Chapter 132
[16] Chapter 101
[17] Chapter 117
[18] Chapter 121
[19] Chapter 130
[20] Chapter 68
[21] Chapter 132
[22] Chapter 133