Summer Breeze - Ch. 8
Title: Summer Breeze
Chapter: Eight
Rating: Let's just say R because it always ends up that way eventually!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not know or own any of these lovely men but the story is my own.
Summary: Ville vacations for the summer in the US and meets a nice surprise.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
--- Summer house --- Bam
"Where were you two last night?" Jenn screeched as Knoxville and I went through the sliding glass door on the back porch.
"We just went over there and had a couple of drinks with them and ended up falling asleep on their couches. We just woke up a little while ago," Knoxville said, trying to sound convincing.
Jenn leaned against the marble countertop on the island in the middle of the kitchen, folding her arms in annoyance.
"What the fuck is wrong with you now?" I asked.
"Nothing Bam, it's not like you'd care anyway," she said, then turned around and started to get something to drink out of the refrigerator.
Knoxville lifted up his hand, pointed a finger at himself, then towards the living to signal that he knew where this conversation might end up and was leaving the room. I waived at hand at him and nodded.
I walked over to Jenn and ran my fingers through my hair, "Look… I know that I've been kind of weird lately…"
"Kind of weird? Kind of weird?" she said, raising her voice. "Bam… this was supposed to be the vacation of our dreams. I've hardly seen you at all. We haven't had sex once. You've been all edgy. For fuck's sake, last night you told me that I was your 'nightmare'!" She slammed her hand down on the countertop, "What is going on?"
I couldn't tell her… I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to tell any of them. Honestly, Knoxville was the last I suspected would have been into… men. But he was, and I had experienced proof of that last night. Talk about weird - I spent last night with someone I've known for years who is married with a daughter and all we did last night was make out. I shook my head at myself, my thoughts were becoming clouded with the intense sexuality and confusion of last night.
"Bam? Did you hear me?" she said moving her head to the side, trying to make eye contact with my eyes that we staring at the counter and not her.
"Yeah," I said. "I heard you."
"Well?"
"Nothing Jenn. Look, I'm just thinking about a lot of things, alright?"
"No," she said in an irritated tone of voice. "Not okay. It'd be fine if you'd even clue me in on what was going on. But since you won't. No. No way." She looked at me with a frown starting to form on her lips. "Do you even know how hard this is for me? Do you know how excited I was to be here with you?"
My heart began to race, "I know that I've been strange. Jenn… just don't pick this fight. There are a lot of things on my mind right now and I'm trying to work through them without having to bother anyone else." It was partially true. I was trying to bother anyone else, but I knew that I wasn't working through anything, I was just burying myself.
Knoxville walked back into the room and slapped his hand on my back, standing to the side of me. He gave me a very friendly, manly jerk, pulling me up beside him. He reached his hand around and messed up my hair with his fist. "Jenn - cut the kid some slack. We were just drinkin' with our buddies last night. That's it. I'm sure that he didn't mean what he said last night to you. He came downstairs and said that he'd felt really bad about the way that he acted. Didn't you Bam?"
I nodded, agreeing with whatever it was that he was saying, because he was saying it a hell of a lot better than I had.
Jenn sighed and the corner of her mouth arose in a hint of a smile. "Alright… well, if Johnny's gonna defend you then I'm sure that whatever is going on can't be too bad."
I swallowed the hard lump in my throat.
"No Jenn, trust me. It's not bad at all," Knoxville said, grinning.
She smiled at me and placed the palm of her hand on my cheek. Her skin was soft and her fingers were small and delicate. It used to be something that I loved, the touch of her skin… but now it made me shudder, knowing that I was hiding so much from her. I forced a cheerful look on my face and she left the room in a much better mood than she had been in before.
Knoxville grabbed onto the corner of my shirt and pulled me outside onto the back porch.
"Listen up Bam. You've got to get with it. You have three options: You can stay with Jenn and leave Ville alone. You can break up with Jenn and be only with Ville, or, you can technically stay with Jenn and fuck around with Ville. I personally opt for the last one, because that's what I like to do. I keep my wife as a cover up. She's a sweet woman, so it's not like it's difficult for me. But I've lost all sexual attraction to her. All I've done is pretended to act like I don't mind if we have a much more… open relationship. It gives her sexual freedom but not to the point like she's single, she doesn’t suspect anything on my behalf and she's fairly convinced that I'm straight when I act really interested in the fact that she wants to do something with another woman sometimes. Do you get what I'm saying Bam? Do you see where you have to stop fucking around, no pun intended, and start figuring out how you're going to handle this?" He let go of my shirt as he finished his rant and I stumbled back a step.
