Barely Breathing - Chapter 31
Chapter 31 - Tears Keep Falling
Ville’s Home: Helsinki, Finland: 4:23 PM
The room was silent as Ville and I reclined on the couch together. From outside the sounds of the party drifted to us in Ville’s study. Or library, I doubted he actually did much in here besides store books and oddities he collected.
“How long do you think we have before people start looking for us?” My voice was small from where I lay across Ville’s chest.
It had been an hour since I had gone to the front of the house; at least according to the large grandfather clock to our right. Almost forty minutes since Dunn had gone on a walk around the neighborhood on Ville’s “advise”. And, about twenty-five since he had kissed me into a stupor and dragged me inside the house.
“I doubt there will be much of a wait at this point. We’ve been missing for a while. And, Dunn will have returned, if not will be returning soon. I’m sorry to say, Toivani.” Ville continued to stroke my hair nonchalantly despite the impending search party.
Once again I found myself drawn to look at his lips as I had continuously since my brain had restarted. Those lips I was ready to admit outshone my own in a heartbeat. The lips that brought crowds of admirers and swept me off my feet, nothing could compare to them. But, unfortunately, my mind didn’t stay only on him, it went back to the uncertainty I felt at the back of my bliss.
“I said he was right the whole time.”
A sound resembling a growl came from his chest, even as he leant is lips back to the crown of my head. He released a sigh that ruffled my bangs before he spoke. “Yes, he was. Despite how deeply in denial we were. And, now we’re hiding inside like scared children, just proving him right.”
“Do you really think anything good could come of someone found us right now?” I knew it was a harsh reality to speak out loud, but his bitter tone drew the words out of me.
His scowl just proved my thoughts right. “The outcome would be disagreeable. But being scared shitless over peoples’ reactions is going to get us nowhere.”
“You’re right, and I understand that you are so right. But, there’s no way we can come out and tell everyone that we’re… we’re… whatever we are.”
If it was possible his grimace deepened. “This was all in or all out situation, Toivani. Vague terms are probably to our disadvantage.”
A shy smile crept onto my face despite the seriousness of the scandal we were about to cause among our close friends and family. “Is that your sophisticated way of saying we’re a couple?”
“Maybe,” he said as a smirk slipped up to match mine.
Then he was leaning down to kiss me again. The serious of the situation instantly deflated. It was just as intoxicating as before. The push and pull of our lips wrestling for dominance. The need to absorb his essence overwhelmed my instincts. I knew I was trying desperately to get closer than skin to skin contact would allow, but he didn’t lean away from my insistent tugging. In fact he gripped me even tighter, surely leaving bruises along my hip bones. Not that it even conscious of the pressure under the haze in my mind.
We broke apart with start when a low knock came at the door. Wiping quickly at my mouth I leant my face into Ville’s shoulder to cover whatever expression I knew had to be on my face. As I took a deep breath of Ville’s familiar scent to calm down Missy’s head poked inside the door. We were lucky we had gotten a knock before she had entered the room.
“There you two are. You both disappeared almost an hour ago.” I heard her take a few steps into the room at the same time Ville swept his hand to the top of my head. I knew he wanted me to keep my headed down.
“Dunn upset Olivia; I didn’t think she would want to come back to the party until she felt up to it.” His hand started to do the soothing path through my hair again.
Peeking out a little more at her I wiped at my still puffy eyes. “I’m sorry I worried everyone, I’m feeling better now.”
“I knew something wasn’t right when I heard the yelling. I thought everything had been worked out.” Missy’s lips turned down at the obvious signs from my earlier hysterics.
I knew that my lips told a different story, though. “It had, not anymore unfortunately.”
A sigh escaped my lips remembering the argument. Ville seemed to catch on to my thoughts and nudged me as a cue to get up from the seat. “It’s not your fault, darling. Just let it be for now, I’m sure being at the party will take our minds off of it for a little while.”