I let out a sight, "Yeah, I know that I have to do something about it. Something tells me that Jenn wouldn't care much for being able to mess around with other women. She would still bother me for sex all of the time. Knoxville, I'd rather be fucking you everyday than her once a month if you get what I'm saying. There's just nothing left between she and I."
He laughed softly, and the stern look on his face softened to one of understanding and compassion, "I know. Look, just chill out. For now, don't say anything to her, but don't drag her around in circles by being mean to her and then apologizing. You don’t need to tell her what's going on if you're not ready, but keep in mind that the meaner you are to her, the more likely she'll be to figure out that something is going on."
"I know. Don't worry… I know."
"Alright, well let's just go grab a cold one and sit out here for a little bit and get our damn heads together," Knoxville said and walked inside to grab the beers.
I sat down on the top step of the porch and put my head in my lap. My mind was going in so many different directions at the moment, I didn't even know which one to head in. Knoxville was right.
I decided that I would go back in the house and spend some time with Jenn. If nothing else, I would always love her on some level because she had been such a wonderful friend to me at so many points in my life. Because she was a woman was surely a reason to not be sexually intimate with her, but it was no reason to be mean to her or stop caring about her completely.
This summer was supposed to be fun, so that's what I needed to be doing with it. Just relax. Just relax.
--- Summer house --- Ville
When I awoke, I saw that Bam was no longer lying next to me under the blanket on the couch. I rolled over and rubbed my eyes. Damn, I was still a little drunk, or maybe just extremely hung over. Either way, when I stood up I flopped back down because my body ached and I was so dizzy.
"Well, our little friends were fun," Linde shouted from the other side of the room, "I definitely enjoyed invading Bam's…personal space!"
"God Linde, have you slept yet?"
"Umm… no."
"It's nearly 2:00pm!"
"Yeah… I know. That's awful isn't it?" he said, sighing with a smile on his face, "I just had so much fun last night, I had to stay awake and celebrate. Except, I ran out of Jack awhile ago. So I started drinking more of the vodka that Knoxville and I opened last night."
"When you run out of liquor, don’t you think that's a sign to stop drinking?" I asked with a smirk.
"No. It's a sign to stop drinking when you pass out and you can't lift the glass to your mouth!"
I laughed quietly and turned around, searching for my shirt.
Burton came down the stairs. "Well, well. Sleeping beauty is awake. Have a good rest?"
"Yeah. I had a good everything. Good drinks. Good fun. Good blow job. Good sleep."
"So I heard last night!" shouted Mige from upstairs.
"Enough, we all know what happened, so let's just get on with things, shall we?" I said as I walked into the kitchen and started to make some coffee.
"Why do you two always get to have all of the fun?" Gas said in a joking voice.
"Awww…" Linde said, biting his lower lip. "Gas, do you need a boyfriend, too?"
"No I don't need a boyfriend! You may all be a bunch of fags but I still like women, thank you!" he said, bursting into laugheter.
Linde chuckled to himself, "Hey, we're not completely gay. I mean, we like the best of both worlds. Although, Ville's always preferred men. Especially since the breakup with you-know-who."
Burton poured himself a shot, drank it and set it down on the counter, "Well Jonna was a bitch," Burton said nodding at me, "and you didn’t like her much anyway. I mean, you said that you liked her as friend, right? And that she kept bothering you for dates?"
"Yeah…" I said. It was true. My last love had died long before Jonna came into the picture.
"Well, then Ville," Burton said smiling, "You're just a whore aren't you!" He burst into laughter, covering his mouth to try to quiet himself.
"For fuck's sake, is this pick on Ville morning?" I muttered.
"No. But we like to do it anyway. I believe that pick on Ville morning is scheduled for next Saturday," Mige shouted from upstairs.
"Fuck off!" I said while smiling. "Seriously. Gas… maybe you can have Bam's girlfriend?"
Gas giggled, "Sure. I'll take her."
"Alright, enough. We need to figure something out." I said, then cleared my throat.
"Yes?" they questioned.
"We should make a run to the store, to get some more booze. Our stock is running a little low."
Linde nodded, "Swell idea!"
"I'll tell you what. I don't have a car, and neither do any of you. I bet that I could get Bam or Knoxville to drive me to a store so that I could buy some. Sound good?"
Everyone nodded in agreement.
"Anyone want to come along for the ride?" I asked.
"I will!" Mige yelled.
"Alright, well get your ass down here. I'm having a cup of coffee and leaving. I want more liquor to ensure that Bam will be in a… good mood again soon."
I walked into the kitchen and switched on the coffee pot. It was a very homely kitchen with sanded and polished wooden counters, floors and cabinets. The walls were a pale shade of blue and bright yellow curtains hung in the window. I watched the little specks of dust dance in the rays of sunlight until my coffee was finished.
While drinking my coffee, I sat at one of the chairs at the table and waited for Mige.
He ran down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, "Okay. I'm all set," he said, fixing his nose ring.
The cup clanked against the metal sink as I set it down. We went out the back door and walked around the side of the house through the garden. It was beautifully decorated with several types of flowers, my favorite being the entire row of red roses. I picked one up and carried it with me, plucking off the petals as we walked along the side of the lake.
"So you really like this kid, or is he just another one your… boys?" Mige questioned.
"I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled.
"Too bad. I asked you a question, and I advise you answer it!" he said, giving me a playful shove, but still sending me stumbling sideways several feet.
"Alright, alright." I said, catching my balance. "Yes. I think that I really like him. I mean… I care more about what he thinks than I usually do. Most of the time, I look at other men like they're my toys. For some reason, I have some compassion and sympathy for him. One guy's girlfriend walked in on us one time when we were fucking and started to flip out. I just tossed him his jeans and told him that I didn't need some bitch sauntering into my house and interfering with my sex life," I paused for a moment as I reflected the experience with the young man. "Now that I look back, I realized that it was because I was only looking to satisfy my own personal sexual gratification. With Bam, I think that I'd enjoy his happiness, his sexual pleasure, and his… love… more than my own."
"Wow Ville. That's the most sincere thing I think that I've ever heard you say!"
"Oh come on, I'm not that bad!"
"No, you're not," he said, "not to your friends. But you have always been that awful to your lovers. Look at Jonna. You didn't even like her sexually. Now I think that you've lost all interest in women after her. But you've still always had bad luck with men too. That was probably what made you so bitter in the first place. Mind in our early adults lives you were still in love… with… what was his name. He was Russian. The pretty boy with the long, straight blonde hair and green eyes. You know, the one who only wore black leather pants or long black skirts."
I remembered him all too well. The last person I'd truly cared about.
"Adrian," I muttered.
"Yeah, that guy. Hah!" Mige laughed, "He was more feminine than you! I think he wore more makeup in one day than you wear in a week!"
I laughed, it was true. He was always walking around with shiny silver eye shadow and dark red lipstick on. I remember when I saw him I thought he was most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen. His frame was tall and thin, like mine, and his hands… that's what I remembered the most. He had long, thin fingers with perfectly trimmed nails. He always smoked clove cigarettes in a long cigarette holder.
"Yeah… he was the last man I loved. You know, he always reminded me of Jonne from Negative. Just a lot taller!"
Mige laughed, "I haven't seen him in awhile."
"Yeah…" I nodded. It had been awhile since we played a show that Negative was at. "But that's beside the point. You're correct. It was Adrian. He was the last person that I really loved. And then one day, he just left me. He wanted to go back to Russia and I told him no. It was one of those truly odd situations. We screamed at each other and I started crying. He slapped me and told me to get a hold of myself. It ended when he pinned me up against the wall and kissed me as hard as he could. I recall perfectly the last thing that he told me," I said softly as a lump started to form in my throat.