Nodding in agreement I lifted myself out of the seat. Even though I knew this was a thin line between truth and play acting I couldn’t read any of it in his face. Ville followed me from the couch, keeping his expression skillfully neutral.
“Has Dunn made his way back yet?” As always he took the lead, maneuvering the conversation off of us. I was happy to let it him do it.
Leaning against the door frame she rubbed her arms nervously. “He’s there, actually he was the reason we finally decided to look for you. We should have come to see what the commotion was was from the beginning. Or checked when you didn’t come back.”
“It’s fine, I was in a foul mood until a moment ago and I doubt Olivia wanted anyone to see how upset the argument made her.” He was too good at this. His calm control of the situation made me distinctly aware of how unprepared I was to see everyone, despite my blunt words earlier. We hadn’t even discussed how we truly wanted to handle said situation.
Walking away from Ville’s hand at my back, where it inevitably always landed, I came up to my cousin. “You know what, I would love if you could help me fix my make up before heading back to the party. I don’t even want to know how badly I messed it up.”
“Of course, hun! We’ll meet you out there Ville,” she said as she dismissed him. If we weren’t both so intent on keeping our secret I’m sure he would have argued with her. But, instead he leant over to give me a kiss on the forehead, gave Missy a sarcastic salute, and made his way out of the house without another word.
It was almost gave me a heart attack when he had kissed my head. Then I realized it was his way of keeping it normal. He didn’t want to show any changes. Now if only I could live up to that.
Turning her attention completely to me she looked closer at my messy make up and swollen eyelids. She swept a thumb under my right eye, presumably removing some of the smudges. As she made a tutting sound to herself she laced her arm through mine and began heading toward the stairs.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, what happened?” She came closer to wrap an arm around me.
As we made out way up the stairs I set my head against her shoulder, like when we were younger. “Nothing, just another argument. Just like all the others.”
She turned to me when we reached the landing and gave me a curious look that resembled an owl. “There must be a reason he was set off again.”
“It was the conversation at dinner.” My grim expression told her everything.
“What the hell set him off from dinner?!” Missy’s eyebrows flew into her bangs. She didn’t give me room to reply as she pulled me through the door to my room. “I’m going to castrate him personally. If he’s so hung up on Bam’s fucking opinion he should consider how creepy his actions are becoming.”
I didn’t realize how upset this would make her. Choosing not to comment on her words I watched as she went around the room collecting the various beauty items I had scattered around in my rush to get ready this morning. Sitting in the chair at the desk I had outfitted with a make up mirror content to let her take out her frustration on my stuff.
“The very concept that Ville and I could be thought of as a couple was our catalyst.” I set my head on my arm as I watched her continue to rifled through the mess grabbing things. “I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter what I say or do. He’s going to believe whatever he wants to believe.”
“You’re telling me. Did he say anything I need to beat him up for?” She practically slammed the things down on the desk when she had finished rounding up the supplies.
Chuckling lightly I shook my head at her. “Ville already took care of the situation so your help will not be needed in defending my honor.”
She flicked me on the back of the ear before pulling my hair into a loose ponytail to keep it out of my face. “You take the fun out of everything.”
“Beating up one of your good friends is fun?” I blinked at her in disbelief from behind the make up remover cloth going over my face.
“If it relieves stress then yes.” As usual she just shrugged, putting more time into removing the trails of mascara down my cheeks then defending herself.
“I knew I came from a family of sadists.” My words were muffled as she started to touch up my foundation and blush. Missy’s quick fingers easily had my make up back to flawless in a matter of minutes.
“Ha ha, very funny. Hold still while I fix your lipstick.” Rolling my eyes I kept my mouth perfectly rounded in an “O”. “There, now we can re-curl your hair and rejoin what has to be the most awkward end to a gathering at Ville’s house I know of.”
Laughing lightly I looked my cousin square in the eye. “I thought stuff never happened here. It can’t be the most awkward if there isn’t ever people over.”