"He said in that sexy heavy Russian accent that had gotten me to fall in love with him in the first place, 'Ville, when you decide to become a man, maybe you'll come see me in Russia. You know we'd have fun. We always have. We're perfect for each other. But you have to stop living in a fantasy and get back into reality. Get over your false ideals of love and kindness. When you realize that, I'll be waiting with as much lust for you as I had the first time I saw you.' Then he let me go and I fell to the floor. The last thing I saw him do was take a drag off of a clove, putting it out in my ash tray. He flashed me one more heartbreaking smile and walked out my door."
Mige stopped and turned towards me, "I didn't mean to get you upset Vil. You know that. I'm sorry," he said leaning in and giving me a gentle hug.
"It's fine. Really. I'm over him. The only thing left is just some confusion, that's all. As to whether or not he was right. But I think that this summer has just proven to me that he was wrong. That love does exist."
"I'm glad that you've opted not to fall for his sleazy tricks again and that you see that love exists. For someone who sings about it so much, you really lack much understanding of it. Cheer up, let's go," Mige said, then took my hand and lead me back towards our path to Bam's house.
I sighed, "At least I've got Bam now. Well, at least I've sort of got Bam now."
Mige nodded.
We were nearing the house and I headed up the back hill towards the door.
I froze when we reached the porch. I looked in through the window and my jaw dropped when I realized what I was looking at.
Bam was leaning against the counter, holding Jenn up against him as she passionately kissed his neck. His head rolled back and he slid his hand up her shirt.
I couldn't move. I just stood there in disbelief. Tears started to swell in my eyes and grinded my teeth together.
"Ville what's-" Mige said, then noticed what I had been looking at, "Oh."
Bam opened his eyes, smiling. He must have noticed me then because his face grew pale and froze in a look of shock. It was like we had mirrored expressions, only for completely different reasons.
I shook my head in disbelief and turned around and ran. And ran and ran and ran. I heard Mige and Bam shouting from the porch but I ignored them. I kept running and didn't look back. My feet thundered down the dirt path and I wanted to escape anywhere but in these dreadful wooded summer houses. All I had to do was get to civilization and make a phone call, and I knew exactly what I was going to do.
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:sigh: Whoa. Long chapter. I knew that no chapter was going to follow up the last one, sexually, hehehe...
So.... I tried to write something slightly more plot oriented, and I'll get back to the sex part again soon. Hope it's alright. Comment! :D
Chapter: Eight
Rating: Let's just say R because it always ends up that way eventually!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not know or own any of these lovely men but the story is my own.
Summary: Ville vacations for the summer in the US and meets a nice surprise.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
--- Summer house --- Bam
"Where were you two last night?" Jenn screeched as Knoxville and I went through the sliding glass door on the back porch.
"We just went over there and had a couple of drinks with them and ended up falling asleep on their couches. We just woke up a little while ago," Knoxville said, trying to sound convincing.
Jenn leaned against the marble countertop on the island in the middle of the kitchen, folding her arms in annoyance.
"What the fuck is wrong with you now?" I asked.
"Nothing Bam, it's not like you'd care anyway," she said, then turned around and started to get something to drink out of the refrigerator.
Knoxville lifted up his hand, pointed a finger at himself, then towards the living to signal that he knew where this conversation might end up and was leaving the room. I waived at hand at him and nodded.
I walked over to Jenn and ran my fingers through my hair, "Look… I know that I've been kind of weird lately…"
"Kind of weird? Kind of weird?" she said, raising her voice. "Bam… this was supposed to be the vacation of our dreams. I've hardly seen you at all. We haven't had sex once. You've been all edgy. For fuck's sake, last night you told me that I was your 'nightmare'!" She slammed her hand down on the countertop, "What is going on?"
I couldn't tell her… I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to tell any of them. Honestly, Knoxville was the last I suspected would have been into… men. But he was, and I had experienced proof of that last night. Talk about weird - I spent last night with someone I've known for years who is married with a daughter and all we did last night was make out. I shook my head at myself, my thoughts were becoming clouded with the intense sexuality and confusion of last night.
"Bam? Did you hear me?" she said moving her head to the side, trying to make eye contact with my eyes that we staring at the counter and not her.
"Yeah," I said. "I heard you."
"Well?"
"Nothing Jenn. Look, I'm just thinking about a lot of things, alright?"
"No," she said in an irritated tone of voice. "Not okay. It'd be fine if you'd even clue me in on what was going on. But since you won't. No. No way." She looked at me with a frown starting to form on her lips. "Do you even know how hard this is for me? Do you know how excited I was to be here with you?"