She just shook her head at me as she fixed the curls I had crushed laying on the couch. “Babe, if you don’t want me to beat up Dunn, because Ville took care if the issue, then it will definitely be the most awkward thing I have seen here.”
I looked into Missy’s eyes in the mirror and read the worry she was trying to keep out of her voice. I knew what she was thinking and I was starting to come to the same conclusion myself. If things continued the way they were and we had only been on tour a month, what was going to happen to the rest of tour. My gut feeling told me whatever the next few month held, it couldn’t be good.
When we got outside the tension Missy had been expecting was none existent. Okay it existed, but only for two people who were having the most disturbing glaring match I had ever seen between grown adults. Ville stood with his fellow bandmates chatting as he held Olivia. Even though there were obviously talking about something funny it wasn’t hard to miss his unresponsive body language.
Dunn on the other hand stood awkwardly at the edge of the group next to Bam. Unlike Ville he wasn’t poorly covering up his emotions. No, Dunn has them on display for everyone. Barely contained rage was evident and maybe a touch of resignation. How could anybody be willing to stand near either of them at this moment. I was being suffocated and hadn’t even gotten that close yet. then again, I was positive the glaring match had something to do with me.
My instincts to back away was cut short when Olivia saw me. Her eyes instantly brightened and a smile swept up those cherub features. Her arms reached out to me and everyone else followed her movement to where I stood, formerly considering retreat. Letting out a sigh of defeat I walked over to the younger girl and presented my own arms for her to crawl into. For the split second Ville’s attention was taken from Dunn he gave me a dazzling, secretive smile that melted my insides.
Seeing that my attention wasn’t completely on her Olivia quickly reminded me of her presence. “Are we going to write out names now?”
Smiling down at the girl I nodded my head and walked over to one of the tables where a few napkins lay. “Ville, can you grab me a pen from wherever you keep them hidden in you house?”
“You say it like it would be hard to find one.” I ignored his pouting since there was a sparkle in his eye.
Within moments he was back with what I could only assume was one of the hundreds of writing implements in the house. A grin on his face and a less hostile set to his shoulders. He stood next to us as I showed the small girl my own unique signature then let her have a free for all on the left over space.
Tilting my head up I looked at the progress stepping away from Dunn had done to my rockstar. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you. Though, I wouldn’t mind the night ending so I could cool down, sans-current frustration.” His not so subtle head nod towards his glaring partner said it all.
“You know thats the beauty of being a host, right? Telling everybody when to leave.” He rolled his eyes at my comment “Well, and the fact that everybody has kids. I bet they wouldn’t mind an early evening.”
“Logical as always.” Ville lent forward and swept the hair behind my ear before kissing my forehead, earning a loud gagging sound from the child in my lap.
I giggled at her antics and ruffled her hair. “Go and show your Dad and Toni your excellent cursive. You’re Uncle Ville sounds like he’s going to kick everyone out.”
As adorable as can be she scowled before scampering over to her father. Where she obviously informed him of the end to her fun with a finger decidedly pointed at Ville. The mock aghast face Linde pulled was worth an oscar.
Ville helped me up from the chair and we walked back to the group. Dunn’s lips had visibly thinned since we had left the circle.
“Olivia tells up we’re about to be kicked off the property,” Toni said with a poorly concealed smirk.
Shrugging Ville set his hands in his pockets. “It’s been a long day I hope you guys don’t mind if we call it a night early.”
“That’s fine man. We have children to get to bed.” Burton held his exhausted little girl against his shoulder before checking his watch. “It’s almost past 8 more then late enough for the little ones.”
“We had a wonderful evening, don’t worry about it being early. We’re all going to be out late on Monday.” Toni’s statement reminded me about the concert taking place in a couple days. The only one they were giving in Finland.
Vedrana’s amusement glowed across her face. “Of course, we all need to get out once in a while.”