My heart began to race, "I know that I've been strange. Jenn… just don't pick this fight. There are a lot of things on my mind right now and I'm trying to work through them without having to bother anyone else." It was partially true. I was trying to bother anyone else, but I knew that I wasn't working through anything, I was just burying myself.
Knoxville walked back into the room and slapped his hand on my back, standing to the side of me. He gave me a very friendly, manly jerk, pulling me up beside him. He reached his hand around and messed up my hair with his fist. "Jenn - cut the kid some slack. We were just drinkin' with our buddies last night. That's it. I'm sure that he didn't mean what he said last night to you. He came downstairs and said that he'd felt really bad about the way that he acted. Didn't you Bam?"
I nodded, agreeing with whatever it was that he was saying, because he was saying it a hell of a lot better than I had.
Jenn sighed and the corner of her mouth arose in a hint of a smile. "Alright… well, if Johnny's gonna defend you then I'm sure that whatever is going on can't be too bad."
I swallowed the hard lump in my throat.
"No Jenn, trust me. It's not bad at all," Knoxville said, grinning.
She smiled at me and placed the palm of her hand on my cheek. Her skin was soft and her fingers were small and delicate. It used to be something that I loved, the touch of her skin… but now it made me shudder, knowing that I was hiding so much from her. I forced a cheerful look on my face and she left the room in a much better mood than she had been in before.
Knoxville grabbed onto the corner of my shirt and pulled me outside onto the back porch.
"Listen up Bam. You've got to get with it. You have three options: You can stay with Jenn and leave Ville alone. You can break up with Jenn and be only with Ville, or, you can technically stay with Jenn and fuck around with Ville. I personally opt for the last one, because that's what I like to do. I keep my wife as a cover up. She's a sweet woman, so it's not like it's difficult for me. But I've lost all sexual attraction to her. All I've done is pretended to act like I don't mind if we have a much more… open relationship. It gives her sexual freedom but not to the point like she's single, she doesn’t suspect anything on my behalf and she's fairly convinced that I'm straight when I act really interested in the fact that she wants to do something with another woman sometimes. Do you get what I'm saying Bam? Do you see where you have to stop fucking around, no pun intended, and start figuring out how you're going to handle this?" He let go of my shirt as he finished his rant and I stumbled back a step.
I let out a sight, "Yeah, I know that I have to do something about it. Something tells me that Jenn wouldn't care much for being able to mess around with other women. She would still bother me for sex all of the time. Knoxville, I'd rather be fucking you everyday than her once a month if you get what I'm saying. There's just nothing left between she and I."
He laughed softly, and the stern look on his face softened to one of understanding and compassion, "I know. Look, just chill out. For now, don't say anything to her, but don't drag her around in circles by being mean to her and then apologizing. You don’t need to tell her what's going on if you're not ready, but keep in mind that the meaner you are to her, the more likely she'll be to figure out that something is going on."
"I know. Don't worry… I know."
"Alright, well let's just go grab a cold one and sit out here for a little bit and get our damn heads together," Knoxville said and walked inside to grab the beers.
I sat down on the top step of the porch and put my head in my lap. My mind was going in so many different directions at the moment, I didn't even know which one to head in. Knoxville was right.
I decided that I would go back in the house and spend some time with Jenn. If nothing else, I would always love her on some level because she had been such a wonderful friend to me at so many points in my life. Because she was a woman was surely a reason to not be sexually intimate with her, but it was no reason to be mean to her or stop caring about her completely.
This summer was supposed to be fun, so that's what I needed to be doing with it. Just relax. Just relax.
--- Summer house --- Ville
When I awoke, I saw that Bam was no longer lying next to me under the blanket on the couch. I rolled over and rubbed my eyes. Damn, I was still a little drunk, or maybe just extremely hung over. Either way, when I stood up I flopped back down because my body ached and I was so dizzy.
"Well, our little friends were fun," Linde shouted from the other side of the room, "I definitely enjoyed invading Bam's…personal space!"
"God Linde, have you slept yet?"
"Umm… no."
"It's nearly 2:00pm!"
"Yeah… I know. That's awful isn't it?" he said, sighing with a smile on his face, "I just had so much fun last night, I had to stay awake and celebrate. Except, I ran out of Jack awhile ago. So I started drinking more of the vodka that Knoxville and I opened last night."
"When you run out of liquor, don’t you think that's a sign to stop drinking?" I asked with a smirk.
"No. It's a sign to stop drinking when you pass out and you can't lift the glass to your mouth!"
I laughed quietly and turned around, searching for my shirt.
Burton came down the stairs. "Well, well. Sleeping beauty is awake. Have a good rest?"
"Yeah. I had a good everything. Good drinks. Good fun. Good blow job. Good sleep."
"So I heard last night!" shouted Mige from upstairs.
"Enough, we all know what happened, so let's just get on with things, shall we?" I said as I walked into the kitchen and started to make some coffee.
"Why do you two always get to have all of the fun?" Gas said in a joking voice.
"Awww…" Linde said, biting his lower lip. "Gas, do you need a boyfriend, too?"
"No I don't need a boyfriend! You may all be a bunch of fags but I still like women, thank you!" he said, bursting into laugheter.
Linde chuckled to himself, "Hey, we're not completely gay. I mean, we like the best of both worlds. Although, Ville's always preferred men. Especially since the breakup with you-know-who."
Burton poured himself a shot, drank it and set it down on the counter, "Well Jonna was a bitch," Burton said nodding at me, "and you didn’t like her much anyway. I mean, you said that you liked her as friend, right? And that she kept bothering you for dates?"
"Yeah…" I said. It was true. My last love had died long before Jonna came into the picture.
"Well, then Ville," Burton said smiling, "You're just a whore aren't you!" He burst into laughter, covering his mouth to try to quiet himself.
"For fuck's sake, is this pick on Ville morning?" I muttered.
"No. But we like to do it anyway. I believe that pick on Ville morning is scheduled for next Saturday," Mige shouted from upstairs.
"Fuck off!" I said while smiling. "Seriously. Gas… maybe you can have Bam's girlfriend?"
Gas giggled, "Sure. I'll take her."
"Alright, enough. We need to figure something out." I said, then cleared my throat.
"Yes?" they questioned.
"We should make a run to the store, to get some more booze. Our stock is running a little low."
Linde nodded, "Swell idea!"
"I'll tell you what. I don't have a car, and neither do any of you. I bet that I could get Bam or Knoxville to drive me to a store so that I could buy some. Sound good?"
Everyone nodded in agreement.
"Anyone want to come along for the ride?" I asked.
"I will!" Mige yelled.
"Alright, well get your ass down here. I'm having a cup of coffee and leaving. I want more liquor to ensure that Bam will be in a… good mood again soon."
I walked into the kitchen and switched on the coffee pot. It was a very homely kitchen with sanded and polished wooden counters, floors and cabinets. The walls were a pale shade of blue and bright yellow curtains hung in the window. I watched the little specks of dust dance in the rays of sunlight until my coffee was finished.
While drinking my coffee, I sat at one of the chairs at the table and waited for Mige.
He ran down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, "Okay. I'm all set," he said, fixing his nose ring.
The cup clanked against the metal sink as I set it down. We went out the back door and walked around the side of the house through the garden. It was beautifully decorated with several types of flowers, my favorite being the entire row of red roses. I picked one up and carried it with me, plucking off the petals as we walked along the side of the lake.
"So you really like this kid, or is he just another one your… boys?" Mige questioned.
"I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled.
"Too bad. I asked you a question, and I advise you answer it!" he said, giving me a playful shove, but still sending me stumbling sideways several feet.
"Alright, alright." I said, catching my balance. "Yes. I think that I really like him. I mean… I care more about what he thinks than I usually do. Most of the time, I look at other men like they're my toys. For some reason, I have some compassion and sympathy for him. One guy's girlfriend walked in on us one time when we were fucking and started to flip out. I just tossed him his jeans and told him that I didn't need some bitch sauntering into my house and interfering with my sex life," I paused for a moment as I reflected the experience with the young man. "Now that I look back, I realized that it was because I was only looking to satisfy my own personal sexual gratification. With Bam, I think that I'd enjoy his happiness, his sexual pleasure, and his… love… more than my own."