My embarrassment was hard to hide at my silly assumption . Why wouldn’t they see their husbands when they’ve been gone? Scooting closer to Ville I let them finish the pleasantries as each family scooped up children and prepared to leave. Carrying children and left overs they said their good byes and piled in to the various cars. Mige being nice enough to give Novak and Dunn a ride to their hotel.
Waving to the departing families I looked to the last person in the drive way with us. Anita was giving her son a hug as she pestered him like all good mothers do. It was obvious that despite his protests he was happy to see his mother, even if she was being a pest. Kissing him on the cheek she laughed at his mild blush before turning to me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and I was helpless to not hug back.
“I expect you to be at my house for a cooking lesson before you leave Finland.” Anita’s hug practically made it impossible to respond it was so tight.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I wheezed out with some effort before she let me go giggling to herself not realizing her own strength.
Turning to Missy she gave her an equally tight hug before pecking her on the cheek. “Missy you come too dear.”
“I’ll make sure to,” She replied as Anita descended to the waiting car that both Jesse and Kari were already occupied. No doubt waiting anxiously for the older woman to enter so that they could get home and put their feet up.
After waving goodbye once more to the group of us on the stairs she entered the car and was swiftly driven away by her son. And just like that we were empty of guests, plus the lone cameraman who had been shooting footage here and there for the show. Thankfully not recording the fight earlier.
“I don’t know about you guys but I’m heading to bed with my wife. Entertain yourself for the rest of the night, Olive.” Bam didn’t even give me time to argue as he carted his wife out of sight back into the tower.
“That works for me. I feel like a guitar lesson.” The words were more for show, in case my cousin was still within hearing range.
A smirk creeped back on to his face before he came up and wrapped his arms around me. Kissing my brow as he nuzzled my hair. “We can definitely arrange that if you let me get ready for bed first.”
“Fine, I’ll be in your room in half an hour so be ready.” Setting my hand against his chest I pushed away from him with a soft kiss to his chin.
“Toivani, I’m always ready.” He winked before heading up the stairs ahead of me.
Smiling like a fool I watched him head to his room. I knew he was teasing me, but it still made me feel warm with happiness. I made my way into the kitchen to grab something to drink before heading to my own room. As I shut the door I glanced around the same room I had left a couple hours earlier.
My make up was haphazardly strewn about the desk and clothes lay across the bed. Sighing I went about cleaning up the mess; pulling out a nightgown and heading across the hall to clean my face before bed.
There was something so refreshing when all the extra layers were removed. No more make up, hair let down and brushed out, wearing a light nightgown that made the stuffy summer heat bearable. I loved to doll myself up, but at heart I was a nerd who would rather spend her time in her room reading with her hair back in a ponytail any day of the week.
I gave one final look to the mirror sitting on my desk. Satisfied with my appearance, seeing as Ville had still wanted me while my face was covered in tears, I gripped the guitar he had given me and headed down the hall to his bedroom.
I didn’t bother to knock as I entered his room to find him sitting just as shirtless as the other night. It made the sheer lightness of my nightgown even more obvious as I walked over to set the guitar against the corner of the bed. Setting aside his notebook he motioned me closer and smoothed out the covers next to him.
“And here I thought you really wanted to practice tonight.” I crawled on to the bed as he looked pointedly at the guitar I had left on the floor.
“I’m to worn out to even attempt keeping up with a lesson.” He chuckled at my whining as I collapsed by his said.
“Said the girl was the face splitting grin.”
I swatted his leg from where I reclined against his side. “If you’re mother knew she would be smiling just as much as I am.”
“Just because I plan on keeping you does not mean she’s getting grandchildren anytime soon.” Ville absentmindedly played with a curl that was across his lap as he gave me an annoyed look.
I ignored his expression in favor of playing with his hand on my abdomen. “Very true. But I think reasonably the only people who aren’t going to be happy with us are Dunn, Bam, and all those fangirls who want to hang me from the rafters.”
“Are you changing your call not to tell anyone?” The look on his face changed as he watched me in disbelief.
“No, I think we should wait and feel out the situation. We can’t keep this a secret forever if things become permanent.” Ville scoffed at words much like he had in his study. “I’m being realistic, I think we need to see how we work out before we tell people. And when the time comes to tell people we should ease them into it. You’re the one who needs to be more careful then I am.”
“And here I was more concerned for you. I’m not the one whose murder will be contemplated,” Ville joked as he leaned down and kissed me soundly.
I surrendered to his lips without a fight, but after a minute I pushed him up and gazed into his eyes. “I’m being serious, though. I’m young and while anyone in our group would back me up when I say I’m not a ‘typical’ teenager the rest of them will go nuts over the age difference, Ville. I don’t want you hurt because I happen to be so much younger then you. Or ruin a friendship between you and Bam. Or any other of the hundred problems that can come from our relationship and your fame.”
He released a deep sigh before scooting down to face to face with me. “If they heard that speech they wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.”
“Joking about it won’t fix the problem.” Instinctively I rejected the mood he kept trying to pull over the conversation.
Pulling my tighter into his arms he arranged my head in under his chin. “No it won’t, but there isn’t anything to do about it until we understand where this is going ourselves.”
Relenting to his hold I cuddled deeper into his arms. “I feel like you just pulled out the life experience trump card.”
“That’s because I did, Toivani.” Chuckling, he kissed my head as he loved to do.
“I’ll try not to stress over it, but I can just imagine a million things going wrong.”
“And you always will, because that is who you are. With or without being younger. We’ll keep everything private for now. But we need to agree on a time to tell everyone in case nothing seems to be presenting itself as an opportunity.” After spending so much time together it shouldn’t have surprised me that Ville had come to understand that need in me to try and control any and all possible outcomes. Even if that impulse was unrealistic.
We lay there in silence for a time while we both thought about the various times and events that were yet to come in the foreseeable future. No time seemed appropriate soon. “The end of tour is probably best. That way if it does go over badly no one is forced to spend time together, or worse caught in front of Bam’s cameras when if blows up.”
“That will be the day after my birthday. Let us pray we are lucky enough to last four months with this big of a secret.” It was obvious that neither of us could come up with a better moment while the tour was going. I doubt Ville would have agreed with me if he had.
“I believe in us, even if something does happen,” I said in hopes of bringing back the lighter mood from earlier.
“All the abandon of young love, I’ll hold onto your hope and faith as my pillar.” Before I could say something to his ridiculous comment he had his lips on mine again. And I let him do it, forgetting about my annoyance at his comment instantly.
I could only count the number of times we had kissed on one hand, but I was becoming addicted. The way his slightly rougher lips caught along mine and dragged my lip down. How he loved to suck it between his. He got caught up tracing the curve of my neck and waist. My mind memorized every little touch as I got caught up in my own need to feel him. My hands continually found their way back into his hair letting the strands get caught around my fingers. My whole body was on fire from all of these innocent caresses, starting from my core and seeping over my skin.
Despite the burning want between us we stopped before anything more happened. I was content with that. Happy to be in his arms, to know he cared about me, and to have someone to banish the demons at night. We stayed caught with his head pillowed on my breast and his hand clutching my nightgown. Murmuring lightly to each other as we both grew tired from the long day.
His tight hold reminded me of all the things I had run across playing amateur detective. Maybe I wasn’t the only one still harboring demons. While I would never want this amazing man to have anything that hurt him, I had never felt so needed by Ville. So needed by anyone.
A/N: Yet again I was late getting this stuff out, sorry guys. I hope you liked it. And to make up for the late arrival of this chapter a preview of the next will be presented to all commenters.
I really have no excuse, just got a job opportunity that took me 1000 miles from school this quarter and got overwhelmed with taking care of life. Thank god, this has been mostly written for the past couple of months. It makes my life easier.
Chapter List | Chapter 30 | Chapter 32