"Wow Ville. That's the most sincere thing I think that I've ever heard you say!"
"Oh come on, I'm not that bad!"
"No, you're not," he said, "not to your friends. But you have always been that awful to your lovers. Look at Jonna. You didn't even like her sexually. Now I think that you've lost all interest in women after her. But you've still always had bad luck with men too. That was probably what made you so bitter in the first place. Mind in our early adults lives you were still in love… with… what was his name. He was Russian. The pretty boy with the long, straight blonde hair and green eyes. You know, the one who only wore black leather pants or long black skirts."
I remembered him all too well. The last person I'd truly cared about.
"Adrian," I muttered.
"Yeah, that guy. Hah!" Mige laughed, "He was more feminine than you! I think he wore more makeup in one day than you wear in a week!"
I laughed, it was true. He was always walking around with shiny silver eye shadow and dark red lipstick on. I remember when I saw him I thought he was most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen. His frame was tall and thin, like mine, and his hands… that's what I remembered the most. He had long, thin fingers with perfectly trimmed nails. He always smoked clove cigarettes in a long cigarette holder.
"Yeah… he was the last man I loved. You know, he always reminded me of Jonne from Negative. Just a lot taller!"
Mige laughed, "I haven't seen him in awhile."
"Yeah…" I nodded. It had been awhile since we played a show that Negative was at. "But that's beside the point. You're correct. It was Adrian. He was the last person that I really loved. And then one day, he just left me. He wanted to go back to Russia and I told him no. It was one of those truly odd situations. We screamed at each other and I started crying. He slapped me and told me to get a hold of myself. It ended when he pinned me up against the wall and kissed me as hard as he could. I recall perfectly the last thing that he told me," I said softly as a lump started to form in my throat.
"He said in that sexy heavy Russian accent that had gotten me to fall in love with him in the first place, 'Ville, when you decide to become a man, maybe you'll come see me in Russia. You know we'd have fun. We always have. We're perfect for each other. But you have to stop living in a fantasy and get back into reality. Get over your false ideals of love and kindness. When you realize that, I'll be waiting with as much lust for you as I had the first time I saw you.' Then he let me go and I fell to the floor. The last thing I saw him do was take a drag off of a clove, putting it out in my ash tray. He flashed me one more heartbreaking smile and walked out my door."
Mige stopped and turned towards me, "I didn't mean to get you upset Vil. You know that. I'm sorry," he said leaning in and giving me a gentle hug.
"It's fine. Really. I'm over him. The only thing left is just some confusion, that's all. As to whether or not he was right. But I think that this summer has just proven to me that he was wrong. That love does exist."
"I'm glad that you've opted not to fall for his sleazy tricks again and that you see that love exists. For someone who sings about it so much, you really lack much understanding of it. Cheer up, let's go," Mige said, then took my hand and lead me back towards our path to Bam's house.
I sighed, "At least I've got Bam now. Well, at least I've sort of got Bam now."
Mige nodded.
We were nearing the house and I headed up the back hill towards the door.
I froze when we reached the porch. I looked in through the window and my jaw dropped when I realized what I was looking at.
Bam was leaning against the counter, holding Jenn up against him as she passionately kissed his neck. His head rolled back and he slid his hand up her shirt.
I couldn't move. I just stood there in disbelief. Tears started to swell in my eyes and grinded my teeth together.
"Ville what's-" Mige said, then noticed what I had been looking at, "Oh."
Bam opened his eyes, smiling. He must have noticed me then because his face grew pale and froze in a look of shock. It was like we had mirrored expressions, only for completely different reasons.
I shook my head in disbelief and turned around and ran. And ran and ran and ran. I heard Mige and Bam shouting from the porch but I ignored them. I kept running and didn't look back. My feet thundered down the dirt path and I wanted to escape anywhere but in these dreadful wooded summer houses. All I had to do was get to civilization and make a phone call, and I knew exactly what I was going to do.
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:sigh: Whoa. Long chapter. I knew that no chapter was going to follow up the last one, sexually, hehehe...
So.... I tried to write something slightly more plot oriented, and I'll get back to the sex part again soon. Hope it's alright. Comment! :D